Josh's pov
I looked around the house.
The ususal screaming wasn't there but I couldn't help but wish it was...
I couldn't feel the warmth of Joanna or the wetness of her tears against my chest I could'nt hear the plates clashing down ... I couldn't feel my ears ringing I couldn't listen to a heartbeat much smaller then against me.
I couldn't even hear the similar words
"Kuya, will they stop fighting?"
From her small voice. It was all gone...
It was just me and in those same four walls...
I was sitting on the floor against the wall. My legs shaking. My head spinning with non existent yelling... I couldn't hear screaming anymore it was all... Gone
I heard a knock and knew it was mom I didn't say anything, she cracked the door open and spoke up
"Joshua you haven't eaten anything don't you want to?"
I shook my head, I didn't wanna talk to her,
'IF ONLY YOU TRIED TO MAKE IT WORK ITS ALL YOU FAULT YOUR THE REASON ME AND JOANNA GOT SPLIT UP SHES FVCKING 12 SHE'S A DAMN CHILD'
That's what I wanted to say but the words didn't leave my mouth I just stayed silent as she got up and left...
My mind was still cloudy, I used to study to distract myself but now I didn't even have that, it was just my thoughts...
I was feeling more and more agitated my thighs were shaking and I couldn't control it anymore...
So I did it again... I promised myself I wouldn't but I lied... I FVCKING lied.
LIKE I LIED TO JOANNA LIKE HOW I LIED TO MARIA.
I grabbed the knife from my drawer still covered in a little bit of dried up blood I forgot to clean or just didn't have the energy to clean and...
I made a cut on my upper arm I normally stopped there but this time I let it flow... I watched the blood drip and leak...
I damn deserved it I had to do this...I was the only one to blame I'm the reason shes dead...
I wanted to hug her again I want to see my maria again I wanted to see Joanna too I wanted my dad... I wanted everything to back to how it was back in 10th grade before my life got fvcked.
I missed everything I hate me I hate myself I don't deserve to live anymore...
I'm a monster it's all my fault.
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Authors pov
The explanation
Maria- she is Josh's ex gf she passed away... And Josh blamed himself it cause she passed in a car accident and Josh was the one drunk driving even tho she begged him not to but he ignored her
This happened back when they were 16 and he was in 11th.
Just a few months back in when he was 10th everything was perfect he had his life together it was all great and he was also in section e the time.
And later on soon after his gf died he got charged for drunk driving this caused a lot of problems and this eventually lead to arguments between his parents which would end in broken plates and bruises...
And during this he found comfort in section e but he new told anyone about his problems... Not even his closest friends.
But school was his happy place but then in 12th grade Jay joined and the love triangle happened again but worse this time. (As we all know)
But situation at home got worse and his sister Joanna would often come and hide in his room while his parents argued but Josh and Joanna were never abused.
But unlike keifers parents his parents realized this was effecting their kids so they got divorced and his dad took Joanna and he was with his mom and he was lost and troubled.
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Guys quick question should I kill off josh?