The ORV sequel talked about reality and real life asking if Kim Dokja was happy in real life or not. I pondered myself to that question too, he was actively suicidal and highly self-sacrificial, was he even happy being alive? It's crazy to think that a year ago, I hated Kim Dokja because he reminded me of myself. However, today I love Kim Dokja because he reminds me of myself.
I shed tears when seeing the edit and Yoo Joonghyuk saying his parents were "fools that loved novels". It was a good edit created by instagram user 'nohyae__'.
I felt like I was dying yesterday at 7:00 PM when I really needed some sleep. Now that I got some, I'm feeling much better.
I tried telling dante arellano that I cant move on because relying on Liz was my coping method. I'm in an unhealthy mindset where everything triggers me or I get hit with derealization all of a sudden. My own mind is a crazy place, I wish I was stable again. My body is trying to restabilize itself.
I want to be stable again…I want to save myself again..
Fragment of ORV Sequel:
[ In a world where their own stories disappeared, what they could do was limited.
Stealing other people's dreams.]
I felt some sort of sadness when reading it except I couldn't feel my emotions properly. It's like homeless people having to fight for their lives just to survive in real life. They may resort to stealing just to survive or maybe they didn't want to survive and were desperate at getting their needs met. That I am currently experiencing and can wholeheartedly understand.
Another Fragment of ORV Sequel:
[ The crowd, incited by the duke's henchmen, harassed Kim Dokja like they are doing now. ]
What does it mean to harass others?
[ "If you read a story a hundred times, it becomes no different from what you actually experienced." ]
Oh? That is quite true actually as Killer King said.
[ Although the brown bear was a discarded Constellation, it still had some of the power of a Constellation, and its subordinate Bear Beastmen numbered in the hundreds.
On the other hand, our beastmen are only herbivores with weak fighting power. ]
How interesting, a fight between Bear Beastmen which are carnivores and Beastmen of herbivores are fighting. It reminds me of Beastars in a sense. The 'weak' are being attacked by the 'strong' or in this case, the plant eaters are being attacked by the meat eaters.
Killer King was a very relatable character as he is actively trying to take the role of Yoo Joonghyuk. I do the same too by attempting to have the same personality as Yoo Joonghyuk. I even brought an outfit that he typically wears in the main story just so I look more like him. I wish I had a handsome face like he does. I also wish I owned the 'Black Demonly Heaven Sword'.
[ They were now pushing back Bear Beastmen that were several times their size. ]
This was truly amazing and incredible. Imagine getting pushed back by an ant when you're a mere human. It's just like Attack on Titan!
Tony used to look unattractive to me when I first met him and he told me he was a chronic liar. But he became more handsome to me after he was speaking more vulnerably with me. He was definitely older than me. Feels like I'm the youngest one here in the outpatient program.
I was a very honest person after all. Some things I say may confuse some people. While the same things I say may make sense to others.
ORV—Sequel Fragment:
[ The image of Dansu ahjussi wearing a patient gown came to mind. ]
I was in tears when I first read this sentence. I knew exactly how Dansu felt while wearing a patient gown. I was hospitalized 6 times and had to wear a patient gown multiple times. Dansu was just like me, I understood how Dansu felt.
The more I read the Sequel, the more I wondered what I would be like if I was living there. Cha Yerin and her brother grew up in an orphanage….they were homeless….no wonder Cha Yerin was a snail and not another animal…
I started smoking cigarettes because my mental health was that bad. I could feel its burning effects in my throat but feeling the proper effects in my body was done by inhaling and breathing properly. I started smoking because I had Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
At first, I would cough after the first inhale of the cigarette but after a while I would get used to it. We each shared what our favorite job was in the group today. It felt like I was resting for once after smoking a cigarette. I was able to stay in the group properly if I had my phone out to write.
The therapist was speaking some real truths now. "Rest is revolutionary, my therapist told me to rest." I needed to accept that I needed to rest. The brain is the logical one while the heart is the emotional one.
I feel like I should be doing something but resting but I am resting by writing and observing silently the therapist in the therapy group. My body was finally able to rest from having constant anxiety all the time. I was learning how to be like Yoo Joonghyuk. I finally learned how to stop regressing. I was learning how to be a human after all.
I needed to tell myself "it's okay, you don't need to write so much. You're okay writing for yourself. Someone will read it one day and enjoy it." I also wanted my readers to learn that it was okay to enjoy yourself too.
Kinsey showed me a cool feature from their phone today. Is this what it was like to go to work but in a hospitalization program instead? How interesting and relaxing it was.
[ Fictional Writing World has been triggered ]
Ni Tian pulls out his sword which is all black and is called 'Black Demonly Sword'. He sneaks up behind Slyius Xavier and slices his head with it. It kills Slyius Xavier of course. Ni Tian practically decapitated Slyius' head off as revenge for burning his entire company alive.
"Die you mother fucker" said Ni Tian right before he killed him. "This is what you deserve for betraying us in our last regression round. Learn to tolerate it, your original character is destined to die in every regression round by us."
[ Fictional Writing World has ended ]
Caleb Zuozhe walks down the streets to calm himself down. He needed some air after all by being in group therapy for a while. He walked past these busy streets and decided to walk back to the building where the outpatient program was located.
The Xhao Zuozhe company were mostly introverts in real life but can sometimes act like extroverts. It just depends on how talkative they were.
Whether it was talking to people, I would eventually be drained and both online and real life would have the same effects on me. If I needed space then I would have to get away for a while and leave that place. I was feeling more like an introvert today, slow and quiet.
I wanted to listen to music on my own and used airpods but I didn't have airpods anymore. They broke so they were thrown away. Instead I had headphones but I had to use wireless headphones to listen to my music. I wanted to be consumed by art, specifically the art of ORV.
I always loved watching ORV edits, I do it so much when I'm on break too.
[ The Demon King of Liberation includes Lizmarie Khaleesi Lectora, Elaina Zyxelle, Lunar, and Elysia to be with the 87% of the people who die in the Ruined World because all of them left the Xhao Zuozhe company to die. ]
[ In the Ruined World Scenarios, 87% of the people will die while only 13% of people will be alive. There will be only 13% of people who the Demon King of Liberation saves in this world by judging them. ]
Ouch seeing the Instagram User by Dante Arellano hurts but I was the one who blocked her first so it was your average human interaction from her. She probably got naturally rage baited by my honest opinions that she blocked me. I should be called the Rage Baiter King at this point for having conversational opinions. Maybe being called the Heretic King would be my king title name.
It is clear to me that Dante has never unconditionally loved only one person like I did. Never had to rely on only one person for Salvation like I did. Never felt so lonely that they wanted to commit suicidie so many times like I did. Never even went to the hospital so many times like I did. Hell she refuses to understand criminals and is unempathetic. She just buys into society's bullshit like 87% of the world does and it's annoying to me how stupid people can be.
[ The Demon King of Liberation is a narrative manipulator. He can control the narrative as he pleases to make some people be hated or loved depending on his perspective of the story. To be neutral is to be indifferent and that may be worse than being hated. ]
Ah, I was craving to smoke again. I wanted to buy myself a pack of cigarettes and a lighter this time. My mother's blood pressure would probably rise up knowing that I started smoking because I needed that as a pillar to feel good mentally from my depression. I didn't care if my lifespan would be lowered, that was fine with me. I was trying to die anyway.
However I was trying to avoid pain, perhaps having lung cancer would be painful. Maybe I should avoid my cravings of smoking by eating candy instead. Why must my sister say "ew, you're not supposed to, it's going to be dinner time" when she found me eating hichew? It was either that or smoking for me lmao.
I suppose I am cognitively disabled since I have autism and ADHD. I live a rough life compared to neurotypicals who have it easy…Playing Wuthering Waves feels breathtaking. It's so realistic and I love how it's probably inspired by ORV. It's better than Honkai: Star Rail in terms of gaming if I'm being honest.
My dream is to one day work for the Kuro Games company and design some characters and the storyline for Wuthering Waves. I wonder if the Demon King of Liberation, which is my original character, could be in the game somehow. It's totally inspired from ORV just as this game once had a dialogue that stated 'I am the Watcher of Light and Darkness'.
I simply write boring things to showcase to the world about my thoughts and how I work. By writing, I am putting myself out there to the world. Holy moly, the art is so beautiful in this game! The Faint Echos show one line stories. There's a girl who looks like the Female Rover?
It seems I have met Mornye who tells me to stop resonating with technology. She looks shocked when first meeting me as the Male Rover. It seemed like Mornye has met Rover before he lost his memories. She knows my name….
A cassette, smart move Kuro Games. It was definitely the past Rover with leaving a trace for the future Rover to find. The text underlined Frequency Cassette Recorder…it must mean it's important…