"....."
I sat in silence, unable to say anything.
Finding myself at Yoon Ha-min's place before I knew it, I crouched in the corner of the sofa, watching cautiously.
Whether my muscles were shocked or something was wrong, I couldn't walk properly and had no choice but to follow Ha-min's lead. All I could do was sigh.
Perhaps feeling a bit guilty for bringing me to his home almost forcibly, Ha-min offered me water and said:
"...Sorry for bringing you here without asking. But I thought you needed time to cool your head."
Cool my head? Did I need that?
What terrified me was that if a Mysterious Person decided to attack, anyone near me would be in danger right away.
And I was scared of being dragged back to that cave by the Mysterious Person's change of heart.
Even if I cooled my head, my mind was already made up, and nothing would change.
I mostly thought that dying might be best for both those around me and myself.
But Ha-min, as if refusing to accept such thoughts, was keeping me here.
Honestly, I asked to be killed because I was afraid to take my own life.
Deep down, my primary desire was to keep living here, where things were good.
So unless someone killed me, I couldn't die.
"Cooling my head..."
I accepted the cup and stared blankly at the water inside.
Ha-min quietly watched me staring at the water, then carefully took a seat beside me.
"Is it true that the Mysterious Person can find you?"
"Yes."
After answering simply, I took a sip of water.
It somewhat quenched my burning thirst.
I let out a small moan as the cool sensation washed down my throat.
"...Well, it's not completely certain, but almost definite..."
"I see."
Ha-min replied and leaned his body forward.
He clasped his hands together, bowed his head deeply, appearing deep in thought.
And not long after, he reached his conclusion.
"But that's still not a reason for you to die."
His soft, determined voice made me lower my gaze.
Seeing his expression, I felt my lips go dry.
I didn't want to die either, but the thought of suffering so much that I'd rather be dead made me wish for the peace that death would bring.
So I too wanted to live, just like anyone else.
Like others, I wanted to fight if I had strength, and run if I didn't.
If I could just pursue my future, that would be enough for me.
Since I couldn't, this was why I was begging.
I chose the lesser evil because I hated the worst outcome.
That was all.
"Really? But at this rate, anyone near me will be in danger."
I gripped the cup tightly with both hands.
The water inside rippled greatly, just like my heart.
"As long as we're inside this Wall, there's nowhere to run... Considering I'll eventually be dragged away and tortured, wouldn't it be better to die without harming others..."
"No."
I voiced the thoughts I'd had over and over while lying on the asphalt after yesterday's accident.
But Ha-min shook his head, saying he didn't want to hear such things.
Glancing slightly to the side, I saw Ha-min sighing and straightening his posture.
He seemed to have considered something but decided my words weren't worth thinking about, directing a cold gaze elsewhere.
Of course, by the time that gaze returned to me, it had softened.
"No. As I said before, what you said was probably heroic. But there's no reason to do that."
Ha-min said quietly.
"You're not some hero. Neither am I. We're just Academy students."
My eyes widened at his voice, telling me that while we aspire to be heroes, we aren't heroes yet, so we don't need to act like them.
It felt breathtaking to realize how different the Ha-min before me was from the "Yoon Ha-min" I thought I knew.
His voice contradicted the image of someone who pushed forward, acting heroically even when not a hero yet, because he aspired to be one.
"...You."
"Of course, Kanna, everything you've said might seem far-fetched, and people won't believe you. Without evidence, they'll only realize 'oh' after what you predicted actually happens."
The living room was dark with only a faint light.
Perhaps that's why his eyes seemed to shine more brightly.
I was the one who asked him to believe me.
I also thought it couldn't be helped if he didn't believe me.
It would be more selfish to think I could convince him after saying things like this.
Yet he continued to say he would believe me.
His faith wavered once, but in the end, he was here, giving me an unwavering look.
Instead, it was my gaze—the one asking for belief—that wavered.
"...Others won't believe you. That can't be helped. But I believe you."
Ha-min said that and clenched his fist.
I put the cup down on the table and rubbed my hands together as if washing them, trying to calm my troubled mind.
I couldn't figure out what to do.
Ha-min continued speaking, as if not wanting to give me time to think.
"What I saw wasn't a lie. Of course, the timing was different from what you said, so I wondered if you were just guessing, but thinking about it, what you said seems mostly right."
He frowned, recalling something.
I took a deep breath at the awkward atmosphere and straightened my back, resting my outstretched arms on my knees.
"The day you returned covered in blood, and today when you lay on the ground for hours because the Mysterious Person was chasing you—none of that is a lie."
"I guess not...?"
"So, I believe you. Because I saw it..."
Ha-min trailed off and placed his right hand on my left hand.
But, but still.
"If you believe me, shouldn't you listen to me even more? You've always wanted to become a shining hero."
At those words, Ha-min's gaze wavered.
His previously steadfast eyes shook for a moment.
"How did you—"
"I'm asking this because you believe me."
I said quietly.
I didn't admire heroes.
Heroes were those who sacrificed themselves to save others.
They were beings who had to save both themselves and others, but when that became impossible, they had to abandon themselves first.
I thought that was admirable, but I didn't want to live that way.
Yet I was doing this simply because I was ordinary.
Just trying to ease my own mind.
If I was going to be caught anyway, if I was going to be dragged away and tortured anyway.
Rather than struggling and causing innocent people to bleed, wouldn't it be better for me to die quickly and alone?
If someone died because of me, I knew I would collapse under the weight of accusations like "You killed them" or "If only you weren't here" before I was even taken away.
I was already struggling to walk on the carpet of mockery, disregard, and contempt within the Academy—if those gazes followed me in everyday life too, I didn't think I could endure it.
So I wanted to reduce my own suffering and emotional distress.
"A hero? No, I brought this up for myself rather than others. Selfish, right? You can be disappointed that I'm not as upright as you thought."
I laughed self-deprecatingly and continued.
"...I'm sorry."
But I couldn't maintain that attitude for long and apologized to him.
"Selfish... I'm saying these things to you. I don't want anyone to die because of me, and I don't want to be taken away either. So I thought it would be easier to die before I suffer more."
My voice trembled.
It couldn't help but tremble.
Though I had resolved to die, perhaps that resolve wasn't so strong, as my heart shook.
Still, I thought that if it was Ha-min, who dreamed of being a hero.
If it was him, who wanted more than anyone to become a star in the dark sky, he might listen to my words.
I thought that even if it would be murder for him, he might do it if it could save countless lives.
But he didn't.
"Truly selfish."
It sounded like condemnation.
Of course, his voice and tone weren't like that.
He was simply agreeing with my words calmly.
I closed my mouth bitterly.
"You once said you wanted me to smile, so why are you making it impossible for me to smile?"
Hearing that, I felt my breath catch.
Back then, I had tried to gloss over things because I couldn't tell him about the desperate future awaiting him, but I never imagined it would come back like this.
"...You're admirable for trying so hard and attempting to solve problems even when people don't believe you. I find your refusal to give up impressive."
Ha-min squeezed my hand firmly.
A gentle pressure was applied to my left hand.
"Don't be afraid. Eventually, everyone will understand. So it's okay to be a little selfish sometimes. It's okay to hide. It's okay to run away. It's fine because you're not a hero yet. I'll understand."
Ha-min continued speaking to me over and over.
As if to reassure me, as if to tell me not to worry, he repeatedly said it was okay.
"There's no reason to die. No matter how elusive the Mysterious Person is, even if they somehow know your location, wouldn't it be fine if we stop them before they find you?"
He showed me a refreshing smile.
"Or, I'll protect you."
"Heroes don't prioritize protecting specific individuals."
I couldn't help but snicker at Ha-min's words.
But he responded as if he was serious.
"What are you talking about? Even heroes have people they cherish, so it's natural."
"But I'm not someone precious to you."
"...What do you mean, oh."
Ha-min paused briefly.
The living room fell into silence.
As the atmosphere suddenly became awkward, I felt a tingling sensation in my hand.
Realizing I had been too immersed in the mood, I flinched and spoke up.
"...Anyway, could you let go of my hand?"
"Sorry."
Ha-min released my hand with a start.
I took out the Device from my blazer to check the time.
2 AM. It was very late.
This couldn't be helped. I had been rolling on the ground for too long, then was detained by the Ramiris family to explain the situation, and after Orca resolved things, somehow ended up here talking—so the passage of time was natural.
"It's too late. I should go."
As I put the Device back in my pocket and tried to get up, Ha-min stopped me.
"No, stay here for the night."