"For your own good I hope this tea is to my liking or this time I really will purify you, got it, Undead?" said the goddess, sitting with her long, elegant legs crossed.
"Kyaa! That's so cruel, Lady Aqua!"
"Could you stop threatening her? It's bad enough you almost made her disappear."
"Exterminating the undead is part of my duty as a goddess!"
"Once again, I apologize for my companion's terrible manners," I told the shop owner.
"Hey! Who gave you permission to apologize on my behalf!?"
"You said your name was Wiz, right?" I asked, ignoring Aqua's nonsense.
"That's right," the merchant replied. "But you don't need to apologize, Mr. Kaizer. After all… I really am a lich…"
The idea that such a beautiful and pleasant young woman was actually a queen of the undead still felt hard to believe.
Some time ago, Aqua's original party had met her during a quest they took in a cemetery. Something about killing a zombie maker or something. What kind of ridiculous name was that?
Not only that, but Wiz was also one of the Demon King's generals. Although she had been inactive for a while now, so these days she just lived a normal life. Well… as normal as a lich's life could be.
The important thing was that Wiz had no interest in attacking humans or doing anything evil. So no one saw her as a threat.
Well… no one except Aqua. I guess it was in her nature as a goddess to send the undead straight to the afterlife.
"Now that I think about it, it's strange to see you without your usual companions, Lady Aqua," Wiz pointed out. She was holding a tray with a teacup in her hands. "Did something happen?"
Aqua took the cup of tea and took a sip.
"I suppose for a lich, this tea isn't half bad," she declared. "So I won't purify you… today."
"Thank you so much!" the shopkeeper said in a cheerful tone, happy that she would live see another day.
"And as for your question, the thing is I take my life as an adventurer so seriously that I'm now in two parties," the goddess puffed out her chest, acting all important. "Someone has to watch over the safety of this city, right, Kaizer?"
Don't you mean you desperately need to make money to pay off your debts?
"Oh, that's very admirable of you, Lady Aqua."
"Hehe! Well, when you put it that way, it's only natural that an undead like you, who spends all day slacking off, would be surprised by something so small. In my case, as a responsible, high-level archpriest, something like waking up at first light is perfectly normal."
"T-That was so awful, Lady Aqua. I wake up early too. It's just that, for some reason, the harder I work the poorer I get."
"Could you stop tormenting her?" I cut in. "Besides, what's this nonsense about waking up at first light? You slept until noon today and because of you we're already— OUCH!"
"Late" was what I was going to say, but the word got stuck in my throat, followed by a sharp, stinging pain in my leg.
"You kicked me," I growled at my companion.
She smiled and spoke with a gentle voice.
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"I'm telling you I didn't. Mmm… could it be that you received another divine punishment for once again tarnishing the image of a goddess?"
Between what she did to me last night, the kick during breakfast, and the lick just now, I really wanted to strangle Aqua. But I held back. The last thing I wanted was to cause a scene inside Wiz's shop. The poor girl already had enough to deal with, constantly getting attacked by my unbearable companion while trying to run a store that, according to her, was in red numbers.
And now that I thought about it, I hadn't seen a single customer walk in since we arrived.
Poor Wiz… maybe I should buy something after all. Even if it's just out of pity.
"So, Mr. Kaizer, are you and Lady Aqua going on adventures together?" the shopkeeper asked. A long strand of brown hair completely covered her right eye, giving her a slightly dazed and adorable look.
Though the most interesting part was a little lower…
Truth be told, I was never the type to stare at women's breasts like an idiot, but in this case… damn, it was hard not to. They weren't just big — they were huge — and the way they bounced under her robe with even the slightest movement didn't help at all.
And to think I had my face buried right there just moments ago.
"Yes, I'm currently trying to get stronger so I can defeat the Demon King," I explained, trying not to look like I was staring at her chest. "And since our goals align, Aqua and I have decided to work together temporarily."
The goddess smiled mischievously.
"Oh, you know what, Kaizer? I don't think it's a good idea to tell our plans to a lich."
"What do you mean?"
"After all, she used to be one of the Demon King's generals. Who's to say she won't leak the information to one of her old comrades? I think we should get rid of her right now to save ourselves future trouble, don't you agree?"
"B-But I already explained to you and your friends that all I do is maintain part of the barrier around the Demon King's castle! I don't pose any threat at all!" the undead assured us, her voice trembling.
"Maybe," Aqua conceded. "But Kaizer doesn't know you. Besides, he's a paladin. Killing dark, heartless creatures like you is basically his job."
"Waah! What horrible and ruthless things you say, Lady Aqua!"
"Would you stop tormenting her already?" I cut in. "Besides, I trust Wiz."
"You're very kind, Mr. Kaizer."
My eyes immediately moved from Wiz to Aqua. She had gone back to sipping her tea and eating the slice of cake the shop owner had served her. For free, obviously, because the shameless woman hadn't paid a single coin.
I'm starting to wonder who the real dark, heartless creature is here.