Aizawa stood at the podium, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.
"Now that the internship offers are out of the way, we have to deal with a more... stylistic matter. Normally, I wouldn't be the one to oversee this, as I have zero aesthetic sense. Which is why we have a guest."
The door slid open
"That's right! Because a hero's name is their calling card to the world!" Midnight announced, entering the room.
"You have to be careful! Because a name can represent who you truly are. You're telling the world: 'This is the kind of hero I want to be!'"
She began passing out the small whiteboards.
"You have fifteen minutes!" Midnight chirped, cracking her whip against the floor.
"The names you choose now will likely be the ones the public will call you with. So, please, for the love of all that is stylish, make them good!"
Students bent over their desks, writing down on the boards.
At the very back, Haruto spun his marker between his fingers, staring at the blank white surface with a grin.
***
"Time's up! Let's start with those who are ready!" Midnight called out.
The presentations went exactly as the history books (or at least the anime) recorded. Tsuyu became Froppy, a name so adorable that the students started cheering. Kirishima paid homage to the past with Red Riot.
Then came the loud one.
Bakugo marched to the front, slammed his board down, and growled.
"King Explosion Murderer."
"You... should probably not use 'Murder' in your name," Midnight said, her smile twitching.
"LORD EXPLOSION MURDERER!!" Bakugo screamed.
"That's literally the same thing! Denied! Sit down!"
"You know, Blasty," Haruto's said.
"'Murder' is a pretty strong word for someone who's never actually murdered anyone. Unless you're hiding bodies. Are you hiding bodies, Blasty?"
Bakugo froze. He slowly turned his head toward the back of the room.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, REGEN-FREAK?"
"I'm just looking out for your brand integrity!" Haruto held up his hands defensively, though his grin remained.
"If you go around calling yourself a murderer without a body count, people are going to think you're a poser. It's false advertising. Now, if you are hiding bodies, let me know. I'm excellent at digging holes."
Bakugo's palms sparked. "I'LL SHOW YOU BODIES—"
"See? There it is! The commitment! I love the passion. But seriously, keep me in mind for the cleanup. I bring my own shovel."
Midnight cracked her whip against the podium.
"Enough! Bakugo, sit down and find a name that doesn't involve a felony! Akagi, stop baiting him"
As the line continued, Kaminari walked up, looking nervous. Before he could even show his board, Haruto whispered out loud from the back.
"Hey, Kaminari! Just write down Pikachu. Trust me. The yellow aesthetic is spot on, and you already do that 'Pika-pi' thing whenever you short-circuit."
"Wait, really?" Kaminari blinked, actually considering it for a second.
"Don't listen to him and just show what you have in mind." Midnight said.
"Right! Sorry!" He turned his board around.
"CHARGEBOLT"
"Now that is a hero name!" Midnight beamed.
Kaminari went back to his seat.
Jiro smirked. "Much better than Pikachu."
Kirishima laughed and gave Kaminari a thumbs up. "Chargebolt! That's awesome, man! Sounds like a real hero!"
"Agreed," Kaminari said, glaring at Haruto.
Haruto shrugged. "I'm just saying, the Pikachu onesie would have sold out instantly."
Then it was Toru's turn, she walked up to the front, the whiteboard floating in front of her.
Haruto whispered out loud again.
"Toru-chan, listen. John Cena. That's the name. Your catchphrase is 'You can't see me'. You'll have to do the hand-wave too"
He demonstrated, waving his hand in front of his face.
Toru's uniform turned toward him. Even without seeing her face, everyone could feel the stare.
"Haruto," she said flatly, "I have no idea who that is, and I'm not doing the hand-wave."
"But it's perfect—"
"No."
She held up her board.
"INVISIBLE GIRL"
Midnight nodded. "Simple! I love it! Approved."
"You're making a mistake, Toru-chan!" Haruto lamented, leaning back into his seat and shaking his head.
"The merchandising potential for the trumpet music alone would have funded your retirement!"
Next up was Fumikage Tokoyami.
"Sensei, I have chosen a name that honors the darkness within and the shadow that walks beside me. I shall be known as—"
He turned his board around.
JET-BLACK HERO: TSUKUYOMI
"Very poetic, very edgy! Approved!"
Haruto was already vibrating in his seat, his hand halfway in the air.
"Wait, wait, wait! Dark Shadow! Look at me!"
The shadow entity emerged from Tokoyami's chest, tilting its head curiously at Haruto.
"Tokoyami, my brother in edge, think about it. You gotta pick BATMAN. You've already got the cave-dwelling aesthetic. All you need is a billion dollars and a butler named Alfred."
"I do not wish to be a 'Bat-man'. My Quirk is Dark shadow"
"Details! Dark shadow is just a clingy Robin anyway!"
Haruto ignored the squawk coming from Tokoyami's Dark Shadow.
"Imagine the scene: you're perched on a gargoyle, the rain is pouring, you look down at a villain and whisper, 'I'm Batman.' The intimidation factor alone would skip the fight and go straight to the confession!"
"I am not interested." Tokoyami stated, going back to his seat.
"Oh, come on! We could have built a signal! I could have been your Joker! We had something special, Tokiyami!"
"Next!" Midnight called out.
"Akagi, since you have so much to say, why don't you come up here and show us yours?"
Haruto stood up, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper that looked like it had been salvaged from a dumpster fire.
He smoothed it out on his desk before strolling toward the front of the classroom.
"Honestly, Midnight-sensei, the pressure is immense," Haruto said, stepping up to the podium.
"I have a shortlist. It's been a very difficult morning for my creative consultants"
"Just get on with it, Akagi," Jiro called out,
"Some of us want to finish this before graduation."
"Art cannot be rushed, Earphone Jack!" Haruto retorted, clearing the whiteboard.
He scribbled the first name.
PEACEMAKER
"Pīsumeika?" Midnight tilted her head.
"Well, at least it's a hero name. You want to make peace?"
"Oh, I cherish peace with all my heart, Sensei, I don't care how many men, women, and children I need to kill to get it."
He gave a mocking salute toward the back of the room.
"I'll even get a chrome helmet that looks like a toilet seat to symbolize how I'm ready to flush away any 'problems' the Commission finds inconvenient. See?"
"That sounds... disturbingly fascist," Tsuyu remarked, putting a finger to her chin.
"And remarkably specific." Momo added
"Denied! We are training heroes, not state-sponsored lunatics" Midnight snapped.
Haruto shrugged, and wrote again:
LIFEPOOL
"Raifu-pūru?" Midnight asked, looking genuinely pained now. "Is that... a community swimming center?"
"It's like a 'pool' of 'life'. I'll wear an all-white suit, walk through the battlefield like a beacon of purity, and offer everyone free hugs. It's the opposite of, say... a Dead-pool. And we wouldn't want that."
"It sounds like a brand of bottled water for old people!" Mineta said.
"More like a cult leader," Jiro added, shivering. "An all-white suit? That's just creepy, Akagi."
"Denied! It's too confusing and suspiciously pacifist for someone like you" Midnight said.
"Okay, okay," Haruto said, holding up his hands as if to ward off Midnight's growing frustration.
"I read the room. You want less 'wholesome' something darker, right?"
He scribbled a single word in bold letters.
DIDDY
The classroom went silent. Midnight blinked, her head tilting to the side.
"Diddy? Like... a small song? You want to be a musical hero?"
"Oh, Midnight-sensei, you don't understand," Haruto said, mischievously.
"The name is a psychological weapon. Imagine you're a villain, lurking in the shadows, and suddenly you hear the sound of a thousand bottles of baby oil clinking together. You hear the faint whisper of... 'Ain't no party like a Diddy party.'"
"I don't follow," Tokoyami muttered from his desk. "Is it an ancient curse?"
"It's worse than a curse, Bird-man! It's an invitation to a night you'll never remember and a legal battle you'll never win!" Haruto threw his arms out wide.
"Villains won't just run, they'll check their drink and double-lock their doors! By the time they realize I'm just a guy with a sword, the sheer psychological trauma will have already done the heavy lifting!"
"Denied!" Midnight shouted, her whip cracking the podium.
"I don't know exactly what 'Diddy' implies in your twisted mind, Akagi, but I can feel something ominous! Absolutely not!"
"Tough crowd, I thought we were going for 'Dark Hero' vibes." Haruto muttered, already erasing the board.
"I see how it is," Haruto said.
"You want a name that balances the light and the dark. Something that looks rough and terrifying on the outside, but is good on the inside, something with... layers"
He scribbled the next name in massive letters.
SHREK
Midnight stared at the board.
"Shu-rekku? Is that... a prehistoric deity of war?"
"I'm a misunderstood creature living in a swamp—which is a metaphor for my life—just trying to find my princess while a talking donkey—who is definitely Mineta in this analogy—annoys me!"
"Why am I the donkey?!" Mineta yelled from his seat.
"You're the donkey because you're small, you never stop talking, and I'm pretty sure you'd marry a dragon for the plot" Haruto fired back.
"Akagi, give me a real name or I'm picking one for you!" Midnight snapped, her patience finally reaching its absolute limit.
Haruto looked down at his list, his thumb hovering over the last entry.
He looked toward a corner of the ceiling—looking at a 'camera' only he could see—and gave a small shrug.
"I know, I know," he muttered, his voice barely audible to the class but perfectly clear to the invisible audience.
"You're waiting for the D-word. Right? But look at this place." He gestured vaguely at the bright classroom and the earnest faces of his classmates.
"This is a PG-13 environment. It's all 'plus ultra' and 'friendship is magic'. It's not the same energy. So Let's keep it off-campus, shall we?"
He scrubbed the board clean and wrote one final name.
WADE
Midnight blinked. She looked at the board, then at Haruto, her whip frozen mid-air.
"Uedo? Just... Wade? After all that, you're going with a plain Western first name?"
Haruto's nose crinkled in distaste.
"U-e-do? What is that, a new type of noodles?"
He shook his head vigorously.
"No, no, no. It's not 'U-e-do.' It's—"
He leaned forward, and spoke with a perfect English accent.
"Wade."
The class went silent.
"Whoa," Kaminari whispered, blinking.
"His English is... actually good?"
"It sounds like he just stepped out of a pre-Quirk action movie," Jiro added, her ear jacks twitching in surprise.
Haruto turned back to the teacher with a grin.
"The full name on the paperwork is Wade Wilson, but 'Wade' is fine for the lunchboxes. It's the kind of name that says, 'I might save you, or I might just be here to find the nearest chimichanga stand.'"
"Fine. Wade. It's a real name. It's simple. And most importantly it's over, I'll approve. happy now?"
"Ecstatic." Haruto chirped, pocketing his list.