~Ten Minutes Earlier~
Macro warily eyed the blitz still ongoing in the base's bay from the dubious safety of behind a corner. Still, the fight didn't look to be winding down anytime soon. "Come on, come on!" he hissed at his crewmates. "We gotta beat it while they're still busy beating each other's brains out!"
"I told ya we never shoulda messed with these dumbasses!" Gyaro whispered harshly, narrowing his eyes; even narrower than usual, to be clear. "That Duval was always known as a moron even before the whole 'false bounty' thing! This is your fault!"
"And we woulda done so much better going up against Hachi, Kuroobi, and Chew?!" Macro snarled back, shoving his fanged face in Gyaro's pinched one. "You can stow that 'Goldfish Fencing' malarkey because we both know that his six would dice your one in seconds!"
"Why you—!"
TH-THWACK!
"OW!" the two yelped in tandem, falling back clutching their aching skulls.
"Cram it, the both of ya," Tansui grumbled through his lantern jaw. "We're out, we're gone. Now c'mon, let's get the merchandise-" He emphasized the word by shrugging the struggling sack in his hands onto his shoulder. "To Sabaody. Once we split the money, we won't have to deal with each other ever again."
Macro ground his teeth indignantly. "Ergh, the day I get told off by a moron like you… Fine, fine!" He threw his hands up in defeat, stomping towards the ocean. "Let's just get back to our ship before anyone—!"
"Hello, boys.~"
The fishmen all froze at the voice that suddenly sounded out in front of them, in spite of the open, clear ocean surrounding them. It took a minute for them to consider looking down, at which point they finally saw the small, white, ever-snarky form of the Straw Hats' pet fox.
"Please, please tell me that you're either the special kind of stupid who underestimates harmless-looking critters like me," Su pleaded with brazen glee and grin. "Or that you're desperate enough to try your luck anyway. I really want it to be one of the two."
Before either of the stupid underlings could respond, the desperate captain stomped his foot to loom over the fox.
"You really think you can take all three of us?" Macro scoffed.
The fox tilted her muzzle ever so innocently. "All of you?" Su inquired sweetly. "Tempting, truly it is, but nah. I'll just be playing second fiddle in this hoedown."
The Macro Pirates all blinked in confusion, but before they could wonder what she was talking about, a shadow fell over the three of them. Acting on their Grand Line-honed instincts, the trio spun around, expecting the worst… and were befuddled to find a mere three-foot-tall silhouette with cyan eyes and a big smile instead of the massive behemoth they expected.
"He'll be the one beating your skulls like bongo drums," the fox concluded.
"Good eve-ning!" the midget drawled casually.
The two Macros, who recognized the silhouette and connected it to the very well-known name and bounty, stared at it in silence. Stunned, slack-jawed, terrified silence.
The one who wasn't very intelligent, however, chose to dispel all doubts about his own intelligence. "And how's he gonna do—?" Tansui began.
The hulking arowana-fishman's composure crumbled when 'Spark of Genius' Tony Tony Chopper snapped into his Heavy Point, maintaining his grin as he towered over the fishmen and cracked his knuckles with a few idle flexes of his fingers. "You have my thanks, Su," the third of the Demon Trio grinned malevolently. "I've been looking for a chance to brush off my pugilistic capabilities and pair them with my intellect, and you've provided me with the most acceptable targets I could imagine!"
"No-ho-ho, thank you!" Su purred, dropping into a ready stance, her tail waving eagerly. "Now… allow me to start things off by showing these raging bastards my PEARLY WHITES! EAT IT, CHUMPS!"
"AGH—!"
We draw a veil over the scenes of indescribable carnage, due to intense ultraviolence, general vulgarity, and the fact that half of the techniques performed by Tony Tony Chopper were illegal in the great state of Texas.
We humbly apologize for the inconvenience.
~Some time later~
SPLASH!
Soaked in freezing cold water, Macro jerked awake with a panicked yelp. "GWAGH! Tansui, you damn—!" At that point, he went quiet, because in addition to the yelp and the awakening, he'd tried to clock his dumbass of a crewmate. The keyword being tried, given they were chained to his sides and all that. "What the hell's going on here!?"
It was at this point that the macropharynx fishman noticed two important things. First, when he tried to look around, his head knocked back against two other individuals he was back to back with, who he had a sneaking suspicion were his crewmates, which put him in even deeper shit than he'd initially suspected.
And second… second was the ominous weight of a metal collar around his neck. Specifically, the watertight metal collar that he and his boys had whipped up. Made so that when it was locked around another fishman's gills, they wouldn't get any bright ideas about escaping.
Considering what the Macros had used those collars for in the past, the fact that they were wearing them now could only mean they were in the deepest, direst of shit possible.
Keeping his head still, Macro glanced around in growing panic. Then, abruptly, he stopped, finally grasping where he was. It was some sort of brig, unsurprisingly. And there were a few human figures standing just out of the light. His eyes picked up some sort of deformation on one's shoulder, a hat on another one, and an unorthodox-looking staff and an aura hanging around the third—
Oh… oh Oceanus' barnacle-crusted balls, they weren't in deep shit. They'd dug clean through to shit bedrock.
"So," the voice that was the bane of their business drawled ever so casually, the word undercut by the tink-tink-tink of his fingers drumming on his elbows. "Do you intend to take what's coming to you with what little dignity you have left, or are you gonna squander that away too?"
"You won't get away with—!" THWACK! "ACK!"
Macro ground his teeth as he ignored the throbbing pain from slamming his head against Gyaro's. "Just get it over with," he demanded.
"Psh," the witch scoffed, the noise accompanied by a wave of ozone. "You only wish you were getting off that easy. No, we have something much worse in mind."
The one who had to be the Captain ignored his crewmates' comments in favour of glancing over his shoulder. "So. What do you want us to do with these three?"
For a moment, the Macros wondered who the rubbery human was talking to. Then the person came into view, staring at them with an uncharacteristically blank expression, and the three fishmen realized, with complete and utter certainty, that this time… this time, there would be no mercy waiting for them.
"You were going to sell me," Camie stated blandly.
Macro glanced nervously back at his boys. "Uh…"
The mermaid's gaze narrowed into a glare. "Like you've sold dozens of fishmen and women over the past five years."
Aaaand just like that, Macro felt his already clammy skin drain of blood.
"In case it wasn't clear, WE FOUND YOUR BOOKS," Soundbite said ever so tauntingly.
"Yeeesss, and now that I consider the extent of your crimes…" the big-mouthed pirate stated contemplatively before leaning towards the mermaid. "Oh, Camie, a thought occurs. You said that Chew and Kuroobi are working at Takoyaki 8 on parole courtesy of Jinbe, correct?"
Camie glanced at him. "Yes?"
"Which makes Jinbe their parole officer, right?"
"Yes."
The pirate slowly turned his razor-sharp expression on the captives. "Which means, as their employer, in case of emergencies or them breaking parole… You have Jinbe's snail number, right?"
The Macros all saw the moment that the connection clicked in Camie's eyes, and they never forgot it. Because right after, a fire lit in the mermaid's eyes. A fire that straight-up murdered the last of their hopes in cold blood.
"…right. Can I borrow Soundbite for a moment?" she asked, her tone as dead as the rock her expression seemed to be hewn from. She didn't even look at Soundbite as she accepted the snail. She was far too busy glaring at the sun symbols burned into the Macros' sorry hides.
"Ohohoh, please, take all the time in the world, I insist," Cross assured her. "Really, I want them to stew in the thought of just what the Knight of the Sea is going to do to them."
By this point, the three fishmen had gone deathly grey, much to the satisfaction of their captors. The witch was looking especially pleased with the sight, but when Cross casually strolled by her, she glanced towards him.
"For all that their reactions are proving what you said right, Jinbe seems to have a lot of connections to evil, slaving fishmen," she remarked neutrally.
"Normally, I might explain," Cross replied, shrugging. "But since it looks like we'll be meeting him two years sooner than I expected, that story is for him to tell. Now… time for the coup de grâce."
Cross strolled right up to the cage's bars and shoved his grin in their faces. "In any other circumstance, I'd call you dead fish walking… but the fact is, nobody you're gonna see any time soon is going to be so merciful as to grant you the release of sweet, sweet death." He took on a few more shiny, malevolent molars. "No… no, you boys are going to live for a very, very long time. Ain't that just spectacular?"
And that was when the screaming started in earnest.
-o-
As we emerged onto the deck, we were met with a crowd of faces absolutely marred with disgust.
"Eesh…" I winced, recoiling slightly from the veritable maelstrom of fury before me. "Dare I ask what got stuck in all of your collective craws?"
"That would be my doing, Cross."
I turned to see Robin, whose visage was the calmest of them all. Which is to say she was spinning her knife like a baton and looked fit to shiv someone. "Upon noticing the sun tattoos that they bore, I got a little… ah…"
"Stabby?" Soundbite provided.
"Blunt but accurate. Naturally, my behaviour drew attention, and just as naturally, it led to a bit of…" The spinning stopped, and the knife's structure creaked ominously. "Storytelling. I'm sure you know more than I do on the subject, but as it is, the public record on the Sun Pirates provides some excellent context."
"Forget 'race' traitor, those three are the most disgusting traitors to every kind of decency in existence!" Vivi raged, a minor dust devil blustering up around her.
"Any chance I could talk to Camie for a few minutes?" Boss grunted, idly bouncing his hook in his palm. "I have a few questions I'd like to ask her, regarding fishman anatomy. Professional curiosity, you understand."
"Likewise," Chopper and Donny added.
"There'll be no need for that, I assure you," I said, dismissing the threats with a wave of my hand. "If Robin already told you about the Sun Pirates, then you'll understand the significance of what we chose as their punishment: we're handing them off to Jinbe himself."
And just like that, the mood… well, it didn't lighten, per se, but at least it sharpened, so that was an improvement.
Well, almost everyone sharpened, anyway.
"Ah, you mean we're going to be meeting Jinbe ourselves? As in, the Warlord, Knight of the Sea, and crewmate of Arlong? Today?" Billy clarified. He waddled up to Nami and gave her an uncertain look. "Are… are you sure you want to do that?"
"I… no, not entirely," she admitted after a moment's hesitation, kneading her brow with the butt of her hand. "No matter what Cross says, he still let Arlong loose, I can't just forget that…" She then cracked her eyes open in a forceful glare. "But at the same time, I need to do this. He knew Arlong; in fact, he probably knew him better than anyone alive. Which means that I can look him in the eye and get something I've wanted for eight years."
"And… that would be?" Leo asked.
"The same thing that every survivor wants to know," Conis quietly answered. "An answer for 'why' that isn't just 'hate'."
Nami made a gesture of agreement before turning her attention back to the starfish. "So… how long have we got left?"
"About… an hour or so, I would say," Pappug responded nervously.
"Anyone have a good distraction in the meantime, then?" Nami asked.
"I have one, actually," Sanji said, turning to me with a murderous fire in his eye. "So, Cross, would you mind explaining exactly how keeping that abominable picture intact was, and I quote, 'vital for our future'?!"
A memory of a spherical tank in a hellish auditorium sprang up in my mind, and I matched Sanji's gaze blaze for blaze.
"You really think I would pull something like this just for my own amusement?" I demanded. And even I held my serious expression for a few seconds before busting out snickering! "Alright, alright, fine, that was part of it, but the rest of the reason I did it is that the chain of events that came from that poster resulted in Duval and the Flying Fish Riders becoming our allies."
"Mmph," Sanji grunted. "And we needed a group like them on our side because—?"
"Eh…" I spared an uneasy glance towards Camie and Pappug, one that I knew that Sanji saw, before answering. "Well, we're headed to Sabaody, remember? The place is a nightmare and a half to navigate, and I'd rather have someone who's familiar with us just in case, you know?"
For whatever reason, that answer just seemed to put Sanji even more on edge than he already was, though if he understood the real reason, that was no surprise. "Alright, Cross. I can live with that," he admitted, his anger almost completely gone. Almost, however, in that he was still staring at me. "But at the same time, not telling me about what was actually underneath that guy's mask—"
"—falls under the category of 'harmless', thank you very much," I cheerfully replied, grinning shamelessly. "But in all seriousness, that was the only reason I didn't ping my contacts; I can have them fix your poster any time now!" I smiled winningly (and more than a little fearfully) as I whipped out my Vision Dial and held it up. "Just strike a pose, and we'll get started!"
"…Cross, wait."
I rolled my eyes. "No, I won't help you get a white horse and roses blowing in the breeze. That's someone else's schtick and, no offence, no matter how much it kills me to say it, they pull it off better than—!"
"Not that," he interrupted, his expression grim and hesitant, something clearly weighing on his mind.
Zoro, the very picture of boredom, scoffed and dug his pinky in his ear. "Cook, if you're not going to get Cross back for the picture, just—"
"Zoro." Against all odds, the swordsman froze under Sanji's gaze. "Just this once? Shut it."
Slowly, Zoro turned around and regarded Sanji with a raised eyebrow. Then, rather than reach for his swords, he sat against the nearest mast and waited, giving his rival his full, undivided attention.
Sanji nodded, turning back to the rest of the crew, scanning over everyone before settling on our guests. "Camie, dear, could you and Pappug give us a few minutes?" he requested in the most polite tone he could manage. Which, considering that he was talking to a freakin' mermaid, was wildly out of character for him.
"Say no more, lots of secret talks going on, we got it," the starfish remarked before Camie could say anything, patiently leading her back inside. "Besides, I've got some new designs to work on anyway. Have fun with your skullduggery."
"Ooh, you mean the—?" Camie started to ask, the closing door cutting her off.
Sanji looked my way and chopped his hand across his throat, prompting me to nod at Soundbite.
Once the buzz of static went up, Sanji sighed and bowed his head. With obvious trepidation, he walked over to a barrel and sat down on it with a tortured groan, teeth grinding as he massaged his brow.
"I never planned to bring any of this up again," he lamented, speaking as much to himself as he was to us. "And the only reason that I'm doing it now is that the past keeps taunting me, no matter how much I try to stomp it down, over and over again. So, if my choices are keeping my mouth shut or being blindsided…"
He looked up at us, and holy hell, what the hell was squatting in his soul!? "You all need to understand something," he croaked. "You've all been reading my name wrong this whole time. My name… It's not Sanji. It's San-ji."
A case of the confused mutters broke out on deck, one that included me while I tried to figure out just what wait a—!? "San—? GRK!" I choked in horror, prompting looks of surprise from several others. "Number three… Mister...PRINCE, YOU'RE THIRD IN THE LINE FOR LEGITIMATE NORTH BLUE ROYALTY!?"
A round of incredulous inhalations echoed throughout the crew as we all boggled at our crewmate.
Our crewmate, who, for his part, took a sharp hit off his cigarette. "Bullseye, Cross… and a million miles off the mark, at the exact same time." He exhaled a cloud of smoke before giving us all (even the women) a blistering glare. "First off, Sanji is the only name I have; the man who I used to call my father disowned me and made me promise to never use his name again. Not like I'd ever want to; my mother is dead, and I don't have any good memories left of the rest of them that would make me want to say that we were related… except maybe my sister. But the point is…"
His fists clenched, smoke hissing from everywhere on his body.
"I was born to a family of Underworld mercenaries whose power once allowed them to conquer the North Blue," he explained, dragging the words out like they were barbed wire. "A family that has been trying to reclaim that power ever since they lost it and still rules over their own kingdom, complete with the Reverie invitation. I was born under the name…" And here he was wracked by a full-body shudder. "Of Vinsmoke."
Before anyone could say anything, a vacuum of a gasp snapped everyone's attention over to Vivi, who was staring at Sanji in complete stupefaction. "That explains how you moved from the North Blue to the East Blue, even though crossing the Red Line is a costly, difficult, almost impossible move for most civilians!" she babbled. Her eyes then widened as she looked Sanji over. "And now that I think about it… swirly eyebrows, one eye always hidden, suave but a complete mess around women—! You're exactly like your brothers!"
Sanji proceeded to simultaneously yelp in shock and choke on his cigarette. "WARK!?" But before anyone could help, he actually swallowed it, the better to quickly clear his airway. "Y-You've met them!?"
Vivi's shock gave way to a disgusted grimace as she shuddered at the memory. "Somewhat, yes. It was two years ago, at the last Reverie I attended before I went undercover. The entire time, Niji just would not stop hitting on me, and he was just terrible at it! I mean, you might be overblown, but at least you're a romantic! Him?! Eugh," she spat, sticking out her tongue in revulsion. "I swear, it was so painfully obvious that Judge had put him up to it, he even told me to my face that it was his mission to try and secure a political marriage with me when I asked! If it hadn't been for the risk of war, I would have broken my hand on his jaw…"
Sanji, for his part, looked like he was torn between dying by aneurysm or heart attack. "Why," he choked out. "Out of everyone at the Reverie. Would Judge choose you for a political marriage!? And why would he send Niji to do it!?"
Vivi gestured at her hair for whatever reason, expression as dry as her homeland. "Your sperm-donor is a real romantic, Sanji, truly he is."
As curious as I was about why her hair made her an attractive marriage prospect to this 'Judge', I had something more important on the brain. There was one thing that really stood out to me from all of these revelations (besides the entire paradigm shift regarding our cook, of course), and I took the liberty of clapping my armour-covered hand on Vivi's shoulder, who had the good grace to stiffen fearfully.
"So, Sanji," I tersely stated. "Let me guess: you're warning us about them now because they have a lot of destructive force at their beck and call?"
A nod and a grimace. "Judge put all of us through training that Zoro would be proud of from the day we were old enough to understand, and he disowned me because I was the runt of the litter. I don't doubt they've all only gotten stronger since then. And then we have the… armies." Sanji winced on that last one, which got a cocked eyebrow from me.
"Something you're not saying?"
Sanji flinched again, refusing to meet my gaze. "The… name of the Vinsmoke army is… Germa 66."
I practically swallowed my tongue. I choked so hard. "Well… alright, better now than whenever I would have tried to approach them for an alliance. But getting back to my point." I emphasized my words with a pointed squeeze of Vivi's shoulder, eliciting a very nervous gulp from her. "To reiterate… Sanji looks exactly like his brothers, and his family is particularly infamous in the upper echelons of this world's nobility… which you were and still are intimately familiar with. So, Your Highness, tell me…"
My face contorted into a rictus of fury, and I sure wasn't the only one giving her the evil eye either.
"Why, in the name of every one of your mange-ridden deities, from Anubis to Wadjet, didn't you think to make the connection and mention this earlier?!"
"I… uh…" The princess shrank back from our collective glares. "It… slipped… my mind?"
I let loose a garbled slew of pejoratives, forcefully suppressing the urge to do something more physical. "Woman, if this weren't the single most critical piece of information I've learned since coming to this god-forsaken puddle and an extremely emotional moment besides, I would be choking a bitch right now!" I swore.
"So noted!" Vivi squeaked, literally breezing out of my grip and cowering behind Sanji. Who, by the way, looked thoroughly volca—uh… wait, no he didn't. He just looked befuddled.
"You… guys do remember what we were talking about, right?" the chef asked incredulously. "I… I lied to you all! My family is all monsters! Shouldn't you all be angry, o-or—!"
"Oh, oh! I recognize this bit!" I cut in, gleefully clapping my hands. "Can I do it, captain? Can I, can I?"
Luffy snickered and shot me a thumbs-up. "Go for it!"
"Oh, Joy!"
"Huh? What are you—!?" THWACK! "OW!" Sanji winced as I slammed my fist down over his skull.
"Stop being an idiot," I cheerfully informed him. "The past doesn't matter to us, and you came clean on your own. No matter what, you are and always will be our friend and crewmate, so don't forget it! Got it?"
"Seriously, Sanji, I thought you were supposed to be one of the smarter ones here," Usopp tsked.
"You came from a dark place and found your light with the Straw Hat Pirates. It's hardly the first time," Robin agreed.
"In addition, you must think twice when you contemplate using the word 'monster' to describe people!" Brook chimed with a chastising (not to mention impossible) cluck of his (nonexistent) tongue. "I, for one, find the idea of being compared to the individuals you describe to be quite tasteless! And I don't even have a tongue! YOHOHO!"
"The skeleton's got a point," Franky nodded, jabbing his thumb at our musician. "We really should see about unionizing."
"Sorry, but I agree," Conis offered.
"And, getting back on subject, it's not like any of us was asking you to tell us that you were disowned and abandoned before you found Zeff," Merry added.
"Plus, in the end, at least you told us about this before things became pertinent, rather than when they were knocking down our door."
Vivi opened her mouth but closed it under the weight of everyone's stares.
Meanwhile, Sanji is more focused on the first half. "You… really think we'll run into them down the line?" he asked nervously.
"Well…" I winced and wobbled my hand back and forth. "It seems likely? I never saw them myself, but then the story was still ongoing when I left. And what are you describing? A secondary tragic backstory, hidden behind the first? Well, that's just the kind of literary genius Oda would pull, which makes the likelihood of us running into them… not insignificant. Sorry."
Sanji grimaced and massaged his face in tortured resignation before nodding. "On some level, I always knew I'd see them again," he admitted, as much to himself as us. "A man like Judge… he's not the kind to let someone go, no matter what he says about it. Yeah, he'll definitely come…"
And with that, Sanji's hands snapped into tight fists, and the lawn blazed at his feet.
Just like that, our Sanji was back, familiar hellfire blazing in his eye.
"And when he does," he declared. "I swear, it'll be one of the last things he, his sons and his rotten nation do before I grind his world to dust beneath my heel and burn it all to ash."
THWACK!
"DAMN IT, LUFFY, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" he roared, actually bursting into flames.
"You said 'I' again!" Luffy chastised, giving him the patented 'you're an idiot' look. "It's 'we', you idiot! We're gonna kick his ass!"
Sanji took that in, the flames dying down. Then, bowing his head, he let out a chuckle. "Yeah… stupid. After Arlong and CP9, you'd think I'd know better." He looked back up, looked at me. "I can fill you in on the details of Germa later, Cross. But for now—?"
"Rush of bad memories, don't want to talk, no worries," I said in understanding. "Now, does anyone else have any distractions for us?"
"Well, now that you mention it—!"
CLONK!
"We're good!" Raphey and Donny chorused, surreptitiously placing themselves in front of a twitching orange body.
"Then let's hurry up and burn foam for Takoyaki!" I declared, glancing down at my partner. "Soundbite?"
"Yeh yeh."
The ever-present buzzing stopped, and Camie and Pappug came out of the lounge, the mermaid giving us inquisitive looks and the starfish wandering off as he shuffled through a sheaf of papers.
"All done with your top-secret conversations of secrecy?" Camie queried.
"Yup!" Luffy confirmed. "And now we're all really hungry! Come on!" He started pumping his fists. "I've had to sail with an untouchable octopus for days now! Days! Ta-ko-ya-ki! Ta-ko-ya-ki!"
Nami, for her part, gave our captain a long-suffering look before leting lose a defeated sigh. "You heard the man: one thing on his mind and one thing only: takoyaki. If you'd be so kind as to lead the way?"
"Mm-hm!" Camie nodded confidently. "Just stay on my tail, and we'll be there before you know it!"
And with that, the mermaid made her way to the edge of the Sunny, jumped back into the sea, and we were on our way!
CHOMP!
…right after we fished our guide out of another Sea King's gullet.
-o-
"Hm, and let's see here, this one's Urouge, the Mad Monk, who—oh, dear Cetus! That-That is just obscene!"
"Interesting reading, Pappug?"
"Gweh!?" Pappug jumped in shock, flinging the papers he was flipping through to the winds. Or at least, they would have gone to the wind, had a metal-laden trunk not snatched them up before they could be whisked away.
"Well, what do we have here?" Funkfreed cocked an eyebrow as he looked the papers over. "Thinking of practicing the more literal brand of head-hunting?"
"Hmph!" Pappug snorted, pulling off a surprisingly nimble leap and snatching the papers back. "Hardly, I'm a designer, not a fighter. But the fact is, knowing the big names is beneficial in any business, and not just for security."
The starfish tapped the poster's image. "You see, clothing is one of the few things that you can count on every sentient being having some interest in. And when the big names with gold by the literal ton come around, I want to be sure that I've got something that they'll want to buy!"
Funkfreed gave the poster Pappug a flat look. "Yes… because he looks so interested in wearing shirts."
Pappug winced as he realized he'd placed Urouge's poster back on top and hastily shuffled the posters again. "Alright, bad example, bad example… Ah, but this one works much better!" He held up a new poster for the elephant to see.
"'Surgeon of Death', huh?" Funkfreed scratched his chin contemplatively. "Well, he's one of the more valuable Supernovas, so he probably has the money for it, but do you really think you can interest him, of all people, in fashion?"
"Oh, indubitably!" the designer nodded with confidence. "It will be no mean feat, mind you, but as it is, I already have all the tools I require!" He tapped the top of the poster. "This article alone tells me all I need to know regarding this young man's sense of apparel!" Humming thoughtfully, he began to amble off. "Though it will take quite a few dives into quite a few libraries. Honestly, I don't know when I last saw a hat from the White City, but—GWAGH!"
The starfish yelped in panic when he was suddenly snatched off his legs and suspended upside down before a furiously intense gaze.
"He's wearing a what from where?!" Funkfreed demanded.
-o-
"…Hey, Cross? You're going to want to see this."
Sighing as I heard Merry's deliberately calm voice that promised nothing but good times beckon, I made my way up onto the bow.
I was pleasantly surprised to see Takoyaki 8 ahead of us. Camie hadn't been exaggerating; the place was doing incredibly well for itself: it was as big as I assumed the Baratie to be!
I also wasn't surprised to see the Cannibal approaching on the horizon, given how complicated even a short distance in Paradise could be, not to mention how long Goldenweek must have taken.
However, I was completely surprised to see the small craft that was already docked at the floating restaurant. It looked more like a palanquin than a ship, flying a jolly roger with nine serpent heads surrounding a skull, and with a large serpent towering alongside it.
"Okay, so the Boa sisters took up my recommendation, though I'm guessing only one of them is here," I nodded numbly. "That's… actually convenient, I was hoping to talk to them in person."
"Uh, Cross?" Merry eyed me warily. "What about the other boat?"
I blinked at her in confusion; there was one other craft there, sure, but it was a pretty plain boat. The only remotely noteworthy feature was a small, triangular, all-crimson flag flying from the top. "What about it?"
Soundbite boggled at me, then sighed and slumped in defeat. "Guess that's a SPOT CHECK YOU MISSED… THAT LITTLE RED FLAG THERE? It belongs to THE REVOLUTIONARY ARMY; the fire-and-jaw cracker is inside AND GABBING WITH THE SNAKE!"
My eyes widened briefly, then narrowed. "Of course they're here at the same time, why wouldn't they be…" I cracked my neck to the side. "Well. As if this wasn't going to be an experience enough already. This… is going to be fun."
"Oh, dear," Lassoo whined, clamping his paws down on his head.
Soon enough, we pulled ourselves in to dock next to the adolescent Yuda and stood ready to enter the establishment's door.
Nami was at the front, reaching for the knob… and reaching… and reaching… until finally she looked back at me. "Could you…?"
I nodded, gently pushing her hand away and stepping inside.
And… there they were. Chew and Kuroobi, lieutenants of Saw-Tooth Arlong, tormentors of Cocoyashi Village and the whole Conomi Islands, vicious bastards and bigots both… and currently, very beaten-down looking busboys for their far more successful friend.
And when I say beaten-down, I mean they hadn't even seen me yet. Eesh, how tired were they? …oh, right, there were Koala and Sandersonia chatting like gal pals in the back, with Hachi hanging around them. Yeah, that'd do it.
I raised my fist to cough—
"First, an old friend and ex-slave that became a Revolutionary, then a high-ranking officer of a Warlord's crew… now all we need is a Marine walking in, and this day will be perfect!" I heard the ray mumble sarcastically.
—And I promptly paused because no way in hell could I pass up a straight line like that. Glancing around, I spied a Transponder Snail near the despondent ray and pointed it out to Soundbite, who nodded with a snigger as I walked up to him, the karate-capable fishman so out of it that he totally ignored me.
"Hey, Kuroobi," Chew started to respond as he finished bussing. "I've been thinking—"
Whatever he was thinking, it was lost to history when the ray's Snail rang, and he groaned as he picked it up. "This is Takoyaki 8. How can I help you?" he said, his dull tone emphasizing his tiredness even more.
"You can look up, for starters," I said dryly.
The ex-pirate's head snapped up like he'd been struck by lightning, eyes bulging from their sockets.
"Jeremiah Cross," Kuroobi breathed. Beside him, Chew had already gone rigid with shock and was staring at me just as incredulously.
I noticed everyone else in the room looking towards me, but I kept my focus on the two who were keeping my friend from coming in.
"In the flesh," I responded with a glare, making my displeasure with their very existence very clear. "And while I'm certainly no Marine, I'd like to think that given the situation, I'm a close second. Gotta say, I never expected to see you here."
I was vaguely aware of the sound of someone coming in behind me… Camie and Pappug based on the sounds of their movements. They didn't get far inside before stopping.
"Uh…" Camie raised a finger as she took in the room's mood. "I… did tell you all that I was bringing guests, right?"
Chew let out a strangled wheeze, his already clammy countenance becoming… well, clammier.
"…hello? Will someone explain to me what's going on here?" Pappug asked uncomfortably. "Anyone?"
"You're gonna want to take that up with these two," I dryly informed them. "Specifically, the exact details of why they were in prison and have a Warlord as a parole officer in the first place?"
The two started to stammer out an answer—
"Hello, Hachi. Chew. Kuroobi."
That they never got that far was most likely due to Nami finally walking behind me, staring down the fishmen with a stormy expression and aura. Billy and the rest of the native East Bluers surrounded her with weapons at the ready. Naturally, Zoro and Sanji were in front.
"N-Nami…" Hachi choked out, his eyes glued on our navigator.
"Hey, half-rate hors d'oeuvres, remember us?" was Sanji's ever-so-polite greeting.
"YOU—!" the pair snarled in synch, surging out of their seats—
SLAM!
Or at least, they tried to surge, but only got about a foot each before Hachi shot across the room and rammed their foreheads into the floorboards.
"I am so sorry for my employees' rudeness, and I assure you, these two will apologize for their unacceptable behaviour," Hachi stated, shooting scathing glares down at his friends. "Or at least, they will if they have any intention of remaining employed and unincarcerated, do I make myself clear!?"
I winced and glanced away from the display. "Well, this is awkward."
"I agree, I expected our first meeting to be under better circumstances than these."
I turned to meet the tall, green-haired form of Boa Sandersonia. I inclined my head.
"A pleasure nonetheless, Boa Sandersonia," I said formally.
"So, there is some respect for authority there?" Koala mused, coming up beside her.
"I remind you that I'm crewmates with a princess," I responded evenly. "I give royalty as much respect as they deserve." I paused and glanced back up at the Amazon. "Any chance your big sister has stopped kicking small animals yet?"
"She is actually making progress," the Zoan confided with a triumphant grin… one that swiftly crumbled in despair. "She only steps on them now…" She then blinked, glancing back at Koala, who'd mirrored the motion.
"She knows as much as you do," I confirmed.
"Oh, that's a relief," they sighed together.
"But in other news…" Sandersonia said. "Care to explain why, despite your recommendation, there seems to be some bad blood between the fishmen and your crew?"
"Ehh…" I grumbled sotto voce, rubbing the back of my neck. "We ran into them early on as enemies, and I was only expecting the octopus to be here. He's forgivable, the manta and… smelt-whatever much less so. Point is, this-" I waved my hand at the ongoing display at the front desk. "Is not a good situation."
"And it is about TO GET SO MUCH WORSE!" Soundbite gleefully announced.
I snapped an incredulous look at him. "The hell are you—?"
DING-LING! "Hello there! I'm here to make a mass order, I think we called earlier to confirm—Cross?!" SHING! "RORONOA!"
As Koala and Sandersonia's expressions flattened, I turned towards the door with a sharply rising sense of dread, and bore witness to none other than Lieutenant Junior Grade Tashigi standing right there, blade drawn and murder in her eyes, and a wolf-rabbit thing with a hammer in one paw standing behind her and slapping its other paw to its face.
What. No, seriously, what!?
"…So," I began weakly. "A Revolutionary, a Warlord's sister, and a Marine all walk into a bar with the Straw Hat Pirates."
"…and then what happens?" Camie asked.
"WELL, WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT, AREN'T WE?!"