~o~
"This is far from the ideal outcome," the Fleet Admiral mused, his frown not as deep as usual. "But I will admit that I never expected this much to go right for us."
"Mmph, for a given value of the word 'much', anyway…" Garp shrugged. "Seriously, what exactly did we get out of this? A bunch of mega-sized beasts that can't really make much difference against the Emperors? A roadblock-island that's not in a critical position? A brat with half-developed powers, who's only now going to start trying? Seems like we're just warming a seat to me."
"Mmph…" Sengoku nodded his head to the side ever so slightly. "I'll admit, this isn't the best choice possible, but there was one extenuating factor that pushed my hand."
The world-famous Hero allowed himself a snicker. "What, shoring up the ranks of the Warlords from five to six?"
Sengoku's jaw twitched at the stab of guilt that ran him through, but he otherwise maintained his composure. "No. Something even worse: Gender equality."
For a moment, the only sounds to be heard were the lapping of waves, the jingle of chains as the defeated walked into the hands of Justice…
And then Garp looked over at Sengoku with a bemused expression. "Come again?"
"Don't. Laugh," Sengoku ordered tersely, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You have no right to. You don't have to deal with the monthly demands from the Marine Women's Rights Association. And it was either find another female Warlord or sign their petition to canonize Captain Bellemere, and I refuse to let a pirate's mother become a saint."
"Indeed, he didn't have much choice," a nearby Transponder Snail piped up in Tsuru's cool drawl. "Enough people hate him without throwing more on the pile."
"Status update," the Fleet Admiral ordered, entirely ignoring the jab.
"The last of the now-defunct Golden Lion Pirates have been pacified and placed in chains," Tsuru smoothly replied. "We'll still need time to transport them from the center of the archipelago, but we should be ready to depart in no more than an hour."
"Aww, already?"
Sengoku twitched viciously, refusing to give the spectre he knew was floating above him the benefit of his glare.
"And here I was getting used to your horrifically un-cute battleships sullying my horizon. Ah, well!" She waved her hand as she 'flopped' down in front of Sengoku in a prone position, an arm tucked under her head. "Don't let the currents whip you on the way out, would you?"
Sengoku shot a sharp scowl at the newly inducted Warlord. "Don't forget that these warships could just as easily return, only in the capacity of a Buster Call instead. As you yourself said, two lemons in a row. I won't be merciful on the third."
Perona clicked her tongue in a chiding manner even as she floated well away from the Marine. "Touchy touchy. And you're sure I can't improve our newly forged relationship a bit? Or rather…" She smirked as a weeping Hollow peeked out over her shoulder, ignoring the way Sengoku's expression darkened. "Your mood? Why, who knows! It might even help out that little bum ticker you're sporting."
The Fleet Admiral stiffened, and Perona flinched as the air suddenly grew heavy around her, apparent even to her astral form.
"How the hell did you—!?" Sengoku growled.
"Shiki found out he was gloating the entire way back to the castle!" Perona yelped in an entirely dignified and not-at-all panicked way. "B-But seriously, you already know how bad stress is for someone in your position! M-My Positive Hollows could help, even just—!"
"You had a ten-ton hellbeast dancing to your tune after less than a day," Sengoku interrupted, his voice absolutely frigid. "If you bring even one of your ghosts within a five-foot radius of me, you'll be cooling your heels with Crocodile before the day is out."
"That's not how it—aw, screw it," Perona grumbled, flicking her hand to dispel the Hollow. "If you want to turn me down when I'm offering you a miracle stress-reliever out of the goodness of my heart, I'll take my charity elsewhere."
Turning to leave, Perona looked back over her shoulder and smirked in a way that made Sengoku know that what she was about to say was going to make him snap, and he sagaciously turned on his heel and entered his cabin, the door slamming behind him.
The princess sighed, and her eyes slid to Garp. "One day, he's going to have to realize that not everyone who calls him or herself a pirate is untrustworthy."
"Tch, and you expect me to believe you for a second?" Garp asked flatly, his gaze never leaving the marching line of prisoners. "C'mon, the first thing out of your mouth was a lie."
"E-Excuse me?!" the ghost princess stammered in equal parts terror and indignation.
Garp looked up at her, and at that moment, Perona became acutely aware of exactly who she was talking to. After all, only so many people could manage to look so terrifying with barely any effort. "You honestly expect me to believe that after two months on the same ship as my grandson, you didn't fall in love with them the same way that everyone else who joined their crew did?"
Perona opened her mouth to object, but when she thought about it, Garp was right. On both counts. Her expression paled.
Garp, for his part, just chuckled. "That's what I thought. Don't worry, I won't tell anyo—"
"You promise?"
"GAH!" Garp flinched back from Perona, who was suddenly up in his face, her expression totally blank.
"You really, truly promise that you'll never tell anyone, no matter what?"
The Vice Admiral took a moment to regain his wits, and then he gave a wry grin. "How deep is it?"
Perona looked away. "…I abandoned Moria for convenience. I tried doing the same thing to the Straw Hats… but Shiki wasn't the only one who underestimated them. I'd put my life on the line… for any of them."
As far as she could see, somehow, nobody was paying attention to the two of them. Silver lining, that.
"I won't tell anyone," Garp said with the utmost seriousness. "But you had better put on a damn good act if you don't want anyone else to figure it out."
"Oh, I think I can manage that," Perona said softly as she flew back. "Because I have something I really want to tell you."
"And what would that—?"
"Get," Perona cut in, her face gradually screwing up in rage. "The hell. AWAY. FROM MY ISLAND!"
The final word was shrieked out at the top of Perona's lungs. And far more importantly, a veritable geyser of howling ectoplasm erupting from the spectre punctuated it.
Garp stared up at the aetherial pillar in mildly respectful silence.
"Well, I think we can safely say that she does have the sheer power to stand among the rest of the Warlords," Tsuru drawled tonelessly.
"Tcheh, don't gloat just yet, hag," Garp smirked. "That went perfectly according to my plan."
"Bullshit."
"Prove it, you wrinkly—whoa!" The Hero ducked his head with a yelp, narrowly missing getting pegged by some kind of Hollow with a twisted face. "Okay, yeah, she's serious about us leaving, HEY!" Garp roared, waving his hand at the nearest battleships in what was the height of military procedure. "WE'VE OVERSTAYED OUR WELCOME, AND WE'VE STILL GOT A HELL OF A MESS TO CLEAN UP BACK AT HQ! TELL THE TROOPS STILL ON THE ISLAND TO DOUBLE-TIME IT! LOCK 'EM DOWN AND GET READY TO SHOVE OFF!"
"First smart thing I've heard all day," Tsuru said, rolling her eyes in an exaggerated fashion.
"What was that?!"
"Aye-aye, sir. KALICK!"
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
-o-
"—RAGING, HALFWIT PIECE OF WAGH!"
THUD!
"Oooowww…" Perona groaned into the ground, trying to retool her stripped mental gears. "What the hell just—? Eh?" The Ghost Princess snapped her head up and looked around, blinking in surprise as she realized she was in—
"The palace?!" she sputtered incredulously. "Holy hell, did I just rage so hard I snapped back into my body?" Perona mulled over the unprecedented occurrence thus far before groaning and hanging her head. "I really need to start putting some effort into figuring out exactly what my powers are capable of."
"Cro-roak?"/ "Cr-ch-chrk!"
A concerned round of noises from below her caught Perona's attention, and she shot a reassuring smile at what she'd fallen off of. "It's okay, Hopper, Stinger. I'm fine, just fine. You two worry about yourselves, alright? That mean ol' bastard Cross led you two through a real ringer."
The mega-sized frog and scorpion smiled and chittered gratefully as they settled down to rest.
Once they weren't looking, however, Perona's smile faded, taking a look around at the reason why she'd been sleeping on her new friends' backs.
While it was indeed her dream come true to move into a castle all her own and live her life in luxury, there was one major obstacle to that goal: A life of luxury required a luxurious castle, and for all that she appreciated the Straw Hats' efforts in ejecting her new home's previous tenants, she wished they could have left at least two consecutive walls standing!
In the simplest terms possible, Shiki's once-gilded fortress was a shell of its former self, with over half its structures collapsed in on themselves from structural damage, and the rest a stiff breeze away from joining them. It would take a lot of hard, dedicated work to make the compound habitable again, and Perona had absolutely no idea how to begin.
"I did not think this through, did I?" she groaned to herself, dragging her hands down her face.
"Having some issues with your new home, dearie?"
"WAGH!" Perona yelped at the sound of another human voice. She spun to face her interlopers, Hollows reflexively roiling from her body. And then they just as swiftly dissipated when she actually saw the interlopers. She needed a further second for her brain to process what her eyes were showing, and she blinked in confusion at the newcomers.
The very familiar newcomers.
"Y-You're—!"
"PANDA!"
"Grk!"
Perona's breath whooshed out of her when a large weight slammed into her midsection and dropped her on her ass. The newly appointed Warlord blinked incredulously at the enthusiastic bundle of smiles and feathers hanging off her neck. "X-Xiao!? W-what are you doing here!?" She then turned her incredulous gaze on the crowd of Merveillean natives watching over her. "W-What are any of you doing here? And how did you sneak up on me?!"
"To answer your last question, we didn't, darling," Xiao's grandmother informed her with an endearing smile. "We just walked up while you were asleep. We were quite concerned, actually, we couldn't wake you up. It was like—!"
"Yes, yes, dead to the world, sleeping like a corpse, I've heard them all before," Perona reflexively interrupted. "B-But that still doesn't explain why you're all here! I thought you'd all be halfway to a new island by now!"
"This island was our home first," Xiao's mother firmly replied. "We've spent the last twenty years dreaming of the day that Shiki would leave us in peace and we could return to our lives here. And while yes, we originally intended to live in our village, that is…" She grimaced uncomfortably, glancing at the nearby monsters. "No longer quite so feasible…"
"So we decided to come here and live with you instead!" Xiao jumped in with all the eagerness and obnoxiousness of a kid on Christmas morning. "Can we can we can we?"
Perona's brain immediately flatlined at the request. "You—bu—wha—STOP BOUNCING!" she barked, irritation boiling over.
Xiao stilled. As did a particularly acrobatic tiger and a small kangaroo in the background.
"Not you two!" Perona snapped at them. When they went back to… whatever they were doing, she redirected her attention to the villagers. "A-And what's she talking about?"
"Well," said the old woman who had spoken before. "First, it can't be understated just how grateful we are to you for warning us of what Shiki planned to do to us. If it weren't for your intervention, we'd all be long dead. So, helping you out however we can manage is the least we can do."
"And considering that both your new palace and our old village have been destroyed, putting the two of them together would make things better and easier for all of us," Xiao's mother reasoned. "Our people have a knack for architecture; those beasts caused regular accidents even before Shiki invaded, even with the Daft Green protecting us. We had to learn to rebuild quickly and efficiently. Unfortunately, we'd just be putting up shields, not anything we can use to fight back."
"And conversely, you have the ability to fight back against the most terrifying enemies, but don't seem to have worked a day in your life," the old woman wryly observed.
Perona pouted. "Can't argue with that…" she grumbled.
"In short, we'll help rebuild the palace for you—stripping out all of the lions, of course—and in return." The elderly woman smirked impishly as she leaned over and jabbed Perona in the forehead. "You act the way that a monarch should and keep us safe."
"And-and-and!" Xiao waved her arms eagerly, a blinding smile on your face. "You can make all the monsters nice and cuddly, like these guys, right?" She gestured at the snoozing symbiotic pair and kept going before anyone could object. "If you make all the monsters nice, then that means that we don't need the smelly Daft Greens anymore, and no one gets sick anymore! Right? Right?"
That actually took Xiao's family by surprise, and they exchanged shocked looks.
"Uhh…"
"Told you she was smarter than she acts," Granny smugly stated.
But the young Merveillean wasn't quite done yet. "Oh, oh! And also you've gotta be the bestest big sister ever while Ever's away on her adventures!"
Aaaand that line made Perona's brain flatline. Again.
Granny slapped a hand to her face. "Then again…"
"Xiao!" her mother gasped in a scolding tone. "Miss Perona, I am so—!"
It took Perona a second to reboot her brain again, and she was still decidedly flustered. "A-ah, no that's…" Her demeanour slowly shifted into a tearful smile. "That, ah, t-that sounds great, actually. I…"
To the surprise of all present, Perona leaned forward, and when she leaned her forehead against Xiao's, they couldn't help the fond smiles that crept onto their faces.
"I've… always wanted a real sister," Perona laughed weakly, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks.
And so began the reign of Hellbeast Queen ("Princess! I am a PRINCESS!") Perona, Grand Marshal of Merveille and Warlord of the Seas.
-o-
"Goldenweek. Do you have a second?"
The woman in question glanced up from her paint mixing to see the top of Merry's head. Shifting down revealed the whole of the ship-girl, and the odd mix of disgust, annoyance, and 'how the hell do I word this' on her face.
The ex-assassin took a second to gauge her interest in whatever nonsense the Straw Hat was about to pull her into before sighing in defeat. 'Well, at least this will be interesting…' she silently groaned, putting down her stirrer before turning to fully face the shipgirl. "I have a few minutes. What do you need?"
Merry glanced at the slightly larger Cannibal coasting alongside the Thousand Sunny, grimaced, and then said, "I know you can change people's minds with your paints, and I need you to do that for me now. Specifically, I need you to give the Cannibal an…" She let out a tortured groan and clawed her hand down her face. "Attitude adjustment. Regarding Big Bro Sunny."
Goldenweek stared at the shipgirl some more, took a second to close her eyes, take a deep calming breath, pray to Apollo that this was just a fume-dream… aaaand no such luck, damn. "An… attitude adjustment." Merry nodded. "For a ship."
"Look, who's the literal ship whisperer here?" Merry replied, teeth grinding ever so slightly as she pointed to herself. "Yeah, me. So when I say that whatever part of Cannibal that makes her want to, ah…" The girl's expression screwed up in projectile-vomit levels of disgust. "Practice docking with Sunny for hours on end needs to be lobotomized, I mean it."
From the somewhat crazed look in Merry's eyes, she meant every word she'd just said, no matter how much she despised it, and really, it wasn't the weirdest thing she'd had to deal with since meeting the Straw Hats and then joining Barto's crew. Certainly in the top ten, though.
Her conviction, though, was shaken when she took a look at the Cannibal and made a quick calculation for how much paint and an 'attitude adjustment' would probably take. Not to mention the work…
"Is this really necessary?" she asked wearily, dreading the answer even as she spoke the words.
Merry's eye twitched viciously, a broken smile creeping onto her face. "Well, I'd get a restraining order if I could, but I don't think the courts would rule in either of our favours if we showed up asking for one," Merry responded in a deadpan. "Yes, this is really necessary."
The painter sighed, pinching her nose to try and stave off the budding migraine. She then held out her hand. "If I do this, you owe me whatever I use up, plus interest when we get to Sabaody."
"I'll buy you an auction house-worth of art when we get there if that's what it takes, just spray your damn tub!" Merry hastily agreed, shaking the other girl's hand.
"I'll hold you to that," Goldenweek said, turning her flat gaze on her crew's galleon. "Now, let's see… what design should I go with for this?"
"Oh, thank Triton…" Merry sagged as she let the tension flow out of her. "So, how long do you think this will take?"
Goldenweek cocked an eyebrow at her. "I'm a hired artist. That means that this will take as long as it takes."
Aaaand the tension was back as a cold feeling crept down Merry's spine. "…meaning?"
The ex-assassin cocked her head to the side just so as she turned to fully face the shipgirl. "Meaning that if you want to accelerate the timetable on this project, it'll cost you extra."
The cold feeling gave way to a sickly pallor. "I should have gotten Vivi to help me deal with you," Merry gurgled mournfully.
Goldenweek shrugged dismissively and started sketching in her notebook. "In all fairness, it sounds like the Princess has interfered with this quite a bit already."
Out of the corner of her eye, the painter noticed something amazing. Goldenweek knew, academically, that people's faces could turn different colours based on their emotions, but this was the first time she'd seen a person flip through so many at once. The shade of scarlet she settled upon at the end was particularly striking; she'd have to see about replicating it down the li—
"MILLE MILLIONS DE MILLE MILLIARDS DE MILLE SABORDS!"
Goldenweek flinched as Merry suddenly erupted in a fit of cursing, rolling her eyes and digging a finger into her ear. "And that's Cross," she groused to herself.
That comment caused Merry's blue streak to darken considerably, which in turn caused Goldenweek to quirk up the tiniest of smiles.
Yes, this job was annoying, aggravating, life-threatening, and utter hell on her painting…
But damn it all if it wasn't the most enjoyable gig she'd had in a long time.
-o-
"No way you can do this," I said, arms crossed in an X. "No. Way. You are a crazy bastard without many limits, this I know, but even you still have some."
"Watch and learn, Cross," Luffy said with uncharacteristic smugness, his own arms crossed and his chest puffed out. Then he banged his silverware on the small table on deck and destroyed any semblance of decorum he'd erected. "Hey, Sanji, hurry it up!"
"Dammit, Luffy!" Sanji barked as he backed out of the Cannibal's kitchen, holding a covered platter. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: you can't rush good meat! Especially not when you're dealing with substandard working conditions, damn bunch of hapless…" The last line was grumbled under his breath and accompanied by a disgusted look behind him.
Oh, chance! "By the way, pop trivia, Sanji: did you know that Valentine is most likely the cook for the Barto Club?" I inquired 'innocently'.
"She is!" one of the watching pirates around us confirmed.
Sanji stopped moving, his visible eye wide and his teeth grinding against each other more. Amusingly, it took him a few seconds to get his legs working. "Shut up, Cross," he grumbled, which was really begging for a response.
"Nice comeback, swirly," I smirked.
"INTELLIGENT, witty, sophisticated," Soundbite concurred in much the same tone(s).
I sighed in contentment as Sanji bounced a light kick off my skull. It was good to be home! Well, on a ship sailing alongside our home, but close enough.
The sound of Sanji slamming the tray down drew me out of my thoughts. "Alright, captain…" He withdrew the cover with a flourish, unveiling a quartet of completely identical slices of meat. "One Meatlover's Mystery Platter, exactly as you requested…" He glanced aside and hid a cough behind his fist. "Down to the stupid name."
"Yum!" Stars shone in Luffy's eyes as he clashed his silverware together. "This is gonna be good! Watch and learn, Cross!"
"Just a sec, Captain," I requested before loosing a whistle at the crowd of Barto-mooks assembled around us. "Alright, boys! Last call! Betting is now closing!" Hands shot out with the bills, and I nodded gratefully. "Thank ye, thank ye-"
"Hey, weren't you just calling your captain crazy?" one of the mooks in the back called out.
I shrugged dismissively. "Hey, just because he's nuts doesn't mean I'm ever gonna bet against him." I flashed out a cocky smirk as I shoved the money in my jacket. "Just means I'll pocket the money of all you idiots who do. Betting closed, get started, Luffy!" I ordered before anyone could protest.
Then I blinked, because the meat was gone and Luffy had just swallowed. I took a second to process that before slapping my forehead. "Right, what the hell else was I expecting…" I peeked through my fingers at my uncharacteristically (almost unnaturally, really, I was truly tempted to check for Bentham) thoughtful captain. "So…?"
Luffy held his finger up in an ironic demand for patience, head tilted in deep thought. "Just gimme a sec…" Finally, he slammed his palms on the table and nodded. "Alright! So that's guinea pig roasted with peppers, crocodile marinated in lemon, sassafras, and garlic, hickory-smoked alligator tail, and grilled rattlesnake with salt! Right?"
Sanji tsk'd, lighting a fresh cigarette. "Captain, you're a gluttonous, no-brain foodhole…" Suddenly, the cancer stick ashed all at once, and Sanji heaved out a cloud of smoke the size of his head. "But damn it all, you're right."
"Yes!" I crowed victoriously as the hapless mooks around us all groaned in despair - and then switched to boggling at my captain in shock. "And how the hell?"
Luffy's only response was an oblivious grin as he scratched a finger under his nose. "Shishishi! I dunno! I just noticed I could pick out how it all tasted, and I thought it was cool! Oh, hey!" He perked up and pounded his fist in his palm in that special way that guaranteed a headache. "Maybe it was that IQ stuff on Merveille! It could have made my tongue get way stronger and stuff, right?" Luffy nodded with total confidence. "Yeah, that's gotta be it."
Soundbite leaned in slightly, his eyestalk cocked. "SHOULD WE TELL HIMthat's not how EVOLUTION WORKS?" he queried.
"Best we not," I muttered back. "If we tell him it's wrong, chances are it could stop working, and that'd just make him sad." I frowned in concern. "But still, I hope there aren't actually any adverse side-effects from—!"
"ANYWAY!" Luffy suddenly belted out, throwing up his fists. "That was barely an appetizer! Sanji! Get me more!"
Sanji's brow twitched slightly as he plastered a stiff grin on his face. "What's the magic word, cap-?"
"More~ more~ moooore~!" Luffy started singing to the beat of banged silverware, a grin never leaving his face.
"WILL YOU CRAM IT, MORON!"
WHAM!
His head, on the other hand, went on an all-expenses-paid vacation away from the rest of his body as Sanji kicked it a good half-mile off the port side of the ship.
"—Yeah, no, he's completely fine."
"Idiot…" Sanji muttered to himself, shaking his head, before snapping a glare at the nearby mooks, who all flinched back in terror. "Well?! The hell are you waiting for, idiots? He said he wanted more, so go and get him more! I left fifty more plates in the kitchen, and if the first one's not out here by the time he's back, so help me!"
Apparently, Gin had the Club's men trained well, because they did not need to be told twice, and by the time Luffy's still-grinning head snapped back into place, the first crewmate was running out of the kitchen, a double-wide platter of… something's ribs. I'll be honest, we murdered a lot of animals on our way out of Merveille, and the majority of the carcasses we hauled back to our ships were not intact.
Either way, the point is that it was big, cooked to perfection and slathered in barbecue sauce, and positively mouth-watering. Maybe I could get some bef—?
"Mmm!" Luffy mumbled around the mouthful of meat and bone he was chewing on. "Thish ish good!"
I sighed in despair as the de-fooded mook hastily ran back into the kitchen, watching the cavalcade of trays march towards Luffy's unforgiving maw. "Oooof course, what was I… thinking…" I frowned as I stared at the scene before me, my brain niggling at me. Luffy and Sanji on a ship that wasn't the crew's, Luffy gorging himself while Sanji looked on in resignation… why did this all feel so familiar? It was almost as though I'd seen this scene somewhere before, but… only almost. Something was missing… but what could it possibly be?
"INCOMING!"
I blinked as Soundbite's sudden squawk snapped me from my thoughts. "Wait, wha—?"
SPLASH! "MOOOOOO!"
My reaction was split down the middle as I stared up at the figure looming over us. On the one hand, the thought 'Oh, so that's what was missing' was prominent. But on the other hand, what came out of my mouth was—
"I thought we weren't going to meet your leathery hide until two years from now?" I asked incredulously.
Mohmoo didn't respond for his own pair of reasons. A small part of it was that Soundbite couldn't translate purely aquatic creatures, of course, but for the most part, I think the terrified look he was sending Luffy and Sanji's way and the steady stream of cow pies he was dropping had a lot more to do with it.
And Mohmoo and I weren't the only ones who remembered the past.
"Hey, isn't that…?" Sanji tilted his head inquisitively.
Luffy was… a lot less reassuring. Specifically, the familiar glint in his eyes as he stared at the sea monster. "Woooah, I remember you! You were that sea cow on Arlong's crew!" Aaaand then his mouth overflowed into a straight-up waterfall. "I always regretted not getting to taste you!"
Mohmoo had already been sweating like a stuck pig before Luffy said that. Now? He looked to be a light breeze away from fainting.
I weighed my options: On the one hand, something that big would probably have enough meat left over for me to actually get a bite in, unlike the previous platters, and it wasn't exactly like Mohmoo was critical to the future, so…
But… on the other hand…
"Gah, damn my bleeding heart," I groused before clearing my throat. "Hey, guys—BWAGH!"
That sudden exclamation was due to something dropping out of nowhere right on top of my head, driving me face-first into the decking. And since my mouth was open…
"Agh! Blech! Someone get me some mouthwash!" I spat as I resisted the urge to wipe my tongue with something. God damn it, had these bastards never washed their shoes in their li—?! Ah, right, ruffians and mongrels one and all, of course they hadn't… ARGH! "GROSS!" I heaved in disgust, shooting a venomous glare at whoever had just stomped me. "Ahh, what the hell you little—!?"
Then I froze, because it wasn't every day you saw a girl who couldn't be more than ten drop-kick Sanji right in the face. Aaand then basically bitch-slap Luffy with something wrapped up in a towel-
"OW!"
-correction: slapped Luffy with something apparently made of Seastone, from Luffy's pained yelp. She then leapt onto the railing and interposed herself between my crewmates and the sea monster, her arms spread wide.
"You're not touching a single scale on his head!" she barked.
For a moment, silence—aside from the girl's panting—reigned.
Until the usual suspect spoke up, of course.
"So, you want a share?" Luffy tilted his head in askance, ignoring the lump throbbing on his brow.
CLONK!
"OW!" Luffy yelped, grabbing the new lump he'd just received.
"HELL NO I DON'T WANT A SHARE!" the girl shrieked. "THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS IS THAT I DON'T WANT YOU EATING MOHMOO AT ALL! YOU MEAN BASTARDS ARE SCARING HIM! LEAVE HIM ALONE!"
Sanji blinked before waving his hand placatingly, a perfectly pleasant smile on his face. "Now now, don't you worry about a thing. I know all the humane slaughter methods, and I can put the cow down painlessly. The meat tastes better that way, anyway. It'll be the most delicious—!"
THWACK!
"GAH, SONNUVA—!" Sanji swore, hopping back with his hands clutching his shin where the girl had nailed him.
"ARE YOU IDIOTS DEAF!?" she demanded, waving her arms about. "I DON'T WANNA EAT HIM! AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU EAT HIM EITHER! GOT IT!?"
"Aaaw…" Luffy sagged in disappointment, even with a second lump. "You're sure? Not even a little bit?"
"HELL NO!" the girl shouted, arms crossed. "With a stomach like yours, 'a little' would be over half of him!"
"Well, yeah! He can still live with that much, right?"
"IDIOT!"
I frowned as I watched a prepubescent girl wail on my multi-hundred-million captain, literally brow-beating him with whatever she was holding. As I watched, I discerned a few facts about the girl.
First, the conical hat she was supporting was strikingly familiar to me. That was pretty obvious, though; it was a rather unforgettable piece of headwear. Second, there was something about the fervour with which she was defending the sea cow, something… personal? Well, either way, third, and most important of all, was that she'd covered up the seastone she was wielding to stop Luffy, making it likely that she was a Fruit user, too.
So, Fruit user, weird hat, protective attitude regarding animals… "This seems familiar…" I muttered, scratching my finger against my temple. "Or rather, she seems familiar… but why is that…" I frowned as I contemplated the situation. "Is she someone I should know about, or could she be somebody completely original—?"
My train of thought was jarred by a heavy weight thumping down behind me, and a hot snort washing over my head. "I doubt it," a voice that both terrified and annoyed me to no end crooned smoothly. "Reality, after all, can only handle one of me."
I slowly turned a glare on Soundbite, my head twitching every inch of the way. "…Soundbite? Remind me to kill you later."
"IF I HAD A HUNDRED BERI for every time YOU SAID THAT, my shell would be GOLD-PLATED."
Bracing myself for whatever new migraine I was in for, I turned around, looked up towards the source of the voice… and then kept looking up at the motherf—!
I flinched at the face full of irritated air that hit my face.
…correction. A fuck-mothering dragon. With wings and scales and, well, everything. A… rather familiar-looking dragon, at that, that successfully stirred… at least half of my memories. But, really, only half, because reality wasn't quite as faithful to my memory as I expected. In fact…
"Uh…" I slowly, tentatively stuck up a finger. "Okay, first… Ryu, right?" I pointed my thumb over my shoulder, indicating the still-rampaging girl. "Making that Apis, wielder of the Whisper-Whisper fruit?"
The dragon snorted again, though from the new smirk, I think he was just amused this time. "You've got the name of my lady right, Jeremiah Cross, but as for me, we-hell…" A flash of fang as he cocked his head. "I've had many names over the years, and while you're right that Ryu was the name I held during my previous life, I am now known as Lindwyrm, or Lindy for simplicity."
I nodded slowly, filing that name away in the 'do not forget, ever' folder before raising a second finger. "Second, no offence meant to you, but… have you…" I gestured weakly at him. "Had some work done? Because unless my memory's shoddy, aren't Millennial Dragons supposed to have more fur and feathers than scales?" And indeed, Lindy looked less like a Millennial Dragon, wyvern-esque with feathered wings and a furry mane, and much more like a traditional, knight-in-shining-armour dragon, with scales and leathery membranous wings.
"Huh? Hey, yeah!" Luffy perked up, eyeing the dragon curiously. "You're bigger than when we fought Shiki, too!"
And judging by the way Apis suddenly abandoned her assault on my crewmates in favour of looking over her once-old friend in awe, that was double proof that my memory wasn't failing me.
"Wow. Looks like our experiment worked," she mused, rubbing her hands over the hardened flesh.
"Indeed," Lindy rumbled proudly, one leg also rubbing against the scales as he shook himself down. "Aaaaah, as though the new body wasn't good enough, I feel several centuries younger to boot! New places to see, new foes to fight, and all in my absolute prime! What a time to be alive!"
I momentarily mulled over that statement, and I was positively thunderstruck when the words and the implications thereof resonated with a vaguely faded memory of Soul Eater of all things. More specifically—
"IS YOUR BODY DE-VOLVING?!" Soundbite voiced my very thoughts in a shocked yelp.
"Eh?" Luffy blinked at us in confusion. "Devolve? Like, what, evolution the other way? But wouldn't that make him weaker?"
"Ooh, ten points to the rubber-brain, he's actually managed to grasp basic logic!" Lindy sneered condescendingly before throwing his head back and preening as the light glittered off his newly grown scales. "Allow me to enlighten your feeble, mortal minds with my eternal—!"
THWACK!
The dragon flinched and fell silent as a pair of seastone cuffs bounced off his snout, and he glanced down at the young girl staring up at him, expression unimpressed, fists on her hips, and her foot tapping impatiently.
Lindy stared blankly at her for a second before rolling his eyes with a huff. "Long story short, my kind's bodies have evolved in a more lax direction ever since we got better at hiding ourselves and avoiding attention. But back in the day, when we were at our prime, we had all the perks: iron-hard scales, claws like swords, entirely autonomous wings, the whooole kit and kaboodle of the apex predators. And normally, it's quite impossible to turn back the hands of time and bring back what once was… but, well." He leered viciously. "You all found a delicious way of fixing that, didn't you?"
Sanji nearly bit through his cigarette. He clenched his jaw so hard. "The SIQ…" he muttered to himself.
"Yup!" Apis cheerfully answered. "During the fighting, I found where Shiki was keeping the stuff and grabbed a dozen vials of it, and let Lindy eat them all!"
"And as you know, that poison's prime directive is to push a body to the absolute maximum," Lindy nodded, tapping his claw against his scaled temple. "It just so happens that my maximum came and went several evolutionary generations ago. So instead of turning the clock forward, it's doing the smart thing and rolling me back. I'd say about, oooh…" He craned his neck in thought. "By this time tomorrow, I'll be back in my prime. Why, I might even go out and feast on a knight or two, just for kicks! Oooh, so many possibili—!"
"Ahem?" Apis coughed into her fist, staring up at Lindy with one eye open.
The dragon lapsed into silence again, rolling his eyes. "Yes, Mom. The point is that I'm looking forward to getting back into peak physical condition, yes."
"Meh, still not impressed."
All activity died as all eyes turned to Soundbite, most in horror, myself included.
"Ex-cuse me?"
And one in sheer incredulity. An expression I'd never expected to see on a dragon and that I never wanted to be subjected to again.
"COME ON, don't pretend it's not obvious!" Soundbite sneered. "WHEN IT COMES TO DRAGONS, THERE'S ONE TRAIT THAT MAKES OR BREAKS the species. And so long as you don't have a fire in your belly, YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BIG SCALY DODO! HOOHOOHOOHEEHEEHEE—!"
SNORF!
"ACKACKACKACKACK!"/"SONNUVA!"
Lindy craned his neck back, a smug smile on his face as Soundbite choked on the massive cloud of smoke he'd just blown in my partner's face.
"Give it time," he said before nodding at Apis. "Well, If you have things in hand, milady, I believe sleep will help accelerate the process. If you need me, I'll be dreaming of captaining my own pirate ship, much like this one, only far better."
Apis started to nod before pausing thoughtfully. "Just out of curiosity that I know I'm going to regret… but how, exactly, would your ship be better?"
Lindy lifted his chin in a proud preen. "It would have dragons, of course." He then tilted his head in thought. "Also blackjack." Another tilt another way. "And hors d'oeuvres."
Apis' expression fell flat at the last point. "You mean hookers?"
A look that would have been bemused if the dragon weren't smirking came over Lindy's face.
"That's what I said, isn't it?"
And with that, he flapped off to do God-knows-what God-knows-where. Me? I was also too busy, choking on the sizeable cloud of smoke I'd caught the tail end of. First time in a while I'd regretted being Soundbite's choice of perch.
"Sometimes it scares me to think of what our relationship would have been like if the captain hadn't convinced us to leave with him…" Apis muttered. She then turned back to us with a bit of a sheepish expression. "Anyway, ah… what were we talking about before this?"
"The sea cow," I wheezed out, trying to massage the smoke from my throat.
"Ah, right, thanks. AS I WAS SAYING," she snapped, glaring at Luffy and Sanji. "LEAVE MOHMOO ALONE, OR I'LL FEED YOU TWO TO LINDY! GOT IT?"
"M-Miss Apis, was it?" Sanji said, gathering his wits. "In our defence, we've met him before… and not under the best circumstances."
"What are you even—?!"
"Wha—Mohmoo?! What are you doing here?"
Right on cue and interrupting Apis, we all turned to see Nami standing by the Sunny's railing, looking over at the cow in shock.
Said cow wasn't doing much better, head half underwater as he loosed a warbling, mournful moo.
"Huh?" Apis said, looking concerned. "What's he apologizing for? Mohmoo, what—?"
"Right before I joined the crew," I forced out, glancing aside with a grimace. "Luffy earned his first bounty by defeating 'Saw-Tooth' Arlong, a fishman pirate who had taken over an archipelago in the East Blue. Mohmoo was under his command, and while I'm pretty sure it was either not by his choice or he didn't know any better, Mohmoo was still involved in a lot of carnage. He… He hurt a lot of people."
Mohmoo moo'd again, and from the way he was nodding his head, it wasn't anything to refute my words.
Apis looked conflicted as she looked between us, Mohmoo, and Nami. The navigator was still looking at Mohmoo, more from shock and surprise than anything.
"I don't know about Luffy and Sanji, but Mohmoo definitely owed Nami an apology for what happened last time," I concluded.
I took the glare Nami shot my way on the chin. "I can speak for myself, thank you very much, Cross," she bit out. That done, she turned back to Mohmoo, gaze softening. "And what I want to say… is that I can already tell Mohmoo's sorry enough for what he did. I've put what happened back then behind me. I can forgive him, especially for crimes that weren't his."
I gracefully hid my flinch at Nami's words, and instead focused on… well, Apis focusing on whatever Mohmoo was saying. She then nodded and addressed Nami. "Mohmoo says that he's really sorry for what he did, and that he'll try and do whatever he can to make it up to you."
For a few tense seconds, Nami stared at the sea cow before nodding slowly, and even cracking a small smile. "Good enough."
Mohmoo closed his eyes in grateful relief before sinking back below the surface.
"…So, we can't eat him?"
OK, now Nami looked peeved. "Sanji?"
"Coming up, Nami-swan," the chef sighed, a well-placed boot upside our captain's ass sent Luffy flying straight back to the Sunny and into the tender (HA!) mercies of Nami's Eisen Tempo.
I stared after our captain for a second before tilting my head contemplatively. "Ya know," I mused to myself. "I only just realized, I came on to this ship for something completely different, and I just got swept up in all this madness." I tilted my head even further. "Now, what the heck was it…?"
"Assassins at 5 o'clock," Soundbite flatly announced.
"RIGHT!" I barked, spinning on my heel and schooling my expression as I came face-to-face with 5 and Valentine's smirking forms.
"Gotta admit, Cross: you really are scary when you're mad," Mr. 5 said. "Last time I saw that cold an expression, it was on Mr. 1."
"But now that you've had your revenge, it's only fair that we get ours, too," Valentine chirped acridly, somehow making the act of spinning her parasol menacing. "Just a few weeks in traction to make up for all the hell you put us through on Little Garden and killing our chances at a quiet retirement—"
Valentine froze when a breeze brushed along her neck and resolved into a slender hand, a face that was the picture of serenity coalescing behind her shoulder in the next moment.
"Now, I'm sure I misheard you, Valentine," Vivi crooned, her fingers flexing tightly on the assassin's throat. "You couldn't have just said that you were upset about my family and my kingdom retaliating for the farce that got me my bounty just because it made you more likely to be arrested for… what was it? Ah, yes, attempting to destroy my country?"
"N-Nothing of the sort, Miss Wed—GRK! P-P-Princess Nefertari Vivi!" Valentine said in a voice higher-pitched than Chopper's as Vivi pinched down on her windpipe.
"Good," Vivi intoned. "Because otherwise, I would have had to take my very justified revenge. I'd suggest you keep giving me reasons to put it off. Now, if you'll excuse me—" Vivi's once-serene face turned fearful with impressive speed. "I can't let Robin find me."
And the wind-woman dissipated, leaving us standing around in gape-mouthed astonishment. I took advantage of the pause to retrieve a pack I had brought on board for this exact reason.
"Now, I do understand your grudge," I said, rummaging in the pack. "So, if I'm going to have you not wring my neck, you'll need some… incentive." Pulling out a bundle colored black, gold, and bright red, I handed it over to 5. "For you, a highly durable fireman's outfit." Reaching back into the pack, I pulled out a covered platter. "And for you, Valentine, some gourmet chocolate." A sheet of paper joined the platter. "The recipe, too."
Valentine took the platter, eyeing it suspiciously, and glanced over to her partner. He had pulled out the jacket of the outfit and slipped it on, and to her eyes it looked just a bit small. Small enough that it was likely his usual coat underneath that was causing the problem. Still eyeing it suspiciously, she peeled back the cover. Looked like chocolate. She picked one up. Felt like chocolate. A sniff. Smelled like chocolate. She popped it in her mouth.
Bliss.
"Oh, my God, this is the best chocolate I've ever tasted…" she moaned, swaying on her feet as she all but melted.
"And this jacket is a perfect fit," 5 added, actually emoting as he flexed and admired his own profile.
They glanced at each other, something passing between them.
WHAM!
Aaand then I doubled over as two powerful fists rammed square into my gut.
"Now we're even," the assassins gloated together.
"Yeah, I'll take it…" I woofed out, staggering in an attempt to stay on my feet.
"But you're not off the hook yet!" Valentine interjected, crossing her arms and straightening her back so that she was looming over me… kinda.
"Eh, he is with me," said 5, having already turned to walk away. "You wanna go down this rabbit hole, that's your problem. Me? I'm good. See ya." Waving his hand over his shoulder, he ambled off.
Valentine glowered after him before focusing on me. "Alright, Cross, if we're going to be stuck together for who knows how long, then you're going to talk. How do you know so much stuff that you clearly shouldn't?!" She leaned in and stared me right in the eye. "How?"
I blinked at the reaction. "…you really want to know?" I slowly allowed myself to don a taunting smirk, and I relished how that alone put her on the back foot. "Alright, fine. I'll tell you." I stepped back and crossed my arms behind my back as I wistfully glanced skyward. "It all started fifty years ago to… no, wait, a week ago, fifty years a week ago."
-o-
[GRAH! DAMNED WORTHLESS FEATHER-RAT PIECES OF—!]
Unheard even to Soundbite, invective flowed in a steady stream from Su's mouth as she bashed her head against the walls of one of the few places on the Sunny that was soundproof. Her request on Thriller Bark had been fulfilled, and quickly. The News Coo network had pieced together a description that said where to find the Children of Inari, and consequently, the power she needed to stand with the rest of the Straw Hats.
And this was frustrating to the cloud fox because, as she really should have expected from her smart-alecky species, it wasn't straightforward in the least. Not only was it in the form of a riddle, but the riddle even lacked the basic decency to be written in only one language!
[Oh, suuuuuch a clear message!" Su snarled to herself. ['Delve unto the heart of the Eternal Firstborn, and there shall the pilgrim find their destination: Cradle of the Children of Inari and Grave of Blessed Tamamo, Kitsune ni Mitsukerareru Kakure!' GAAAAH!] Screaming wordlessly, the cloud fox smacked her head against the bulkhead. [Damn the yokai foxes of Wano and damn their moonspeak! 'Oh, we think it means Village That Can Be Found by a Fox', yeah, no shit, Coo! If these are instructions for a pilgrimage, then shouldn't they be fucking clear!?]
Rolling from back to front to back to front, furiously scratching her head, the fox continued ranting out of sight and earshot of anyone who could have detected her. [That SIQ boost'll help me bounce heads, but is that enough? NO! If I can't reshape geography at this point, the best I can do is run, hide, and support from behind the front lines! I want to be the one who makes people run! I want to be stronger! I want to be useful! Is that too much to ask? DAMN IT ALL RIGHT TO—!]
CLUNK!
"GWAH!" Su yelped as the tunnel suddenly opened up beneath her, dropping her into the open air and also back into range of Soundbite's auditory capabilities. The cloud fox hastily flexed her limber muscles, trying to spin her torso to land with grace. But much to her surprise, rather than the leg-rattling impact with the floor she anticipated, she landed much sooner than she'd expected, and much higher up too.
And on a… broad platform…
"Hey, Franky," Su smirked in her cockiest voice, raising her paw in a salute. "Thanks for the catch."
"Heh, no problem," Franky nodded back, tossing the fox onto the clearest table in the factory. "Lemme guess, Little Sis's tunnels aren't as stable as she thinks?"
"Eh," the fox shrugged indifferently. "Nah, I think the problem is I stepped on a latch-trigger by accident. These things happen. But enough about who was snooping through which pantry looking for a snack." She glanced around the workshop. "What about you, tin can? What brings you belowdecks?"
"You really wanna know? C'mere, c'mere, I'll show ya!" he said eagerly, turning towards one of the nearby workbenches. Su promptly hopped across the tables to clamber onto the larger pirate's shoulder.
Su expected some kind of a weapon on the table, a gadget, a gizmo, but instead, to her surprise, sitting there was a living, breathing Transponder Snail, there in the mucus and shell. Or, well, half a shell, given how the thing's rig was splayed out on the table. But, more surprisingly than that, she didn't recognize it as one of the three that were supposed to be on the ship.
"Is…?" Su sniffed the air. "Is she one of the Bartos'?"
"Nope," Franky answered. "She's actually ours. Meet our newest snail, whom I nabbed from the clutches of Shiki's palace! Cross and Soundbite named her Gif, and she took to it." He waved at the gastropod. "Say hi, Gif!"
The snail smiled and waved her eyestalk cheerily in response. "( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/"
Su blinked in surprise. "Eh? What the-? Hey, Soundbite, how come you're not translating for your cuz?"
"'Cause she's my cuz in more ways than you think!" Soundbite informed her from the next ship over. "FUN FACT FOR YA: VID SNAILS DON'T HAVE a vocal language!"
Su's tail shot out in shock. "Vid—? You mean that this new slimeball is a Visual Transponder Snail!?"
"(￣^￣)ゞ" Gif's eyestalk saluted in confirmation.
"RIGHT ON THE MONEY!" Soundbite agreed. "GIF's my opposite, all about the eyes. AND WHERE HER SPECIES IS CONCERNED, IT'S ALL ABOUT FACIAL EXPRESSIONS. I can't translate because there's jack-all for me TO translate, but she gets the point across well enough. AIN'T THAT RIGHT, LOOKY-LOO?"
"(｡◝‿◜｡)" the snail beamed.
"And that's not all! FRANKY, WHAT'S TONIGHT'S FEATURED PRIZE?"
"Oh, only adding a SUPER amount of insult to all the injuries we already gave Shiki," the cyborg grinned in a way that Su hadn't seen since Enies. "Cross and Soundbite have already worked out the way Shiki bounced video feeds from snail to snail: the transceiver can hook up to more than one snail at once, but it's up to the first one to connect if anyone else gets in, so Gif just kept reaching out to the right snails and sending their feeds instead of hers. But, with Soundbite and Gif running two specialties at once, and Shiki's worldwide delivery of all those visual snails—"
"He just set the stage to upgrade the SBS to be aural and visual from now on?" Su finished, gaping.
"BINGO!" Soundbite cheered.
"(o✪‿✪o)ｼ" Gif's eyes glimmered in agreement.
"AND WITH WHAT WE GOT THE SUPER—!"
The cyborg snapped into his trademark pose. "SUPER!"
"IRON MAN working on, ohohohooooh," the verbal snail trailed off into a malevolent chuckle. "Oh, and make sure SANJI doesn't find out. NO WAY IN HELL IS HE DITCHING HIS POSTER WHILE I CAN HELP IT! Ain't that right, sistah from another shell?"
"＼(^O^ )＞*" said sister saluted in agreement.
"You are so mean," Su snickered behind her paw.
Said paw then hid her muzzle as it dropped into a frown. 'And tenacious,' she morosely thought to herself. 'And determined. And you refuse to let yourself be squashed…'
The cloud fox's hackles split in a snarl. 'And I swear… I swear, to Blessed Tamamo, to Inari themself… I will come far enough to stand at your side!"
-o-
"…And so, while the Civil War didn't start out over slavery, Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation made it about slavery. Make sense?" I concluded.
"Hm… yeah, when you put it that way, I understand perfectly," Valentine nodded in complete understanding before popping up her finger. "Just one question, however…" The assassin's expression twisted in aggravation. "WHAT DID ANY OF THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR UNHOLY KNOWLEDGE?!"
I blinked and stared at her in the picture-perfect image of obliviousness. "Oh, jack all, I was just jabbering random nonsense. What on earth made you think any of that had anything to do with my knowing that you dream of being a chocolatier one day?"
"√¡$∂£X¥œ¡γ¿∫=ƒ‰£ç∞¢ç∫ߥ!"
Valentine's response was… less than coherent.
"If it's any consolation?" my personal parasite blandly piped up. "From the sound of things, THIS MORON FAILED HISTORY CLASS."
I snapped a glare at the mucus stain. "I've been away from home for nearly a year, I'm just happy I got even some of the names right!"
Incoherent outburst over, Valentine settled for just glowering at us, and I schooled my expression into a more serious one.
"Dropping the joking, the real explanation is going to be even more taxing on your sanity than what I just did, and I'm not planning to spread it beyond my crew, the leaders of the Masons, and their most trusted allies." I jabbed my thumb towards the last place I'd seen the other captain, Supernova. "If Barty wants to tell you, fine. But you of all people should understand discretion; you're still not even using your real name."
Valentine's eyes narrowed briefly. Then, just as quickly, she schooled her expression into a pleasant smile. "Alright, Cross, I can't argue with that. I'll keep what little sanity I've got left, and I'll bug Barty if I decide I need to know. Thanks for the chocolate."
And with that, she walked away. I blinked in surprise and glanced at Soundbite, who was even more surprised.
"SHE WAS SINCERE," the snail explained. "They're not usually that understanding."
I shrugged and began making my way back toward the Sunny. "I guess it was gonna happen sooner or later."
While I walked back, though, I caught sight of Bartolomeo himself hobbling onto the deck, his arms mummified in slings, plaster and bandages, while a crescent-shaped barrier behind his shoulders formed an arm of translucent energy at either end.
"Doing alright, Barty?" I asked, coming to a stop as I looked him over.
"Yeah," he grunted, flinching as he accidentally tried to shift his real arms and instead used the left-hand side of his barrier-substitutes to scratch at his jaw. "Probably gonna be using my powers as a literal crutch for a month or two, but nothing I can't handle. Marines back home hit harder than that gilded asshole."
I smiled and nodded proudly. "Good to hear. Thanks for everything; the entire East Blue, and we owe you big time."
Bartolomeo's head bowed, shadows from his hair hiding his expression, and I suddenly felt a sinking feeling.
"Yeah… you know, I really couldn't enjoy being right there beside you guys through that mess, because the whole time, I kept thinking about Gambia and the rest of my boys back in Loguetown," he said. "Shiki the Golden Lion… yeah, I think I might even give Gin the credit he's due; I could punch out a dozen of those bastards, and it wouldn't be as satisfying as watching Shiki fall out of the sky."
My eye twitched slightly as a possibility niggled at my mind. "Yeeeaaah, that sentiment isn't going to last five minutes when we hit Sabaody," I muttered.
"But now," Bartolomeo continued, seeming not to hear me. "Now that he's gone, the East Blue is safe, and I'm here… sailing to the end of the first half of the Grand Line with you guys…"
The big lug started trembling, and at first I worried he was in pain, but then the earlier feeling returned, twice as strong, and I simply sighed as I clamped my earphones over my head in resignation. Just in time, too, because a second later the barrier on his back formed two arms that shot up into the sky with hands making horns out of their index and pinky fingers. "THAT WAS SO AWESOME!" he cackled madly, tongue lolling out like the stereotypical rockstar he so resembled. "I got to—And then they were—I was right there with Luffy-senpai! Riding Lindy, and—I helped! My crew, your crew, all of us, side by side, and I got to—YEEEEEEEE!"
He ran, his limp seemingly forgotten, right to the edge of the railing, his barriers grabbing it as he thrust his head to the horizon. "I can't believe I was actually lucky enough to do that, and now… now I'm sailing alongside you guys right to the end of the first half! It's a dream come true, it's as good as finding the One Piece myself!"
"OK, Captain," Gin cut in, walking over from where he'd been passing orders to some of the club's mooks, a grimace on his face. "I think you might be overreacting a little—"
"LIKE HELL I AM!" Barty shrieked in euphoria. "Just look! The Thousand Sunny is beside us, and so many amazing people with so many amazing talents are on board! Luffy-senpai and the way he makes friends with anyone! Zoro-senpai and his insane strength! Nami-senpai and her weather witch magic! Usopp-senpai and his sniper skills! Sanji-senpai and his delicious food! Cross-senpai and his plans for everything! Soundbite-senpai and his voice for Lindy!"
I exchanged looks with Soundbite, and going by the weird distortion of sound coming from my shoulder, he had braced himself for what I was planning. A few glances around the deck found the upper brass of the Barto Club and Sanji looking at me with deadpan expressions as they moved to protect their ears.
"Merry-senpai and her weird appetite! Chopper-senpai and his dangerous insanity! Vivi-senpai and her new airheadedness! Carue-senpai and his voice! Lassoo-senpai and his loyalty! Oh, Boss-senpai, he's so strong and so disciplined! The TDWS, I wish half my minions were as good as they are! Robin-senpai, she's so mysterious! Conis-senpai is so nice but so dangerous! Funkfreed-senpai is an elephant, a damn elephant! Franky-senpai is such a cool robot! Brook-senpai is a skeleton!"
He trembled once more, and his voice nearly doubled in volume.
"I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE STRAW HAT PIRATES!"
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
"…except for that stupid horn," Bartolomeo growled through clenched teeth.
"Well, I still love it," I said cheekily.
"We know," everyone in earshot growled. Probably not nearly as angry as they would have been if I hadn't given them some actual warning, and especially seeing as this time it wasn't even halfway my fault.
"Though at least it snapped our captain out of his blubbering," Goldenweek mused.
And that, too.
-o-
The world over, people celebrated the downfall of Golden Lion Shiki. It didn't matter if they were prince or pauper, or even Marine or Pirate, the Golden Lion had been an existential threat to all, and now that he was laid low, the world was (relatively) safe once more. Nary a person in the world could be found without celebration.
But just because this was the case for 'the world' did not mean it was the case for those above it. And far above the world, in the hallowed halls of Holy Mariejois, news that had the masses cheering brought only grimness to the faces of the men to whom the world belonged.
"It is bad enough that the Straw Hats were demonizing the Government for the world to see," the scarred old man groused as he irritably tapped a finger on his cane. "But Shiki's resurgence… we knew from the start that nothing good could come of it."
"We have some consolation that the remnants of his army are under our control, as well as a new Warlord to safeguard that devilish IQ plant," the tallest of them sighed heavily, stroking a hand down his beard. "But that's cold comfort when the Straw Hats have literally saved the world while the entire world bore witness, and the Marines were left powerless."
"Even when the Navy and Government aren't in the crosshairs, the SBS continues to undermine us."
A pause fell in which the other four turned to eye the youngest among them, who was pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. "To the extent that even I am coming to understand that, reputation be damned, we need the Straw Hats out of the picture for good," he growled impatiently.
"They cannot avoid passing through Sabaody," the sword-wielder stated, tapping his own forehead. "We have roughly a month before they arrive. Defences are already in place; they shall not make it there alive. We will make sure of it."
"And the Navy will rebuild itself to be stronger than ever. On the note of which…" the prominently mustached member trailed off, unhooking their Transponder Snail's mic and selecting a number.
"Puru puru puru puru! Puru puru puru puru! Puru puru—KA-LICK! What?"
The ambient temperature in the room flatlined as the five men simultaneously levelled glares at the snail. "Would you care to try that again, Sakazuki?" the cane-holder asked in a dead tone of voice.
The snail's eyes widened, and it inhaled and exhaled slowly. "My apologies, sirs," he responded with a measure of respect. "My mission is going well. I have three battalions organized and undergoing training in Marine protocols so they can properly coordinate with each other and Marine forces in battle. And I still have over a dozen islands to visit."
"Acceptable progress," the sword-wielder nodded, eyeing a short segment of his blade before slamming the sheath shut with a definitive click! "Maintain it."
"Understood, sirs. KALICK!"
-o-
"Puru puru puru puru!"
I was snapped out of my idle wandering by the sudden ringing in my shoulder. I glanced at the caller ID, and then did a double-take at the unfamiliar number. My eyes narrowed a bit, and I looked up, finding some satisfaction in seeing my confidants making their way towards me. Or three of them, at least; based on the tone in which Robin had snarled at me when I'd tried to talk to her, I didn't expect to see Vivi for the rest of the day… or week. Hell, I'd be surprised if she let herself stay corporeal for more than a minute at a time!
But anyway, after a moment's thought, I nodded my head towards Barto too, and going by the way his head snapped towards me, the snail had gotten my attention as I wanted. Barto, though, grimaced and indicated his casts with his barrier-limbs, so I decided to cut him a break. I pointed everyone else towards the Sunny's lounge, and we all made our way inside in a… relatively orderly fashion, if you ignored Merry bouncing off Zoro's head as she dropped down from the rafters.
There were a few Club members hanging out in the lounge—
"BEAT IT, BUMS!" Barto's projected voice barked.
—but suffice to say, they cleared out real quick.
"Right, I'll be quick," I opened, pointing down at my bag. "Did any of you give out Soundbite's number recently? Because unless Samson is calling, I don't know who this is."
"Oh!" Nami perked up with a smile, her Eisen aura waving happily. "It must be Perona! I left her the number before she left, after she mentioned raising hell together."
There was a brief ripple of surprise from all of us, but no overt shock. Most likely, everyone else had been expecting something like this. I definitely was, with a farewell as I'd seen. But…
Before I could voice my thoughts, however, Soundbite beat me to it. "Yeah, well—Puru puru puru puru!—DO I ANSWER OR—Puru puru puru puru!—NOT? She doesn't seem—Puru puru puru puru!—THE TYPE!"
"We'll see. May I?" Nami asked, plucking up the speaker before I could answer. "Bellemere's Tangerine Orchard."
"…Is this Soundbite screwing with me?" a heavily-mascara'd face that could only be Perona's grumbled.
"We're sorry, you seem to be mistaking us FOR A CREW WHERE ANYONE is sane."
"Sorry, Perona, couldn't resist," Nami snickered behind her fist. Then her expression softened into patient concern. "How are you doing?"
"Mmph…" Perona groaned before beaming. "Couldn't be better! The villagers who stayed have accepted me as their new princess, and they're rebuilding the palace, too! They're… really good at building stuff," she added, a slight sweatdrop on her forehead.
"And I have so many wonderful pets… I couldn't be happier." She then frowned in complete seriousness. "Well… unless you had something in mind? It was fun the couple of times I got to share in you guys wreaking havoc. Scary, sure, but fun. So I'd be up for doing it some more if that's what you were offering."
Nami looked at me in askance, but I waved her off. This was her dog and pony show; I wouldn't get in the way of it. Our navigator hesitated briefly, but ultimately she put on a determined face and nodded at Soundbite. "I was. But it's a little more complicated than that. Before I go any further, I'd like to know one thing, Perona: how much do you value freedom?"
The line was silent for a few moments, Perona looking down in thought. And then, when she looked up, her expression was one of passionate purpose.
"The freedom to be who I am without being attacked for it is the whole reason that I couldn't betray you guys," Perona hotly reminded us. Then she smirked. "But if you're talking about freedom from the law, to do whatever you want? Weeell… I'm not about to try harming any civilians, not when I'm in my own personal heaven. But I wouldn't say no to helping knock the Government down a few pegs."
Alright, that was enough for me. "And what about helping to tear it completely apart?" I cut in.
Perona's smirk faded at once, her eyes snapping wide. "…You're serious. There's no way in hell someone like you would joke about something like that."
"Brilliant deduction," I drawled.
"But more than that, you're being serious, and that's never a good sign; you're dangerous enough when you're happy," Perona elaborated, her expression becoming slightly fearful. "I… what exactly are you asking of me?"
"You're already an ally of our crew, Perona," Nami interjected, silencing me with a sidelong look. "We're just wondering if you'd like to take that alliance a little deeper. But it's only if you're willing; if you decide to join, there's no backing out of this."
Silence. Then Perona shook her head. "Why am I surprised…?" she sighed, glancing upward. "You know, even a day ago, I would have told you, 'thanks, but no thanks, now don't let the door hit you on the way out.'. But… It's thanks to you guys that I've even got a door to slam in the first place…" Perona put on a kindly smile. "Including actual friends. So… what the hell, if you all can put your lives on the line, why can't I? It's the least I can do."
"Shall we, then?" Merry asked, clapping her hands.
"Right," Nami said, her expression and Eisen both taking on stormy qualities. "Here's the basic premise…"
In short order, we gave Perona a brief overview of the Masons and their goals.
"…so yeah," Nami nodded with finality as she finished her explanation. "This is deadly serious. I have to ask again: are you sure about this?"
The only response Perona had to give was a derisive snort. "My life is already on the line if the Government finds out I'm your ally at all. Considering your track record, I'm all for backing the long odds that mean I'll never have to worry about anything threatening my kingdom again. Friends included, of course." She flashed a cocky grin. "Plus, contacts with other pirates and even Marines? That is an offer I can't refuse."
"Good enough for me," I nodded. When everyone else nodded too, Soundbite closed his eyes and concentrated.
"Time to meet the crew. DIALING…"
Soundbite's mug shifted to Tashigi's cool expression. "Pisces."
"Ophiuchus," I returned. "I've got another Rabbit situation."
A short exhale of breath came from the other end. "Why am I surprised? Stand by. KA-LICK!"
"She'll be back in a minute," Merry said. "Meanwhile, might want to start thinking of your codename. Pirates use the Eastern Zodiac; your choices are Rat, Tiger, Horse, Dog, and Pig."
"Hmm… Puru puru puru puru!" Soundbite's contemplative expression flickered back to himself. "Hold that thought, Perona. KA-LICK!"
And hello, a scathing glower. "Another Rabbit situation, Cross? Really?"
I chuckled and raised my hands defensively, but luckily, I wasn't the one who had to respond.
"To be fair, Capricorn, this one was all on me," Nami said, eyeing me smugly.
… Alright, something about the way she said that bugged me.
"Something you wanna say?" I asked tightly.
Nami's smug look took on a pointed, catty edge. "My one, your three," she singsang. "Watch your back, because I'll catch up soon enough."
I jerked towards her, fingers twitching in my gauntlets. "Alright, listen here—!"
Nami loosed a grim chuckle of her own as her Eisen Tempo started to crackle. "Bring it, you—!"
"Grit your teeth."
"Huh?"/"Wha—?"
CLONK!
Nami and I clutched our throbbing foreheads. "Ooooww…"
"You done?" Zoro asked impatiently as he dusted his hands off.
"I'm good," Nami groaned.
"Sorry, got caught up," I waved him off, rubbing my aching forehead. "So, who have we got here?"
"Skeleton crew, as you'd expect after the sheer insanity you and Shiki unleashed," Tashigi sighed, most likely mourning all the hours of sleep I'd cost her. "Me, Capricorn, and Aquarius are all we have for the Divine."
"And I," Foxy piped in. "Appears to be the only Damned who's free. Most likely because my crew isn't doing anything, they can't handle themselves. So, new member, you said?"
"Right on the money, Goat," I nodded. "Our proposed new recruit has been briefed on the basics of the situation. I'll let her speak for herself. If you would?"
"Thank you kindly," Perona preened impishly. "'Ghost Princess' Perona here, former subordinate to Gecko Moria, newly crowned ruler of the sovereign land of Merveille and all of the magnificent beasts that dwell there…" And out of the blue, the girl's expression became downright sadistic. "And the newest member of the Seven Warlords of the Sea."
"COME AGAIN?!" demanded half the call, including everyone on our side. Myself included, I'm not ashamed to admit, because what the high holy hell!?
Nami was the first of us to recover, and she flashed a victorious grin my way. "HA! First Warlord!"
And that got me out of my own shock as my pride pricked up. "Wanna say that to my—?"
"Do I need to separate you two?" Merry interrupted, though her tone of voice said she was more amused than anything.
I ground my teeth at the smug look Nami was still wearing, but I still had enough self-control to know when to calm it.
"Just in case any of you are dubious, I witnessed her inauguration myself," Tsuru spoke up, her expression the picture of weariness. "She floated up to Garp and Sengoku and made them an offer that they couldn't refuse. And while one in your position would be a welcome addition to our ranks, Perona…" The Vice Admiral narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "I would like to inquire why you would choose to put your life on the line for a world of freedom."
"I have to go through this again?" Perona groused. "Ugh… fine. I tried leaving the Straw Hats behind in Merveille, but I'd gotten too attached… especially to Nami, maybe the first real friend I've ever had. I was free to be who I wanted to be, and they didn't throw me off when I stowed away; I'd gladly fight for something like that." She paused before shrugging dismissively. "And besides, if the Government found out that I was loyal to the Straw Hats, I'd lose everything anyway; putting it all on the line to make sure I can live in peace forever is enough motivation for me."
"Hm…" Tsuru hummed before glancing up at me. "Ophiuchus. Do you trust her?"
Rubbing my jaw, I turned over the idea. "…a few weeks back, I'd have hesitated," I admitted, throwing up a hand to stop Nami's inevitable protest. "But, after all we've been through… she came back to fight when she had every right to run. I'll back her… although…" I shot a flat look at Nami. "I want to make it clear that when this shit hits the Rabbit-shaped fan, I am not taking the fall. Capiche?"
Nami flinched and nodded. "I'll take the blowback from that powderkeg on the chin, yeah…"
"That will suffice, then," Tsuru nodded. "Let us clarify what is expected of you: once you have properly established yourself, you will be expected to use the influence of your new title to assist us where necessary and possible without raising suspicion. We will also expect Merveille to be available to our forces for asylum when needed. If this is acceptable, then we welcome you to the New World Masons. Have you chosen a codename?"
"Easily, yes!" Perona perked up eagerly. "Out of what's available, I'm going with the cutest: Puppy."
Silence fell for several seconds.
"We have had to deal with eccentricities before," Hina pointed out. "Hina thinks that tweaking a codename is the least thus far."
"Agreed," the rest of the Divine concurred.
"No problems here!" Foxy agreed, before glancing aside with a glower. "Though I'd sure like to make my name sound better…"
"Great! So, who am I talking to right… now… huh?"
"What is it?" I asked.
"Sorry, a weird bird just flew past me. It's perched on my tiger-pony."
And then a familiar, suave, infuriating voice came across the connection:
"I'm on another horse."
"…Perona?" I snarled through the crimson haze that had suddenly invaded my mind, not helped by the rest of my co-conspirators looking fit to bust a stitch laughing, most likely at my expression. "Could I trouble you to blow him up?"
"I make things implode, not explode, remember?" she crooned, clearly reading the anger I imagine was all but radiating off of me.
"Perona, just kill the fucking bird," I demanded.
Tragically, the laughter echoing through the room told me that just wasn't happening today.
-o-
Unsurprisingly, and much to my sanity's regret, Isaiah didn't end up dead. But the rest of the call was honestly pretty uneventful, unless you count the way Perona had seemed rather terrified at learning Tsuru was involved. I also confided a… tastefully edited version of what I saw of her in the story. I couldn't mention Mihawk, after all, or they wouldn't let me get away with not telling them the rest. I managed to jab about Zoro getting lost and ending up on the same island as she did, and that was enough for everyone.
But it was a reminder for me. When the call had ended, I was the first one out of the lounge. I went straight to Luffy and asked to see Ace's Vivre Card. Much to my relief, it was still whole and unburned. One worry is still down, but enough is left. And there was no way I was going to let those worries go unaddressed even one second longer. As such, I retrieved as much paper as I could carry from the library, then shot back up to my sound room and started writing.
"What's going on, Cross?" Funkfreed asked, looking over my shoulder. Not really that hard a feat, but still.
"I've put this off for too long," I muttered. "I may have stopped the war, but the crew still isn't ready for the New World. There's a plan already made to fix that…"
"Buuuut…" Lassoo asked slowly, grimacing in anticipation.
I scowled as I ran my fingers through my hair. "But. They aren't going to like it. I can't tell them about it yet. The most I can do is start preparing for it, and I need to get started on that now. Because one way or another…"
I stood up, put the sign I had just finished on the hatch to my room, and settled at my desk as I began writing the first of many letters.
Writing, even as my friends were kept out by the words 'CRITICAL PLANNING IN PROGRESS. DO NOT DISTURB. NO EXCEPTIONS.'
"Our time," I muttered grimly. "Is running out."