Severus paced the length of the medical tent once...
Twice...
Five times...
Nine times...
"Severus, what are you still doing here?"
Poppy interrupted his pacing with arms full of empty potions vials and a bemused look on her face.
"I am waiting for Potter," he said curtly.
"Severus," Poppy shook her head at him in an almost pitying way. "Everyone's returned to the castle."
Severus did nothing so plebeian as gape at her, but he did blink a couple of times before stalking to the entrance and confirming that the grounds were indeed nearly empty now.
"Son of a bitch," he snarled.
Severus started quickly making his way towards the castle, not even calling out a farewell to Poppy in his anger.
Potter was single-handedly determined to ruin his own life. And Severus would hardly stand by idly and allow it to happen.
No matter how much talent Potter clearly has for it.
He shook his head at himself as he walked. He should have known Potter quit taking his medication. He should have known. He had seen the signs and brushed them off. Medication was hardly foolproof after all, some manic behavior was still to be expected.
But today? Potter rushing towards a dragon wielding a sword?
That was perhaps the most impulsive act of 'I believe I am invincible' that Severus had ever witnessed in his life.
And he should have known.
Potter was clever- he would give him that. Severus had naively believed that his declining health in recent weeks was a side effect of the upcoming tournament task. Potter must have realized there was a charm on the bottle to alert Severus when a pill was removed, because his wand had heated up at breakfast and dinner faithfully every day. There was no way to charm the medication itself to alert him if Potter had taken it. Either the effects of the medication would cease, or the charm would, if he mixed the two together. He would have to find a way to ensure that Potter was actually consuming the medication from here on out.
Severus hesitated outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room. His blood was still boiling with fury at the brash child for quitting his medication in the most damaging way possible. Truth be told, he was just as furious with himself for not knowing about it.
He was also undoubtedly concerned about his foolish ward. But anger had always been easier to express.
In the morning then.
Severus would give Potter tonight to celebrate his outrageous win in the task, and in the morning, when his pain reliever wore off and his shoulder became intolerable, they would discuss the medication.
And in the meantime, Severus would calm himself and hopefully avoid another row with his ward.
It would be a disservice to them both to attempt a civil conversation in this state. Tomorrow he would deal with his ward.
His manic, foolish, brash, imbecilic ward.
***
"Sir?"
"Harry, come in."
Severus had risen early, knowing Potter's shoulder would begin causing him around 5 o'clock. Who would know better the longevity of a pain relieving potion more than Severus? It was a mark of Potter's threshold for pain that he abstained from coming to him until nearly seven.
"Hi," Potter said. His voice sounded like gravel, likely from the pain. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes rimmed with red, likely from an abundance of celebrating last night.
"Can I help you?" Severus asked coolly. He knew what Potter wanted, but damn if he was going to make it easy on the child.
"I thought... maybe... you'd tell me how to fix my shoulder?" Potter grimaced when he gestured to the injured shoulder. Severus snorted at his wording. Trust Potter to attempt to find a way to ask for help, without asking for help.
"Sit," he sighed. "Although you are approximately fourteen hours later than we agreed upon."
"Sorry, I forgot," Potter lied baldly as he took his seat and pulled his arm out of his shirt sleeve.
Severus would have called him out on his lie, but he had a sudden memory of the first time he did a medical exam on Potter and was instead struck with a soft feeling of victory that Potter had just willingly exposed part of his body to him. Potter may always have been an absolutely devastating hurricane of chaos and poor decisions, but he had grown and changed in many ways.
"I will have to vanish the broken bone and administer Skele-Grow to replace it," he told Potter as he examined the bruised and swollen joint. "Acceptable?"
"Acceptable," Potter mimicked him. "How long will it take to regrow?"
"Four hours. Plenty of time for you to inform me of your decision making process starting from the first of November," Severus said tersely. "Hold still now. Evanesco!"
Severus tapped Potter's shoulder and watched as the skin around the joint caved in with no structure holding it in place now.
"Drink this," he handed Potter the Skele-Grow. "I am going to wrap your arm in a sling until the missing bone is regrown."
"Disgusting," Potter chuckled after he swallowed the drink. "God this feels weird!"
Severus ignored Potter's mania driven chatter as he carefully wrapped the child's arm in to a sling and secured it across his body. He then moved to his chair and surveyed Potter carefully.
"I would like for you to tell me precisely why you chose to quit taking your medication, and why you chose to not inform me of this decision."
Potter shifted around in his chair and gnawed on his lip for a moment.
"Breakfast first?" he asked with a crooked smile.
Severus knew he was stalling, and would likely move on to diversionary tactics next, but Potter could hardly stand to miss a meal either.
"Breakfast first," he agreed.
After they finished eating, and Potter quit pushing eggs around his plate, Severus cleared his throat and gave Potter a pointed look.
"Okay, so... you know how you always think I don't have any sense of self preservation?"
"Correct," Severus said once it was clear Potter was waiting on a response.
"You got me thinking on Halloween how if I got hurt and couldn't take a potion then I could die. But I don't want to die, so it's self preservation, yeah?"
Severus steepled his hands and watched Potter for a long moment, silently thinking of this thought process that he unwillingly aided.
"I believe you misunderstood me," he said slowly. "I did not wish for you to end your medication, rather I had hoped it would cause you to think before entering situations where you could be injured to the point of requiring a potion."
"But that's not what you said. You said if I was hurt you wouldn't be able to give me a potion and I could die, but now I won't because I quit taking them."
Do not scream, do not scream, do not scream, he chanted silently. Screaming at the child would only end the conversation and leave them both irate and unsatisfied.
"Harry, do you not believe that your mental health has led you to make impulsive life-threatening decisions in the past?" he asked bluntly. "Because I seem to recall many instances where it has."
"Maybe," Potter grinned with a small shrug. "But I figure the tasks are actually supposed to hurt me, so it's better to be ready for them, yeah?"
"No. You will need to resume your medication," Severus said sternly.
"I will."
Oh thank God. Severus was sure it would be a fight to get Potter back on his medicine, especially in the middle of a manic upswing.
"After the third task."
There it is.
Do not scream.
"Or tonight," Severus countered with. "I would prefer you back on your medication tonight."
"And I would prefer not dying because I needed a potion to survive," Potter grinned. "Sooo, bit of an empath here."
Severus squinted at Potter, attempting to decipher that absurd statement.
"Impasse Harry," he sighed. "Not empath."
Sometimes Severus forgets that this young prodigy with unheard of control over his magic had only a third year primary formal education. Then Potter says something ridiculous and Severus is struck with renewed pity for his ward.
Pity that he could not allow to overtake him if he wished to get the child back on his medication.
"Are you not terribly ill?" he asked.
"Not anymore. I was for a couple weeks, thought I might die. I guess it was withdrawals," Potter said as he tapped his leg with his free hand. "I feel better now. Great actually. More like myself, you know?"
Sensing that line would get him nowhere, Severus switched tactics.
"And how will you feel when you begin behaving as erratically as Black?"
Potter's hand stalled for a moment, the rhythmic pattern he was tapping broken, before it resumed.
"Which is worse, acting crazy for a couple of weeks every now and again or dying? Because personally I think it's dying."
Of course the child chooses the worst possible to gain a will to live.
"You do realize that your manic cycle led you to near death yesterday, yes?"
"Nooo," Harry said slowly. "I think that was the dragon, wasn't it?"
Severus took a deep breath and counted to ten in his mind before he spoke next.
"Harry, why did you change your plan?"
Potter shrugged and Severus gave him a minute to organize his thoughts. Potter always responded to direct questions, he occasionally just needed time to sort his thoughts.
"Because I didn't want to win by cheating, and I thought flying would be boring. So when I was walking out there-"
"Pause." Severus held up one hand and rubbed his eyes with the other. "When did you decide that attacking a dragon with a sword would be a more worthwhile tactic than flying would be?
"When I was walking out there," Potter said. "So I was walking out and I remembered this book I read in a library once, I couldn't understand some of the words at the time cause I wasn't a good reader then, but Snape- it had photos. Wicked photos of a knight slaying a dragon with a long sharp sword. And so I saw the dragon and I thought of that book and I was like, 'yeah, okay cool, I already have a sword'."
"You..." Severus was caught in a state that only Potter seemed able to cause him- complete shock.
"You chose an entirely new tactic, as you walked in to the arena, based on a children's storybook?!"
"Yup."
It was moments like these that Severus would give anything to resurrect James or Lily Potter.
Anything.
Surely they would have a better understanding of how to handle this than Severus did.
"That is the single most idiotic statement that has ever come from your mouth," Severus told him bluntly. "You would have avoided injury had you been on your Firebolt and not impulsively and manically changed your approach last minute."
"You can't say that for sure," Potter said thoughtfully. "Could have been worse- I could have been hit by a fireball and fell from my broom, yeah?"
Touché.
"That is one possibility. Another is that you could have emerged injury free and with an even high score," Severus said, attempting a new approach.
"Pft, I didn't need a higher score, I won," Potter scoffed with a smile on his face.
Reminders of Black did not work. Appeals to his health did not work. Attempts to stroke his ego failed.
There were really only so many tactics he could choose here.
"You do not worry that I will have you committed to St Mungo's mental care ward to force you to take your medication?" Severus asked as lightly as he could.
"Nope," Potter shrugged. "If I'm not here for the tasks then the contract takes my magic, yeah? So I figure that's not a real option here."
Another failed tactic.
"What can I offer you for you to take your medication tonight?" Severus slumped in his chair. "Name me your price."
"Nothing," Potter said. "I'm going to take it again as soon as the third task it over."
"And if you become depressed to the point of suicide again?" Severus asked.
"Then I'll come tell you," Potter grinned. "But I don't think I will. Clearly I don't want to die, yeah?"
"You do not currently wish to die, though depression will likely wreck more havoc in your life than simply making you believe you want to die," Severus said, his throat tight at the mere thought. "Harry I do not want to fight with you, I simply want you to go back on your medication. We can find an alternative to any potion you may require, I will not let you die."
"I would... rather not," Potter said hesitantly. "I think it's better if I just wait until after the third task. I was really, really, sick for a while when I quit taking it. But I sucked it up cause I knew it was for a good reason. Sooo, so I think I should just suck it up and deal with the 'episodes' until after the task. But then I promise I'll take it again."
Do not scream.
"Why did you not tell me you were ill? Have I not proven myself worthy of your trust?"
Potter blushed and looked down at his knees as he scratched at the back of his neck.
"I figured you'd want me to take the pills, so I didn't want to tell you," he said quietly. "I do trust you, I swear. I've been thinking about all the stuff you told me and trying to do it."
Potter's diversionary tactics are up now apparently.
"Oh?" Severus raised an interested brow despite himself. He would indulge Potter, then return to the topic at hand. "Such as?"
"Like... like trusting people with stuff, and thinking about the worst possible scenario before I do something, and trying to make allies and not enemies."
"Will you be elaborating or am I to imagine the scenarios myself?" Severus asked, masking his genuine curiosity with sarcasm.
"What kind of scenarios are you imagining?" Potter grinned. "Because they might be more interesting really."
"Loathe as I am to admit this, most things you do are terribly interesting," Severus rolled his eyes. "Self destructive, chaotic, but typically incredibly fascinating."
"Thank you sir," Potter beamed at him, which prompted Severus to roll his eyes again.
It was not meant as a compliment.
"So I let Fred ask me ten questions, and I answered them all honestly. Before that I thought of the worst possible consequences and made sure I wasn't too rough on Bagman. And instead of making Moody an enemy, I'm going to recruit him."
Anything. Severus would give anything at all to resurrect even James Potter alone. He may even take up necromancy as a hobby in an effort to have the man available before the next time Potter says things that Severus has no idea how to respond to.
"The scar on Ludo Bagman's face, your handiwork I presume?"
"Yeah, but I wanted to do more. But then I thought of the worst possible scenario and I didn't."
"Excuse me." Severus summoned both a pain reliever and his scotch with a tumbler.
Potter tilted his head and watched curiously as he swallowed the pain reliever and followed it with a deep drink of his scotch.
"Continue."
"I, er, well that was it for that one. Did you wanna hear the worst possible scenario or did you just wanna talk about something else?"
"I would prefer to be ignorant of your assault on a high ranking Ministry official, this way I am not forced to lie when the aurors inevitably come asking questions."
Potter opened his mouth, no doubt with some fantastical explanation for his behavior, so Severus barreled ahead despite his regret at prodding at this line of conversation.
"You are attempting to recruit Alastor Moody to your 'gang'?" he asked.
Was his eye twitching? Severus reached up and felt it and yes; yes Potter has actually caused him to develop a neurological deficit with a twitching eyelid.
God damned Harry Potter.
"Welllll," Potter drew the word out, contributing further to Severus' newest deficit. "Moody's mad right? He has the longest write ups in Auror history. And he knows all the rules, but he's willing to break them. So I'm recruiting him."
Recruiting.
Based on a persons merits and their willingness to break the rules.
Albus may not need to fear that Potter, champion of House-Elves and Muggleborns, would be the next Dark Lord. But that did not mean Albus should not fear Potter. Because, despite Severus' best efforts-
He was actively recruiting.
"You sound like the Dark Lord when you say things like that," Severus sighed, mentally exhausted and emotionally taxed by his efforts to not yell. "You sound precisely like the Dark Lord."
"That's not on," Potter stopped grinning like a loon and scowled now instead.
It was an improvement in Severus' current opinion.
"Why don't I sound like Dumbledore?" Potter asked. "He recruited too, right? So how come when I say it, I sound like the Dark Lord? Oh yeah, was Moody at those Death Eater meetings?"
Severus choked on his sip of scotch at that.
"Was Alastor Moody, the most successful dark wizard catcher to ever be in the Ministry ranks, at Death Eater meetings? No Harry, no he was not."
"I'm sure he was a Death Eater though," Potter said thoughtfully. "I'm positive of it."
Potter had also once believed himself capable of giving himself night vision, gills, and feathers.
So he was hardly a reliable source of intuition when manic, was he?
"Tell me about Frederick," Severus said. He would hardly sit here and debate even the mere insinuation that Alastor Moody had been a Death Eater.
"Tell me why I don't sound like Dumbledore," Potter countered with quickly. "I can't recruit if everyone thinks I sound like Timmy, can I?"
Not- because I do not wish to sound like a megalomaniac Dark Lord.
But because sounding like one may hurt his chances of recruiting followers.
"Albus did not recruit, he simply allowed people to approach him and ask for a place within the Order," Severus said. "It was considered a great honor to have that request be granted."
"Hmm," Potter hummed for a long moment while he looked around the classroom and rolled his healing shoulder. "Wasn't it a great honor to be branded by the dark mark too?"
"It was."
"So I should make people know that joining me is a great honor too then," Potter said. "And Theo already said we shouldn't actively try and get the Slytherin's to join us instead of Timmy, he said we'll just keep showing we have power until they come begging to join. Which I guess is what Dumbledore did. So a little bit of recruiting, a little bit of making them come to us, and before you know it we've beaten Timmy and Dumbledore both!"
"Tell me about Frederick," Severus said again, his voice muffled slightly as he put his face in his hands. Potter still had two and a half hours until his shoulder healed and Severus may not make it that long. It was hardly nine o'clock and already he had driven Severus to drinking scotch with a twitching eyelid.
"Well, I already told you, kinda. I let Fred ask me ten questions and I answered them honestly. Oh yeah! Thanks for letting us go to Hogsmeade that day. Fuckin' Charlie sat with us, which sucked, but it was still nice of you. I knew you didn't hate Fred, you just pretend because otherwise... well, actually, I'm not sure why you pretend because you don't with my other friends, do you? But I figure-"
"Shut up," Severus groaned. "You are so incredibly manic that you are rambling like a madman."
Potter shrugged, but he also grinned at him in a decidedly self-conscious way.
"I might be a little manic, maybe, but it feels amazing, yeah?"
"Does it?" Severus asked. "Can you describe it?"
Potter admitting to the mania was an improvement already. When he continuously denied it Severus had worried that he wouldn't see reasoning. He was pleased that Potter had only been protesting, likely out of habit or fear of being perceived as 'weak'.
"Well, I always feel great when I'm flying, and this is a bit of that. I feel happy, which, no offense, but I don't usually feel. And I think that everything is gonna work out, which I also don't usually think. I dunno, it just feels amazing. Feels like I'm free, you know? But I figure if I think I'm happy for no real reason then yeah, I'm probably manic. Like you said before about euphoria and being impulsive and stuff..."
Severus moved his eyes from Potter to his hands lest the child sense his thoughts in his eyes.
Potter believes himself to be manic based on the fact that he is not usually happy without cause or optimistic about life?
Pitiful.
"You understand that if you do not take your medication then this mania that feels so great will eventually fade and you will inevitably end up depressed, right?"
Severus looked back up at Potter and saw his grimace and minor twitch at the reminder.
"I think I can deal with being depressed if it means I don't die during the tournament," he said.
Stubborn.
Merlin Potter is stubborn.
And Severus had no true leverage here.
"Harry I do not know what to do here," Severus said honestly. "I believe it would be better for you to be on the medication you definitely need and treat any possible injuries the muggle way than this route you have chosen."
"Are you mad?" Potter asked with an attempt at a casual tone that missed the mark by about a Quidditch pitch's length.
"I am not mad, though I do find myself disappointed that you made such a decision without my input," Severus said gently. "You and I are a team, your decisions impact my life greatly as mine do yours. I believe we should have talked about this and made the decision together."
"But there's no compromise!" Potter cried. "There's no middle ground here! Either I take it and I die if I need a potion, or I don't!"
He was not incorrect. There was no true compromise in this situation.
Though... perhaps there was a deal that could be made.
Severus was close on his formula for the potion to mimic Potter's medication. With the extra time he will have during the Yule holidays, he may actually be able to test it and begin treating Potter with a potion. If Potter could go three weeks without it, Severus could use this opportunity to create a deal with the child that would also benefit Potter greatly.
"I will offer you a trade," he said carefully, praying to Merlin that Potter was unaware that Severus held no real cards in this game. "If you accept my deal, I will say no more about the medication."
"What is it?" Potter asked warily, his eyes narrowed in sudden tension.
"Simple." Severus leaned forward and watched Potter closely for his reaction. "First, the moment I complete the potion for your medication, you take it with no questions asked and no complaints voiced."
Potter looked surprised.
"You... you're making a potion just for me?" he asked.
"I am."
It was also for Black, but Potter's shy smile told him that he should keep that information to himself for the moment.
"Okay, yeah that's fine. I don't really wanna be depressed again anyway."
"Wonderful," Severus said. "I would like for you to inform me once you do begin feeling depressed, though as you already agreed to do this I do not believe we need to add it to our deal, do we?"
"No," Potter shook his head to emphasize his point. "I'll tell you, I guess. Feels like whinging though."
"I will not consider it to be 'whinging' in the slightest," Severus assured him. "Secondly, I would like you to send two letters a week to Remus Lupin outlining your days and your thoughts."
Potter grimaced at that one.
"Why?" he asked. "Why would I tell Lupin my thoughts?"
"Because Lupin is a mind healer," Severus stretched the truth nearly to the breaking point on that. "And it would bring ease to my mind to know that you have someone to talk to. Is this acceptable? Two letters a week. You can even describe your thoughts on playing poker with your friends for all I care, as long as you write something."
Potter traced the armrest of his chair, 'self-soothing' the muggle healer called it, while he thought and Severus waited patiently.
"I can write about whatever I want?"
"You may. As long as it is not an entire parchment filled with swears or indecipherable Parsletongue," Severus smirked.
Potter smirked back at him and rolled his eyes.
"How would Parsletongue even be written? Just a bunch of sss's?"
"Does this mean you accept my second requirement?" Severus refused to be distracted when he was so close to implementing more resources to his ward's life.
"Accepted," Potter nodded. "So just take the potion without complaining when you finish it, and write to Lupin twice a week?"
"And-" Severus hesitated, guessing this would be the contingency that Potter would resist the most. Though, the one with Lupin had went over reasonably well. "I would like for you to tell at least one person you trust about this."
Potter had to start seeing his friends as people worthy of trust. He needed to become comfortable confiding in others, lest he becomes an adult who distrusts others and carries no counsel for his thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
An adult like the Dark Lord, who has always carried his own counsel.
"No."
"Yes." Severus said. "Harry, it must be incredibly draining carrying the weight of all these 'secrets' by yourself."
"I am not going to make myself look weak and pathetic by telling one of them," Potter sneered. "I'm not exactly going to look very strong by saying 'hey guys I've got a mental disease'."
"Do you believe yourself to be the only student within the castle who has a mental illness?" Severus asked carefully. "Because I believe you are merely one of the many."
"Then let them go around talking about it," Potter said. "I'm not going to."
Severus prayed that he meant as much to Potter as he suspected he did.
"It is the final condition of our deal, and- and I would be incredibly proud of you if you told one person."
"You're- fuck. You're disappointed in me if I don't?" Potter asked softly. Despite his swear, he still sounded very childlike in that moment.
"I would be very pleased and proud if you accepted this deal," Severus corrected him. "I am not disappointed in you for not doing so before now, but I can scarcely describe my pride if you would."
Potter bit his lip harshly as he glanced erratically around the room.
"Does it matter who I tell?"
"It does not."
"Who would you tell?"
Severus was caught rather wrong footed by the question, and tried to consider it carefully.
"I would tell Theodore," he said. "As he resides with us, it would be the most practical choice of your misfits."
"They aren't misfits," Potter said absently as he began tapping his foot now. "Fred would want me to tell him."
"That would be acceptable as well," Severus said.
"But Lue already knows."
"Does she?" Severus was surprised by that admission. "You told her already?"
"No," Potter shrugged. "I think she guessed. Cause she told me about how her mom had a mental sickness when I came to you that one day. She told me I was sick too and needed you to help me."
Severus mentally added Luna Lovegood to a list of people he now owes a great debt to.
"Miss Lovegood is very wise," he said. "But as she is already aware, I would prefer you to choose a different friend."
"Theo then," Potter said. "I'll tell Theo. He knows about the medicine anyway, kind of."
Severus got the sudden impression that he was not aware of a great many things that has happened recently in his wards life.
"Does he? Would you care to elaborate?"
Potter shrugged again and grimaced.
"He found me getting sick, I told him it was allergy medicine. Then he told me it was withdrawals and brain zaps I was having."
Then Theodore was already aware that Potter was not taking allergy medication, as those do not cause severe withdrawals or neurological side effects. Theodore was a bright child, he surely had already put together the pieces of the puzzle.
"Theodore sounds to be the perfect choice," Severus said. "Does our deal sound fair to you? I will accept your decision to abstain from the muggle medication if you take the potion as soon as it is finished and safe, you will write twice a week to Remus Lupin, and you will tell Theodore about your illness?"
"And tell you if I'm depressed," Potter huffed. "I think you're getting a lot more than I am."
"Trust me when I say that the indescribable stress and worry that I will be suffering from until you are back to being treated is severe," Severus said truthfully. "In fact, I believe that you are getting the better deal."
"Fine. Fine. I accept. It's bullshit, I think, but if it means we aren't going to fight about the pills again, then I accept." Potter wiggled his healing arm around and grimaced. "And this is annoying."
"Quite," Severus smirked. "Now, as we are no longer keeping secrets from each other and we have two more hours until you are free to leave my company, fill me in on all I have missed this last month brat."
Potter smiled at him, warming away the strain of their previous conversation, and immediately complied.
But Merlin the child was difficult to understand when manic.
***
Lupin,
Harry is going to be communicating with you shortly. I have instructed him to write to you twice a week. I believe this would be an acceptable alternative to weekly in person meetings. At a minimum, Harry agreed to this whereas he may not agree to in person meetings on a regular basis.
Kindly try to not screw this up. Even you can handle simple correspondences.
-SS
***
Severus was pursuing his prior notes on his brew for a potions alternative to Lithium when he was interrupted by a knock on his door.
"Enter," he called absently.
"Sir? Can I talk to you?"
Severus looked up and found himself surprised to see Theodore Nott hesitating in his doorway.
"Of course," he said. "Come in. Sit."
Theodore sat in what Severus had privately dubbed 'Potter's chair' and immediately began tapping his pinky to his leg.
"I talked to Harry a couple days ago," he said slowly. "He told me he's sick."
Severus inclined his head minutely as he waited for Theodore to get to his point.
"He said it's a mental illness, and it makes him manic and depressed."
"Correct," Severus said.
Theodore continued tapping his leg, looking remarkably like Potter when he runs his thumbs over various surfaces.
"And he said you're making him a potion to treat him," he said.
"I am."
Theodore nodded and stared intently down at Severus' desk.
"Will it only work for Manic-Depressive Illness? Or will it work for... say... regular depression as well?"
Severus regarded the young man carefully. Theodore had the faintest pink stain to his cheeks, born of a misplaced sense of embarrassment?
"The potion I am working on is only recommended to be used in cases such as Harry's. Though, once I complete it, I could begin developing one for a person who may find themselves experiencing regular bouts of depression."
Theodore's tapping increased in tempo. Though his face remained impressively blank, apart from the faint blush.
"If you did do that, and needed a test subject or something, I- I could test it," he said quietly. "If you wanted."
Severus felt two emotions so strongly and simultaneously that maintaining his own impassive expression was incredibly difficult.
Pity and shame.
Pity that Theodore had been suffering in silence for Merlin only knows how long. And shame that he, as Theodore's semi-official guardian and Head of House, had neglected him thus far.
"That would be acceptable," Severus said lightly. "I will begin it as soon as I finish Potter's potion. Though I would like to request one, voluntary, condition to this."
"What's that?" Theodore twisted his lips up, obviously expecting something distasteful to be asked of him.
"I would simply like for you to tell Potter about this," Severus told him. "As he has shared something incredibly personal with you, it may ease his worries that you think less of him if you share this with him."
And if it meant that the two abused, traumatized, and mentally ill teenaged boys had each other as a support and resource- then that was a pleasant side effect that Severus would keep to himself.
"Oh," Theodore's expression relaxed at that. "Yeah, that seems fair. Then Harry won't think he's alone. That's a good idea sir."
Severus inclined his head in acknowledgement, silently thinking that perhaps Theodore may no longer think he is alone either.
"I should get going. Thank you sir. I'll talk to Harry tonight. Thank you."
Severus silently watched as Theodore scrambled to his feet and left the room, a noticeable lightness to his steps now.
Severus turned his attention back to his prior test brews, looking for the formula that would perfect it, though his mind continued to whisper the same thought:
How had he failed so badly as a guardian thus far? And how many more failures would he bear?
***
Severus,
I got Harry's first letter, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to respond to it? He talked about his owl for three paragraphs, then added a running dialogue of how to play poker? I'm going to make a trip to France after the holidays to pursue the information they have on counseling teenagers, their knowledge base is much more in depth than ours. I'll keep replying to Harry's letters while I'm gone though, as incredibly odd as they may be.
-Remus Lupin.