The beach—the same scene as last time.
Only two months had passed, yet Soyo's state of mind had become utterly unrecognizable.
The sand was scattered in every direction by the gentle spring breeze, leaving grains caught in the hair of both Soyo and the Chiose cradled in her arms.
[This can't be real...]
[How did things suddenly come to this...]
Everything had changed so fast. She'd known Chiose for only three or four months, but the very beginning of the story had been filled with her own negative emotions, so that first half-month couldn't be called beautiful.
And then?
The last month or two had been spent in the hospital, every single day a torment—hardly a good memory either.
So the only shared memories between Soyo and her most precious darling that could be called [beautiful] amounted to just a handful of days...
[Why, out of all the people in the whole world, did only my Little Chiose have to fall ill?]
"It's not fair..."
So terribly unfair.
Why was Little Chiose's illness so hard to cure? At the start she had clearly...
No—even at the start her health hadn't been good, and on top of that Soyo had never really cared for her with any care or attention.
[So Chiose's condition should never have come to this. It was my carelessness and my wishful thinking that led to the situation now...]
She couldn't bear to open her eyes and look at the Chiose in her arms.
They were both wearing the white dresses from the last time they came to play in the water at the Beach, and now the sun was about to set—
After all, it had already grown late by the time she brought Little Chiose out of the hospital.
"Little Chiose, Mama brought you to the Beach. Aren't you happy, Little Chiose?"
No one answered, but the little one in her arms seemed to stir slightly.
"That—that means you're very happy, right? Haha, Little Chiose, look—the setting sun is stuck in the sea, see? Hasn't everything around it turned all pink?"
The only thing that answered Soyo was the cry of seagulls in the distance.
Seagulls were a kind of foolish bird that Chiose called "ugly little things."
So did Chiose really hate seagulls? It seemed... there'd be no chance to get the answer now.
Mama...
"I'm here! Little Chiose! I've been here the whole time. Are you feeling better? Has the sea breeze made you a little more comfortable?"
[It won't actually make her feel any better at all... but maybe, just maybe...]
Soyo didn't want to miss even the tiniest sliver of hope—or rather, she was already so utterly in despair that even a shallower kind of despair had become infinite hope compared to her present reality.
Little Chiose could barely leave her embrace and walk on her own anymore, yet Soyo had still brought her to the seaside one more time.
So terrible. A proper mother should have refused this kind of request from her daughter, but Soyo didn't want to break the promise she'd once made—those words: [No matter what it is, Mama will say yes].
She didn't want to become a failure who couldn't grant even her daughter's few remaining wishes.
"Happy."
"Eh? Mama asked whether Little Chiose felt any better—why would Little Chiose say... happy?"
"Because Little Chiose isn't going to get better—but Little Chiose is so happy."
Soyo's heart sank, and even the flow of her blood seemed to slow.
[Don't say things like that... for Mama, it's just too cruel...]
"Mama, I'm sorry..."
"What? Why are you saying sorry?"
"Little Chiose is in too much pain, she can't hold on any longer. If Little Chiose hadn't been so much trouble for Mama, Mama could have handled her work better..."
The aggrieved, remorseful tone left Soyo at a loss for how to respond, and then she heard Chiose continue in a halting voice:
"Sorry, Mama... ever since you brought me home I've just been holding you back this whole time. Little Chiose feels so ashamed... Can Mama forgive Little Chiose?"
She had never once blamed Little Chiose! Never!
Soyo opened her mouth to speak, but her throat was parched and she could hardly make a sound.
She felt so guilty, so wretched...
At first she had paid no attention to Little Chiose, but later, relying on the girl's gentleness, she had gradually recovered into a normal person... She had always treated the girl as an emotional crutch, a... tool, a tool that she happened to like...
Soyo, you're too selfish.
You never loved Chiose unconditionally—you just treated her as a doll to pin your feelings on.
[Does someone like me really deserve to be loved?]
[It still hurts so much—why does it have to be this painful...]
The sun was setting, the sun was slowly sinking down.
Soyo watched the last light before her fade away, yet all she could do was slump helplessly to the ground.
She could do nothing—she couldn't stop the sun from falling... The sun in her arms was setting too, and still she could not hold it back.
"Mama, don't cry. Why do your tears keep falling?"
Now the roles had reversed: it was Chiose who kept speaking softly, while Soyo couldn't get out a single complete sentence.
"Didn't we—didn't we promise! A whole lifetime... Little Chiose, please don't say things like that, all right? I'm begging you, I'm begging you, don't say that..."
"Little Chiose will always stay by Mama's side."
Only now did Soyo dare to lower her head and look into Chiose's eyes.
Those eyes were clearly brimming with tears too, but within them lay an emotion Soyo couldn't put into words.
Was that... pain? Little Chiose must have wanted so badly to cry, yet it seemed she was holding her tears back.
The blood-red of her eyes was the most vivid color anywhere on Chiose's body; her unhealthily pale skin and her dry, silvery-white long hair were all set ablaze by that one stroke of heart-stopping red.
"It's just that Little Chiose's lifetime is so short..."
"You're not allowed to say that! I told you, you're not allowed... I... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sometimes my emotions, I, my..."
"Mama, it's okay."
Soyo's hand was being held.
They were still Chiose's same little hands, yet they gave Soyo a precarious feeling, as though they might slip away the very next instant.
"Little Chiose, Mama will take you home. We... we'll sing a lullaby together tonight, okay? I brought your little bear—ah, I brought your doll too! I..."
Soyo realized that the Chiose in her arms was... shaking her head? Huh?!
"Why?"
Such despair.
"Mama, Chiose is so tired. Chiose wants to go play in the sea a little while longer."
"Okay? Please..."
"O-okay, all right, let me help you up..."
"No need, Mama."
Chiose rose unsteadily to her feet and embraced Nagasaki Soyo one last time.
She gave Soyo a light peck on the cheek and whispered into her ear in a voice only the two of them could hear:
"Mama, please give up on Chiose... I'm begging you, Chiose really is... in so much pain..."
Nagasaki Chiose turned and walked toward the sea, her receding figure growing more and more blurred. All Soyo could remember was that, in the end, the girl was smiling.
The dim sky, the wandering sunset, the murky sea.
The seawater had already risen past Chiose's calves.
Nagasaki Soyo saw it—that girl was saying something to her.
What was she saying? She was saying:
"You don't need to feel guilty, Mama. None of this is your fault... Little Chiose was only a brief passerby in your life. You don't have to take it so much to heart."
"I love you the most! I wish you happiness! Live on..."
In the instant the sky went dark, Chiose toppled straight into the sea like a puppet with its strings cut, her form as light as an angel come from heaven.
In the end everything returned to simplicity; there was almost no wind.
Chiose's hair was lifted up by the waves, and Soyo could even smell the scent of samgyetang and the cotton inside the teddy bear.
The moonlight was not harsh, yet Soyo's heart had already been scorched.
"Chiose!"
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