"Jet."
"Yeah?"
"Your neck, man, it's like…" I looked at Duang who started to make a face again, pointing at his own neck with that puppy-dog expression. I wanted to tell him too, like, dude, I can't see my own neck. And I'm not exactly someone who checks the mirror much either.
"What is it?" I rubbed my neck randomly with my hand. He sighed and went back to stroking the fat dog on his lap. I've said it before—I'm not good at being alone. That's why I came over to Duang and Khun Qin's
place today. Yep… loves his dog so much he bought a house just so it'd have space to run around. A hundred-thousand-baht dog, living in a million-baht house.
You gotta really be love-crazy to do that.
Just saying.
"I'll just turn on the front camera for you."
"Hey there, social media frien—what the?!"
"Looks like you got hickied, dude."
"Ugh, Kaosaooooooy…"
"You brought the whole damn rice field with you. Last time I saw Khao Dang. Then Ek Sueng. Then Khao Hom. Witthaya..."
"I love rice, Duang! Rice is my heart, remember that!" I sat there looking at the bruises on my neck and felt bummed. A promise not kept. I told him, no marks, no scratching my back. What now?
Ugh, and I've got plans with Phueng today too.
"Is there any way to make it go away fast?"
"I don't know. I don't usually leave visible evidence. I might've slipped up before, but back then I wasn't going out anywhere."
"So now I have to cancel on her?"
"Let the guy rest. Aren't you overworking him?"
(It means 'little Jettana')
"You only get one life. Gotta make the most of sex while I'm alive."
"Just get a boyfriend/girlfriend alreadyyyy." Duang yelped so loud, his fur puffed up in shock. I've been told to get a lover more times than I can count. Still don't want one. Not feeling it. What do you want me to do, huh?
"Shoot me then."
"You mean there's no one at all that you want to be with every day? Just watching them eat would make you happy?"
"I wanna be with everyone every day. You know I get lonely." I looked glum.
"Or maybe your version of liking someone a lot is more like… if their shoelace came undone, you'd kneel down to tie it for them?"
"Nah. If their shoelace came undone and they couldn't tie it, I'd tie it for anyone."
"My head hurts."
"I know that phrase, that's Northern Thai! Hah! Showing off you spent weeks cuddling your boyfriend in Chiang Mai, huh?"
"I think for someone like you, liking someone a lot feels like lying to yourself. Like, 'It's not that deep. I don't love them.' But really, you're losing your mind, just running from your own feelings."
"..."
"Heart pounding like crazy, but saying 'it's nothing' out loud."
"You little devil."
"That's basically what I mean."
"Don't act like you know me. You're not my boyfriend."
"Remember this—if being around someone makes you feel strangely better about yourself… you're screwed. That's when it hits you."
"Like, ' Even better with you ,' kind of thing?"
"Dunno what that means, but probably."
"You idiot." I threw a fluffy toy at his face, and his sweet little dog came to bite my finger like it was defending him. Always on duty, this one. I gave it a good pat. We didn't play for long before it suddenly perked up and bolted out the front door.
"Fluffy! Stop! Mommy's almost home, isn't he? Why are you running, Fluffy!"
I watched Duang sprint out like he was in a relay race to catch the chunky little pup who heard Khun Qin's car and instinctively went to greet him.
Like always. Wants to go welcome his mom.
"Don't you dare say in front of him that he is the mommy. There'll be punches."
—
"Sweetie, don't run out like that again, okay? What if I didn't lock the car?"
Honestly, if Duang weren't my close friend, I probably wouldn't believe that teenage love like his actually exists. It's built on readiness,
understanding—and it's never changed. I used to think, " You've got such a big heart, giving so much to him ," but I'm surprised again and again to find out he's actually capable of giving even more.
And the most surprising part is, no matter how much he gives to Khun Qin, he always receives just as much in return, without ever needing to ask.
It's a relationship where giving and receiving happen equally, no matter who starts first.
"Oh! Jettana!"
"Khun Qin!!"
"You idiot," Duang ran over to hug Khun Qin tightly around the waist, pressing his face against the man's chest. He always scolds me for acting all sweet and tiny when I'm with Khun Qin. Qin gave me a few pats on the shoulder before I could greet him with my syrupy-sweet "I love you." If Duang hadn't spotted Khun Qin first…
Hmph! I would have stood a chance!
"No matter how much you act cute, he won't love you."
"Bold words for someone with a baby face."
"Move," Duang grumbled, carrying an armful of food Khun Qin had brought, like he'd bought out all of Nakhon Pathom, and set it on the dining table. Khun Qin is legendary for being "extra," absolutely over the top, yet his figure is still toned, like he works out every evening. Duang once told
me that if Qin gets hungry at 3 a.m., this brave man will walk into the kitchen, turns on the light, and cooks him something like he's on a Korean drama.
Oh, what a henpecked man.
I could never date someone like that!
"How have you been lately, Jamie?"
"Ugh," I groaned, fake-crying. I wanted to kiss Khun Qin's cheek, but if I tried, I'd probably get punched. He's really sweet—he never calls me
"Jamie" in front of others. He always says my full name, Jettana, every single time.
Never just "Jet," because he knows my nickname is Jamie.
Honestly, even now, Duang and Pae still mess up my nickname.
In this whole world, it's probably only that one person who guessed it right on the first try.
Just thinking about it makes my heart squeeze a little.
"Same old, same old. Nothing too exciting."
"I thought you might've fallen in love since our talk in Chiang Mai."
"It's hard, Khun Qin. I do like him, but it's not like… if I don't have him, I'd be devastated or heartbroken. So I kept thinking, maybe I'm just content? But no, even if I don't end up with him, I wouldn't regret it or be sad."
"Hmm. I kind of get it, but maybe that's just how others define love?"
"Maybe I need to listen to a hundred love songs, watch a hundred love movies before I'll start to get what love really is. It's all how you define it, right? Like, if you asked, 'If one day Duang liked someone else, would you
let him go?'"
I watched Qin with a soft smile on his lips as he looked at my best friend's broad back. Duang was battling with his fat corgi while carefully arranging food on plates. A tiny feeling flickered in my chest—if one day I could look at someone the way Qin looks at Duang, or the way Duang looks at Qin…
That kind of love would be enough.
"I could let him go. I'd even walk him to the guy myself. As long as Duang's happy, that's enough. It's not that I don't love him—it's that I love him so much I know that if I can't be his happiness, his comfort, or his love
anymore, then I want him to spend the rest of his time with someone who can be that instead."
"See? Don't say that in front of him, Khun Qin. He's sensitive. He'll totally twist it and think you don't love him anymore. Such a drama queen."
"It's true though, isn't it?"
"What are you guys gossiping about?" Duang, probably sensing he was being talked about, turned around with a confused look and raised an eyebrow at Qin. I shook my head and told him not to be nosy. He scolded me as usual and went back to arranging the food.
"But if Jamie doesn't want to be with anyone, then there's no reason to. Being single is great—peaceful, too."
"Righttt?"
"But don't let that peace hold you back from starting something new. One day, when that right person comes along, you'll just know—they're worth everything, and you wouldn't trade them for anything."
I pulled Khun Qin's hand to my chest, pressed my lips together like I was about to cry, and told him in a mock-dramatic voice:
"I want to be your wife so bad, T_T."
"Jet! Let go of my boyfriend's hand!"
So anyway—
—
"Aren't you going to say hi or anything?"
"I am saying hi! I want you to say something first," Jamie said, sitting up straight like someone full of hope. Marvis looked him over from head to toe. Same hair color. The shirt was new—he hadn't seen it before—but it wasn't anything crazy. Still, how to put this…
"Looking good."
"That's not what you mean, is ittt?"
"If there's something you want, just say it. If I can give it, I will." The younger guy placed a hand over his chest. Lately, it felt like everyone was messing with his heart. If he had to rank who he thought was the cutest
right now, it'd definitely be Marvis.
And if you asked who he liked the most?
Still Marvis.
But if you asked whether he wanted something serious or to actually date
someone?
It was always a zero.
"You got a new ear piercing?"
"Hmm"
"Sorry, my eyesight's not great. You know I wear glasses sometimes."
"Hmph. Sulking."
"On the helix, right?"
"Don't even ask," Marvis holding back a smile. A kid is a kid—what could he do? Jamie crossed his arms and pouted until Marvis reached out, ruffled his hair, and gave him some over-the-top praise:
"You look so handsome. Absolute ten. All the girls are turning heads."
"..."
"I'll buy you earrings when it heals."
"You're such a sugar daddy."
"There's a pair from Chanel—really nice ones. I've been thinking forever about getting them for someone, but they don't suit me."
"Chanel? Really?"
"Why not? I'm trying to make it up to you!"
"Please! My heart is insane."
"But we'll wait and buy them in Korea. Probably not available in Thailand."
"You're thinking that far ahead?" Jamie stared at him like Marvis had wandered into his own fantasy fashion world—where he was the doll being dressed up. Today, he'd come to help Marvis deliver fabrics. Marvis hadn't known there were whole districts in Bangkok full of raw textiles, imported from all over Asia and Europe. He was totally loving it, even though his cheeks were flushed from the heat.
Now they were sitting at a street stall eating shaved ice, and Jamie was genuinely proud he'd convinced Marvis to try luk chub (sugar-coated fruits).
"How was your past week?"
"Say it in Thai! Come on, you smartie."
"How was your week?" A metal spoon dove into Jettana's shaved ice. The condensed milk had been completely stolen by the sweet-toothed one beside him. He didn't mind—actually, it was kinda cute.
"Same as always. I went to the movies with a girl. I've got three girls lined up, and they all want to see the same film."
"Haha! So you're going to watch it three times?"
"Of course. It's me we're talking about. And every time, the reactions are different."
"Reactions for… luck?"
"Better safe than sorry, right?"
"Got it. I like that phrase—better be safe than sorry," Marvis said, his thoughts catching up to Jamie's. He raised his hand to ask the vendor for an extra of condensed milk, and softly said thank you when a small bowl was placed in front of him.
Given freely, without needing to ask.
"And you? How've you been?"
"Working, mostly. Hanging out with friends sometimes."
"Must be swarmed by guys, huh?"
"You're the charm master, not me."
"Not as much as you are."
"Don't turn it back on me!"
"If Jamie had a boyfriend, I bet he'd love him so much."
Jamie nearly choked on his shaved ice. He'd never expected to hear something like that from Marvis. Actually, he'd never heard it from anyone.
Everyone just assumed he'd be a terrible boyfriend—flirty, unreliable, the kind that'd give their partner headaches every day. But truthfully, he didn't really know what kind of lover he'd be either.
"Why do you think that?"
"I don't know. I just feel like it."
"I don't know how to respond to that."
"I've never really thought seriously about having a boyfriend. Well… maybe I have, secretly. But it just sounds… complicated."
"Complicated how?"
"Falling in love. And everything that comes after."
"Ah, interesting. But I don't think it's that complicated—well, at least for me."
"So how do you see it then?"
He liked that sometimes they could be full of questions.
Questions they could ask each other without hesitation.
Maybe that was one of the special things between them.
"I think falling in love is really easy. But people love to make easy things hard, don't they?"
Jamie didn't know how it happened.
There was something dreamy in the air… even though it was just the two of them, the honking of cars, a street-side shaved ice stall, and sweetened condensed milk.
That was it.
"What's harder than falling in love…"
"..."
"Is lying to yourself that you're not falling at all."
Once again, he had to look away from someone.
Someone with that soft smile on his face.
Marvis didn't say anything more. He picked up the disposable film camera he'd bought back in Osaka the year before and took a picture.
"Marvis…"
The owner of those dark eyes slowly lowered the camera when he heard his
name. Their eyes met again. The moment still felt like something out of a dreamy rom-com—the kind Jamie sometimes liked to watch just to cry when the leads' hearts got broken.
"You're too good to be true… and that's what makes me scared."
And again, Jamie didn't quite understand what Marvis meant.
So all he could do was let the words bounce around in his heart, waiting for the day they might take root, grow branches, and finally bloom.
Maybe on that day… they'd understand.
"I'm scared of feeling too much about you, Marvis."
We might come to understand what it really is.
"I really do."
—
Plubplueng watched her friend feed a gooey-filled bun to the puppy-like kid, saying something about not wanting anyone else's hands to get dirty.
Then he went on to offer it to all their friends, including her. But Marvis—he was never just "normal."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You little troublemaker."
"You mean your friend? Geez, didn't see each other for a little while and suddenly I'm a friend?"
"Hey, why're you always teasing him? He's tiny, c'mon."
"Look at you, coming to his defense."
"Jett loves everyone, okay? Everyone!"
If she had to describe the kid named Jettana, the first thing that came to mind was annoying. Endlessly annoying. The longer you talked to him, the more it felt like your brain was going to explode. But she couldn't deny that he had this ridiculously magnetic charm. If charm were on a scale of 100, he'd get 101. This must be what people meant when they said wit beats looks.
Too bad this little punk has both wit and looks.
"Why're you staring, huh? Wanna date a younger guy?"
"You're such a pain in the ass, Jett."
"Did you just call me 'ee'?!" (a Thai term, playful but teasing)
"Mar, how do you even put up with him?"
"What can I say? When he's with me, he's all sweet and cute."
"So what's the difference between me and him then?"
"Well… smaller boobs. Not sexy."
"You little sh—"
Marvis burst out laughing as Jettana got smacked by her friend.
Well, that's just Jett—he made friends so easily. It was genuinely fun being
around him.
Marvis watched as Jettana linked arms with Plubplueng and wandered off to get some street food. He smiled faintly when their eyes met.
"Hey, be careful you don't fall."
"Why are you so worried about Marvis all the time? Don't my friends follow me around in flocks too?"
"It's about priority, babe. Try to understand."
"So what are you two, really? Come on, spill it. What's the status here? Be honest for once."
"If you want something solid—well, I'm rock-hard."
"I swear to God, I'm gonna punch you in the face today!"
The smaller guy laughed again, listening to the banter between two people who clearly adored each other but still acted like besties, walking arm-in-arm like girlfriends. It was so funny he had to snap a photo.
"Well, I am rock hard. I'm totally stiff. Your friend walks around the room in shorts shorter than those Thai pop idols."
"I bet you enjoyed that. Peeping and perving."
"Didn't just look, if you wanna know. That's all I'll say."
"I've never wanted to commit murder as badly and as constantly as I do right now."
"What an honor. Jettana gratefully accepts this compliment."
"Ugh, keep your voice down!"
"Stop teasing our friend already!"
"Yeah, Mar—come take a look at your kid here."
Jettana's breath caught at the word your kid. From Marvis' friend.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I suddenly this weak? Get it together. Don't be like this. Don't.
"Here you go. I've had so much sugar."
"Hold up, let me eat first."
Those sharp eyes looked at someone who today was dressed as casually as
possible—but from head to toe, it was all designer. Maybe not the kind of brands that were easy to recognize, because Marvis liked niche designers.
Sometimes it left Jett wondering how a thin, flimsy T-shirt that looked like It had been worn for ten years could cost over ten thousand baht.
The water bottle with a straw already in it was handed over, and Jettana took it before shaking the other person's hand to make him turn around and look, then started singing:
"When you and I drink from the same straw,
Do you even know...My heart is racing like crazy?"
"Haha—is that supposed to be a song? Please stop."
"Golf-Mike. Legends."
"Weren't there two of them? So how can there be only one number one?"
"If it wasn't you, I'd say you're being a smartass."
"What? Seriously though, why are they number one?"
Plubplueng was quietly listening to the conversation between the two, wondering how in the world that puppy-like kid ended up linking arms and walking around with her friend everywhere—but didn't touch Marvis at all.
Then again, maybe it didn't need to be physical. It was special in a different way—like when her friend wiped condensed milk from the kid's mouth and licked it off his own finger, or when she caught glimpses of their hands brushing against each other as he casually slipped his hand into her friend's
pocket while waiting in line for street food—and they'd both giggle.
Alright then.
"Jettana."
"Yes, ma'am?"
"Come here."
"Me again? Really?!"
Plubplueng waved him over, locked his neck in a playful hold, and whispered in his ear:
"Do you like my friend?"
"Damn, straight to the point, huh?"
"Answer me first."
"Yeah, I like him. My heart races every time I'm around him. So what now? I admit it, okay? He's crazy hot. Those legs. So sexy. But he's also got this cute, soft side. And when he wears glasses? God. Hot nerd alert. Makes me wanna major in him, you feel me?"
"You little shit."
"Ow ow ow, stop pinching me!"
He cried out as she pinched his side. He almost turned to Marvis for help—but he was off somewhere, excitedly chatting with a chestnut vendor, enthusiastically asking questions and laughing non-stop.
So damn cute. T_T
"You like him, then what? Gonna ask him out?"
"Like, as in to be his boyfriend?"
"Jesus. You're hopeless. There goes my last shred of hope."
"What? What did I do wrong? I can like someone and not want to date them, right? I mean I really like him—but I don't necessarily want to be his boyfriend."
"So what are you then? You two hook up all the time. Don't think I don't know."
"Oh nooo."
"Stop being a smartass."
Plubplueng pinched the flirty brat again and pulled him aside to talk because—this was serious. At first, she was sure Marvis was going to break this boy's heart like a tornado through a flower shop. But now, listening to
him…
She wasn't so sure who was going to break whose heart anymore.
"Have you ever eaten a meal and still felt hungry afterward?"
"What are you getting at?"
"I mean… the sex wasn't bad. But it could've been better. You probably figured it out already—we had a one-night stand. Met at a bar. Honestly? That night I was spinning. He was too good to be real, and I thought—if I
could just have him once, I'd focus on getting my degree. Like, I'd finally study for real. My GPA? Rock bottom. But because of him?"
"Ughhh."
"No, I'm being serious here!"
"And then?"
Jamie tried to hold back his laughter as she pulled out an inhaler from her bag. And then, she made Jett carry the bag for her too.
Maybe that old saying was true—talking to Jettana really did take a lot of energy.
Well, what can you do?
"I just want more. I like him so much. He's amazing. Every time, every place, every part of him."
"If it's so good, don't you want to have it for yourself?"
"Why are you always pushing this stuff? The person in question doesn't even want a relationship."
"But you two are a good match. It's kind of a waste."
"Things are fine the way they are. Freedom, you know? Honestly, I get bored easily—but I don't want anyone to get bored of me."
"And you think Mar's gonna get bored of you?"
"If I were that enlightened, I wouldn't be sitting here worrying, would I?"
"So what's the deal then? Are you afraid of love? Afraid of heartbreak? Afraid of commitment?"
"It's none of that, really."
The taller guy looked off toward someone.
Marvis was leaning over an ice cream freezer, intensely browsing flavors like he was on a mission—bending so far forward that Jett couldn't help but smile to himself.
Being that far away, he couldn't tell what flavor Marvis picked, but the bright, sunny grin he sent Jett—along with his mouthing
something and pointing at the old-school ice cream in her hand as if to say
"Come try this"—made Jett smile even wider.
"Maybe I'm just not good enough. Deep down."
"…"
"I'm scared I won't be able to give someone real love. Scared I'll be terrible at it. Scared that one day someone will look me in the eye and say 'sorry'—and it won't fix a damn thing. I don't want to be anyone's regret or some bad chapter in their life."
"Sigh…"
"Why the sigh? That was me being serious, you know."
"Hearing all that just makes me wish even more that you'd be with my friend."
Jettana had turned to yell to Marvis that he'd be there in a sec to try the ice cream—but then stopped, locking eyes with the person he'd just had this honest conversation with. And suddenly, he felt genuinely happy that
Marvis was surrounded by good people—safe, unpoisoned energy.
Got to eat ice cream.
Got to try toddy palm fruit.
Got to finish a roll of film on a film camera.
"Well, whatever. Like him all you want and don't make a move, I won't judge. But I'm rooting for you."
"You are?"
"Really. Ever since I've known Mar, I've never rooted for anyone before."
"And now it's me?"
"Yeah. You."
We looked into each other's eyes for a final moment.
"You're exactly the kind of person who'd love Marvis with all your heart—and he'd love you back just the same."
Jamie didn't know why she said that. Maybe it was too soon.
Love, huh?
But weren't they just saying they weren't going to fall in love?
"What's wrong? You're all quiet now. Did that girl get to you? You want me to beat her up?"
"Nahhh. I'm just sleepy."
"Oh? Wanna head back then?"
"Nah, it's fine. I'll be wide awake once I get a taste of that ice cream."
"Perfect. I picked calamondin orange flavor. Whatever that is. It just sounded cute."
Plubplueng leaned against the wall, watching the two people who had no idea just how adorable they looked together. And the way that kid leaned down to take a bite out of the ice cream Marvis was holding—already bitten into, by the way—was downright dreamy.
If this were a romance movie, it'd be the kind where the entire world only holds one feeling.
"Is it good?"
"Super tangy. Totally worth the hype."
"That line—I'm gonna remember it. 'Totally worth the hype.'"
One feeling that can't be defined.
One feeling that the two of them have overlooked—without realizing how special it really is.
"Very good, Khun Marvis. You never disappoint your teacher."
"You're such a dork."
"Wipe it off quick! The ice cream's about to melt—come clean your hands first."
"And since when did you have wet wipes?"
But it was special.
"Just bought them a moment ago. I saw your hands get messy a few times already. Come on, here."
And still, it kept waiting for the day it would finally be defined.