Chapter 369: Wolverine — "Pulling My Damn Bones Out, Are You?"
"So what'd that other Deadpool do to get himself surrounded by a whole squad of goons?" Hell's Deadpool asked Wolverine casually.
These soldiers clearly weren't ordinary humans, materializing out of thin air like that — not like everyone was pulling off some Now You See Me stunt.
"He's definitely guilty of something. Desecrating my own body like that — disgusting. Also, weren't we told this world's Wolverine was some big deal? So how'd he end up buried out here in the middle of nowhere with nobody even bothering to give him a proper grave?" Logan felt a genuine pang of sympathy for his counterpart.
A whole life spent wandering, and even in death, no real home to call his own. Would he end up the same way someday?
Probably not. Ethan wasn't the kind of man to be that stingy — the treatment back home was genuinely good, and Logan doubted anyone in their own universe could pull off wiping out every mutant on the planet the way clearly happened here.
Wolverine and Deadpool had already hopped through a handful of universes together on this trip, and in almost every single one, mutants had met some grim fate — usually wiped out entirely. It only deepened Logan's appreciation for how right Professor X had been to throw his lot in with Hell's Kitchen back when he did.
The TVA agents advanced in silver armor, steady and precise, moving like clockwork machinery, closing in to surround Wade Winston Wilson where he sat beneath the tree. Their eyes carried an unshakable resolve — this arrest, clearly, was non-negotiable.
"Hold up!" Wade's voice carried its usual reckless edge, though a note of urgency crept in underneath. He raised a black-gloved hand, as if he could physically hold back an unstoppable tide.
"Fair warning — don't get any closer. I've got backup." Wade deliberately raised his volume, clutching Wolverine's skeleton tight against his chest as a makeshift threat. Privately, though, he knew better than anyone: it was all bluff. He had exactly zero backup.
His words drifted through the falling snow like a whisper on the wind, reaching the ears of Hell's Deadpool and Logan, still watching from cover behind a thick pine trunk, exchanging a look full of confusion.
"You think we've been spotted?" Hell's Deadpool murmured, brow furrowed.
"Should we help him out?"
"Hmph. I don't care about him — I just don't want anyone else desecrating my other self's remains any further."
"So we wait, then?" Hell's Deadpool suggested. The two of them quickly agreed, staying hidden, watching how things unfolded.
Right then, the TVA squad's leader — tall, hard-faced — stepped forward, voice ringing out. "Wade Winston Wilson! The Time Variance Authority is placing you under arrest for crimes beyond forgiveness. Surrender peacefully, and we may consider leniency."
Wade, though, seemed entirely deaf to it. He lounged half-sprawled in the snow, a reckless smile tugging at his mouth, casually pulling a bone free from Wolverine's skeleton and giving it a sniff, as if savoring some indescribable flavor.
"Can't believe I'm getting taken down by a bunch of extras. Unbelievable." Wade muttered to himself, smacking his own forehead, a flicker of frustration crossing his face.
"Surrender your weapon! This is your final warning!" the squad leader boomed again, brooking no argument.
Wade's mouth curled into a provocative grin. "Not handing over my weapon. But hey — I promise I won't actually use it.
(The human body's got 206 bones, if you catch my drift. And a Wolverine bone makes for a pretty solid weapon, all things considered.)
With that, Wade suddenly surged into motion, using the skeleton for leverage, executing a dazzling 360-degree flip through the air and landing smoothly in the snow — a display genuinely impressive to watch.
At that, the TVA agents raised their weapons in unison, closing ranks, the tension in the air snapping instantly taut.
Right as the fight was about to break out—
"You hear that? I swear I'm picking up background music somewhere," Hell's Deadpool murmured, catching some seriously good tune from somewhere — his whole body suddenly itching to dance to it, though he had no idea why.
At that exact moment, Wolverine spotted his counterpart yanking a bone straight out of his own skeleton — from a body already reduced to bare bone in a different universe — and fury tore through him like wildfire. His eyes flashed red, claws snapping out of both hands, gleaming cold as freshly drawn blades.
"You have absolutely no respect for the dead!" Wolverine's voice came out low and thick with barely-contained rage, every word grinding out through clenched teeth. He surged forward like a hunting cat, closing the distance in a heartbeat, every step landing with lethal intent.
Hell's Deadpool watched, a grin of pure delight spreading across his face. He knew exactly what had set Wolverine off — and he loved every second of the chaos about to unfold. Without hesitation, he fell in right behind him, his own stride laced with mockery and provocation, treating the whole thing like nothing more than a fun little game.
Their sudden appearance landed like two meteors crashing into a still lake — every TVA agent and every Deadpool already mid-fight snapped their heads toward the newcomers, the entire rhythm of the battle thrown into disarray.
"Damn it — more variants!" The TVA agents scrambled to adjust, redirecting their firepower squarely onto the two newcomers. Laser blasts and energy rounds crisscrossed the air into a nearly impenetrable net, aimed at wiping out Wolverine and Hell's Deadpool in one clean sweep.
"Holy crap — another Wade AND another Logan! This world's actually got a chance now!" Spotting the sudden arrivals, the mainstream-universe Deadpool immediately dropped what was left of his own universe's skeleton to the ground and rushed forward, arms open, ready to greet Logan with a hug.
Deadpool watched Wolverine barrel toward him and, for a split second, actually thought he was about to be embraced. Instead, two razor-sharp claws flashed like lightning and buried themselves straight into his body. Blood sprayed out in a red arc, staining the air around them, and painting Wolverine's stone-cold face along with it.
"Desecrating another world's Wolverine's remains — having fun, are you? You're going to personally rebury that grave properly when this is over." Wolverine's voice carried no emotion whatsoever, just cold, flat command.
With that, he yanked his claws free and threw himself straight into the fight against the TVA agents.
His movements were fast, brutal, precise — every strike landed exactly where it needed to.
In the middle of that chaotic battlefield, Wolverine cut through the enemy like some unstoppable god of war.
Meanwhile, Hell's Deadpool sauntered over to the mainstream-universe Deadpool, teasing him. "Man, you look absolutely pathetic right now. Ha! Relax, you know he can't actually kill you. Get up already."
"Hey — you hearing that music too? It's genuinely got a good groove going."
"You heard it too? All right, let me give you a little something."
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