I almost had a mental breakdown this morning over the bra incident, but that was the least of my worries.
After hearing Kanna's heavy story, I couldn't think straight. I mechanically chewed my pasta, barely tasting anything.
Kanna seemed to be calling herself selfish. But when I actually heard her story, it was so understandable that I tilted my head in confusion.
After all, everyone wants to live, and it's natural to not want to be in pain.
If you asked anyone at a hero company that rescues people, no one would want to die, and while people might be able to endure pain, no one would want to accept it as part of their life.
So Kanna's self-deprecating words weren't necessary at all.
Maybe that's why I found myself speaking up.
"What's wrong with that?"
"Huh?"
Kanna looked at me with a dumbfounded expression, as if she hadn't expected me to say that.
I never thought I'd be having this conversation over breakfast. But if I could help someone who was suffering so much they asked to be killed, it would be worth it.
"Not wanting to be in pain is normal. It's also normal to face things you can't handle alone. Sometimes things can be so hard you want to die. I haven't experienced what you went through, so I can't fully empathize, but I can understand to some extent."
I put down my fork and continued speaking, while Kanna stared at me intently, curious about what I would say next.
"...So don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever condition your body is in, if there's a way to prevent the Strange Ones from breaking through the Wall, we'll find it."
"How do we stop the Strange Ones from breaking the Wall?"
Her voice had turned cold, making me flinch. I hesitated because I honestly didn't have a definitive answer.
If the Wall could be easily protected, heroes wouldn't need to exist. The Academy that trains heroes wouldn't have been established, and only the elite would manage the Wall from high positions.
Someone like Orca Ramiris, daughter of the Ramiris family, for example.
But the world isn't that simple, which is why people needed heroes. They existed because they were needed.
Heroes had to be more altruistic than anyone, but also more selfish than anyone.
Most people stop at imagining heroes as purely altruistic, but heroes were inherently selfish beings.
Because their first and final goal was to forcibly pull people from the brink of death and survive themselves, without any equivalent exchange.
"We'll have to figure that out. Didn't you mention something called a totem that causes the Wall to break? We just need to find it."
When I said this, Kanna hung her head and idly twirled pasta with her fork.
"...If that worked, the Wall wouldn't have broken before."
I felt my thoughts freeze at that realization. She was right.
I had told Kanna she'd won, but I'd betrayed her trust once before.
The Strange One had left a totem. I thought removing it would prevent further interference with the Wall, but the Strange One shattered those expectations by breaking through the Wall a week after Kanna had predicted.
And then again a week later.
The totems clearly made it easier for them to enter. Once inside, they could scatter more totems before leaving.
But how did they manage that first entry? That was the question.
Was there a spy inside the Wall? Or was it another Strange One's doing?
I knew too little. As they say, you only see as much as you know, and I couldn't see even what Kanna was telling me.
Things that are hard to believe but eventually become believable. Things that become too late to believe by the time you do.
Facing this reality, I spoke softly.
"That's clear evidence someone is working from the inside. But we don't have the luxury to find that person yet, right? So let's focus on finding the totem the Strange One might have left this time."
If we approached this step by step, we'd figure it out somehow.
It was an optimistic thought. But I decided to trust Kanna, who had saved countless lives by revealing the monsters' weaknesses.
Despite her strange knowledge, I couldn't imagine her being a spy, so I trusted her. And if she thought this approach was valid right now, she would nod.
"We can check the Wall like before, or look at other areas inside, in many different ways."
I shrugged as I offered the solution—or rather, a proposal to find an answer.
Kanna groaned briefly at my words but then nodded, seemingly having no better ideas.
"...If you'll help... if that can solve everything... I'm fine with it."
"Would that make you feel safer?"
"I don't know how much effort it will take to feel safe, but probably."
Kanna was anxious. I was anxious too.
If the Wall collapsed again and monsters came through, it was obvious that not just Kanna and I, but everyone else would be terrified.
Furthermore, if the Strange One came for Kanna again, she might give up everything, believing she couldn't go on anymore.
The thought that the Strange One might take her again and torture her before she could give up was chilling.
No one would welcome a situation where their limbs would be cut off and their teeth pulled out—that was only natural.
We needed to prevent the Strange One from approaching her again. To do that, we either had to stay by her side or prevent the Wall from collapsing in the first place.
We had to ask Kanna herself about the method. Since I'd decided to trust her, there shouldn't be any problems.
"Then let's do that. After Academy hours tomorrow, we'll go looking around like this. How does that sound?"
When I suggested this, Kanna nodded.
"Yes, thank you... Will you come home with me after we finish eating?"
"Oh, sure."
Now that I thought about it, while I could somehow offer solutions to this problem, the fact that Kanna would be staying at my place was a bit awkward.
When I agreed earlier, I didn't want to leave her alone because she seemed like she might collapse or suddenly disappear, but now it felt different.
After all, she was a female classmate, and sharing a roof felt somewhat embarrassing.
Of course, I would have kept her close even if she hadn't asked, since she seemed in danger, but now that my mind was clearer, I felt complicated in a different way.
"Hmm."
I sighed as I moved my fork until all the pasta on the plate disappeared.
After breakfast, I chose my clothes. Since we weren't using any facilities or proving our identity, I had to pick casual clothes.
Kanna was also wearing casual clothes instead of her uniform, so I thought it would be good to match her.
After putting on a light hoodie, I noticed Kanna standing there absentmindedly.
She wore a thin t-shirt that suited her and shabby shorts. I wondered if that would be okay to go out in, and after considering it several times, I shook my head.
"Kanna, you really should wear something more."
"...What more should I wear?"
"Just a thicker t-shirt or something..."
"It's fine, I'm going to pick up clothes from my place anyway."
Kanna seemed quite casual when you got to know her.
No, maybe not just casual but extremely laid-back?
Despite all the embarrassing things that had happened yesterday and today, Kanna was putting on her shoes to go outside as if nothing had happened, which I found quite remarkable.
Spring—a season both cold and warm.
I still questioned whether that thickness of clothing was enough, but since there was nothing stopping us from going out, I decided to follow her lead and quietly walked behind her.
It felt strange to be walking alongside Kanna in ordinary casual clothes, when I was used to always wearing my uniform.
"...Nice weather."
I spoke up, trying to break the silence. Kanna glanced up at me, then turned her gaze forward again and nodded.
"It is."
"By the way, where do you want to start checking tomorrow?"
I asked her carefully.
I thought we should communicate properly about our plan, even if it was just between us. Kanna kept her mouth shut for a moment before reluctantly parting her lips.
"I don't know yet. Let's talk about it tomorrow."
"Oh, okay..."
"I'm not trying to avoid it, I just feel shivery."
"Really? Wait, do you have a fever?"
I was startled. I thought she just wasn't in the mood to talk, but I never dreamed her condition might be off.
"Let me check your..."
I tried to place my hand on her forehead, but she gently pushed it away.
"No, it's not that... I'm just getting chills."
"...Kanna."
Looking at her expression, I could tell. She wasn't sick—she was trembling with fear.
I seriously wondered if I could reassure her.
Could someone like me erase the fear deep in her heart just by trying?
As I worried about this, Kanna abruptly said to me:
"Why are you making that face? What is there to worry about when you're here?"
No, that's not right. I'm not omnipotent.
Even if I'm the top student in the first year at the Academy, I'm not a hero yet, and I'm not the number one hero either.
So don't trust me too much.
But I'm so happy that you trust me,
and that contradictory feeling keeps pulling at my emotions.
I smiled unconsciously, almost like I was lying.
"You're right. What is there to worry about when I'm by your side?"
If I could see her reassured expression like this, I was satisfied. That didn't mean I wouldn't try my best, though—I sincerely hoped she could feel at peace.
I would work hard to take away her fear in the end.
All I wanted was for her to smile.