Chapter 16: The Hot-Blooded and Passionate Hero Promotional Commercial
Boom!
A large hole burst open in the wall of the evacuation shelter. Amidst the rising smoke and dust, a tall figure vaguely stood.
Click, click!
The figure walked out step by step, passing through the gray dust and revealing its full appearance. It was an intelligent robot, over five meters tall, exuding a metallic luster all over its body. On its back, it carried a greatsword two meters long and half a meter wide, and on its shoulders were two rocket launchers.
"Ah? It's a God-level Mysterious Being—the Terminator! Everyone, run!"
"Save me, someone please save me!"
The terrified citizens in the shelter scattered, screaming loudly.
Boom!
The robot's shoulder-mounted rocket launchers fired violently. A rocket exploded inside the shelter, collapsing walls and sending flames everywhere.
"Hey, stop it!"
A figure slowly emerged from the flames. An ice-cold voice pierced through the fire, accompanied by cold eyes, a cold expression, and a cold demeanor…
"Ah?! It's King! It's the S-Class hero, King!"
"So what if King is here? The opponent is a God-level Mysterious Being. No matter how strong King is, he can't beat them. Coming here is just pointlessly sacrificing himself. We might as well run and save our lives."
"King, hurry and run! Preserve your strength to do more meaningful things!"
The citizens, crushed under the collapsed walls, shouted.
"Run?" king's lips twitched as he chuckled. "If heroes run away, then who will fight?" His gaze locked onto the robot, and an off-screen sound effect of "Thump-thump—thump-thump—thump-thump—" began to play.
"This sound is… the Emperor Engine?!"
"King… has already entered battle mode."
"He clearly could have run, so why is he staying behind to die?"
The citizens stared in confusion at the tall, unyielding figure.
"Why? He's doing it for us!" A young man angrily smashed his severely twisted leg with both hands, crying loudly, "King is doing it for us, the powerless! He knows he might die, but he doesn't hesitate because he's a hero! He's the hero who stands before us, shielding us from the wind and rain—"
"Hero? Ha, just an ant. I can smash him into a pulp with one punch." The robot sounded as if it had heard the funniest joke in the world.
king quietly watched the laughing robot and said indifferently, "Are you done laughing?"
"Huh?"
The robot glared viciously at king. "Dog-shit hero, go die!" It threw a punch, hitting king squarely.
Bang!
king was sent flying, smashing through a wall.
"Heh heh, King, I will terminate you."
The robot, gaining momentum, wasn't letting up. It stomped its foot, raised its fist, and swiftly approached the fallen king.
"King, be careful—"
The survivors cried out in alarm.
"As a hero, it's time to tell you what to do in such a dangerous situation."
king sat up and suddenly grinned. He pulled out a packet of "Wei Long" brand spicy strips from behind him, aimed at the camera, and said, "At a time like this, just eat a spicy strip to calm your nerves." As he spoke, he took a spicy strip from the packet and popped it into his mouth, chomping down a few times before swallowing.
"Energy full!"
king's aura exploded, and he punched the robot into pieces.
"King!"
"King!"
The survivors cheered in unison.
king stood before the camera, holding up the "Wei Long" brand spicy strips. "When facing danger, have a spicy strip to calm your nerves and replenish high-calorie energy. You, too, can be a hero!"
…
At home, king watched the "Wei Long" spicy strip commercial on TV, covering his face, unable to bear watching it anymore. His lifelong heroic reputation was ruined by this commercial. Sitch had told him that hero promotional commercials were supposed to be hot-blooded.
Damn it, eating spicy strips really made his blood run hot and sweat pour down his face, and it easily made him feel agitated. But this wasn't the kind of hot-bloodedness he associated with heroes!
He wanted to cry but had no tears. If he had known it was this kind of commercial, he wouldn't have filmed it even if it killed him. But at the time, he was already in a position where he couldn't back out and could only grit his teeth and push through.
"Damn it, I'll go out for some fresh air. I'm suffocating."
Since filming that "Wei Long" commercial, he hadn't left the house for several days, afraid of being recognized and having people point at him and say, "Hey, isn't that Wei Long King?"
Oh, for heaven's sake!
He put on his essential black baseball cap, covering his face, and opened the door to leave.
…
Boom!
An explosion rang out. king, who had just stepped out the door, stared blankly at the ruined wall in front of him. Outside the damaged wall stood a robot covered in cannon ports.
"Target detected. Locking on target. Incineration Cannon, ready…"
The robot's outstretched palm suddenly spewed a large amount of flames. king couldn't dodge in time and was thoroughly roasted. After the flames died down, king's clothes were utterly burned away, leaving only a pair of boxers.
"Target still has life signs. Rocket launchers, ready…"
The robot scanned the flames with its data-displaying eyes for a moment. The cannon ports all over its body clicked open, and yellow light ignited in each one.
Boom, boom, boom!
A dozen rockets were continuously launched.
"Damn it!"
king crossed his arms in front of his face. The rockets arrived in a flash, all striking him.
Boom! Boom!
A series of explosions rang out, reducing the house to ruins. Panting heavily, king stood up from the rubble, his whole body scorched black. He stared coldly at the robot and shouted, "Who are you?! Who sent you?!"
"Target not dead. Nuclear energy battery self-destruct system, activated…"
"Self-destruct?!"
king was shocked and prepared to dodge. However, the robot was one step ahead, rushing over and embracing him. Half a second later…
Bang!!
From a distance, a mushroom cloud rose into the sky.
"Bastard!"
After the smoke cleared, king stood steadily on the ruins, staring at the pile of broken robot parts with a solemn expression. All his clothes had been burned away, leaving only a pair of underwear that remained perfectly intact after enduring the Incineration Cannon, rockets, and nuclear explosion.
At this moment, an off-screen voice chimed in: "Wiss underwear withstands any cannon fire, remaining perfectly intact. It's the underwear heroes can always rely on!"
"Wiss underwear is sturdy and durable, breathable and refreshing. Truly a *nice* pair of underwear!"
…
"Ah?!"
king, who had just opened the door and was about to leave, suddenly heard this commercial playing from the TV he hadn't turned off. He stumbled, instantly feeling utterly hopeless. According to the two commercial proposals from the Hero Association, one was supposed to be "hot-blooded" (hmph, in reality, a spicy strip commercial), and the other was "passionate" (heh, isn't an underwear commercial passionate enough?).
Damn it, Hero Association, Sitch, I'll remember you! Don't let me get an opportunity, or I'll beat you until you vomit blood.
He leaned against the door, feeling as miserable as if he had eaten a dead fly. His entire being ached, and he was internally spewing blood.
…
Z City, Ghost Town.
Saitama lay sideways in his futon, staring at the Wiss underwear commercial on TV. He watched as King, wearing the Wiss underwear in the commercial, endured several rounds of cannon fire and explosions yet remained unharmed. With his signature deadpan eyes, he scratched his crotch and muttered to himself, "That man's underwear is so sturdy. I want a pair too. I wonder if the supermarket that sells Wiss underwear is having a sale…"
This was the first time Saitama had ever seen King, and it was through an underwear commercial. This… was a bit awkward!
(end of chapter)