Chapter 370: Deadpool — "Just Admit It, My Dance Moves Slap!"
I wanna see you out that door
Baby bye bye bye
The mainstream-universe Deadpool started grooving right along with the beat.
Watching him, Hell's Deadpool couldn't help but blurt out, "Damn, you're smooth!"
Hell's Deadpool wasn't about to let the other guy hog the spotlight, and jumped straight into the impromptu dance number himself. Their movements started weaving together, a bizarre kind of synchronicity settling in between them, as though the two of them, despite everything, spoke the exact same language — together putting on a genuine feast for the eyes and ears.
The battlefield looked utterly surreal — meanwhile, Wolverine was single-handedly plowing through TVA agents on his own.
The two Deadpools' dance kept escalating, wilder and wilder, at times pressing close and mirroring each other's moves, then breaking apart just as fast, each showing off his own particular flair.
Butt-slaps, head-flips, moves that should've looked ridiculous somehow landed as perfectly natural on the two of them.
(This dance genuinely slaps. If you wanna see it, you'll just have to go watch the actual footage yourselves — words can't do my flawless technique justice.)
The two Deadpools got progressively more into it, while Wolverine's irritation grew right along with the soundtrack, TVA agents dropping one after another under his claws.
The last agent finally fell right as the music cut off, perfectly timed, as if the whole thing had been choreographed for exactly this ending.
The two Deadpools finally stopped dancing, both catching their breath, exchanging a grin that carried real, if mutual, respect for each other's moves.
"Not bad, man. Legitimately not bad!"
"Honestly? I think I dance better than half the backup dancers out there!"
"You've got moves I don't!"
"I'm officially in love with myself right now!"
Right as the two Deadpools sank into a round of increasingly absurd mutual self-congratulation, Wolverine — face like thunder — walked straight over and gave each of them a solid claw-swipe.
"Both of you. Enough." Logan's voice came out low and hard, every word grinding through clenched teeth, all the frustration he'd been bottling up finally spilling out — the two idiots had genuinely started dancing right in the middle of a fight, practically under his nose.
At this point, Logan's only goal in life was getting home as fast as humanly possible. He'd officially had it up to here with Deadpool's company.
And now he wasn't just stuck dealing with one Deadpool's endless yammering — he had to endure a whole duet of the man. A whole new level of exhaustion he'd never anticipated.
"You! Get this grave and this world's Logan properly reburied. NOW!" Wolverine jabbed a finger sternly at the mainstream-universe Deadpool.
The mainstream Deadpool ducked his head obediently and picked up a shovel to rebury the old Logan's remains. This time, no joking around — even he understood digging up the man's body had been genuinely out of line, and besides, he still needed something from Wolverine, so he stayed on his best behavior.
Wolverine's sharp gaze swung next toward Hell's Deadpool, still wearing a faintly gleeful smirk from all the dancing. "And you — busting out dance moves in the middle of a fight. Get over there and help too."
Under Wolverine's stern watch, both Deadpools dropped the joking around, grabbing shovels with heads bowed, and set about restoring this world's Logan's grave properly. They shoveled the dirt back in one clumsy load at a time.
Somewhere in the middle of all that dull, tedious labor, the mainstream Wade couldn't hold back his curiosity anymore. He glanced up toward Hell's Kitchen's Deadpool and asked quietly, "So, hey — how'd you guys even get here? And how'd you end up hanging out with Logan? You in the X-Men or something? Because let me tell you, every version of Logan I've met is stubborn as hell and boring as a rock!"
In his own universe, Deadpool had run missions with Wolverine before, sure — but back then, he'd been an ordinary human, no healing factor yet. By the time he did get his powers, this world's Wolverine had already aged into an old man.
Which meant this other Deadpool, running missions with a young Wolverine, must've joined the X-Men. That thought stung a little — plenty of superhero organizations had turned him down over the years, even if he'd never technically been a total lone wolf about it.
"Nah, I'm not in the X-Men. That crew's either a bunch of snot-nosed kids or a bunch of old-timers — nobody I click with. Hell's Kitchen's way more fun. Good conversation, genuinely talented people all around," Hell's Deadpool answered without thinking twice.
The mainstream Deadpool listened, a flash of genuine envy crossing his face. He could tell this other version of himself had it good back home.
That envy quickly curdled into something closer to jealousy. Right about then, Hell's Deadpool — apparently feeling a little warm — casually pulled off his mask. Instantly, a handsome face and a neat head of short hair were exposed to the open air. The sight landed on Wade like a physical blow.
"F**K. Why don't YOU have it too?!" The mainstream Deadpool completely lost it. How was it fair that the other guy was thriving and hadn't lost his face? Meanwhile HE was disfigured and going bald!
"Oh no. Oh no no no. Don't tell me — you never got your face fixed?" Hell's Deadpool clocked immediately what had set the other guy off — he'd been in exactly that spot once himself.
Sure enough, the mainstream Deadpool pulled off his own mask, revealing a face covered in pockmarked scarring and a head that was more or less bald — well, not totally bald, there was still one stray hair holding on for dear life.
"Damn you, Fox! Damn you, Marvel! Give me back my handsome face! Give me back my full head of hair! F**K!" The mainstream Deadpool screamed skyward for a solid two and a half minutes straight before finally winding down.
"Hey man, relax, relax — I'll get Ethan to figure something out for you when we get back. Ethan's my good buddy, actually, he's the one who fixed my face in the first place." Hell's Deadpool offered a bit of comfort. Sure, he was already carrying the Horse Talisman on him, but he held back on mentioning that just yet.
"Who's Ethan? He's got the power to actually fix this?! Take me to him NOW! I need my handsome face back! Vanessa won't leave me if I look like this again!"
"Wait — you've still got a girlfriend?"
"Don't you?"
This time it was Hell's Deadpool's turn to feel the sting. Yeah, okay, never mind, this guy's not getting his face fixed after all.
"Get back to work already!" Wolverine snapped, watching the two of them chat instead of dig.
Soon enough, the grave was finally restored properly, and the mainstream Deadpool immediately dropped to his knees, arms wrapped around Wolverine's legs. "Bro. My whole universe is about to be wiped out. Any chance you could stick around for a while?"
He then laid out the full story of his run-in with the Time Variance Authority, begging Wolverine to stay in this universe long-term — to keep the whole world from collapsing entirely.
☆☆☆
-> 20 Advanced chapters Now Available on Patreon!!
-> https://www.pat-reon.co-m/c/Inkshaper
(Just remove the hyphen (-) to access patreon normally)
If you like this novel please consider leaving a review that's help the story a lot Thank you