Kallion's first kiss felt like I was being swallowed by fire.
His heat poured over me, making it hard to breathe. My shallow, trembling breaths were completely taken by him, and I could barely catch any air.
His tightly furrowed brows and shaking body showed that he didn't look well.
Even when I tried to push him away out of concern, he clung to me blindly, like a desperate animal trying to survive.
He was so unlike himself—frantic and urgent—that it made me feel a bit sorry for him.
No… maybe, because it was the first time he ever showed such desire for me, I was actually happy. Maybe I even dared to hope.
On that night of shadows—where there was no moon, only darkness—I felt like I'd gotten a glimpse of the side of him he kept hidden.
Even though the next day he returned to his cold, usual self and crushed me again…
I shook my head to clear the memory.
This year's Shadow Day wouldn't be like that.
I was sure of it now, as I looked over at Kate, who was happily choosing masks.
At some point, she picked up a black mask decorated with red accents.
"I think this one looks the best!"
So much had changed since that night.
***
The day of the festival arrived.
Shadow Day—also called the Festival of Shadows—was held once a year, on the night when the moon disappeared into darkness.
On this day, the gardens and front yard of the Valdormer mansion were opened to the public.
But the main celebration took place in the town streets outside the mansion. People would wear masks and enjoy the lively street festivities.
Kate, wearing a cute pumpkin mask that matched her brown hair, looked out the window with a bit of regret.
"It's a shame. I bet the town is full of life right now."
Then she turned to me with a pout.
"To think I'm the only one who gets to see you looking this beautiful… it's a loss for humanity!"
Traditionally, people wore black on Shadow Day. I was wearing a black dress Kate had picked out.
Unlike the simple black dress I had worn in the past, this one had striking red accents that matched my eyes. It was stunning.
I also wore a black mask decorated with red roses to match.
Looking out the window, I could feel the energy of the town's celebration reaching all the way to the mansion.
Bright lights flashed, and the sounds of joy and laughter filled the air.
Normally, Kate would have joined the other maids and gone out to enjoy the festival, but today she just stood by the window, trying not to seem too disappointed.
I asked her casually, "Do you want to go out and see the town?"
She jumped in surprise and quickly waved her hands.
"N-No! I need to stay by your side, my lady. And watching people's masks from the garden is pretty fun too!"
Kate couldn't lie to save her life, and her nervous sweating made me chuckle.
The mansion gates were open today. There was no reason we couldn't go out for a little while to see the town.
Before, I had never even thought about leaving the mansion—I had always stayed locked up in my room.
But now, there was no reason to stay hidden anymore.
I would still need Kallion's permission, at least formally, but I didn't think he would refuse.
With that thought, I stood up slowly.
"Wait here for a bit."
Kate's face lit up right away.
Leaving the clearly excited Kate behind, I headed to Kallion's office.
Just like before, it seemed he was still working, even on the day of the festival.
I knocked on the door, and his familiar voice replied.
"I told you to take the day off—it's a holiday."
He must have thought it was the head butler.
I hesitated briefly before calmly saying,
"It's me."
"…"
There was a short silence, then his voice came again.
"Come in."
Once I had his permission, I opened the door and stepped inside.
As always, Kallion was seated at his desk.
But unlike usual, he looked very tired.
Noticing my presence, he slowly lifted his head.
When our eyes met, he stared at me in a daze, as if stunned.
Just as I was about to ask why he was looking at me like that, he looked away and mumbled,
"The dress suits you."
"Oh…"
That's when I looked down at my outfit again.
Kate really had done a great job getting me ready.
Of course, in a crowd of people dressed in black, I'd probably just blend in.
"Thank you."
I replied politely, just to be courteous.
He averted his gaze and asked,
"What brings you here?"
I had come to tell him I wanted to go out, but suddenly I noticed how pale he looked.
"…Are you feeling unwell?"
At my question, he flinched and looked away.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
However, his scalp was drenched in sweat.
Could it be… like that time in the past when he wasn't feeling well?
He didn't seem as dazed now as he did back then—his mind seemed clear.
And besides, it wasn't really my place to worry about his health.
"I was thinking of going out with Kate to the town for a little while."
"Going out…?"
"It's the festival. Just wanted to see the streets for a bit."
He hesitated for a moment, then reluctantly replied.
"…Go ahead."
He looked even paler than before.
"…Thank you."
I responded, then turned to leave.
His pale face lingered in my mind, but I forced myself not to worry.
Back then, too, he had looked sick—but he was completely fine the next day.
So this time would probably be the same.
And even if he was sick, I wasn't a doctor.
If he got worse, he'd call his physician.
At his desk, Kallion was leaning forward with his head in his hands, breathing heavily.
His trembling hand reached for a bottle of pills.
It was headache medicine prescribed by the royal doctor.
He often had bad headaches, but today was worse than usual.
It felt like his head was being crushed—like someone was squeezing his brain.
Because of the pain—or maybe the medicine—his thoughts became blurry. He started hearing and seeing things.
"I love you, Kallion…"
There it was again.
That warm, affectionate voice of Yuliana from his dreams.
A voice full of love—one he had never actually heard from the real Yuliana.
He shook his head hard, but now he saw her again—resting on his desk, looking at him with loving eyes.
She was smiling brightly—something he had never seen before.
"I love you…"
That warm voice felt like it could melt his ears.
Kallion unconsciously reached out toward her.
"Yuliana…"
But his hand met only air.
He groaned and furrowed his brows.
What was this? A hallucination? A dream?
Then, another sharp wave of pain hit him.
"Ugh…!"
He grabbed his head with both hands and gasped for air.
"Haah… haah…"
His mind was fading. His vision was blurring.
It was hard to think straight.
But even in the haze, one thing became painfully clear—
A deep thirst and overwhelming anxiety.
If he didn't see Yuliana right now, it felt like he might die.
"Yuliana…"
Her name was the only thing he could still hold on to.
He had to see her.
He had to have her by his side.
Only if he held her in his arms could this madness and anxiety calm down.
"Ugh…!"
The very thought that she wasn't with him made his blood boil with panic.
It felt like someone was choking him.
"Haah, haah…!"
With a dazed expression, Kallion grabbed the desk to stand up.
Crash!
As he staggered, everything on the desk tumbled to the floor.