A torrential downpour. A city swallowed in grey. A curtain of rain pressing down on everything.
Wherever she looked, there was only water.
The storm had ripped Nagasaki Soyo's umbrella away. She was too weak — far too weak — to fight the wind and rain for it.
The rain soaked through her completely, without mercy. And with every passing second, her mood only sank further.
The last time she had seen Yoshiiro Chiose was at the funeral — a photograph on an altar, taken just days ago.
Her mother had wept until her face was streaked with tears. In the casket, Chiose-mama lay still, that gentle smile forever fixed in her eyes.
Soyo couldn't remember whether she had cried. Maybe she had screamed. Maybe no sound had come out of her at all.
Her mind was a mess — exactly like her life right now.
Chiose was gone. And Soyo had absolutely no idea what she had left to live for.
Every weekend from now on, there would be no one beside her. No one who could give her the kind of mother's love she had always longed for. No one to listen to the grief she carried inside.
From this moment on, she would return to a world without a mother at her side.
Her birth mother had never made time for her — not in the past, not now, not ever.
Her birth father was gone too. And even her stepmother...
The rain kept falling.
Soyo thought she might be able to cry again. Or maybe it was just rainwater trickling down through her hair, tricking her senses.
"Today..."
Today — today, Nagasaki Soyo was going to put an end to everything Crychic had ever meant to her.
Mama was gone anyway. What good was a band now?
Mama was gone anyway. So what if she was soaked to the bone? So what if she died? No one was going to love her anymore.
A feeling rose in Soyo's chest — something she couldn't put a name to.
She had thought she would lead the band somewhere brilliant. She had thought she would make Mama proud.
But she had followed in Mama's footsteps after all. Her band, just like Mama's band, had fallen apart.
Soyo walked the road she knew by heart, making her way to the rehearsal room where they always practised.
She didn't spare a thought for how wretched she must have looked. She didn't notice the water still dripping from the hem of her clothes.
Nagasaki Soyo pushed open the door.
"Soyo! Thank goodness — you're finally here!"
The others reacted differently when they saw her walk in.
Takamatsu Tomori let out a quiet breath of relief. Taki turned away with a flicker of impatience. Mutsumi sat with her back to the room at the floor-to-ceiling window, watching the rain, lost somewhere far away.
Togawa Sakiko took a few small steps forward and continued:
"You're completely soaked — are you alright?"
"You didn't come to school, and you weren't answering messages..."
Sakiko reached for her handkerchief, meaning to wipe the water from Soyo's face — but Soyo caught her wrist.
For the first time in all these days, Soyo felt something that resembled strength.
"I came today to say one thing..."
"I'm leaving Crychic."
"Eh? Wait — let's sit down and talk first."
Togawa Sakiko had perhaps already seen this coming. She was trying her best to comfort Soyo.
But to Nagasaki Soyo, that comfort felt unbearable to look at.
[Togawa Sakiko... you — you knew everything, didn't you...]
Why do you know more than I do? Why? What gives you the right to know more than me?
She was my mother. Mine.
Why do you know so much about my mother?!
Soyo gritted her teeth and forced out the words that had been burning inside her:
"That day... Sakiko, why did you already know that my mother was — that she was almost gone?! How did you know?! Why did you keep hiding it from me — why didn't you tell me she was that ill?! You knew everything, didn't you?! Didn't you?! Say something!"
"Eh?"
The others in the room reacted in various ways — but everyone except Sakiko was simply stunned.
They had had no idea the relationship between these two ran this deep.
Sakiko, for her part, lowered her head — unsure of what to do.
There was a lot she did know. But it had only come to her by chance.
And there was so much more that Chiose-nee had specifically told her not to share with Soyo.
Watching Sakiko stay silent, the anger flaring inside Nagasaki Soyo burned hotter.
She grabbed hold of Sakiko's collar as if she wanted to drag her up off the ground.
But she didn't have the strength for it. The motion came out soft — almost like a plea.
"I..."
"That day... before the performance that day... where did you go?! Why weren't you there?! Why were you off somewhere during the show — you saw something, didn't you?! What did you see?! Tell me! Tell me now!"
Soyo shouted the last word out.
And then she had nothing left. No strength to hold herself upright. Her body crumpled, and she sank to the floor.
She hung her head, stiff and rigid. On the floor below her, she could just barely make out her own shadow.
The shadow was dim and wavering. The darkness within it was bleeding red.
It almost looked like... the colour of Yoshiiro Chiose's eyes.
Sakiko knelt down beside her.
Nagasaki Soyo's state was even worse than she had imagined. The urgency rising inside her was close to spilling over.
She stopped holding back. Because she knew that if she kept hiding things now... it would be too cruel. Too cruel for a child who had just lost someone she loved.
"Soyo..."
Nagasaki Soyo met her silence with silence. She had no words left in her.
"Chiose-nee was actually there that day, you know..."
"What? What did you... what did you just say?"
Like a last burst of dying light, Nagasaki Soyo snapped her head up.
Her eyes were wide open.
"I... I saw Chiose-nee at the door that day."
Sakiko said it as though a weight had finally lifted from her.
"She was being wheeled in by Ms. Nagasaki... She was so frail, but she still wanted to come and see our performance."
"After we took the stage... she was watching us from the wings the whole time. She just... had to leave before the show was over."
"What? Is that... is that true?"
"It's true... Chiose-nee wanted to see us one last time. No — she wanted to see Soyo's performance one last time."
"I saw her. I kept my eye on Chiose-nee the whole time... and her gaze never left you, Soyo. Not once. She loved you so much. She..."
By the end, Sakiko couldn't find her voice either.
When Sakiko finally looked up again, she found Nagasaki Soyo with tears streaming down her face.
"It's real? Mama really came to see me? Then why... then why..."
"Because Chiose-nee knew she didn't have much time left — and she didn't want to make you sad. She could see how happy you were with the band and she didn't want to cast a shadow over that.
"She was afraid of altering the course of your life. She wanted you to be happy. And she also thought... that you and Ms. Nagasaki should grow closer. So she made sure Ms. Nagasaki was there in the audience watching our performance with her — she wanted to spend those final moments seeing you and your mother finding your way back to each other."
"Stop — please stop! It's not real, is it? It can't be real... why are you telling me all this?!"
While Soyo was crying too hard to speak, Sakiko reached into her pocket and drew out a small slip of paper.
She unfolded it and held it out in front of Soyo.
"Chiose-nee wrote this for you... I found it when I went back backstage."
Soyo forced her eyes open. And the moment she made out what was written, the grief hit her even harder.
On the slip of paper, she read:
[I am so proud of you.]
[Soyo has always been the very best.]
[From someone who will love you forever —]
[Yoshiiro Chiose]
____
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