Yoon Ha-min had gone to the kitchen, leaving me alone in his room.
I was wearing the clean short-sleeved shirt and shorts he had given me to change into after washing up yesterday.
The problem was the underwear on top, and actually, the underwear below was also an issue.
Since I had nothing suitable to change into, it couldn't be helped, but still, going without them felt a bit awkward, so I stepped out.
When I left the room, I caught sight of Yoon Ha-min in the kitchen connected to the living room, wielding a frying pan.
He started stir-frying something after adding oil, and when I passed behind him, he sensed my presence and turned to look at me.
"Oh? You should rest a bit more."
"I wanted to check on my uniform."
Unable to be honest, I smiled awkwardly and pointed to the bathroom.
Yoon Ha-min seemed about to let it go with an "I see," but then, as if suddenly remembering something, he turned off the stove completely.
"Come to think of it, Kanna, did you say earlier that you needed to wash your uniform?"
"Oh, yes. That's the only uniform I have."
When I nodded, Yoon Ha-min temporarily paused his cooking and approached me.
"Then follow me. I'll show you where the washing machine is."
"Thanks."
I nodded and followed behind him.
Yoon Ha-min walked with long strides and flung open the bathroom door at the end of the hallway.
Since his place was so nice, unlike my studio apartment, there was a changing area with a washing machine before entering the bathroom.
And there, plainly visible as we entered, was my uniform with my bra on top of it.
I had come to put those on, but being tempted by the mention of washing my uniform, I had brought him along, creating this situation.
Should I say I was too careless?
No, wait, I definitely didn't leave things like that.
"...Yoon Ha-min."
"Ah, no! I'm sorry!"
While I was grateful that he had put underwear on me while I was unconscious, it was also awkward, and seeing this situation made me feel a bit feverish.
What should I do about this?
After groaning for a moment, I grabbed Yoon Ha-min by the back of his neck and pulled him out.
"Out."
"Ugh."
Yoon Ha-min let out a groan but didn't resist as I pulled him out.
With Yoon Ha-min pushed outside, I held my forehead and groaned for a moment.
Even among men, showing underwear would be strange, so why was this happening?
Putting aside my bitter feelings, I picked up the bra sitting on top of my uniform and put it on.
After fastening the hooks properly and checking that everything was in place, I opened the bathroom door again.
There stood Yoon Ha-min, looking awkward.
"...It's fine now. Show me again."
In the slightly chilly atmosphere, I spoke first, and I noticed Yoon Ha-min's gaze dropping slightly.
"..."
His gaze was a bit obvious.
Of course, when something that was there disappears, it's human nature to wonder where it went, but staring like that while I was right there seemed a bit too disrespectful, so I waved my hand in front of his gaze.
Yoon Ha-min's shoulders flinched in surprise.
And then a small groan escaped his lips.
"Ah, sorry."
"It's fine. This..."
"I'll show you!"
The washing machine was here, but it wasn't the top-loading one I was familiar with—it was a front-loading drum washer, so I was a bit unsure how to use it.
I could probably figure it out by pressing various buttons, but with the homeowner right beside me, I couldn't just press buttons randomly, so I quietly waited for him to explain.
Yoon Ha-min seemed to wander around like someone who didn't know what to do, but eventually he showed me how to use the washing machine.
But after explaining everything, what he said next was:
"But you know, it's probably better to dry clean the blazer?"
At those words, I twitched my brow.
My first thought was: You should have told me that first.
Trying to calm myself by taking deep breaths, I inhaled and exhaled repeatedly.
Yoon Ha-min, looking nervous, carefully continued.
"I-I'll take care of the blazer, and we can put the shirt and other things in the washing machine."
"Okay."
The fortunate thing was that the washing machine had a drying function.
The advantage was that even if I washed them today, I could wear them by tomorrow.
I answered like that, sorted the items to be washed, and handed the blazer to Yoon Ha-min.
"But then what will you do with the blazer?"
"I have a dry cleaning machine at home."
"You have everything, don't you?"
I muttered as I left the bathroom.
Yoon Ha-min took my uniform and headed to another room.
It seemed to be a space used as a dressing room.
I watched as he opened a rectangular machine that looked like a cabinet, carefully laid out my uniform inside, and closed it.
"Done. You'll be able to wear it when we go out tomorrow."
"Thanks. By the way, can I go home for a bit after we eat?"
"Why?"
"I want to grab my bag and some clothes..."
"Oh, of course! That's fine."
He said that and headed to the kitchen, and remembering that we were supposed to have breakfast, I followed him and continued the conversation while lingering behind him.
"But you know, I'm really sorry, but could you come with me?"
"Huh?"
"I'm a bit scared..."
"Oh, right. It won't take long if we go together, so sure."
"Sorry for the trouble, and thank you."
I smiled bitterly as I expressed my gratitude.
Yoon Ha-min stirred the frying pan as if it was no big deal.
I quietly watched him.
I was curious about what he was making for breakfast.
As a pleasant aroma filled the air, Yoon Ha-min quietly spoke to me.
"Kanna. I at least want you to not die. After all, it was because of you that those people back then could save their lives."
When he was young, someone died in front of Yoon Ha-min.
There was someone dying without receiving help from anyone.
Vowing that there would be no more such people in the future, Yoon Ha-min had risen.
That incident was a driving force that made Yoon Ha-min stand firmly on his two feet,
and it was also a trauma that bound his heart and prevented him from going anywhere.
That's why he wanted someone who could save others to continue existing.
If asked what the connection was, he might find it difficult to answer, but since I already knew, I nodded.
"I see."
Yoon Ha-min turned to look at me with wide eyes.
He seemed surprised that I had nodded so readily.
No, it seemed to be for a different reason.
"Why?"
"No, because I said that yesterday... I thought you'd say no..."
"..."
I closed my mouth, and Yoon Ha-min, seemingly at a loss for words, fell silent as well.
The sizzling sound of pasta being tossed in sauce filled the awkward silence with an appetizing aroma.
Until it was plated and placed on the table, not a word was exchanged between the two of us.
Sitting at the table with a fork in hand, I stared intently at its tip.
Then I broke the silence.
"...I was too scared."
I spoke honestly.
Now both Yoon Ha-min and Orca knew what situation I was in.
Of course, they didn't know everything.
They knew I had been attacked by a Mysterious Person and that's why I ended up like this, but only Yoon Ha-min knew the details.
The fact that I had been taken by a Mysterious Person before, and this time they had broken through the Wall to check if they could find me.
That's why it was something I couldn't talk about elsewhere, and something I couldn't ask of others.
Even though Orca was reliable, I was too afraid to spread the story to too many places, so I had to be cautious.
Even when reading the novel, the character I identified with was Yoon Ha-min, not Orca, so he was the only one I fully trusted.
So I hoped he would understand. Though I didn't expect to be understood.
"When I thought about being taken again, about having my limbs cut off over and over again, I was too scared. Once you know what it feels like to have your teeth pulled out, you don't want to go back."
I laughed hollowly.
I knew this wasn't appropriate dinner conversation, but once I started talking, these were the only words that came out.
I felt sorry for burdening him when he was helping me, but I was still seeking salvation in my own way.
I didn't want the story of "Kanna Aurora will become a hero, and became a hero."
I just wanted to dream of tomorrow like an ordinary person living within this Wall.
I only wished for a safe life, dreaming of tomorrow, and peacefully envisioning the future.
"...I just didn't want to be in pain. I thought I couldn't endure it alone, so maybe it would be better to die... That's why I said that."
Now that I had someone to lean on, I felt pathetic for rushing in headfirst like a body slam.
I worried that I might be ruining Yoon Ha-min's life.
I was even anxious that I might be destroying his future.
But the fact that I had found some relief by being beside him resonated more strongly with me.
I was truly a selfish person.
Unlike a hero who should be altruistic,
I was just someone who was only selfish.