I honestly don't know why I expected that sign to make any difference in the amount of time I had to plan. I mean, I was a Straw Hat sailing the Grand Line, did I really think that I would be able to have that kind of peace and quiet for more than a couple of days? I made it halfway through the second day before I got a good enough reason to stop, and I can't deny that it was my fault…
~o~
My sleep-deprived neurons suddenly flared to life, and I stiffened and cast aside the page I was working on as a realization most horrific blared through my mind.
"Son of a BITCH!" I roared, slamming open every pipe I had available. "GUYS!"
"GAH!"/"Holy mother—!"/"What the hell is it, Cross?!" several angry voices demanded.
"I can't believe we've gone this long without thinking about it!" I lamented, admittedly pumping more drama into my voice than was strictly necessary. "We got back one of our crewmates when she had been stolen, we defeated a tyrant who threatened us and almost destroyed our home sea, and we all came out of it in one piece, right?"
"Yeeaaaah?" Goldenweek drew out, the raised eyebrow plainly audible.
"And we all have a clean bill of health, right, Chopper?"
"Aside from Bartolomeo's broken arms and that examination I need to perform on Conis's wings at some point, yeah, but—"
"So, then, let me ask you something: Why haven't we thrown a victory party yet!?"
The following silence was deafening.
I nodded solemnly. "Thought so. Allow me to tender my ultimatum: Our ships had better be festooned with lights and pumping with cheer and music in exactly three seconds, or else we all officially fail at life. GOGOGO!"
My already present grin grew to banana-esque proportions as the ships below us erupted into a crazed flurry of activity. "Dontcha just love the madness of this crew?" I asked Soundbite.
"THERE IS A SORT OF TIMELESS quality to it, yes," the snail agreed.
"But there's always room for improvement," I grinned, punching another pipe. "Franky, is Gif's rig ready?"
"Eh… about 90%," Franky said distractedly. "Still working on how to balance mobility and cola storage. It's functional, but a full tank will only get you an hour."
"Push it up to two, and that'll be enough! Let her rip!" I ordered with a grin.
"You crazy son—ah, make that 'bastard'," Franky amended with an audible chuckle. "Fine, she'll be out in time for the fun."
"Glad to hear it!" I nodded proudly, closing the pipe before smirking at Soundbite. "So, ready to go down and watch the rest of the crew get totally wasted?"
"I'M OFFENDED YOU EVEN ASK!" the achromatic gastropod cackled. "Oh, do you think someone'll fall overboard? I HOPE WE SEE SOMEONE FALL OVERBOARD!"
-o-
"ALRIGHT! TIME FOR THE USOPP ANTHEM NUMBER ONE-TWO-SEVEN! OOO—WAGH!"
SPLASH!
"YAY!" Soundbite cheered ecstatically as the party-goers scrambled to avoid the collapse of Usopp's table-tower. "I did, I DID SEE SOMEONE fall overboard!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP AND HELP ME BACK UP, YOU IDIOTS!" Usopp howled.
"WE'LL GET RIGHT ON IT AS SOON AS WE FIND SOMEONE SOBER TO HELP US!" I assured him before snickering into my cola. "Like that's going to happen anytime soon…"
Yeah, the thing about victory parties? The closer the brush with death, the crazier the rager. And seeing as we'd just walked off the edge of the reaper's scythe, none but the most hardcore non-alcoholics, like myself, could be defined as even 'not sloshed'.
"WOOHOOHOOHOO!" Vivi cackled as she passed me by atop a throne of hands, a cyclone of confetti spinning above her. "YES! BOW TO THE QUEEN OF THE SKIES! HAHAHAAA!"
…and even then, there were, shall we say, one or two new converts to the bottle. Who I imagined would be sorely regretting their new life choice in the morning, admittedly, but for now, a fun time was a fun time.
"HEY! WILL SOMEONE HELP ALREADY!? I THINK MOHMOO'S STARTING TO RECOGNIZE ME!"
Huh, that could be an interesting sight… bah, he'd been treading water long enough.
I snapped my fingers at Mikey, pointedly not looking as he did who-knows-what to a punch bowl. "Oi, you. Get the longnose out before we need to find some scrub to replace him."
"I'm busy," he deadpanned in response, his flipper's middle finger flashing over his shoulder. His demeanour changed really fast when my fingers clamped down over his skull plate, though.
"That wasn't," I grit out, my shoulder tensing in preparation. "A freaking REQUEST!" I belted out the last word as I hauled off and fastballed him.
"YOU DI-HI-HIIIIIIC—!" SLAM! "GAH!"
Mikey's panicked howl cut out into a pained yelp as he bounced off the mainmast and plummeted into the drink.
"WIMP!" Boss proclaimed, mockingly toasting his fallen apprentice.
"You're one to talk," came a cool young voice. Boss turned around to see Merry with a smile of pure concentrated malice on her face, sitting on one side of a nearby table with a mug in her hand and a second cup opposite hers.
"Our crew has gone through all kinds of hell, and yet they all seem to wimp out when I challenge anyone to my kind of drinking contest," the shipgirl sighed mournfully, punctuating the statement with a deep slurp of her… 'brew,' to be polite.
"Yeah…" Boss drew out nervously, a heavy sweatdrop hanging from his shell. "That's because what we chug only kills livers. Yours kills, period."
"Wi~imp," Merry sang right back, shaking her mug.
I was going to snicker at that, but the fire that ignited in Boss's eyes dropped a stone in the pit of my stomach. "Well, when you put it like that—!" he leered, reaching for the free mug's handle.
THUNK! "GWAH!"/"HOLY MOTHER—!"
Only started, mind you, on account of a bonesaw spontaneously burying its blade in said mug's lip.
"In the spirit of the party and what we're celebrating, all I can deliver is a fair warning," Chopper said, strolling up and wrenching the saw free with far too practiced ease. "But what I can promise is the willingness, authority, and capability to sedate both of you so that you miss the rest of it if you force me to do so."
Boss, eyes wide, slowly backed away from the table while Merry sighed in disappointment. "All work and no play, doc," she whined.
"Your 'play' guarantees more work for me. Deal with it," Chopper retorted before trotting off. Merry and Boss stared after him, making absolutely sure he was gone before chugging their cups.
I sighed and leaned against the nearest mast, though there was a smirk playing across my face. "Ah, moments like these need to be memorialized. Pity that I left my Vision Dial upstairs."
"Don't worry about it, Cross, we've got you covered."
"Eh? What're you—WAH!" I jerked in shock away from Franky. The natural response to something like an RC chopper buzzing in my fa—Waaait, this world's tech base isn't anywhere near that high, how the hell—?
My train of thought skipped a track when I noticed a second fact about the so-called chopper: while the thing did have a fully-functional rotor assembly, it was not helicopter-shaped. Instead, it was bulbous… and had eyes!?
"GIF!?" Soundbite voiced for me.
"╰(✧∇✧)"
The vis-snail waved her eye-stalk eagerly, her expression gleeful. Quite logical, of course, seeing as her shell was suspended by an attached rotor that allowed her to hover.
"You two wanted a rig that would let her switch to any angle SUPER fast, right?" a grinning and flexing Franky stated. Gif flitted around him, eyeballing him appreciatively and, if the flashes coming from the corner of her rig were anything to go by, snapping a few shots.
"If Shiki got one thing right, it's that the best way to do that is by defying gravity! YEAH-YAH!" The cyborg snapped into his trademark pose, prompting a flurry of orbiting shots from Gif. "AM I THE MOST SUPER SHIPWRIGHT IN THE WORLD OR WHAT!?"
"Meh," Soundbite said with an ostentatious and dismissive roll of his eyes, though he never stopped tracking his cousin's rig. "I'M GONNA HAVE TO go with OR WHAT! WHERE'S THE CHARIOT OF THE DIVINE, HUH!?"
That snapped Franky back to serious, and he held up a finger and proudly jutted out his chin. "Two reasons! First off… I don't particularly like you. As a crewmate, I trust you with my life, but you're also a raging jackass."
"That's fair," Soundbite conceded.
Gif nodded in agreement.
"No argument from me!" I added.
"Though you assholes don't need to agree THAT fast…" Soundbite groused.
"And second!" Franky popped his second finger, along with a smirk. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you want to give Cross an easy way to ditch you."
For a few moments, Soundbite just blinked at Franky. And then…
"YOUR LOGIC IS IRREFUTABLE, AND I AM NOT ABOVE ADMITTING MY OWN MISTAKES."
"Right…"
And as for me…
"Hey, wait, don't I get a say in this or—?"
"HEY, EVERYONE!" came a voice from above, neatly directing everyone's attention away from my protest.
"This isn't over…" I grumbled under my breath. "In fact, I think I'll look into getting my own way of flying!"
"With blackjack and hookers?" Soundbite needled.
I could either ignore that, throw it back in his face, or just build on it. "And dragons, don't forget the dragons," I nodded sagely.
"THANK YOU!" Lindy barked from the Cannibal.
"If you want to beat that, you've got your work cut out for you," Merry laughed, pointing up at… Conis is standing on the edge of the mainsail's boom!? Oh lordy…
Before anyone could say or do anything, the visibly tipsy angel leaped off the mast and snapped her wings out to full length. Conis closed her eyes and let the wind guide her, and for a time, she just soared peacefully, curving around back toward the ship when she went over the water. It was actually all quite impressive. At least, up until she narrowly missed the main mast's main mass (try saying that three times fast) and wound up flying face-first into the sail like a bird into a window.
"Ooh."
I joined the general chorus of sympathetic groans as she slowly peeled off the cloth. Seriously, I'd been whipped by that monster in more than one storm; that thing was not as soft as it looked. I tensed to wince again when Conis peeled off enough to start falling to the deck, but that actually turned out not to be necessary.
"Woop! Watch it now!" Ever chided as she swooped in, catching Conis a few scant feet from the deck despite wincing under our gunner's weight. She then gave the other angel a catty grin. "Eesh, careful there, sis! Don't you know better than to drink and fly?"
"Firsht off, allow me to call bullshit on that aque—ach—on zat," Conis slurred through a drunken giggle. "You haven't been flying any longer zan me. And shecond…" She raised her nose with a proud sniff. "Excuse me for not knowing how to use a body part I hafn't had for more than a week."
"And haven't tested yet," Chopper frowned, walking up to her and taking hold of one of her wings. "Though it looks like you got the hang of it pretty quickly…"
"Yep!" Conis chirped, head bobbing in a disturbingly bird-like manner. "It wash a lot of fun! I shink I'm really gonna like flying! Wee!"
The human-Zoan rolled his eyes with a disgruntled huff. "Yeah, well, from what I just saw? That's not happening anytime soon." In support of that point, he tugged on her wing. "See, the difference between your wings and Ever's? Evers are on her arms, with muscles she's been developing her entire life, making them strong enough to lift and support her weight. Your wings, however, are attached to freshly grown, undeveloped muscles. Nowhere near strong enough to let you fly. Sorry."
Conis blinked blearily as her alcohol-addled mind processed the information. Then she turned a tearful gaze on our doctor. "R-Really?"
Panic flashed over Chopper's face at that expression. "Ah, well! In a couple of years, with training and exercise, they'll probably be strong enough. But, uh, for now, like you already saw, you can glide, at least."
"Exschelshior!" she cheered, throwing her arms up.
I exchanged looks with Soundbite, but before anything else could be said, Ever hauled Conis to her feet. "Alright, softie, I'd say you've had about enough. Hey, you two!" The Merveillean snapped her fingers at a pair of her Barto Club men and handed the Skypiean off to them. "Take her to her room, tuck her in. Got it?"
"Eh?" one of the two grunted in a decidedly disgruntled tone. "And why should we do that, ya rook?"
Ever's perfectly cordial smile twitched ever so slightly, but shouted voices drowned out whatever she had been going to say.
"AND I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S GIF! GUH!"
"THAT DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE, YA SCRUM! TOTALLY GOES AGAINST ALL GRAMMATICAL WHOSITS! IT'S! PRONOUNCED JIF! JUH!"
"BARNACLE-BRAINED BUFFOON!"
"SEAWEED-SUCKING SHITEBIRD!"
More specifically, a rapidly devolving argument between a nearby pair of mooks, snarling in one another's faces over—
"Are… they arguing about how to pronounce Gif's name?" Franky asked incredulously.
The heli-snail in question boggled, just as incredulously.
"WE AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT A CAN OF PEANUT BUTTER HERE!" the first mook shouted.
My eyes narrowed as I connected the dots, looking to the increasingly bemused people surrounding me and the snail on my shoulder, who was visibly fighting the urge to burst out laughing. "You little shit."
And that was the limit. "HOOHOOHOOHEEHEEHEE!" Soundbite roared, not even trying to deny his culpability. "THROUGH ME, THE ARGUMENT IS IMMO-O-ORTAL! HAHAHAAA!"
"Oh, not as immortal as all that," Ever countered.
SLAM!
Right as she slammed the mooks' skulls together, sending them on an express vacation to dreamland. "See? It just died." She then turned to the first pair, having yet to lose her sunny disposition. "Sorry, got distracted. What were you saying, boys?"
"Right away, Miss Ever!" they yelped, grabbing Conis and making tracks for the female Straw Hats' room.
Ever nodded in satisfaction, and after a glance towards Sanji to find him staring a hole through the two—and more importantly, that they noticed the attention—she relaxed and turned back to… scanning the party?
"Keeping an eye on things?" I inquired.
"Mm, what can I say, old habits die hard," she mused, her eyes continuing their search. "Shiki was an ass, and I sure as hell didn't like being eye-candy in his bar, but damn if it wasn't the best place to learn how to handle a rowdy crowd. I'm just making sure that nothing… oh damn it," she cursed out of the blue, stalking away.
I followed the direction she'd been looking and promptly winced in understanding. After all, I doubted there were many things more concerning than the sight of a buzzed dragon making his way toward the casks from which the lifeblood of the party—read: the booze—was flowing. "Oh boy," I groaned.
"She 'gon get EAAATEEEN," Soundbite sang before glancing up at Gif. "GET A GOOD SHOT of the gore, wouldya?"
"( ﹏⁰)" she whimpered, visibly nowhere near as eager as her cousin.
"He's joking, Gif," Franky snorted. "Just watch." That said, I didn't miss the slight click that came from his wrist.
Reluctantly, she watched, as did the rest of us, as Ever swooped to interpose herself between the dragon and the cask, both her stance and demeanour making her intentions very clear. Lindy regarded her with a chuff as he drew nearer. "Move it, chicken wings. I've already had my fill of fresh meat, let daddy drink his medicine in peace."
"Yeah," Ever drawled, giving the dragon's wobbly stance a dry once-over. "Thing is? I'm pretty sure you've had enough 'medicine' for a week straight, and the last thing any of us needs is to find out what happens when you go nuts pouring more fuel on your sparking fire. I'm cutting you off. Now go back to your quarters and sleep it off. Now."
Lindwyrm blinked, once, twice, before busting out into a deck-shaking chortle. "Oh, oh this is rich! The cute little birdy's standing up to the big bad dragon? Such a classic storyline, almost cliché even!" Then, just as swiftly, the dragon's good cheer died, and he gave the Merveillean a flat glare. "Get out of my way before I make you an appetizer."
"Hmm…" Ever made a show of tilting her head in thought, finger on her chin. "Let me think about that. No." And before the dragon could appropriately react, Ever flapped her wings to vertically spin in place and crack an axe-kick down on Lindy's snout.
For a second, both of them stood there, frozen, and then they both recoiled, howling in pain.
"You rotted oversized lizard!" Ever bit off, hopping on one foot and clutching the other.
Lindy's howl was more of a wordless snarl, talons clawing at the bruised scales of his snout. Still, he recovered first, spinning in a horizontal manner so that he could try to swat Ever with his tail. Thankfully for her, the rookie pirate had already recovered enough to flap—and thus flip—over the limb.
The victory was short-lived, though, as a massive reptilian claw battered her to the deck. Before she could recover, the beast rolled her aside with a thrust of his claws, turning eagerly back toward the casks—and then recoiling at the newcomer standing in his way.
"Well, haven't you made quite the scene?" Apis bit out, her fingers drumming on her crossed forearms.
"Uhhh," Lindy dragged out, sobering up very fast. "I can explain?"
"Roost," the whisper-girl all but snarled. "Before I scale your sorry hide. NOW."
"…doing-this-because-I-want-to-not-because-you-told-me-to!" And with that brave blurt, Lindy leaped back onto the Cannibal and all but clawed his way through the largest hatch.
"Aaagh…" Ever ground out, trying to knead the throb from her forehead as she got back to her feet. "Remind me again, exactly what it is that makes him listen to you so easily? I thought your power was talking to animals, not controlling them."
"My power is reading their minds and letting them read mine when I allow it," Apis corrected, pinching the bridge of her nose. "From there… just use your imagination."
"Egh, whatever," Ever nodded, casting a glance at the barrels. "At least I managed to save the booze."
"You've managed a hell of a lot more than that."
Ever blinked in shock as she suddenly found an arm slung around her shoulder. "Wha—huh?" she said very intelligently. She and Apis both turned to their smirking captain.
"Care to explain what you were doing butting heads with half the crew?" the infamous Black Bart snidely inquired.
Ever swallowed and self-consciously shrank into herself. "Ah… just making sure the party stays on the up and up, captain? Not letting jerks ruin everyone else's fun and… all that?"
"Hmm… and you think that you have a better grip on 'fun' than the rest of us? A little brawl here and there is pretty common for us—" Bartolomeo continued.
"And for other crews like yours, but I know the difference," Ever insisted.
Bartolomeo kept staring at her with that trolling smirk for what seemed an eternity. Then his smile widened and became more genuine.
"That settles it, then! From now on, you're our MC!"
"I… uh… what?" was Ever's very intelligent response.
"You know how to keep the party at the right level, and you're a decent match for almost everyone on this crew," Barty elaborated. "Coolheaded and wild parties don't often mix, but you've got it down. So you'll be our Mistress of Ceremonies, in charge of knocking heads when there are heads to be knocked. Got a problem with that?"
I could see the gears churning in Ever's head, and it wasn't long before she gave a small, sly smile and a nod. "Nothing I'm not used to already, Captain."
"Then let's hear it for our new MC!" Barty cheered, shaking Apis and Ever's shoulders as the crew responded in kind. When the cheering died down, the captain turned back to the newly promoted officer, his grin suddenly far more rictus-like in nature. "Now, how about getting me the strongest stuff that we've got?"
Ever's expression flattened. "I saw you chugging your vodka earlier, and I can smell your breath. I'm not going to make you an exception just because you're—"
"I just used my real arms instead of my barriers to grab you and Apis," Bartolomeo ground out, his held expression not twitching an inch.
"…one bottle, and then you're seeing the Straw Hats' doctor again."
"I will not be GENTLE!" Chopper called out, emphasizing the declaration by snapping a length of gauze taut.
Ever rolled her eyes fondly as her captain cowered, revelling in her newfound power. And then her newfound responsibility suddenly reared its head—
"HEY, THOSE ARE MY CHIPS!" SMASH!
"HANDS OFF MY HAT, ASSWIPE!" CRUNCH!
"HOW DARE YOU RIP OFF MY HAIRCUT!?" KEE-RASH!
—in the form of three fights started almost on top of one another.
The Merveillean's eye twitched viciously at the sight. "Right, no way in hell am I dealing with this alone. HEY, PERVERTED SKELETON!" she belted out.
"You called?" Brook answered without hesitation, looking up from his piano.
"You know any slow, relaxing songs that can cool these idiots' raging adrenaline?" Ever asked.
Brook tilted his skull in thought and promptly nodded with a grin—er, with his mandible tilting into a grin besides the natural one his skull always had. "I have just the piece!"
Predictably, his ivory fingers tickled the ivory keys to ring out the familiar opening chords of Binks' Brew. Equally predictably, the thugs stopped fighting before Ever could even consider berating Brook for his taste in music.
"Hey, guys! Let's put Shiki's gift to better use!"
All attention turned to Luffy, who was holding up the yellow Tone Dial that still contained Nami's farewell. Or at least, it once did, before Luffy erased it with a double-click of the Dial's button and tossed it over to the musician. "Take it away, Brook!"
"YOHOHO!" Brook cackled victoriously, reaching up to catch the Dial. "A NEW SONG, BORN OF A NEW GENERATION! ALL TOGETHER NOW!"
And it was slow and clunky in coming about, and most definitely beyond off-key for the first few verses of its performance… but in the end?
"~YO-HOHOHO, YO-HO-HO-HOOOO!~"
It was a song that shook the very waters around us.
~o~
…Yeah, it was a fantastic party, stretching on into the night. But as obligatory as the celebration was, it delayed my planning for a while afterward.
See, at some point in the party, the crew had asked me if I really needed all hours of the day to plan, with our destination still a few weeks away. When I grudgingly responded in the negative, I no longer had sufficient reason to excuse myself from meals, training, or fighting off the Grand Line's storms. Nor, more blatantly, did I have any reason to put off the debut of the new SBS and let the world share in a whole new level of insanity.
After all, the Straw Hat Pirates and the Barto Club were still sailing amicably with each other.
…Well, as amicably as the most insane crew of their generation and their most fanatic fan and his crew could sail. The antics between the two crews were nutty enough on their own, but with the two of them sailing near enough that anyone with sufficiently superhuman strength—read, almost all of them—could leap from deck to deck on a whim, it had taken things to a new level. The new developments from Merveille, still sinking in, were the cherry on top.
I think the worst of the antics may have been when we discovered what happens when you multiply a moron by an even bigger moron…
-o-
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING STEALING MY FOOD, YOU DAMN BRAT?!"
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"FUCKING HELL! DUCK!"
KRA-BOOM!
Despite it being the middle of the night, I couldn't just turn over and pretend that that much noise was just a dream. In short order, I was shuffling down to the kitchen. I wondered for a moment why I was able to walk inside so easily, without even opening the door myself. Then I realized that a wall had been blown out.
I gave no regard to this as I filled a mug of cola for myself and walked out. I didn't get very far before the sight of Luffy and Barty being chased by Merry, Franky, and Usopp stopped me in my tracks.
"What?"
"Luffy found the camera obscura of Garp in the fake fridge. Bartolomeo, meanwhile, blew out the wall."
I glanced at my dark-haired sister beside me, who had an empty mug in her hand. I looked back at the chase, down to her mug, and then to my mug. Then I set my mug down on the nearest counter.
"I am too tired to properly enjoy this, cola boost or no cola boost. I'm going back to bed."
"I don't blame you in the least, Cross."
-o-
But of course, even that paled in comparison to what we shared with the rest of the world. With the new visual component to the SBS courtesy of our one-snail camera crew, we were getting more calls and coverage than ever before.
Vivi and Robin's ongoing feud—the origin of which Soundbite naturally blasted to the world—was no small source of comic relief, even more than the typical antics. But more blatantly, we now had the capability for visual programs like cooking shows with Sanji and Valentine, medical discussions with Chopper, and workouts with Zoro, which were nice, sane ways of sharing useful information with the rest of the world that would help improve our PR even more.
…If you thought that I wasn't being sarcastic when I said 'sane' there, shame on you. Between a female co-host that always wanted to do desserts and Sanji keeping his face masked by esoteric cooking gear—giving the excuse that he wasn't going to take the risk of Gif having found a way to superimpose his wanted poster's face (not an unfair accusation, the vis-snail was definitely looking into it)—the cooking shows had a healthy bit of insanity in them. Chopper's medical discussions would have been sane if he didn't have the tendency to slip into Spark mode every now and then, which was a funny sort of scary, and always necessitated someone on hand to 'bring him to his senses', as it were, before he did anything 'untoward' on camera.
Out of everything we were showing, however? The most 'popular' program we were putting on was the absolute last one I wanted to be showing.
-o-
I let out a tired groan as I craned my neck back, staring up at the crow's nest I unfortunately knew Gif to be in. "Remind me again why the high holy hee-haw I'm introducing what I'm pretty sure qualifies as frickin' softcore video pornography to the world? Let alone focusing it on the bloodthirsty beast who's got all the sex drive of his frickin' swords?!"
I did not know, nor did I have any desire to know, exactly what Gif was broadcasting to the world. But I could imagine. And believe you me, that was bad enough.
"Two reasons," Vivi primly informed me as she settled in on the couch that had been set up in front of the Barto Club's own broadcast-snail, taking in the display on the screen I was refusing to look at.
I slapped a hand to my face. "Why do I feel like both of them will make me regret asking?" I groaned between my fingers.
"First," Vivi explained, her gaze never leaving the screen. "Zoro's one of the stronger members of the crew, so broadcasting his exercise routine will be sure to benefit others seeking such strength, and intimidate our enemies by showing just how out of their league he is."
I parted my fingers ever so slightly to actually look at Vivi. "Acceptable… meaning that number two's the problem. What is it?"
"Oh, that's easy!" Conis grinned brightly from her own place on the couch. "The second is that Zoro is… ah, what's the word…" She tilted her head thoughtfully before snapping her fingers. "Ah, yes, he's 'ripped' and women the world over will tune in religiously to catch even a glimpse of his sweat-soaked abdominals." She glanced at the feed. "As will other swordsmen around the world who will decide to step up their training to stand any chance against him."
I shut my fingers and clawed my hands down my face. "Yeah, there's both the regret that I was expecting and the reason why that moron accepted this in the first place…" I glanced skyward miserably. "Remind me, how could this get any worse?"
"DOT DOT DOT DOT!" Soundbite suddenly blared, shooting the bastard child of a grimace and a smirk at me. "Ask and ye shall receive."
I knew I was going to regret this, but…
I gingerly picked up the transceiver mic as though it were diseased. "Yes?" I queried.
"Uh, so, ah, do you think you could tell your first mate about how olive oil, like, helps develop—!"
CL-SLAM! I don't know what rattled my transceiver first, the mic slamming back into its cradle or the finger I almost broke against the blacklist button.
"Oh, yeah, now I remember!" I grit out through my twitching smile. "It can get worse by how I've had to blacklist half of my female viewership at this point! That's how it can get worse!"
"I still say you're overreacting," Robin mused, idly glancing up from the book she was reading from a lawn chair that was a little too close to the 'show' for comfort. "It's not as though they were the two who accidentally dialled their snail while they were, shall we say—"
"I KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING!" I snarled. "And for the record. First, I maintain that it's Soundbite's fault for inspiring their snail to act on its own and connect them!
"CAVEAT EMPTOR, BITCH!"
"That means 'buyer's remorse'."
"WHATEVER!"
"And second," I ground out. "I maintain that I don't want to inspire that kind of passion in my viewers, and the, to reiterate—" I shook my finger as I pointed at the crow's nest. "Softcore video pornography that I am inventing against my will is not helping!"
"Whatever, dweeb," Nami scoffed as she passed by me and plopped herself down on the couch. She then cocked an eyebrow in a thoughtful way I did not like. "And, uh, just a thought… You think he'd actually go for that olive oil thing or…?"
"That's it. I never thought I'd find a line, but apparently, watching porn on the deck in broad daylight is it. People of the world, I wash my hands of this affair; do not blame me for it. I'm out," I declared without remorse, turning around and marching off in defeat. The only thing I took comfort in was the fact that I wasn't alone in my suffering, as a certain smoke Logia was most definitely going to have his hands full keeping a certain someone else from calling in about this.
-o-
The new captain of the Big Top watched with a carefully neutral expression as Luffy's first mate strained against his weights. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the chief of staff making his way toward the snail, a scowl on his face. Making a decision, she slid out of her chair and over to him, her frictionless skin allowing her to close the distance faster than anyone on board.
Without missing a beat, she wrapped her arms around him, threw him against the nearest wall and slid back into her previous position. All in one fluid, seconds-long motion.
"I want to watch," she said plainly to the incredulous glares shot her way.
Cabaji groaned. Whether due to exasperation or his budding concussion, no one could say.
-o-
'Well, now, it's no wonder that he beat Mr. 1', Bentham mused, watching the sweating swordsman with respect. While the specific goals and exercises were different, he knew well the torturous tedium that one had to endure in order to forge the body into a true fighting machine. He was no slouch in physical strength, but his focus had been on dexterity, flexibility, and speed. It hurt just watching Zoro lift those weights.
"Goodness," Inazuma breathed, half-consciously running her (for the moment) hands along her arms. "The last time I saw someone lifting that much, they were under an overdose of adrenaline hormones."
"Yes, and neither that nor our efforts to remove the resulting stains from the palace drapes ended well, as I'm sure you recall," Ivankov simpered as he (at the moment) tapped his fingers on the arm of his makeshift throne. "It's quite rare to see anyone willing and able to go to such lengths in the present day. Or rather, it's rare to see their process."
Bentham glanced back at the okama queen, the latter's expression thoughtful. "Hmm… Inazuma, do you think you could fashion us some decent weights out of the stone?"
"Easily, my queen, I'll get to it as soon as the SBS is over," Inazuma nodded, her attention never straying from the broadcast. The reason why became particularly evident when she licked her lips. "My my, just look at them. So well-polished…"
The former Mr. 2 sprouted his own salacious grin. "Indeed, aren't they just—!"
"I wonder what kind of whetstone he uses?"
And just like that, the mimic's million expressions all fell flat at once. "…you're talking about his swords. Because of course you are."
"Hmph!" the Scissor… person raised their nose in a prim sniff, taking a sip from their ever-present wine glass. "Philistine! I hardly imagine that I'm the only one doing it."
-o-
Cross had certain expectations about how Lieutenant Junior Grade Tashigi would react to the broadcast. Several scenarios played out in his mind, and while the one that was actually happening was one he had considered, it was not one that he honestly expected to happen in this lifetime. Rather, the expectations he placed the most weight on involved screams of unholy rage, fire, and brimstone.
Allies, though they may have been in purpose, Tashigi had never gotten over the way Zoro beat her in Loguetown, and learning the reason behind it had only stirred her to push her skills even harder. And no matter how much she wanted to deny it, she knew that his methods yielded the results she wanted, so now the blue-haired Marine was rather mindlessly mirroring the Pirate Hunter's workout to the best of her ability with the resources available on Smoker's ship.
And this included being naked from the waist up.
…Well, not completely. There was just a bit of a difference between men and women in this regard. However, she was down to her tight, midriff-baring sports bra, which was about 80% more skin than she'd ever shown on board. Skin that was, also in imitation of her Straw Hat counterpart, now glistening with sweat.
Needless to say, the otherwise male crew of the Marine ship was very appreciative of this fact, and many had resolved to buy Roronoa Zoro and Jeremiah Cross all the drinks they could ever want, at the first chance they got.
Those poor, foolish Marines. And not just regarding the negative relationship between the Pirate Hunter's iron liver and their drinking funds.
"Ahem."
The sailors all stiffened as a deep, growly voice announced its presence.
Those poor, foolish Marines had, in their folly, just so happened to forget that their captain preferred his XO above all of the jarheads he had under his command. Combined.
"We can explain?" a hopeful petty officer tried.
Smoker murdered said hope with an excess of sadistic authority and without a hint of remorse. "You can run. Which, frankly, is more than you deserve. Now move."
For all that the Marines were marginally suicidally stupid, they weren't completely suicidal, nor stupid.
Within a minute, only one being on the ship aside from Smoker was still watching Tashigi, and Smoker paid no heed to it in favour of musing on the best punishments to offer his men; this watcher, he knew, had no perverse interests.
The creature in question, situated beside her, had taken one look at the sight on the monitors and any doubts about the prudence of joining Smoker died. His purpose further settled in his mind, he had secured a few weights to his hammer and was mirroring the two swordsmen.
Smoker nodded in satisfaction and turned to make good on his promise when a detail of the scene suddenly leaped to mind. He gave it another look and nearly bit clean through his cigar.
"Is she using my jutte as a bar?!" the commodore snarled to himself, trying his damnedest to deny what his eyes were telling him.
But he couldn't… and indeed she was….
For a few seconds more, he just stared, the sight so dumbfounding that he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Tashigi finally noticed his presence during those seconds, sparing him a glance before returning to her workout.
Then she got another look at him and recoiled in mortal terror. "A-Ah! C-C-Com-Commodore, I can e-e-explain!"
Smoker pinched the bridge of his nose, finally coming to a decision. "It can wait until the end of your set. But not a rep more, understood?"
Tashigi swallowed, fighting the urge to smile in relief. "Y-Yes, sir!"
The wolf-rabbit at the officer's side gave her a flat look and flashed an unflattering sign with his paw.
"You're right, Popora!" Tashigi nodded confidently. "We're lucky for now, but we should still finish! Let's get right back to it!"
Popora blinked, then glared at the spectacles Tashigi had abandoned nearby, one paw dragging down his muzzle in exasperation.
-o-
But even through all of the positive and negative insanity, I took every opportunity I could to plan. Before long, I had everything that I needed for what was to occur on Sabaody, as far as I could recall the details. Which… wasn't as good as I might have liked, but it was enough.
…Meaning that I couldn't put off telling my confidants anymore.
And so it was that two weeks after the fall of Merveille, I lay awake until the moment that Soundbite confirmed that everyone else was asleep. I descended from the crow's nest with all the silence Soundbite could give me and made my way through the depths of the ship. As I reached my destination, I turned to my partner.
"Cottonmouth, Copperhead, Sidewinder, Callie…" I paused, biting my lip before nodding firmly. "Black Mamba." Soundbite boggled at me but nodded. "Come to the aquarium lounge. Do not let anyone else see you leaving."
I settled down on a seemingly random cushion, though I didn't really need to wait that long. Merry emerged from one of her secret passageways about a minute later, and the other four entered shortly afterward, though Robin's presence was surprising to all of them. Herself included.
"May I ask why you're suddenly including me, Cross?" she queried. And while it appeared that she was her usual debonair self, I could see a hint of nerves in her posture.
And unfortunately, my dead serious expression prompted her to let that 'hint' be broadcast to everyone else. "Because you've got the brains and discretion for it, and because you've been eavesdropping on us anyway since day one."
"…I don't know what you mean," she responded. Everyone turned to face her, and I found myself unnerved by just how sincere she appeared. But that wasn't possible, she had to have been listening in, who else could have—
My eyes narrowed, and my hand clamped onto my face. "Oh, that complete and everloving jackass. Are you seriously telling me that you weren't eavesdropping on any of our calls?"
And then her sincere confusion vanished, a smile appearing in its place. "No, I was just lying. Of course, I was listening in," she said pleasantly.
WHAM!
Robin chuckled as we picked ourselves up from the group fault, and she gave me a warm smile. "I just thought you might appreciate someone lightening the mood."
I blinked in befuddlement. Then, finally, I managed to crack a smile, albeit a shaky one. "Yeah… and I appreciate it, Robin. I needed that." My smile then faded as it had appeared. "But unfortunately, it can't be too light for something like this. Merry, open the…" I grimaced slightly before forcing myself to say the dreaded words that I would see dead some day, so help me, Roger! "'Secret planning room of secret secrecy.'"
The ship-girl snickered at my admission of defeat and smacked a specific part of the wall, then walked to the shelves in the center and struck each of them once. She finished by stomping on the floor in front of the sofa directly beside me.
The effect was immediate: the section of the sofa sank into the floor. At the same time, the aquarium wall behind it slowly split apart, the water relocating to the vacant space at the top of the tank. And in the opening left behind was a staircase, hidden beneath the opaque glass that made up the tank's floor.
Robin cocked a brow at the display. "Well, that's certainly cloak and dagger. And seeing as my last employer had an underwater lair hidden below his casino, I should know. How did you arrange this little hideaway?"
"Slipped Merry the request back on Water 7, she arranged the empty space and mechanisms when Franky wasn't watching," I explained, shrugging. "Franky's probably already figured out something's down here, but he hasn't brought it up yet, so meh. Anyway…" I indicated the stairs, prompting everyone to start walking down them.
At the bottom, we found ourselves in a wide room with mirrors on all sides, as well as four tables; they and their chairs had a futuristic metallic sheen and, at the same time, a plush look to the cushions. Two of the tables had twelve chairs, each one marked with a sign of the Eastern or Western Zodiac. The third table was plain with several unmarked chairs around it.
My confidants and I headed for the last one, placed at the head of the room. Each had a plaque imbued with a jolly roger specific to the crew member as well as a picture of a serpent. The five of them took the seats appropriate to them, and I sat in the chair at the head of the table.
The way back up had already sealed itself behind us, and now skylights opened around the room, letting moonlight into the aquarium and the silver-shrouded Lamp Dials. The entire room was heavily reinforced and soundproofed to hell and back; not even Soundbite could hear anything from the outside in, and vice versa.
Nami glanced around at the Zodiac-emblazoned tables. "Expecting company? Fair warning, I doubt Ox will be able to fit in their seats."
"Plans have been in the works for a while, and now that Gif is aboard, we can implement them," Merry piped up, her legs swinging off the edge of her seat. "She, Soundbite, and I have been looking over the Transceiver in our spare time. We're hoping we can get two-way video and fill the seats with images of our partners in rebellion. It'll probably still take a while, but it's worth it, neh?"
"…Alright, even I have to admit that that's impressive," Robin said, running a hand over the glass.
Zoro nodded, then grunted, casting a disgruntled look around the room. "Same here, but only if this place has a—"
Merry offhandedly knocked her knuckles on the table, and a compartment popped open in front of the swordsman. A bottle-filled compartment.
The green-haired monster grinned eagerly as he fished out a sake jug and took a hit. "Like I said, same here."
A sigh wafted up from Nami, who also shook her head. "Honestly, do you really think this is the best—?"
"Actually."
Everyone looked over at me, and I couldn't imagine that I was the most reassuring of figures, what with my fingers being folded before my mouth and everything.
"You're all going to want some to process what I'm about to tell you," I solemnly informed them. "There's only one reason that I haven't argued harder against Merry's name for this place, and that's that any conversation that justifies us using this room is going to be too serious to even consider laughing about it."
My co-conspirators all stiffened at that little tidbit, and everyone else joined Zoro in acquiring their own bottles of liquid courage. Well, Nami and Robin did, anyway. An autonomous hand slapped down Merry's attempt at the liquor, but though she groused and scowled, she contented herself with a mug of pitch she pulled from her hold.
Once everyone was settled with their poison of choice, I heaved a tired sigh.
"As you all know, we are coming to the end of the first half of the Grand Line. And I will be perfectly frank with all of you." I glanced between them, staring each person dead in the eye, one after another. "The difficulty spike from Paradise to the New World is as steep as the 20,000-meter journey to and from Fishman Island." I closed my eyes mournfully. "You want the cold, hard truth? Here it is: we are not ready."
I preemptively raised my hand to silence the protests that I knew were coming, but thankfully, for once, that wasn't necessary.
Not because they didn't try to say something, mind you, but because before they could open their mouths, said mouths were clamped shut by the hands that sprouted from their shoulders.
"If any of you bite me, I will tie your tongues in knots," Robin warned them all before giving me a solemn nod. "Continue."
I nodded in gratitude before looking around at all of them again, my expression sorrowful. "I don't like this any more than you do, but you know that I know what I'm talking about."
My eyes drifted to our navigator. "Nami, do you know how to navigate in the New World?" I asked.
Nami glanced at Robin, and once her mouth was free, her brow furrowed in thought. "I… my gut instinct is to just go at it like we usually do, but since you're asking, I assume you have something different in mind?"
I leaned forward, my gaze unblinking. "Were you aware," I droned tonelessly. "That in the New World, the magnetic poles of islands can spontaneously shift, thus necessitating that all ships carry special, tri-needle log poses?"
The blood draining from her face was answer enough. "But, but that would mean…" she choked, staring wide-eyed at the table.
I left her to stew in her thoughts as I looked to our resident Logia.
"Vivi, you may have gotten a reality check from Robin. But people in the New World who can hurt a Logia without a sea prism stone are everywhere. I wasn't kidding when I said that Enel would have been chickenshit down here; even an Emperor's flunkie could swat him like a fly. How many seconds do you think you could last?"
Vivi flinched, biting her thumb, and I moved on.
"Merry, if your life depended on it, would you be able to fight off one of the leviathans that tried to crush us at Enies?"
A restrained snarl and the table suddenly creaking were answer enough to that.
"And you, Zoro…" I made my eyes as pitiful as possible, explicitly because I knew it would piss him off. "Do you honestly think that, as you are now, you stand even the slightest chance of walking away from another clash with Mihawk?"
That last one was the most unpleasant since I swear he was trying to cut me with his glare alone. But as unpleasant as it was, it was enough, and everyone sat back to reflect in either anger or worry.
"To repeat, we are not ready for the New World," I stated. "We all have different talents that we need to refine and awaken before we stand a chance of lasting five minutes in that place. And doing so will not be fast or easy, nor will it be possible for us to accomplish this like we've conquered all other challenges before: together, as a crew."
At those words, the air of the room froze over despite the intensity of the gazes directed my way. And it said a lot that Robin was staring in just as much cold shock as the rest of them. Silence reigned for a good minute, and ultimately, I broke it myself.
"I'm overdue in saying this, but here are the cold facts: Bartholomew Kuma is an executive of the Revolutionary Army. I don't know exactly what Dragon's plan is with him; that was yet to be revealed, but I do know that his Pacifista upgrades are nearly complete." I closed my eyes in tired regret. "And before they are completed, he'll ask Vegapunk to grant him one last act of free will. The act he will perform before the final surgery strips away his humanity will be to meet our crew on Sabaody Archipelago…" I spread my hands helplessly. "And use his powers to scatter us all over the world."
I paused for a second, letting everyone chew on that before continuing. "Each of us will end up in the single best place for us to refine our respective skill sets, but the process will not be fast. The Straw Hat Pirates will need to disband for two years' time before we begin the final half of our journey."
There was a minute or so of shocked silence, and then…
"What the hell, Cross!?" Nami demanded, shooting to her feet and slamming her palms on the table. "Why are you only just telling us this now!? And if you give us that 'spoilers' bullshit, I swear to high heaven—!"
"For this exact reason," I coldly shot back, stopping her tirade in its tracks. "Because I knew that bringing up something like this would incense you, or anyone else on this crew who heard it, and you wouldn't even consider thinking straight about these things. You've just forgotten everything that I just told you: We. Need. This training. Without it, we will die."
"C-Cross… come on, you screwed fate when you saved me, can't you do it again now—?" Merry asked pleadingly.
"In the story," I said. "The first threat the Straw Hats had to face after their hiatus was another Shiki-grade maniac, complete with armies, monsters, and xenocidal ambitions. And for all that…" Red eyes swam through my head, and my expression darkened. "That monster is as dumb as a rock compared to Shiki; he trumps him by packing an army bigger than any we've faced before. And despite the fact that the ten Straw Hats in the story completely and utterly curb-stomped that army, they still came within seconds of being creamed by something that would have wiped out the island." I stood up and leaned forward, matching Nami's glare with one of my own. "Do you really want to mess around with something like that, Nami? Want to risk the fate of an entire species on pride? Arrogance, even?!"
Nami's expression twitched, ever so slightly, and I pounced on the weakness.
"Let me make this real simple for you all: When we arrive in the Ryugu Kingdom, a metric ton of whoopass is going to be unleashed. Make no mistake, that island is destined to host a major curb-stomp." I dropped into my seat with a heavy sigh. "The only question is whether we'll be the ones delivering it… or receiving it. Because trust me, that's what our preparations will decide. And for the record? While matters might, might be ambiguous on Fishman Island, that's just the front porch of the New World. One island in and we'd run face-first into an unbeatable foe. A Logia, with no weaknesses and no openings. If we don't fall to the fangs waiting on Ryugu…" I shook my head in despair. "Then we will disappear into the miasma of Punk Hazard. Of this, I am positive."
Nami sank back into her seat, emotions swirling on her face like storm clouds. The rest of the crew was in similar condition, but also eyeing me expectantly.
"Here's another fact for you: My knowledge isn't going to last much longer." That got everyone's attention, but good. "Once everyone gets blasted across the world, until we regroup, I am blind. Whatever everyone found, however they found it, they found it themselves. I don't know what happened over those two years any more than I know what happened in the blind periods between islands. Meaning that I can't help you all become stronger anymore. Or at least, I can't help you become anywhere near as strong as you would be on your own."
At that point, faced with everyone's worried expressions, all the energy drained out of my body, leaving me slumped in my chair, one hand sweeping up my forehead. "Make no mistake, I hate that this is what we need to do, but the only way we're going to maximize our potential is with Kuma's help, and we only get one chance to take it. And between my knowledge running out and the SBS continuing to affect the next two years, even if I don't run a single broadcast, we can't afford anything less than the maximum potential. And not just for our sakes…" I bit my lip. "And… I think you all know that. Have to know it, at this point. Don't you?"
Every last one of them looked down or away. I don't know how long we sat there in complete silence, reflecting on my words. And then the silence finally broke in the worst way possible: with a whimper that I hadn't heard since the aftermath of Enies.
"C-Cross…"
All eyes turned to Merry, who was staring at me with watery eyes. And it was plain to see that it was no act this time; she was horrified to the point of tears.
"I… I don't think I can handle it," she gasped, seeming on the verge of a panic attack. In seconds, the rest of us were holding her in our arms.
"Merry—!" I started weakly, but she cut me off with a frantic, tearful shake of her head.
"Two years… a-alone… without any of you…" she sobbed, hiccuping miserably. "I-It'll be… l-like I sank… w-without anyone else, I-I might as well be… m-might as well—!"
I grimaced, wracking my brain for something to say, but thankfully, someone else beat me to it.
"You're wrong."
Merry blinked, staring at Vivi in bleary despair. "B-But—!"
"Yes. You. Are! " The princess emphasized, kneeling down in front of the shipgirl. "Merry. Everything about you is a composite of us, right? Small bits, small pieces, but still us?"
"I-I…" Merry hiccuped again before rubbing her eyes and nodding. "Y-Yeah? Pretty much…"
Vivi nodded and looked up at me. "And in the story," she forged on. "We came out of this… ordeal perfectly fine, right?"
I was going to answer in the affirmative, but I flinched as a small detail popped up. "Sanji… had a bit of a complication that I'm going to help him with, but it was gone within… I think a day, two at most."
The glare Vivi was forming faded, and she nodded before giving our helmsgirl a kind smile. "Merry, you have what you need to make it through this because you have all of us inside you. Because we are always with you. And not just the original crewmates, but the rest of us who wouldn't have been here otherwise… and you have your own strength on top of all of that."
The princess leaned forward and gently folded her arms around Merry, drawing her into a close, gentle hug that the rest of us quickly joined. "In the words of a surprisingly wise man… shut up and stop worrying already."
"…Shi…shishishi…" Merry chuckled weakly, a warmer smile spreading over her face as she leaned into Vivi, burying her face in the crook of her neck.
The silence lasted, warm, comforting, until Zoro gave me a hard look.
"Whatever you do, Cross, we'll have your back," he stated, and the ladies all nodded in agreement, Merry even turning from her sobbing, ever so slightly, to flash me a tearful smile.
I returned the sentiment with a smile of my own, but I couldn't hide my sadness as I stood up and headed for the stairs. "Yeah, well, we'll see how you all feel in the moment. For now? Rest up. Because soon…"
I paused as I used the obvious switch on the wall to open the door back to the lounge, leaning against the wall. "Soon, we'll be arriving at the last stop in Paradise. And as much as we have to fear from what comes afterward?" My grip on the stair railing tightened. "We're still waltzing into a whole new circle of hell."
-o-
A week had passed since that particularly uplifting meeting, and despite their stated acceptance of what had to be done, more than once I had to answer questions that I had already answered. Is there no other way? Can't it wait? Why aren't you telling anyone else? And as much as I wanted to give them an answer that would satisfy them—and me, for that matter—the facts remained stubbornly unchanged.
I had explored every resource that I had, from the Masons to the fledgling newspaper plans, and I had actually managed to map out the locations of all nine of the islands where the crew would be sent… that I knew of. I had ideas for where the rest of our crew would go, myself included, but nothing solid. And the only methods of transportation I knew of that were even remotely close to as subtle or fast as Paw-Paw Airlines were the Glint-Glint Fruit, which was impossible, and whatever Dragon used, which was pointless when Kuma was a Revolutionary anyway.
Given that I had prevented the war, there should have been much less stress about getting the timing of the upcoming situation right. But the fact was that unless things had changed beyond what I could anticipate, Kuma was close to being converted completely into a robot, which meant that we didn't have any room for error; if we missed this window, there wouldn't be another, and we simply didn't have enough time left to put off the next level of our training.
This held especially given that, most likely in spite of whatever interference I tried to run, we'd be ticking off the Celestial Dragons right next to their attack dogs' kennel. If we got cornered there, then there would be no words in existence for how screwed we'd be. It was either slip out or bust.
And as for not telling anyone, well, how was I supposed to bring something like this up!? Luffy had already learned the hard way that he needed to get stronger. Several times, even. But considering what this would entail? No… no, I trusted the crew, but I just couldn't think of a way to even start until the last moment. And though Zoro in particular hated keeping it from Luffy, the fact that neither he nor the other four had any better ideas spoke volumes about the entire situation.
And, unfortunately, a big reason I was keeping it to myself for now was due to the whispers of doubt that had been stirring in my mind since Thriller Bark. I tried to keep them silent, Luffy himself could tell with how often I snuck looks at Ace's perfectly healthy and sea-level Vivre Card, but they just wouldn't leave me alone. And if by some unholy miracle they turned out to be justified…
I shook my head, dismissing the utterly impossible nightmare in favour of the matter at hand; per Sanji's advice, I had tried thinking of fail-safes I could use, but the best I could manage was a little project that Merry had taken to working on in every spare moment she'd had since that meeting.
And if nothing else about it was distracting, the magnitude of BS that came from turning a ship into a human was…