Cao Zhong looked at everyone in the group chat mocking Kunikuzushi, and felt a twinge of guilt.
Had he gone too far?
Bro Beng's life hadn't exactly been easy, after all.
Created as the first-generation prototype by Ei, he had ultimately been abandoned by his own mother due to his incomplete performance.
Later, he was fortunately rescued by a kind soul and managed to live a relatively ordinary life for a while.
Kunikuzushi had thought that the future would stay the same — that everyone would always be by his side.
But humans were far too fragile.
One by one, the people he had treasured left him. Each departure felt like being abandoned all over again.
That hatred burned within him like the scorching sun on the horizon — a raging fire that seared his heart without end.
After that, he wandered aimlessly, with no destination and no path forward.
He met others who walked beside him for a time, but not one of them was ever worth his regard again.
These bitter experiences shaped the twisted, unhinged personality Kunikuzushi carried to this day.
Thinking all this, Cao Zhong couldn't help but send a message to the group.
[Cao Zhong]: Sigh... alright everyone, stop laughing at him. Bro Beng is still just a kid at heart! How could anyone endure that kind of pain?
[Venti]: Ehhhh?
[Xingqiu]: Cao-boss suddenly going all sincere on us. I'm genuinely a little thrown off.
[Kaeya]: Cao the Scoundrel's got a point. We can't mock a kid who never had his Gnosis, that's just cruel!
[Kunikuzushi]: What the f***, go f*** yourselves, you fake-ass—
[Cao Zhong]: See? Bro Beng is so moved he can't even get the words out!
[Xingqiu]: @Cao Zhong You really know how to translate.
[Yae Miko]: @Cao Zhong You really know how to be touched.
[Hu Tao]: Come to think of it, Cao Zhong may not be human, but his social circle is genuinely impressive. He can call anyone brother.
[Kunikuzushi]: Insignificant rats and sparrows — and you think you're worthy of calling me brother?!
[Cao Zhong]: ???
[Hu Tao]: LMAO!
[Kaeya]: The audacity. THE audacity!
[Venti]: We do NOT allow people this outrageous to exist in this group chat!
[Arataki Itto]: I thought I was the most arrogant person around — turns out there's someone even worse. Whose subordinate is this guy?
[Kunikuzushi]: @Arataki Itto You may not have three heads and six arms, but you do have one head and two arms!
[Arataki Itto]: @Kunikuzushi That's a compliment, right? It HAS to be a compliment! Three heads and six arms sounds incredibly sick!
[Xingqiu]: ...
[Hu Tao]: Itto's IQ is truly a pure and unadulterated thing!
[Bennett]: I was finding this highly unreasonable — how could anyone be this brilliant — but then I saw the name "Arataki Itto" and suddenly it all made perfect sense.
[Kujou Sara]: Don't mind him everyone, you'll get used to it!
[Arataki Itto]: @Kujou Sara Kujou Tengu, seeing everyone praise the Great Itto's brilliance — so you just couldn't help barking and jumping in, huh? Jealousy. Naked, shameless jealousy!
[Kamisato Ayato]: I have one old complaint I'm not sure I should air...
[Kamisato Ayaka]: Brother, just let it go. Getting this far in life hasn't been easy for him.
[Venti]: Uwuuu~~~
[Kaeya]: Venti, Venti — you okay? What's wrong?
[Cao Zhong]: I'm losing it!
[Venti]: HAHAHAHA!!!
[Hu Tao]: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
[Kaeya]: Kukukuku!
[Arataki Itto]: What are you all laughing at??
[Kaeya]: We're not laughing.
[Arataki Itto]: Bullsh*t, you're obviously all laughing!
[Venti]: He just remembered something that made him happy!
[Arataki Itto]: What kind of happy thing?
[Kaeya]: I don't have work tomorrow!
[Venti]: Pfft~~~
[Arataki Itto]: @Venti Why are YOU laughing now?
[Venti]: I don't have work any day.
[Arataki Itto]: You two share a job?
[Venti & Kaeya]: AHAHAHAHA~~~~
[Venti]: No no, I'm just on permanent vacation.
[Arataki Itto]: Hold on, hold on — why is my head starting to hurt... hss~ Is my brain growing?!
[Kuki Shinobu]: Boss, come back and read your picture books!
[Yae Miko]: This poor, unfortunate child...
[Hu Tao]: I can't watch anymore. I'm putting my foot down — stop bullying Itto-bro!
[Cao Zhong]: @Hu Tao Then should we bully you instead?
[Hu Tao]: Wha— I... Itto-bro, say something!!
[Arataki Itto]: I've figured it out. You're all making fun of my IQ, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?
[Cao Zhong]: Are we? Maybe. Could be. Possibly. Is it really? Yes. Really? Definitely.
[Venti]: Somebody loves to ramble!
[Xingqiu]: In the novel-writing industry, we generally call this "padding word count."
[Arataki Itto]: You're calling me dumb! I'm not dumb at all — sometimes I'm actually incredibly sharp!
[Cao Zhong]: Did everyone catch that? Sometimes.
[Kunikuzushi]: A pitiful swarm of insects, the lot of you!
[Kaeya]: Good lord, who even IS this guy? The nerve on him — I've been holding back for a while now!
[Xingqiu]: Right?! Even Cao-boss doesn't go that far!
[Cao Zhong]: I'll just say... he's got some standing.
[Venti]: @Cao Zhong Elaborate!!
[Cao Zhong]: My son. Believe it or not.
[Jean]: ?
[Barbara]: ??
[Amber]: ???
...
[Eula]: ????
[Hu Tao]: One son, and look how many people came crawling out of the woodwork! Cao Zhong, just how much of a scoundrel ARE you?!
[Kunikuzushi]: @Cao Zhong You absolute dog — you're dead!!
[Yae Miko]: @Cao Zhong And you said you had no feelings for the Shogun. Busted! You just wanted to get with Ei-babe!
[Ei]: ?
[Hu Tao]: @Yae Miko Hold on — when you say "Ei," you mean THIS Ei?
[Yae Miko]: Which other Ei would I mean?!
[Yae Miko]: @Cao Zhong You don't actually want to be Kunikuzushi's dad — you just want to get with our dear Shogun! Big ambitions for a young man!
Cao Zhong stared at Yae Miko's messages and inhaled sharply, feeling a splitting headache come on.
Was she seriously putting that into words?
Keep it in your head, fine — but say it out loud and now Ei would be on guard around him.
Pursuing Ei was going to get a whole lot harder from here.
Miko, you've done me real damage.
[Hu Tao]: This... the relationship chart is getting complicated!
[Venti]: @Cao Zhong Never would have guessed this from you. No wonder you kept asking me what the Shogun likes — you had this planned all along!
[Jean]: Heh. Cao-boss certainly aims high.
[Barbara]: @Cao Zhong Don't bother coming back to Mondstadt!
[Eula]: I'm filing this grievance away. Properly.
[Cao Zhong]: I didn't, I haven't, please stop framing me!!
...[Ding — a new video is now playing!]
[Cao Zhong]: ?
[Hu Tao]: Perfect timing for your funeral
[Kaeya]: People keep saying don't raise flags in the group chat. You think it won't happen to you. It always happens. Why don't people believe it? Always testing their luck — and now look. Everything exposed. Nowhere left to hide!
[Venti]: Exactly. Back in Mondstadt you had your bros to cover for you. Tough being out on your own, isn't it?
[Jean]: Quite the fugitive lifestyle.
[Barbara]: Not sleeping too well, are you?
[Amber]: Living on pins and needles every day, huh?
[Eula]: Hard to see your friends and loved ones, I imagine.
[All]: Come back and turn yourself in already!!
[Cao Zhong]: Uwuwuwu~~~
[Thoma]: I'm genuinely a good person. I swear I'll never watch questionable videos ever again! 😭😭😭
[Kamisato Ayato]: Thoma... sigh. Well, given how diligently you work every single day — I'm confiscating the device.
[Thoma]: My lord, I was wrong! I'll go stand in the corner and reflect immediately!
[Kamisato Ayato]: Good. The dedication expected of our Yashiro Commission's steward. Very commendable. Now... unlock the screen first, then go reflect.
[Kamisato Ayaka]: ?
[Hu Tao]: Okay fine — I admit I'm the one who buried Qiqi yesterday. I've been wracked with guilt all day, couldn't sit still. Captain Jean, I'm turning myself in. How long am I looking at?
[Baizhu]: ??
[Qiqi]: Encountered Hu Tao... must run!
[Cao Zhong]: Look how scared the poor kid is.
Despite the chaos in the group chat, the video began to play.
The screen filled with a crowd of people.
At the forefront was Arataki Itto, with the rest of the Arataki Gang surrounding him. They had encircled someone on the ground, and it was clear from a glance that nothing good was happening.
[Arataki Itto]: I'M IN THE VIDEO, I'M IN THE VIDEO! EVERYONE LOOK, LOOK LOOK LOOK!
[Kuki Shinobu]: Boss... I don't think this is a good thing?
[Arataki Itto]: How is this NOT a good thing?! This is incredible!!
[Cao Zhong]: If you get to be the center of attention, it's a good thing!
[Arataki Itto]: Cao-boss gets me!!
[Kujou Sara]: Inciting a public disturbance — add it to the charges!
In the video, Arataki Itto grabbed the person on the ground and shoved them against the wall.
"So YOU'RE the one called Kunikuzushi, huh?! Pretty bold of you!"
[Kunikuzushi]: Impossible. Absolutely impossible!
[Cao Zhong]: Hey, it's Kunikuzushi! Fell off so hard since we last saw him!
[Arataki Itto]: SO YOU'RE THE ONE CALLED KUNIKUZUSHI!!! HAHAHAHA FEELS AMAZING!!!
[Kaeya]: Itto-bro, looking like a king right now!
[Venti]: This guy needed a lesson ages ago. Itto-bro, you have my full support!
[Hu Tao]: Hard to believe — even Itto-bro gets his moment to shine!
Kunikuzushi cowered against the wall, face taut with fear as he stared at the circling Arataki Gang, all eyeing him like predators.
"Listen here — don't mess with me. I'm with the Fatui. My head's not all there!"
"Who're you trying to scare?! Like YOUR head is any more 'all there' than the rest of us!"
Arataki Itto was utterly unbothered. He knocked on his own head a few times, wearing the expression of an absolute certified menace.
[Cao Zhong]: The Fatui's reputation: collateral damage.
[Tartaglia]: @Kunikuzushi Your head's not working right — don't drag the rest of us into it!
[Kunikuzushi]: It's fake! All fake! Don't believe any of it!
[Hu Tao]:"Like YOUR head is any more 'all there'!" I'm deceased.
[Xingqiu]: All I can say is, Itto-bro really knows how to clap back.
[Kuki Shinobu]: ... I'm exhausted.
[Arataki Itto]: Who said my head doesn't work right?! Hahahaha, that's hilarious!!!
The video continued.
Just as the Arataki Gang was starting to lay into Kunikuzushi, Cao Zhong appeared out of nowhere.
"Hey! What do you all think you're doing — ganging up on someone with a disability?!"
What followed was a flurry of Cao Zhong's fists and footwork.
Swift as lightning. Fierce as rolling thunder.
Within moments, Arataki Itto and his crew were sent scrambling in retreat.
[Hu Tao]: Whoa — Cao-boss is seriously deadly with his hands too!
[Cao Zhong]: Deadly, you say? Want to find out firsthand?
[Kaeya]: @Cao Zhong Wow. That is so dirty!
[Venti]: @Cao Zhong You absolute beast!!
[Hu Tao]: ??? What are you two even talking about?
[Xingqiu]: ...
[Kunikuzushi]: Impossible. Absolutely impossible. There is NO WAY I needed to be rescued. I cannot accept this!
[Arataki Itto]: Impossible. Absolutely impossible. There is NO WAY I lost to Cao the Scoundrel. I cannot accept this!
Kunikuzushi stared at Cao Zhong in front of him, gratitude written plainly all over his face.
"...Cao Zhong. Real one."
"Bros ride and die for each other, Bro Beng. It's what I'm here for."
Cao Zhong pulled Kunikuzushi close to steady him.
Kunikuzushi had been about to say more — a few more words of thanks.
But in the next second, his vision went black, and he passed out cold.
When Kunikuzushi came to, he was lying in a hospital bed.
"Mom!"
He looked up, dazed and slightly panicked, at Ei — sitting right beside his bed.
[Kaeya]: WAIT. Kunikuzushi is Ei's kid?!
[Hu Tao]: Oh no. We've been calling him Bro Beng this whole time... he's not going to come after us, is he?
[Xingqiu]: He's not going to go home and snitch to his mom, is he?
[Venti]: I always say — you can get away with bullying adults, but kids never forget. Even as the Anemo Archon, I'm a little worried right now.
[Kunikuzushi]: You WORMS — I told you I don't have a MOM!
[Yae Miko]: The filial piety is killing me!
[Ei]: #
[Cao Zhong]: This kid's mouth really is built different!
In the video, Kunikuzushi told Ei everything that had happened, then glanced over at Cao Zhong, who stood at the bedside with his back turned.
His expression was still warm with gratitude. "Mom, you don't know — if it wasn't for Cao Zhong, I would've..."
But before he could finish, Ei cut him off.
Ei's brow furrowed slightly. "What are you calling him? This is your Uncle Cao Zhong."
"Uncle Cao Zhong?"
Kunikuzushi stared blankly at Cao Zhong and then at Ei.
Had something happened while he was unconscious — something he didn't know about?
Ei tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a faint shyness in her manner.
"Cao Zhong is a man worth trusting."
[Venti]: Oh WOW. That's— that's a lot to take in!
[Kaeya]: @Cao Zhong Brother. Teach me.
[Yae Miko]: I just want to know — did Ei consent to this?
[Ei]: ?
[Xingqiu]: @Cao Zhong You absolute legend.
[Hu Tao]: @Cao Zhong Keeping quiet and getting things DONE, huh!
[Zhongli]: This was... not something I had foreseen.
[Kunikuzushi]: @Cao Zhong SAY SOMETHING. SAY SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!!!
The scene continued.
Cao Zhong looked at the still-bewildered Kunikuzushi and calmly reassured him.
"Beng'er, I've thought it through. Starting today, we'll sort out the titles properly. I'll call you Big Bro, and you'll call me Dad."
[Kunikuzushi]: CAO ZHONG I WILL END YOU. I WILL ACTUALLY END YOU!!
[Bennett]: This combo. This combo is LEGENDARY!
[Venti]: Does that mean Bro Beng is now my dear nephew?!
[Kaeya]: Vocabulary fails me. A single "holy sh*t" will have to carry me through.
[Yae Miko]: @Cao Zhong Tell me everything — how did you win our Ei-babe over? Did you two, you know~ *wink* ? I NEED to know!
[Cao Zhong]: That... I genuinely haven't experienced yet!
[Arataki Itto]: Thunder's rolling, rain's coming — time to go get the laundry off the line!
[Kamisato Ayaka]: This is... unprecedented...
[Kamisato Ayato]: Ayaka, why are you sighing— why ARE you sighing?! No — no no no—
[Kamisato Ayaka]: Brother, stop making things up. There's clearly no longer a place for you in this household.
The video still wasn't over.
Kunikuzushi's face had taken on a terrifying expression — like he wanted to devour someone whole.
He yanked at the bedrail. It didn't budge.
He sat up and started hunting around for a weapon.
Cao Zhong, watching from across the room, couldn't bear to stand by. He walked over to help him search.
"Bro, what are you looking for? Let Dad help."
"GO TO HELL!!"
Kunikuzushi had reached his absolute limit. He lunged at Cao Zhong.
At that moment, Ei stepped between them — shielding Cao Zhong behind her — and fixed Kunikuzushi with a stern, sharp gaze.
"Don't you dare talk to your Uncle Cao like that!!"
"NOOOOOOO— AHHHHH— NO!!! NO!!!!!!"