The asphalt ground was unbearably cold.
Even though I wanted to get up, my legs were too mangled to move, forcing me to endure the distinct chill against my skin.
The heat from the burning vehicle after the explosion was scorching.
Though I wanted to escape, I couldn't move on my own, and I was terrified not knowing when the sparks might fly my way.
The smell of burning corpses was revolting.
It was like burning squid, but with an even more pungent odor.
A smell that made you wrinkle your nose involuntarily.
"...ugh."
I lay there on my stomach for minutes, perhaps hours.
It was so exhausting that I rested my forehead on my arm and hung my head low.
I felt like I was dying from exhaustion, but I couldn't organize my increasingly depressing thoughts, so I just remained there.
The sun that had been high in the sky earlier had now set, leaving everything cold.
No vehicles passed through this area.
I thought that if even one person associated with the Ramiris family drove by, things might somehow work out, but given the situation, it seemed no one would be passing through here.
Anyone who had gone ahead would have seen the monster in the area and wouldn't come out,
and anyone coming from behind would have changed direction.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
After some time, the Device at my head buzzed with a notification.
I lifted my head and opened my eyes wide.
"...!"
I groaned at the contact from Yoon Ha-min.
In the midst of rolling on the ground in despair, this was the moment his reply came after I had reached out at my lowest point.
I should have been happy, but I hesitated to answer the call.
I worried that the fact that monsters could find me might ruin everything I tried to touch.
If my mere proximity brought danger, no one would want to be near me.
I trembled.
Then, just as the call seemed about to end, I answered.
"H-hello?"
[Hello? Kanna, you called...! Where are you? At the Bunker?]
"Hic..."
The moment I answered, all my previous worries seemed to vanish as emotions surged within me.
Unable to hold back the tears welling in my eyes, I let them fall, wetting the asphalt.
After listening to my voice for a moment, Yoon Ha-min called out to me with concern.
[Kanna?]
"...ugh."
[Kanna? Aren't you at the Bunker...? Where are you right now?]
At his voice, I finally managed to speak with a trembling voice.
"I... I..."
The Strange One wouldn't come for me right away.
So, I should be fine for now, right?
I worried that I might be thinking too selfishly.
But I was so cold and lonely. I wanted to escape the depression I'd fallen into, thinking no one would help me.
"On my way... I encountered a monster... and had an accident..."
I barely answered with a broken voice.
I heard a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the Device.
He seemed shocked by the fact that I had encountered such a situation.
[...Where? No, you probably don't know exactly where you are, right?]
"Mm-hmm..."
[Okay. I'll ask Orca when I meet her. Are there any people around?]
"No one... at all."
[Alright, just wait, just a little while longer.]
After hearing his voice, I hesitated for a moment before answering that I understood.
The abrupt end of the call seemed to pull me back into the cold space.
Lying on the ground, I stared blankly at the Device's screen.
Then, quietly watching it, I clenched my fist tightly.
My breath trembled.
Thoughts kept circling in my head: Wouldn't it be better to die alone since help seemed impossible now, and continuing to live would only cause more harm to others?
"..."
It was truly agonizing.
I felt utterly helpless, thinking about suicide because I believed the harm I could cause outweighed any usefulness I might have.
I didn't know if things would be okay like this.
Even if someone knew in advance and could protect me, people who took refuge there might get caught up in it too.
Even if I could escape alone, the Strange One would surely find me eventually.
Seeing how they found me in this remote place where no one else passed by, I couldn't be wrong.
"I'm scared..."
Being chased by a Strange One was terrifying.
Having my limbs torn off by a monster was excruciating.
Being repeatedly beaten by someone was painful.
But what was truly frightening was the thought that I should kill myself because I was scared and my continued existence would only burden others, yet I was too afraid to die.
Some people say they live just for the sake of living,
while others choose death, believing it's far better than living.
Surely somewhere inside, everyone harbors a desire for a better life.
And they despair at the realization that such wishes won't come true.
Should I be like that too?
Should I despair?
Or should I hold onto hope?
As I spent time in a daze,
as my entire body grew colder, someone's footsteps approached.
Under the darkened landscape, Yoon Ha-min's voice reached me.
"Kanna...!!"
Even at his calling voice, I couldn't get up to welcome him.
I could only greet him while trembling.
"Hello..."
"W-what happened... How did a monster come all the way here? W-what's going on?!"
Yoon Ha-min came to me and embraced my body, helping me sit up.
With his arm as a sturdy support, I sat weakly on the ground and looked into his eyes.
My lips trembled at his words.
How much should I tell him now?
I had to tell a story that no one would believe, and that made me hesitate.
I wavered.
I needed to tell him that a Strange One had led a monster to find me, and then left without killing me, but such a story would sound too far-fetched for anyone to believe.
Then Yoon Ha-min reminded me of what he had said before.
"...I told you I'd believe everything."
Hearing his voice, I opened my mouth.
Then closed it again.
The hesitation didn't last long.
"A Strange One came looking for me."
Orca hadn't arrived yet, it seemed.
Either she was following behind, or only Yoon Ha-min had come ahead.
Still, I was just grateful that someone had come.
"...It brought a monster with it but then just went back. After the accident, I couldn't move my legs, so I was lying here..."
As I spoke, I turned my head.
Three corpses remained in the completely burned vehicle.
It clearly seemed like the monster had targeted only that area.
Yoon Ha-min groaned as he looked at the wrecked vehicle.
"Was it a monster that heroes missed...?"
"No."
I shook my head.
"The Strange One came to capture me, so it wasn't just an accident."
"What?"
Yoon Ha-min's eyes widened.
His gaze was filled with bewilderment.
To him, I carefully explained.
It was the moment when I, who had been thinking constantly in my depression, finally found an answer.
A way to end this moment easily and simply.
"It's a long story, but I'll tell you. Remember I told you I was taken by a Strange One before?"
"Yes."
Though it was a story I had started on my own, Yoon Ha-min quietly nodded.
His voice seemed unwavering, having already decided to believe my words.
"At that time, my limbs were cut off. You probably guessed that, right? That part was covered in blood."
Despite my question, Yoon Ha-min couldn't easily answer and hung his head.
I continued with the next part of my story.
"They were cut off, but they reattached. I think the Strange One implanted something strange in me."
I said with a slight smile.
His pupils shook violently. It felt like a wave of emotions was crashing all the way here.
Even facing such a reaction, I didn't lose my smile.
It wasn't a smile of joy.
It was a self-deprecating smile, and also one I forced to swallow my tears.
"I think the Strange One senses something in me and comes looking. My limbs grew back, but it might not just be about the limbs. If it can find me accurately even in a place like this, my whole body might already be strange. I might be beyond saving."
I tried to tell Yoon Ha-min everything I knew, as he remained speechless.
But such words couldn't continue.
"What are you saying?"
"...I'm saying the Strange One is probably constantly watching me."
Though he said he would believe everything, doubt was inevitable.
If I couldn't understand that, I would truly be selfish.
I added an explanation to my words.
"It means it can find me wherever I am. It means that if I take shelter with many people because I'm powerless, those people will also be in danger. What do you think?"
At my words, Yoon Ha-min gritted his teeth.
"So what are you trying to say..."
He must have already sensed it from the atmosphere.
I made one wish to him.
"You know."
If you're as perceptive as I think.
"Kill me."
I'm sorry, I don't have the courage to die alone, so I'm asking like this.
I'm too scared, I can't bear it.
As I swallowed my tears and spoke, Yoon Ha-min frowned.
"Because the Strange One knows your location, people near you might be in danger, so you're asking me to kill you?"
"...Yes."
At my answer, Yoon Ha-min raised his voice angrily.
"Of course, that sounds like something a hero would say...! It could even be considered the right answer! But, can't you selfishly say you want to live just once? You could ask for help, you could say that...!"
I trembled at his voice.
"I don't want to be taken... I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm scared, I'm just so scared..."
For a moment, I recalled the scene I had briefly forgotten.
The time spent with the Strange One in the Cave made me shudder with unforgettable memories.
"So please..."
"No."
Yoon Ha-min coldly rejected my plea.
"No one will let you die."
His golden eyes seemed to burn brightly in the night sky.
"Even if that someone is you."