"Merry Christmas, Harry."
"Merry Christmas, baby," Lily echoed Luna.
"Merry Christmas, son," James said quietly.
It was early, too early really, but Lily and James had been awake and sitting on their sitting room floor for hours, watching their son fight sleep with his sweet little friend Luna by his side. Lily's parents had wanted her and James to spend the day with them, but just as they cancelled plans with their friends yesterday, they cancelled with her parents for that day as well.
"Merry Christmas, Lue, I'm sleeping," Harry grumbled on the telly screen.
Lily smiled softly as Harry yanked the blanket back over his head and Luna immediately yanked it back off him.
"No, you're opening presents," she told him sternly before smiling so sweetly. "Please? I got you something."
Lily and James exchanged weak grins, if anyone could manipulate Harry into getting out of bed and enjoying this small facet of his currently miserable life, it was Luna Lovegood.
Lily adored that sweet, brilliant, girl.
"Lue, I'm tired," Harry whined.
"You're going to feel tired until you find a reason not to," Luna said wisely.
That makes no fuckin sense at all, Harry thought.
"It does," James disagreed. "You're just—"
"Merry Christmas!"
Lily looked up from where they were sitting on the floor, still clad in their matching pajamas (matched to whatever Harry slept in Christmas Eve night as had been their tradition since his very first Christmas as a newborn), to see Regulus and Elaine shuffling in their cottage with Christmas jumpers on and arms ladened with food.
"Hey, guys, we're not really—"
"Don't start, Jamie," Regulus sniffed. He put a tray of biscuits on the floor and conjured a pitcher of milk. "We are aware that you aren't celebrating, but Susan and Draco did their celebrating last night so we have nothing else to do today besides watch Harry be depressed and eat horribly fatty food with Elaine's friends. Now, budge up, I'm not sitting on the floor and your big head is blocking the telly."
Lily shook her head and accepted one of the fresh biscuits from Elaine as she chose to let James deal with his friend while Harry exchanged gifts with Luna.
"Open this one first," Luna said, thrusting a sparkly golden package at Harry.
Harry gave her his gift as well while he thought that the quicker he got gift exchanges over with the quicker he could go back to sleep.
"Oh, it's lovely," Lily sighed when Harry opened Luna's gift. It was a blanket made of all different rainbow colors, huge, and obviously handmade.
"Merlin, Lue, did you make this?"
"It's beautiful," Elaine said quietly. "I bet it took her ages to make."
"It did," Regulus confirmed. "Draco offered to help her and she insisted on doing it herself."
Lily was smiling when Luna opened the jewelry box from Harry and held up the little golden moon necklace. It was sweet, how Harry worked so hard to pick a necklace for each of his little girlfriends.
It was certainly sweeter than anything Lily received from her friends at thirteen. Clothes, cosmetics, and occasional joints were the standard gifts swapped between Lily and her girlfriends, nothing so carefully chosen.
James certainly was never so sweet, though he was ridiculously jeal—
"You bought my girlfriend a necklace?" Theo asked Harry, his voice choked. Lily rolled her eyes in tangent with Hermione - who Harry got a beautiful golden book shaped charm necklace for - at Theo's blatant jealousy.
"Who does that sound like?" Lily muttered.
"No idea," James said airily, feigning ignorance to the Christmas he slugged Remus for buying Lily a bracelet. "Probably someone handsome though."
"Arrogant to be sure," Lily agreed sweetly.
Harry clearly had no idea what Theo's issue was as he slowly explained that he bought Luna and Susan necklaces as well. Lily liked Susan's necklace the best, it was a golden flame that Lily thought matched the fiery girl quite well. Hermione called Theo an idiot and Harry shook his head in tired bewilderment before trying to go back to sleep.
"Last one, then we can go down in the common room and eat," Luna said cajolingly. Harry sighed as if that were the most unbearable burden he had ever been tasked with before he accepted the long and thin package from Luna.
"I hate him,' Regulus groaned when Harry opened the parcel with no more interest than wanting to get the day over with.
"Harry?" Elaine asked, startled.
Regulus snorted and leaned back against the sofa, resting his head of dark curls on James's lap.
"Of course not, I adore that feral child. I meant Sirius, of course."
Lily was too used to Regulus bemoaning his brother to take his complaints seriously and instead she watched as Harry's face lit up for just a second with childish glee at the Firebolt that Sirius bought for him. Even Lily, who knew nothing about brooms, could appreciate the beauty of the broom.
"I'd kill my- my… er…" James hesitated while he tried to think of someone he would kill. He reached down and tugged hard on one of Regulus's curls suddenly. "I'd kill Reggie for a Firebolt when I was a student. Look how pretty it is!"
"I'd kill you for an after-dinner mint," Regulus said simply.
Lily and Elaine caught each other's eyes and grinned. James and Regulus were adorable, really. It was a strange friendship, sometimes Lily thought that James replaced Sirius with his brother, but it was still cute. Lily wished they all could have been friends in school… not waste so much time with a war that killed them all in the end.
"Ooh, Sirius wont like that," Regulus said cheerfully, bringing Lily's attention back to the telly. Harry had rolled out of bed and snatched the broomstick, his thoughts annoyed and bitter.
I'm not being tricked into therapy, Harry thought irritably, storming from the room without even his shoes.
"Where are you going?" Theo asked Harry.
"I'm giving it back," Harry snapped.
"Imagine Sirius's anger if he knew Sev was getting the credit for his expensive and ridiculous gift," Regulus said. "James, turn on the Sirius Channel, I want to see what he's doing."
James needed no more prompting, and he flicked on the second telly they had, showing Sirius curled up just inside the Forbidden Forest as Padfoot. Sirius's thoughts were sad, wistful, as he wondered how Harry's Christmas was going.
Not great, really.
Lily hated seeing Harry so despondent recently that it was a slight balm to see him lit up with fire as he stormed toward Sev's quarters with his broomstick in hand. When Harry saw Sev wasn't in his quarters, he went straight to his office.
"You think that Severus will guess who sent Harry the broom?" Elaine asked curiously while they watched Harry storm the office. "It would help Sirius, right? Severus knowing he cares enough about Harry to get him a broom?"
"Mm, hard to say," Lily said distractedly. "Sev hates Sirius and it's quite mutual. It's even odds that Sev will just burn the broom and buy Harry one himself."
"I'm not going to a Mind Healer."
"Merry Christmas to you as well."
"Snarky bastards," James grinned faintly. "I reckon they could just sit in a room and sass each other for hours and never get bored."
"Sirius and I used to do that as children," Regulus chimed in. "When Mother locked him in a closet, I would sit outside the door and we would insult each other to keep him calm."
Lily blinked down at Regulus, a twinge of pity for Sirius and Regulus both overtaking her. Lily knew Regulus wouldn't want comforted though, so she just conjured them all glasses of tequila to drink while they watched Harry and Sev argue on the telly. Severus didn't buy Harry the broom and Harry lost his fire immediately, slumping in his seat and apologizing.
"Wait- Harry. Stay, please. I would like to talk with you."
"Why's he doing that?" Elaine murmured, watching as Harry scraped his right knuckles on the armrest of his chair, letting the pain focus his mind.
"Because he's sick," James said simply, earning a scowl from Lily. Her baby was not 'sick', he was being tormented by dementors and he was sad and all his emotions were perfectly normal. Lily couldn't argue about it again though, not when Sev and Harry were starting to fight with each other on the telly.
"I'm worried about you."
Lily let out a pained sound when Harry immediately flinched and began withdrawing in his own thoughts, checking out of the conversation almost entirely. Sev wouldn't let him though, he saw Harry's reaction and dug his heels in.
"Is that a cause for concern? That I am worried about you? That I care for your health and happiness?"
"Quit," Harry said softly, anger beginning to taint his thoughts.
It broke Lily's heart to see how much Harry fought against the most basic human needs. Harry didn't know what it was like to be loved and cared for- it scared him. The unknown scared Harry, only disdain was safe to the baby that had been so loved since the second Lily knew he existed.
"This is painful," James groaned when Harry began screaming at Sev. James turned tortured hazel eyes to Lily and she had no words of comfort for him. It was painful… it was excruciating.
"YOU THINK I'M SOME GOOD PERSON OR SOMEONE STRONG WHO DESERVES YOU TO CARE ABOUT THEM AND I'M NOT! I'M NOT!!"
If Lily were there, she would tell Harry that he wasn't a bad person, he wasn't. And even if he was, it didn't mean that he didn't deserve love. Love wasn't something to be earned, it was just… just given freely.
"I miss him," James said simply and with no shame at all. "I miss him so much. I would-" James sniffled, and Regulus passed him a handkerchief he conjured midair. "I would do anything for him."
Lily didn't need to say it, James knew she felt the same way. And, clearly, Severus as well.
"You are a survivor, and survivors rarely survive without having to commit acts that others would deem to be unethical. This does not make you someone who does not deserve to be cared about. You are strong. And you are who you have been made to be."
"Hear, hear," Regulus murmured, brandishing his glass of tequila and juice. "No shame, Harry."
Lily always wondered how Regulus managed to find his way to the Afterlife they all shared… then she wondered if Harry would be granted the same reprieve Regulus was when he passed one day. Harry wasn't conventionally kind, and he had killed before, but Sev was right: Harry was who he had been made to be. If anyone didn't like it, they should have intervened when Harry needed guiding hands.
Severus was starting to piss Lily off though every time he insisted that Harry had some sort of sickness. It was demeaning, it seemed like it was made to brush off all the horrible things Lily's baby suffered through:
'Yes, your childhood was terrible, but you're just sad because you're sick.'
'Dementors are foul creatures, but you would feel better if you talked to a Mind Healer.'
It was bollocks.
"Oh, poor baby," Elaine sighed sadly. They had just watched Severus raise his hand and Harry immediately flinched away, thinking Severus meant to strike him. That was what Harry found to be normal and acceptable, violence.
"I, of course, will not strike you, Harry," Sev said calmly, earning nods from the four dead young adults watching the private moment on the telly screen.
"Damn right you won't," James muttered darkly, his eyes becoming even more heated at Harry's next words.
"You could. You could hit me right now and I wouldn't tell anyone."
I would feel better.
"He's sick," James groaned. He raised his fist to his mouth and bit hard on his knuckles for a few seconds, one of his many signs of genuine distress. "He's so sick."
Lily couldn't take it anymore, she really couldn't.
"OUR SON IS NOT SICK!" Lily screamed, drowning out Harry's pleas and Sev's refusals on the telly. "HE IS SAD AND HE IS UPSET! QUIT! JUST- QUIT!"
James, Elaine, and Regulus all turned to stare at Lily until their looks became too much and she huffed and shoved herself to her feet.
"Don't follow me," she told James heatedly, her feet already carrying her to the door. "I need some air."
It was just so infuriating; the way Harry was being treated by everyone. Even James thought he was sick and he should be Harry's biggest supporter. Harry wasn't broken or ill or impaired- he was just a really messed up kid that had nobody for all the important years of his life.
Lily had her head ducked as she stormed through the quiet village where the Potters kept their cottage. It was too quiet and Lily kept conjuring things to kick while she walked until she was interrupted.
"Lily! Wait!" Regulus was panting – a dramatic and fake pant since being dead meant never being winded – as he ran to catch up with Lily.
"I said to not follow me," Lily reminded him, no real bite to her tone. Lily's anger tended to come on explosively and burn itself out just as quick; Lily could hold a grudge, but she couldn't hold on to the anger that came with it. Lily still kicked a footie ball as hard as she could, feeling satisfied when it flew in a high arc across the path from her.
"I was sure you meant James." Regulus said carelessly. He looped his arm in Lily's and let her tilt her head over to rest on his shoulder while they naturally fell in step together. Regulus was young, often careless with his words and quick to guard his emotions, but Lily forgot that he was oftentimes quite insightful when he wasn't being an utter tool.
"Sirius is sick," Regulus said in a nonchalant drawl while they strolled. "Sirius was born with a deficiency in his brain that impacted all of his decisions. I've wondered for quite some time what my brother would be like if he were well. If Sirius alone made his choices – not the imbalances in his brain – would the two of us have fought before? If Sirius didn't try and take his life before, would he ever have left Mother's house?"
"It can't be both ways," Lily argued stubbornly. "Either Harry is who everyone else's actions and inactions made him to be or he's got a sickness that everyone gets to lay the blame on."
Lily didn't have to specifically say that the only person whose fault it wasn't was Harry, but they all knew it was nothing but the truth.
Regulus slowed to a stop and took half a step from Lily so that he could grasp her hand and stare in her eyes with solemn grey ones.
"Why do those options have to be mutually exclusive?" Regulus asked softly, sounding much wiser than his eighteen years. "I believe Sirius is who he was made to be, illness and all."
Lily swallowed hard and didn't bother to correct Regulus that they were discussing Harry. It was a moot point… more and more recently, Harry and Sirius were being lumped together regardless.
When Lily returned to the cottage that evening, Elaine was gone and James sat alone in the sitting room. James's shoulders were shaking and Lily felt wretched to have left James to watch whatever happened with their son alone.
"James? Love?" Lily wrapped her arms around James immediately and her guilt increased tenfold when James turned to her like a weeping child and sobbed dry tears in the crook of her neck. Lily was panicked, but when she looked at the tellies she saw Harry picking at the Christmas Feast in the Great Hall on one screen and Sirius pacing the dirty old Shrieking Shack on the other screen. There wasn't anything wrong with Harry – more than usual – and Lily was startled by James's heartbroken cries.
"He's thinking of it again," James finally said. His voice was hollowed out by his cries and he trembled in Lily's arms. "Harry, he's- he's trying to join us again."
Lily's heart sank clear to her stomach and she watched Harry pick listlessly at his food with goosebumps of fear erupting on her arms. Even if, shamefully, Lily occasionally thought that Harry should just come home to his mama, let her keep him loved and fed and safe in the Afterlife where nothing could hurt him, he was a baby.
Harry had a whole life out in front of him and he was, once again, ready to give it away.
*****
Just as they had last time… James watched Sev while Lily watched their boy.
It was important that they both kept track of what was happening as James felt that something big would happen that day…
Sirius sent Severus a letter the night before… Harry wrote a letter to Luna the night before… Sirius claimed his innocence and begged Severus to catch Peter and get the dementors removed… Harry said he couldn't do it anymore and would Luna take care of Sevvie for him?
Something big was going to happen and James didn't know what he wanted – what he hoped for – what was possible. But the Potters locked their door, directed Marlene and Dorcas to keep Regulus company, and waited to see if their son would be joining them that day or not.
It broke James's heart to recall the many times they had been in the same position… James and Lily had been dead for a little over twelve years and James needed both hands to count how many times he thought his son was on his way to the Afterlife.
"The owl's there," James reported aloud to Lily, his eyes trained on the Severus Channel. Sirius, absolutely mad bastard that he was, actually send Severus a letter proclaiming his innocence and the importance of getting Harry away from the dementors before he followed through on his suicide plan.
"Harry's dreaming about Susan," Lily reported back. Her hand was locked in James's, a two-person team for eternity. "She keeps reaching for him but the dementors are holding him back from grasping her hand."
"That's – shit," James breathed. His eyes went wide behind his glasses when Severus read Sirius's letter and immediately took off for the Slytherin dorms. "Shit. Shit. Er… Expecto Patronum."
James summoned his stag patronus and sent a quick message to Regulus, begging and pleading for him to bring his telly over. James and Lily were a perfect two-person team, but the drama unfolding was trifold between Harry, Severus, and Sirius. And that meant they needed a third telly and someone willing to watch the Sirius Channel and share the report.
Regulus appeared so quickly that James wondered if he was skulking outside their house with his telly in hand.
"HE HAS THE RAT!!" James was shrieking when Regulus stormed inside and shoved himself between James and Lily to fire up his telly. "SEVERUS HAS PETER!!"
"Who are you?" Severus whispered to Peter's stunned form.
James had no idea… he probably never would.
James used to spend some time watching the Peter Channel, hoping his thoughts would explain why Peter would sell James and his family to Voldemort. Surely they threatened Peter's ailing mum or some secret lover of his. Maybe they beat Peter until he was bloody and broken, only whispering the secret with the last of his energy after withstanding hours and hours of torture.
But no.
Peter just… he just sold James, Lily, and Harry to Voldemort. Peter let Sirius go to Azkaban. Peter never looked back.
It hurt just as bad then as it still did when James watched Severus pocket Peter and begin striding from the dorms toward Remus's office at Sirius's request in his letter.
"Sirius can't sleep, he's worried his letter wasn't quick enough," Regulus reported flatly. "He's – Merlin – he's just picturing Harry dying over and over."
James had kept fast of Lily's hand even when Regulus shoved himself between them, but they let go of each other at the same time without looking away from their respective tellies. It was proof of how upset Regulus must have been that he didn't have a smartarse comment to make when James and Lily both took one of his hands to hold in their own.
"Sirius loves you," James murmured to Reg while Severus pounded on Remus's door.
"Never as much as he does Harry," Regulus replied without missing a beat. It was the same hurt with a new target that had plagued Regulus since before he died and James – a happily only child not counting his pseudo-sibling – had no true words of comfort for him.
They were all distracted quickly anyway.
"Peter Pettigrew- was he an animagus?"
"Oh, shit. It's happening." Lily looked away from where Harry slept so she could watch the same mesmerizing drama unfolding that James and Regulus were on Severus's channel. "James… they have him."
They did.
Peter was in Severus's pocket and the odds on Sirius being legally freed had never been better. James should be jubilant, thrilled to have an old injustice righted, but there was still a pang of hurt for the friend that he once had in Peter.
It was something to think about later though, because Severus had Remus at wand point on the screen.
"What was Pettigrew's form?"
"Why does it matter? Peter is dead."
"WHAT WAS HIS FORM?!"
"A rat! A rat! Peter was a rat! James was a stag-"
The spiritual representation of maturity, grace, and kindness… ill-fitting.
"Rude," James grinned, too amused to be insulted by Severus's insult. "I'm very mature."
"You aren't," Regulus said.
"I'm graceful," James said.
"Mm, you're rather clumsy, love," Lily said.
"Well my mum says I'm kind," James huffed. "So you lot can-"
"- and Sirius was a dog."
"A dog. Describe it. NOW, LUPIN!"
"Just a dog! A black dog!"
Nobody said anything while they watched Severus's thoughts flit through every mention of a dog that Harry had made since the summer. There were plenty of them, just as many memories of Harry sitting outside and sharing his soul with a big black dog.
And Severus was furious.
"You knew?" Severus hissed at Remus. "You knew Black could transform in to a dog this whole time? AND YOU SAID NOTHING?!"
"That's fair," Regulus said, seeming cheered by Remus getting reamed on screen. "It's not as if he never considered that Sirius was using his animagus form to sneak around, he specifically considered it on Halloween night."
"Why were you watching the Remus Channel?" Lily asked curiously.
Regulus shrugged. "I keep hoping to see him naked, see what Sirius fancied about him."
James was grinning already as he watched Severus verbally eviscerate Remus for not speaking up about Sirius's animagus form on the telly, but he actually snorted with amusement then.
"Twelve inches," James and Lily said simultaneously.
It was dead silent, no pun intended, as James very slowly turned his head to stare at his wife with horrified eyes.
"Lils… no," James breathed. "You didn't."
James already tried before to escape the Afterlife and return to his son, but he would try again and again to make it back to actually kill Remus if so. A beaters bat to his face on the telly wouldn't be enough, James would have to kill him.
Lily was blushing a dark red and she shook her head quickly, red hair flying about wildly.
"Marlene," Lily said hastily. "I swear, it was Marlene. She just- told me."
Oh.
That was fine then.
James nodded curtly and ignored Regulus's snickers as he glanced at the Harry Channel – asleep, tossing and turning and kicking poor little Luna – then the Sirius Channel – pacing and anxious – before getting back to Severus's. Severus worked quick; James would give him that. He already dispatched Remus to fetch Albus while he was flooing Amelia in her official capacity. Severus was really hoping for Remus to be arrested for withholding information about Sirius, an idea that made James cringe.
Remus was a bastard, but Azkaban had to be worse than hell. In James's mind, it was ranked in order of best to worst: the Afterlife, Earth, Hell, Azkaban, the endless suffering that Frank and Alice were locked in. Somewhere near the end of that list was Harry's life most days, but if Sirius were freed… if Severus could convince Harry to get the help he needed…
James wanted to hope that in a year, Harry's life would be much improved.
"Sev is sending Mavis to watch Harry," James reported as it happened on screen. "He's also fetching some Veritaserum and… Lucius Malfoy?"
"A barrister who won't let Sirius slide on bias," Regulus said smartly. "Amelia is fetching Kingsley, he's hardly unbiased."
"And Lucius Malfoy isn't?" Lily scoffed. "Spare me."
"Reg, later," James murmured. Regulus really had a soft spot for his merry band of death eaters and there was too much happening for James to want to hear about Lucius Malfoy. Within minutes, Remus's office had Amelia Bones, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Nymphadora Tonks, and Susan Bones in it with Albus, Severus, Remus, and a stupefied rat-Peter.
"Morning, Professor," Susan said brightly to Severus, smiling at him with enough of a childish crush that even James snickered. Susan made a point to look at Albus and Remus both entirely dismissively before looking at her aunt. "This looks important. I'll just go find Harry, shall I?"
"If I wasn't rooting for Fred, I'd root for her," James said wistfully. Susan was the best. "Maybe she'll marry Draco…?"
"As if," Regulus sniffed. "Draco wrote Luna's name all over a parchment the other day. Luna Malfoy, over and over, with tiny little hearts."
"Aww." James was a sucker for love and he gave the love of his life big and sappy eyes. "I used to do that for you, Lils, testing to see how my name sounded with yours."
Lily didn't seem to find it very romantic. In fact, she called James 'creepy'. But whose wedding ring did she wear? Creepy and romantic James's.
"Oh God… Oh God…" James couldn't breathe when Amelia sent Tonks off for Sirius's file and the Minister. Regulus was squeezing the feeling from James's fingers as Severus handed Pettigrew to Amelia. Like Severus's thoughts said, James didn't know what he was hoping for either. No matter how it played out, one of James's old friends was going to be hurt.
Preferably, it would be the one that orphaned his son, but James's preferences were frequently ignored.
James, who knew how to take care of everyone else and rarely himself, hardly noticed as his friends and family began infiltrating the Potter cottage, filling it with their support and love.
All James could do was watch as Peter Pettigrew finally sat for an interrogation that came twelve years too late…
"Are you Peter Allan Pettigrew?"
"I am."
"What is your date of birth?"
"August 8th," James whispered just as Peter said it on the telly. When Harry was born, Peter had groaned dramatically—
"Couldn't he wait just a bit longer? We could have had the same birthday!"
Did he know then that he was going to send Voldemort after James's son? After the baby that James called Peter's own nephew?
"You are an animagus?"
"Yes."
"How long have you been an animagus?"
"Eighteen years."
Severus's thoughts were begrudgingly impressed on screen and James preened over it. It was Sirius's idea… one that James was immediately on board with. James and Sirius were brilliant at transfiguration, truly gifted at the subject. Sirius said that Remus was lonely during the full moons, alone and with nobody to distract him from the pains. James was reckless, but never reckless enough to hang around a werewolf during the full moon. That was when Sirius said they should all learn the transformation, become animals that could run away from a wolf if needed.
Peter needed help, Merlin, did he need help. But James wouldn't let Sirius and himself become animagi and leave Peter behind… all for one and one for all, that was how James saw his Marauders.
It must have only been James's naïve view, clearly none of his old friends shared it.
A soft hand was on James's right shoulder and a firmer hand on his left when Amelia finally asked Peter what everyone was waiting on.
"What exactly happened the night of James and Lily Potters deaths?"
James's shoulders shook with sobs that released no tears, everything hurt so badly while he strained to hear every word that Peter said on screen.
"I told the Dark Lord where to find them. I knew I'd have to hide until His victory was complete. I'd betrayed Dumbledore's side and his followers would kill me."
On screen, Severus was amused by the members of the Order of the Phoenix being described as 'followers', James couldn't find the humor just then. On the night that Peter left Harry an orphan, he did with only thoughts of saving his own hide. Not about James, who embraced Peter as a brother. Not about Lily, who never forgot Peter's family when sending holiday cards or gifts. Not a single thought for Harry… an innocent baby that giggled at 'Uncle Pete's' rat form.
"So I hid and waited. Then I heard that baby Harry survived and the Dark Lord had been vanquished. I knew I'd have to run for it. I tried, I got to the Muggle world but Sirius found me. He confronted me. There were people all around, listening. I tried to make it sound like Sirius had betrayed them. I only had one chance to disappear with my life and I took it. I blew apart the street and transformed, I slipped in to the sewer and I waited."
"How could he?" The soft hand on James's shoulder belonged to his mum and her voice was shaking with heartache. "Peter… how could you?"
"Scum," Gideon said darkly, a beaters bat in hand and a look thirsty for revenge on his face.
"Absolute garbage," Fabian agreed.
"I loved him," James said sadly, looking at the man that used to be someone James trusted his families life to. "I loved him."
It was stupid, foolish. James was an idiot, he never should have—
"You couldn't have known."
James looked over at Regulus with eyes burning from tears he couldn't shed and Regulus held his eyes evenly in a room packed with all of their family and friends.
"There were signs," James said, thinking of how ill and evasive Peter became near the end.
"You couldn't have known," Regulus repeated. "No one did."
It was true and Peter said as much a few seconds later.
"The Death Eaters didn't know I was one of them. The Order didn't know I was on the other side. Nobody knew when I disappeared."
And then James Potter watched as Peter Pettigrew was finally placed in chains and the legal team began working to get Sirius cleared. It should have been the rush of joy that James had wanted for years… all he felt then was the same heartache he had when Regulus once informed him that Peter was the one to give his location to Voldemort.
The only thing that eased James's heavy weight was the laughter that filled the overflowing cottage when Severus summoned his fox patronus and tried to send Harry a subtle message.
"Harry, I am in an incredibly important meeting at the moment. If you and your friends would like to eat breakfast in your dorm, I do need to speak with you once my business is concluded. I believe I have news you will find of interest. Call upon your acquaintance if my presence is needed for any reason."
Hopefully the brat's danger to himself will be dampered by curiosity for the interesting news, Severus thought as he sent off the patronus.
The truly funny part of the moment was when Lucius Malfoy rolled his eyes at Severus after the fox trotted away through the walls.
"You've gone soft."
"I would gladly take the opportunity to prove the falsehood of your words, Lucius," Severus sneered.
Even if Potter made me soft I will kill Lucius with both eyes closed.
"He doesn't seem to realize his reputation is trash, does he?" Marlene asked with a grin. She was cozied up beside Dorcas and had a burrito of some sort in her hand, James watched as the toppings actually began dropping out of it, landing on her lap where she didn't even notice it.
"It'll be reinstated when he's the right hand to the next Dark Lord," Dorcas said, adding a wink when Lily turned to scowl at her. "Dark Lord Potter has a ring to it."
Dad was just behind James, still supporting his son, and chuckled as a way to ease some of the tension in the cottage.
"It does sound much better than Voldemort," he scoffed with good-natured cheer. James snorted then and knew that he got much of his sense of humor from his dad.
Maybe Harry would have been like that, if… if everything had been different. If Peter was a better friend. If Sirius weren't so impulsive. If Remus had went to check on his nephew. If James's friends had loved James – and Harry by extension – as James loved them, everything would have been different.
"Oh for the love of- is this man a joke?!" Dad sputtered indignantly when the Severus Channel showed Minister Fudge rolling from the floo a few moments later, still dressed in a violet nightshirt with pinstriped robes thrown on top of it. Severus didn't know if he should be amused or terrified at Fudge's obvious incompetence, the souls in the afterlife had no trouble deciding.
"Harry's going to destroy him when he runs for Minister," Fabian said. "Imagine, Gid, a Prewett first lady."
"Ew, you better not mean Ginny," Dorcas said with her nose crinkled.
"Fred," Elaine corrected her patiently. "Susan's noticed him watching Harry lately, she thinks it's a trap and is plotting preemptive revenge."
Mum gave Elaine a long and curious look. "Your daughter is quite… loyal."
James knew that was Mum-speak for some sort of insult, but Elaine only sighed in a long-suffering type of way.
"She was a perfectly sweet girl before she met your grandson," Elaine said. "They do egg each other on something fierce."
Harry was going to take over the world with Susan at his side, that was what James thought would happen… if Harry quit trying to join James and Lily too soon.
The solemn get-together in the cottage turned to something of an impromptu Boxing Day party while they all watched as Sirius Black was legally cleared of wrong doing. James wasn't much in a party mood after seeing Peter led away in chains (a vindication and hurt) but seeing Sirius smile as a free man? That helped.
It didn't mean that Sirius wasn't dim though as he worried about Harry and wondered why Severus wasn't taking care of him. Harry didn't need someone sitting on top of him, his telly showed him in his dorm with Susan and Luna, the girls played cards while Harry laid in bed and watched. Severus did what he needed to do, he got rid of the dementors.
And accidentally cleared Sirius's name, a hysterical side-effect.
The three tellies were blown up to take up the entire wall of the cottage. Severus's channel was on the leftmost screen, his agitated pacing shown to everyone. In the middle was Harry, his depressed thoughts captioned for everyone to read while they ate and chatted about what Sirius's freedom meant for them all. On the right side was Sirius though and that was who James kept looking at.
As soon as Sirius was cleared, he was trying to get to Harry.
"Where do you want to go?" Remus asked him, beaming as if he didn't believe Sirius was the traitor three hours ago.
Sirius didn't even hesitate. "Hogwarts. I want to see Harry. I have to explain."
It brightened the wretched mood James had been in the past few days to see that Sirius truly loved Harry. Even if Sirius made a bad choice when James died, even if Sirius had let revenge overrule his duty to his godson, Sirius loved Harry. And James's mood only got better when Sirius and Remus let themselves in Severus's office with Sirius's concern on Harry and Severus's on how annoying Sirius already was only an hour after being freed.
"Sirius has been cleared!" Remus cried happily.
"Boooo," Regulus said, conjuring and throwing crisps at the telly. "Boooo, Sirius sucks!"
"That's enough of that…" Elaine gently took the bottle of wine that Regulus had been drinking heavily from his hand. "Effie?"
Mum sighed, but she pulled Regulus to the side so the others could watch Severus, Sirius, and Remus argue.
"Potter is asleep. Though I doubt if he were awake that he would wish to see you."
"Why wouldn't he want to see Sirius? Sirius can explain to him what really happened that night."
"I don't even know why you are here. Potter certainly won't wish to see you."
"Got 'em," James snickered. He stood with the twins and only looked away from the fight on the two side tellies to look at the middle when Gideon slapped his arm and pointed, his mouth too full of fudge to say anything legible.
"HARRY IS HEADED FOR SEV'S OFFICE!" James cried to everyone, looking for Lily. Lily was with Dad, the two of them grinning away while they taste tested some miniature pastries that Lily favored ever since Mavis started making them for Harry. James didn't understand how Lily could be so close with his dad and not as close with his mum… Mum was – as her grandson would say – absolutely brill.
Lily looked up and caught James's eyes before winking and turning to the tellies, tiny pastries filling her hands. She looked just in time to see Sirius, Remus, and Severus's bitter and insult-filled argument being interrupted by their son.
"What's going on?"
Severus's thought was a single word, echoed by Sirius's:
Shit.
And Harry was delighted even before he recognized Sirius for who he was…
If Snape gets to kill this bloke, then I get to kill Lupin…
"Here it comes…" Marlene said, bouncing on the balls of her feet with her eyes glued to the screens. "Three… two…"
"You!"
James about fell over on his face when Harry finally realized who the 'black haired bloke' was and the immediately thought it was a Boxing Day gift for him to finally have a target for all his hurt.
That wasn't quite Harry's thoughts, but James was still bent over at the waist, in stitches, laughing when Harry immediately attacked Sirius while Sirius begged for a moment to explain.
"Our Harry won't care about any of it when he finds out Sirius has tricked him for so long," Mum said sadly, her arm still wrapped around poor Reg.
"It's not what you think!" Sirius yelled. Harry had already petrified him in place and pulled Sirius's own knife from his pocket to advance on him with.
"No, Harry, its much worse," Lily giggled. "You see, he wasn't the secret-keeper, but he is your pet Grim."
James bit his lip and held on to Gid's arm to keep himself standing while Remus tried to get Severus to intervene to defend Sirius.
"Severus, are you going to stop him?"
Severus could have been discussing the weather, he was so disinterested in his reply.
"Black wished to speak with Potter, this is his chance."
That caught Harry's interest almost immediately, his thoughts of Sirius dead slowed as he realized that Severus hadn't been killing him, but talking, when Harry arrived.
"Why's he in your office?" Harry asked. His accent always shined a little more when he was upset, James missed his accent.
Almost as much as he missed Juliana Zabini's elocution lessons.
"Feel free to kill him if you would like, I certainly won't stop you." Severus sneered, his insult for Sirius, who rolled his eyes and thought about what a git Severus was. "You may want to hear him out first, at least you will then end his life for the correct reasons."
"Who d'you reckon is the most dramatic person in that room?" Fabian asked. "Severus, Sirius, or Harry?"
"What more reasons are there? It's your fault my parents are dead. Your fault I lived in Surrey. All the dementors- YOUR FAULT!"
"Harry," Marlene said, Dorcas nodding at her side.
"I know, God, Harry, I know," Sirius said, eyes shining with unshed tears on the telly.
"Sirius," Regulus and James both said, catching each other's eyes and rolling them in a simultaneous movement that only the twins usually pulled off. Trust Sirius to be claiming fault for James's death when James had been the one to tentatively first bring up the idea of using Peter as secret-keeper.
"Snape, what's going on?"
"Your godfather has been cleared of all charges this morning."
"Severus is the drama king," Lily quipped, grinning broadly. James blamed the sherry in Mum's hand when she nodded with pink cheeks.
"He does have a flair for it," Mum said. "Goodness, the mouth on them all though…"
Trust Effie Potter to be worried about language while Harry was actually struggling to not kill Remus on screen.
James was distracted from the drama by his friends – his real friends, the ones that arrived to support him when he didn't even know he needed supporting – and only heard snippets of Severus explaining to Harry what happened with the secret-keeper and Peter and Sirius being innocent. Dad had red-rimmed eyes while he puffed on his tobacco pipe and declared to anyone in the vicinity that 'an egregious wrong had been righted'. Mum wondered if Sirius would get back with Remus or would 'find someone more deserving' (if anyone thought James expected too much of his friends, they never knew what all Effie expected of her sons' partners). Lily was dancing with Elaine, giddy over Sirius's freedom. James was watching his wife, smiling over the rim of his drink that the twins kept refilling with stronger and stronger booze, when the shouting caught his attention.
"WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?"
James turned to the telly and then looked toward Regulus automatically, as he was the one not distracted from the drama.
"Sirius slipped up," Regulus reported factually. "He knows too much about Harry and Harry's going to kill him. Personally, I'm hoping he doesn't waste time with the dramatic sword."
Ouch. In all of the – everything – that was happening, James forgot that Sirius still had to come clean with Harry about—
"Ten thousand galleons says Sirius joins us tonight," Dorcas called when every person in the cottage watched Sirius shift on one of the screens. It was like a horror movie, of a sort. Sirius shrank down to become Padfoot, all the color drained from Harry's face, the wind picked up in the office, sending Severus's hair wild.
"Fuck," James breathed. He didn't know what he was impressed with more- Sirius's bollocks in just transforming in front of Harry or Harry's restraint in not immediately killing him.
Harry's thoughts were as shocked and hurt as he thought through all the things he had confessed under the impression it was a dog he talked to…
My boggart… the shelters… my parents… all of it…
"You- you stupid--" Harry looked almost too shocked for words. "YOU STUPID FUCKING DOG!"
"Oh! Harry!" Mum gasped and covered her mouth with a hand when Harry lunged toward Sirius with a knife. "Why isn't Severus stopping him?"
Because Severus wouldn't be all that torn up over Harry killing Sirius. There was something in his thoughts, something a little possessive, a little insecure—
Potter wouldn't attack me with a knife.
"I think Harry would fight God with a knife," Marlene said, disagreeing with Severus's thoughts.
"He'd win too," James said confidently. James winced when Harry hit Sirius with what seemed like a crucio. Sirius… Harry was just kicking him when he was down and James didn't know who he was rooting for really. Or, he didn't, until Sirius started talking and James finally, finally, smiled so genuinely.
"I know you didn't mean to tell me those things, but now that I know, I can help you- okay? What you said last night, it – it doesn't have to be like that. You're young, you've got so much to live for."
"Shut up," Harry hissed, embarrassed to have Severus hear what Sirius said.
It didn't matter.
Severus already knew and James needed to hear Sirius say it, Sirius to really try.
Harry magically shoved Sirius toward the door, trying to just get him away more than anything, and James beamed at Sirius's parting words:
"I love you, pup."
Finally.
James met Lily's eyes and they shared the feeling of a weight off their chests.
Finally one of their friends – one of the friends they did anything for, one of the people they loved and cherished, one of the friends they were loyal to until their deaths – showed that they gave a damn about their boy.
Finally.
*****
The last twelve years of Harry's life had been torment mixed with small moments of joy for Lily to watch. Mostly torment though, as it seemed as if nobody cared about her baby as much as Lily did.
But it had been – not worth it, never worth it – but the struggle before the surprise? Lily couldn't think of a proper analogy, but certainly the new man in Harry's life was a silver lining to all the terrible traumas that pushed Harry to meet him.
Michael Morris, muggle mind healer.
Lily and James set up watch parties in the twins mansion after the first time Severus visited the man with Harry in tow. Harry had no interest at all in therapy and it was causing him to behave as outrageously as possible in a private plan to force Sev to obliviate the muggle.
Harry mentioned dementors and basilisks and everything he could to trip Michael up and Sev provided small explanations that Michael half-heartedly accepted. The truly magical part about the man was the way that he saw between Harry and Sev's bullshit to the issues between them.
Lily was a bit offended that Michael called her baby a 'possible sociopath' in the first session he had with Harry and Sev both, but that didn't stop her from wearing the same shirt as the rest of her friends. Everyone had on white tshirts with bold black letters across the front saying clearly and proudly: TEAM MICHAEL.
They were all settled in theater style seating for Harry's first session on his own, shirts on, buckets of popcorn on their laps, drinks in the cupholders.
If nothing else, Lily's son gave one hell of a show on occasion.
"Why don't you tell me about yourself?"
"My name's Harry Potter and I'm incredibly famous."
James laughed harder than anyone at that and Lily rolled her eyes fondly, Harry got all his false-arrogance from his father.
"Are you?"
"Course I am. The Dark Lord tried to kill me and failed. Everyone knows my name, because I defeated him once. Well, three times if you count Quirrell and the ghost, which I do. I'm going to kill him for good one day."
"Yeaaaah," Marlene cheered, sitting in the row behind Lily. "You tell him, Harry! You're so famous!"
"He's a toerag like his daddy," Dorcas snickered. "At least he's cute though."
"Excuse you." James turned around and shook his head at Dorcas. "I am adorable."
"Yeah, you are." Lily kissed James on the cheek sweetly. "Now shut up, my next husband is counseling our son."
James huffed and the girls laughed, but Lily really was curious to see how hard Harry would push before Michael caved. As her shirt indicated, Lily was rooting for Michael.
Michael tricked Harry into talking about his friends, earning a tally on the board that Regulus was keeping score on, and everyone cheered for Elaine to stand and take a bow when Harry described her.
"She was my first friend. She always takes my side and she's always mad when I don't take her on missions with me."
Michael made a note about how important loyalty was to Harry in his relationships while Elaine mumbled something about Susan not needing to go on 'missions'. Lily grinned when Michael noted how hard trust is earned and easily it can be lost by Harry, the exact opposite of James, and then they all laughed when Harry said who all he trusted.
"Luna," Harry said, no hesitation. "Maybe Theo. Sometimes Ron and Blaise. Usually Draco, but he's a gossip, isn't he? Mione and Neville… a bit."
"Are those your other friends?"
"Suppose so. Mione and Luna aren't in the gang, but Mione's a genius and Luna's… well… Luna."
Aww… Lily cooed at Harry's small admission. He finally understood that people in his gang weren't his only friends. Though, Lily couldn't imagine why Luna hadn't joined yet, that girl loved Harry and admired him more than any teenage boy should be.
Then Lily laughed her head off when Michael asked Harry to explain how he's proven he could be trustworthy and an instance where he wasn't.
"'Kay, so I was trustworthy when I told Ron I'd save his sister last year and I did. I suppose I wasn't very trustworthy when I killed Lockhart."
Michael just… he just stared at Harry. He didn't even blink! Oh, Lily adored him. That was a man made of absolute stone.
"Who is Lockhart?"
"Teacher from school last year. I cut his throat open with a sword, didn't I? Then I buried him under a bunch of boulders."
"And we all applauded your very foolproof methods for disposing of a body," Regulus commented, a tiny smirk on his lips. "Truly, I cant wait to see what he does with Tiberius this summer."
"He'll hide him in the chamber too," James said. "Harry's brill, but he's not exactly original."
No, he wasn't. And it was hilarious.
"Nobody at your school noticed that a teacher went missing?"
"Course they did, they're stupid, not blind."
Regulus, who had seemed down in the last few days of Sirius being freed, laughed loudly and meanly at that, his eyes all lit up like a kid on Christmas.
"He would have made such a good death eater," Regulus said only before he began shrieking. Gideon and Fabian sat behind him and immediately dumped both their drinks on his head, causing Regulus to jump to his feet and shake his hair, sending droplets of soda all around. "I DIDN'T SAY HE IS A DEATH EATER, YOU BAFOONS!"
"Shut up!" Lily yelled. "Harry's explaining what a basilisk is!"
And Michael Morris, Lily's new favorite third person on the earth, just took it.
"It's a giant snake, can kill you with a single look. I killed it with a sword."
Oh, God. Harry was either going to end up with a citation for breaking the Statute of Secrecy or he was going to get his wish and have Michael obliviated. Lily hoped Sev just… told Michael about magic. She couldn't imagine what Harry was meant to gain from the 'sessions', but they were the most entertaining thing in the world and Lily never wanted them to end.
"Boooo," Lily cried when Michael wrote down that Harry was showing signs of psychosis. "He isn't making it up!"
"You think the truth sounds any better?" Gid asked with a snort. "Better for him to think Harry's telling stories than actually admitting to murder."
Oh… Lily didn't actually consider that. Yeah, alright then.
Harry then had all of them in stitches as he launched in a cheery recap of how he saved Ginny Weasley last spring, killed a basilisk, killed Lockhart, and killed 'the ghost Dark Lord'.
Lily leaned forward when Harry finished his story and watched Michael with a laugh on her lips.
"C'mon… c'mon…"
"That sounds like a busy day."
Everyone, even Elaine who sometimes didn't see as much humor as she should, lost their minds at the cool and even way that Michael responded. Regulus's hands were shaking with laughter so hard that the tally he added under Michael's name wobbled.
"This?" James wrapped one arm around Lily's shoulders while he waved at the giant screen with his other hand. "This is gold, Lils. Absolute gold."
It was gold. It was gold that only got more golden when Michael made Harry list five things that made him happy and Harry listed his owl, his friends, flying, magic, and hot chocolate. Michael thought that Harry was being a brat when he told him to turn to those things when he's upset in the future and Harry scoffed, but Lily saw Harry's thoughts.
That- that might work.
Maybe therapy wasn't just for the entertainment of the snooping spirits after all.
*****
James lived (remained dead?) through a lot of terrible moments and days. James watched as his friends were hurting, his son was hurting. James watched when everyone he loved suffered and suffered and suffered and suffered.
And on the fourth of January in 1994, James got to experience what was truly the best day of his entire existence.
Because Michael Morris, James Potter's newest favorite muggle, had convinced Severus Snape and Sirius Black to attend therapy together with Harry. Family therapy, with Severus… Sirius… and Harry…
It was some Gods way of apologizing to James for all the pain and hurt they put James's son through, James was sure. Because it eclipsed every possible prank, every joke, every comedy act in the world. The session hadn't even started yet and Sirius and Severus were sniping at each other, driving poor Michael outside for a fag before it even started.
"He hates them all so much," James said, once again in the theater style sitting room in the twins mansion. There were more people there that time, pretty much everyone who had ever met Severus or Sirius or James attended the mind-shattering event that was therapy for Sirius and Severus at the same time. They didn't advertise the event or anything, James just laughed about it in the pub and a few old friends asked about it. Then a few relatives mentioned it, a cousin sent a patronus asking when it would happen, even old Merryweather popped by the Prewett's place to check on the time. Even Lily's parents were sitting somewhere in the crowd, with James's parents, watching and waiting. In the end, there were at least three hundred people in the twins theater with snacks and eager expressions for the show to being.
Only Harry could cause such an absolute berserk event to happen.
Regulus had the scoreboard up with four names across the top. Harry had two points, Severus had three, Sirius had none yet, and Michael 'Legend' Morris was winning with twelve points beneath his name. That was a muggle that James would buy a pint for one day.
Michael started their session by lying through his teeth with a pleasant smile about why he was late, as if Sirius didn't smell the tobacco clinging to him. Then, because he was a bloody legend, Michael politely asked Harry to get out of his desk chair.
No fear. Just: would you mind moving, please?
"Where d'ya think I'm gonna sit?" Harry asked, looking at the sofa where Sirius and Severus were sitting as far apart from each other as physically possible.
Sirius smiled at Harry and James didn't need his captions to know what Sirius looked like when he smiled at someone he loved, James used to get that smile every day.
"You can sit here. I don't bite."
"Have you gotten a rabies shot?"
Regulus grinned and slid a finger down toward the scoreboard, giving Harry another point.
And then the show truly began.
Harry sat in a chair beside Severus and his sass was unbeatable in his thoughts when Michael started the session.
"I like to start bigger sessions with a little ice breaker. We each go around and say one good thing that's happened to us this week and one thing we're hoping to gain from our session today. Okay?"
You obliviated, Harry thought with a perfectly passive expression.
James and Lily had their own bet riding on Harry's current hopes. James thought that Harry would at some point cross a line and force Severus to obliviate Michael, Lily disagreed. If James won, he- well… it would be an excellent night for him anyway.
Severus answered Michael's 'icebreaker' first in the dry way only Severus always pulled off.
"I heard back from a coworker regarding a project we are working on, I believe we may have finally made a breakthrough."
"He's curing cancer, you know," Lily's mum said, the pride in her voice carrying through the theater. "Isn't that brilliant?"
"Super brill," James murmured, mystified by cancer or why Severus was worried about it. Lily nudged James and rolled her eyes. It wasn't James's fault her dad had cancer and it wasn't his fault nobody would explain why muggles couldn't just take medicine to get the bad blood out of their good blood?
Lily explained it once… twice… maybe over a dozen times… but she didn't explain it in a way that James could understand so it was really her fault.
"Sirius? How about you?"
"I rented a place in the village near Harry's school, which is good. And I'd like to be able to talk to Harry without him hating me."
He did too. Remus had been all bashful when Sirius rented the place, thinking Sirius wanted to be close so they could talk or whatever. And that had been a small part of it, but James had been over the moon to know that the main reason Sirius went to Hogsmeade was so that he could be as close to Harry as possible. Sirius really loved Harry. He loved him enough to rent a house by Hogwarts, he loved him enough to keep trying even after Harry swore he would kill him. Sirius loved Harry enough to go to bloody family therapy with Severus.
Sirius won about half a million points in James's book, a lot of his past idiotic choices were easily forgiven.
Harry won a bunch of James-points when he answered Michael's question next, though Michael's response almost earned him a new tally mark.
"Something good that happened was when Snape wasn't home and I found my knives. I put them somewhere he couldn't get them." Harry smirked at Severus and James leaned toward Gideon, who sat on his right side.
"He put them in the toilet," James whispered. "In a bag so they don't get wet."
"We know," Fabian leaned past Gideon to whisper back at James. "You've been bragging about it since it happened."
That was because it was a good hiding spot, one that James never would have thought of himself. Harry always had good ideas… when he wasn't manic or depressed or acting a bit mental.
Like taunting Michael, that was James's favorite hobby of Harry's so far.
"Since Severus and Sirius would both like to gain some semblance of normal conversation during this session, why don't we start there?" Michael suggested patiently, the man was a saint, truly. "What do you think is stopping you all from having these conversations before now?"
"Black's an idiot," Harry supplied immediately, earning a good natured laugh from everyone watching. "And 'til now, Snape hated him."
"I still hate him," Severus was quick to say. "I am merely trying to allow you to find some semblance of a relationship with the man."
"I'm not so bad once you get to know me," Sirius said, the one smile in the room.
"You're a filthy, stupid, dog."
"Doesn't count," Dorcas said, erasing the tally that Regulus tried to give Harry. "You cant give him a point every time he insults Sirius. That's biased."
"'That's biased'," Regulus mimicked her quietly. When Dorcas looked back at the telly, Reg gave Harry the point. When Reg looked back at the telly, Marlene erased the point.
"Severus, can you give me three legitimate reasons why you dislike Sirius?"
"Only three?" Regulus said at the exact same time as Severus said it on the telly.
"The prank will be number one," James guessed. It wasn't much of a prank, really. It was… Sirius being impulsive and manic and cruel and Remus nearly being euthanized for it. It was also James and Sirius spending two years in detentions with McGonagall, who was the sole Head of House to vote against their expulsion.
Lily glared when Severus listed just that as his number one issue.
"He once tried to kill me when I was sixteen."
"Oi! That's not fair! I didn't force you in that tunnel and you were being a nosy - "
"Watch it! I'd hate to cut a paw off!"
"Imagine, just imagine," Lily glared at James, "what our son's life would be like if Sirius had killed Sev that day."
James was inclined to agree with everything Lily said because that was just what good husbands did, but he blinked at her for a moment, unsure if she was having him on or not.
"Er… Lils, love, light of my life… I reckon if Severus had died that – that we would still be with Harry," James reminded her slowly, very carefully.
Marlene added a fifth name to the board, James Potter, and gave him a tally mark.
"It was still cruel," Lily muttered.
James grinned and dropped a kiss to the top of her head. "Yes, dear."
The brief hilarity that Severus's reasons caused came to an abrupt halt when Sirius called Remus 'Moony' and Harry's thoughts narrowed in on that immediately.
"Moony? Who's Moony?"
The bloke from the map that insulted me?
"Oh. Oh, no," James groaned. He shrugged down in his seat, hiding from his mum, while Sirius slowly explained.
"Remus?"
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs! Lupin called me stupid! Said it's a pity I didn't inherit my mum's brains!"
When Lily glared at James, he fully deserved that one.
"And you're Padfoot, ain't ya? You said I'm only half as charming and good-looking as my dad!"
"You're twice as good-looking and three times as charming as your father, baby," Lily assured their son, rolling her green eyes just like Harry did.
"Yes, son, listen to your mother," James said sheepishly, ruffling his hair and giving Lily a hopeful crooked grin. When Lily huffed and him and crossed her arms over the Team Michael shirt she wore, James really hoped Harry got Michael obliviated, Lily would have to forgive him for them to do most of the things she promised. Not all of them… but most of them.
"You all fuckin' insulted me!" Harry cried on the screen, all puffed up and indignant.
"It wasn't personal, pup! It was just a charm we used. It insults anyone who tries to see the map without knowing the phrase!" Sirius said eagerly, clearly thrilled that Harry had the map.
It was always meant to be Harry's, James and Sirius agreed on that as soon as Harry was born. As the oldest of the second-generation Marauders, the map was Harry's.
"OH MY GOD!" James screamed in excitement as he had a sudden thought. He looked at Regulus – no, he wouldn't be excited… then Lily, no, she wouldn't either… It took a moment, then James settled for Elaine. He stood up to yell at her what he just realized. "IF SIRIUS AND REMUS GET BACK TOGETHER THEN THEY CAN GIVE HARRY A COUSIN!" he yelled at her, giddy just thinking about it.
Elaine furrowed her brows and lifted her shoulder. "Harry has a cousin? And I thought we hated Remus?"
"We do." James sank back down and realized that nobody would be as excited as James was. There had been a time when James and Sirius planned their whole lives together and it definitely involved James's kids being best mates with Sirius's kids… family picnics… family quidditch matches… family everything.
Even if James thought Remus was a berk and Sirius should get with someone else, he couldn't help but be nostalgic over the idea of the Marauders family living on.
Harry was still pretty angry with the Marauders though, so James didn't think he would appreciate being called part of their legacy.
"Pettigrew is Wormtail, isn't he? He called me a midget. My dad told me to try for a resort."
"James Fleamont…"
James slunk down even further in his seat so that even his hair couldn't be spotted by his mum. It was just a charm. James wouldn't have actually said that to his son, Merlin.
"I think we've gotten off track here, gentlemen," Michael said, saving James's skin. "Let's let Sirius explain his side to Severus's reasons for disliking him."
"What were the reasons?" James whispered to Lily.
"Trying to kill him, pranking him, and faffing about while the dementors were making Harry miserable," Lily whispered back, never too irritated to keep James informed. "Shush now."
James stuffed a handful of Lily's popcorn in his mouth and watched Harry roll his eyes at Sirius's explanation.
"Snape wouldn't have been almost hurt if he hadn't been so nosy. Maybe I did prank him, but its not like he didn't do it back just as hard."
That was true. James wasn't sure when he started thinking of Severus's school-day pranks as genius instead of cruel, but- no, actually it was probably when Harry started picking up more and more of Severus's mannerisms. It tended to make a bloke look at a man in a new light.
"And I did reach out, to Snape no less, when I realized the dementors were hurting Harry."
Harry's thoughts hardly softened at Sirius's confession, but he did spot a chance to create some mischief when Michael asked about dementors, who Severus previously explained were 'prison guards'.
"They suck your soul out," Harry said with an impish little light in his eyes. "They eat your happy memories and then eventually suck out your soul."
But, sure, you won't wipe his memory.
"Harry, I swear to God…" Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and James didn't envy him then, that kid was relentless. It was adorable.
"Vicious he is," Fabian cackled. "Reg, give him--"
"If that's how Harry views them, then that's his opinion," Michael said, cool as could be.
Michael got another point, of course, the man was unflappable.
"Now it's your turn," Michael said to Sirius. "Do you have three reasons to dislike Severus?"
"Here it comes," Dorcas laughed. "Sirius has been building a list his whole life."
James used to have thousands of reasons to dislike Severus, but… but then Severus sort of adopted James's son and turned out to be the best thing for him. While he sat there, James struggled to think of a single current reason.
"Suppose him being a Death Eater doesn't mean much to you, does it?" Sirius asked, sending half the crowd into fits of laughter and the other half to boo loudly.
Harry hissed, which was so damn funny because James just knew it was a swear of some sort. James should have learned a secret language so he could swear all the time with nobody to know what he was saying…
"I'm afraid I don't know what a Death Eater is meant to mean…" Michael said slowly. "Can you elaborate?"
I will.
"It's a gang," Harry supplied immediately, looking as falsely innocent as he had ever looked. "Snape used to be in it, but he isn't anymore 'cause he's in my gang."
"I am not in your gang, Harry," Severus argued. "I am in no 'gang'."
"He's in Harry's gang," Regulus said confidently. "I wish Barty was as well… it would really give Harry the credence he needs if he has two death eaters in his gang."
James still didn't really understand the concept of gangs outside of just groups of friends and he felt better when Sirius immediately asked what that was meant to mean.
"What's a gang?"
"That's what you were in, Dumbledore's bloody Order, weren't you? The Order and the Death Eaters, a bloody joke."
"How is the Order the same as the Death Eaters?!"
"And your gang of teenage misfits is hardly the image of seriousness," Severus scoffed.
Fabian and Gideon stood up and began high-fiving all the members of the original Order of the Phoenix.
"We were the coolest gang," Gideon crowed. He held a hand up for Reg and pulled it away when Reg raised his. "Too slow, should have joined our gang."
"My gang came with less red-heads," Regulus said, glaring spectacularly at Gideon.
"More matching tats too," James winked. Even if Regulus was a death eater, he went out a legend and James liked him anyway. What was a silly little tattoo between eternal best mates?
"Hang on, I'm sorry, what gangs are we discussing here?"
"He's so confused," Lily laughed, finishing off the pink drink she had and conjuring herself a new one before Dean could. "Poor Mikey."
"Mine's the best gang," Harry bragged. He eyed Michael thoughtfully before smirking. "You could join, if you were magic."
"There are no books in Azkaban, shut up," Severus hissed.
"I thought we weren't allowed to talk about magic here?!" Sirius demanded.
Severus ground his teeth together and looked absolutely miserable.
"We are not."
Everyone burst in friendly arguments over who got a point when Michael looked at the clock and his face fell. James said Harry started the fight, Harry got the point. The twins said that Sirius was the adult backing up the 'delusional' teenager, he should get the point. Lily, probably just to be loyal, said Sev should get the point for no real reason.
Reg gave Harry the point and James smirked.
"Sirius, you said one of the reasons you dislike Severus is because he was in a gang that I'm assuming your gang didn't get along with?"
"You could say that," literally everyone watching the screen said, only a second before Sirius himself said it.
The Death Eaters the Order got along about as well as… well… as well as James and Vernon Dursley would get along if they were in a room together.
"Harry, you said Severus is no longer a part of that gang, right?"
"The fact that Severus is in your office with his ward, the Boy-Who-Lived, is pretty much proof, yes," Regulus said, rolling his eyes.
"Reggie, he can't hear you," James reminded Regulus kindly.
"Great, so what are two other, currently legitimate, reasons you dislike Severus?" Michael asked after Harry confirmed that Severus wasn't a Death Eater anymore.
"I can't think of anything right now," Sirius said.
"Liar!" James laughed, throwing popcorn playfully at the screen. "You're just kissing Harry's arse!"
"James!" Mum snapped.
"They can't hear you anyway," Regulus whispered smugly after James apologized to his mum in front of three hundred people.
"Piss off," James whispered back, blushing.
Harry snapped off at Sirius on the telly, telling him that he was being a git just last week the Severus, and Sirius defended himself with just one word too big for poor Harry.
James smiled softly when all Harry had to do was look at Severus and immediately receive a definition on the word 'territorial'. It was nice that none of Harry's friends or the people in his life made him feel badly for his non-existent education before Hogwarts. James knew it bothered Harry, he didn't like thinking of himself as someone stupid, but what James's boy lacked in vocabulary, he made up for in magic, so it was all brill anyway.
Harry sobered the mood in the room after Severus defined 'territorial' to him by snapping that nobody owned him. James and Lily linked hands, always together to mourn the childhood their son didn't get to have.
"Okay, so… nobody owns Harry. Severus hurt Sirius's feelings by bringing up his status as Harry's guardian, and Sirius can't think of any reason to dislike Severus. Am I correct?"
"He's a prat," Sirius was quick to say, earning a cheer from the twins. "Plus, he's doing a good favor for Moony and everyone says he's watched over Harry since he came to school. So, I just can't think of any 'currently legitimate' reasons to be mad just yet. I probably will soon though."
"Who told Siri about Sev taking care of Harry?" James asked Regulus. "Moony?"
"Minerva," Regulus answered promptly, his eyes locked on his brother on screen. "They talk every day. It's sickening, the level of favoritism the two of you have."
"Pft, you had Sluggy," James teased him. "I bet you were having your arse kissed in the Slug Club every other weekend."
Regulus turned his head to give James the most deadpan look that James had ever seen on Reggie's face.
"Do you believe that I was invited to the Slug Club? Slughorn knew where I was headed, the same as you and Sirius. Sirius, by the way, who was invited to the daft little club."
Regulus sounded jealous and James figured it wasn't the time to tell him that Sirius went to one of old Sluggy's parties, only to mock the entire event in great dramatic retellings later that night.
Lily had no problem bragging though, and she said that Harry's arrogance came from just James.
"I was in the Slug Club," Lily said loudly, earning a few shushes from the folks trying to watch the telly. "Slughorn didn't think I was a mudblood."
"I'm not sure that Sluggy's word is good enough to brag about," Dorcas scoffed behind them. "He said I was destined for Azkaban before I hit thirty."
"And look at you, love." Marlene snuggled in her girlfriend's side with a sickly amount of sweetness. "Dead at twenty."
"Hell yeah, I showed him," Dorcas grinned. "Live fast, die hot."
"Oi! Shut up back there!" Gideon began throwing little sour sweets at the girls, a few of them bouncing off Dorcas's big head and hitting James. "Harry's saying why he hates Sirius!"
Oh!
James turned back to the telly with excitement. James hoped that his best mate and his son would become as close as James and Sirius had once been, but not before Harry talked a lot about animagus transformations and obliterated the Statute of Secrecy.
"One, he let Dumbledore send me to Surrey when he shouldn't have."
"What a great starting point," Lily called. "You tell him, baby! Revenge should never have taken priority!"
Said the woman who could hold decade long grudges to the boy who would burn the world in revenge.
"Two, he tricked me into thinking he was just a dog."
James cackled, atta boy.
"Three, his boyfriend is a prat."
James threw his head back and laughed so hard that his glasses slipped off the top of his head and had to be summoned before someone crushed them beneath his feet. It was a relief to hear Harry's complaints against Sirius, really. Those were all things that Sirius could fix with time! With enough time and finding a much better boyfriend (James had a brief thought of Severus and Sirius… cozying up as they raised Harry together… he shook it off in annoyance rather quickly) then Harry could have someone around to teach him all the good parts of life!
Sirius could help Harry see silver linings, see happy endings. Severus was great with Harry, he knew him so well it made James jealous, but Severus wasn't exactly a cheery bloke, was he?
Even when Harry insulted Sirius – "You left me behind, you don't mean anything to me." It broke James's heart to hear that – Sirius didn't stop smiling at Harry.
"Your dad lost the plot since your first word was 'mama' and your second was 'Paddy'. He thought you said daddy until you reached for me."
James looked over at Lily and they shared a rare smile – one where they were both teary, but from a good memory that time.
Harry had been four months old and babbling silly and beautiful baby nonsense. Mama was the first string of sounds he made, a victory Lily claimed immediately. James laughed when harry finally found the 'd' sound needed to make 'daddy' a possible word. And, when Harry said it in front of Sirius and Sirius shrieked how his godson said 'Paddy', James put on a good show of indignation for Sirius's benefit. James swooned with his hand to his forehead, declaring himself betrayed and heartbroken by Harry's obvious love for Sirius that outshined James. When Sirius left at night, James wrapped his son up and listened to the string of babble that Sirius divined his own name from in perfect contentment.
Truthfully, it was probably one of the last few content days that James had in the eighteen months of hiding that he spent with his little family. It was an excellent memory though, one that kept James beaming all through the rest of the counseling session.
It didn't hurt James's smile any when Harry, Sirius, and Severus explained the entire debacle leading up to James and Lily's murders to Michael in a way that he apparently understood (which was good because James didn't) and not only did Michael agree with literally everyone except for beautiful and stubborn Lily that Severus's actions in leading Voldemort to the Potter family was much worse than Sirius's inaction of letting Hagrid take Harry to Dumbledore. When Sirius teared up in his plea to Harry, one that broke James's heart again and again as he explained how he just wanted Harry safe and the person responsible for James's death to be captured, James thought he would cry.
If he could have, he would.
"I forgive you," James whispered quietly, overwhelmed when he saw Sirius and Harry bonding over… over their distrust of cops…
But just as tears of relief and sadness and love weren't possible for James, neither were the tears of hysteria he wanted to release when Harry did finally cross a line and force Severus to obliviate Michael. The audience watching the session together all groaned when Harry's smug arse strutted out of the therapy room with only a comment and a smirk to give.
"I knew it didn't matter what I said, didn't I? You won't remember it anyway."
"Damn it!" Lily cried, flipping the channel to Severus so they could all see him obliviate their favorite muggle. "Damn it, damn it, damn it!!"
James looked at the scoreboard where Harry had won with nine while Michael Morris's score was reset to zero. Then James looked at the telly screen where Severus caught Harry and Sirius sharing a cordial conversation outside the counseling office.
Finally, bloody finally, things were looking up for Harry. With Sirius freed and Harry having someone else who loved him in his life, James couldn't image that up was the direction Harry's life would continue to go.