Did I had fun outside?
No really, that's a real question. Today, my birthday, was it fun? Did I had fun?
Let's think about it, compared to everyday, did I had fun?
I got a dry biscuit this morning. Got a bill and a key, Hatomo gave me a shiny new cloak I love. One that I'm planning on wearing EVERYDAY whenever I leave the house!
I also found the library, and managed to steal some books. The girl that deal with the library also gave me more info about whatever the fuck is happening around me, but more importantly she was kinder than I thought, and she would have given me a free book even if I didn't stole any.
So...I managed to keep the money to buy me a snack.
A delicious snack I enjoyed while learning more about whatever the fuck is happening, I finally saw the academy, finally, and now understand why there's no children around anymore.
That's...
Everything was great, more than great, this day was fucking PERFECT, it was better than most of my days since I became one year old.
It was...the best birthday ever.
The only potential petpeeve would be...my breathing quickens as I see it again, my grandfather, moving, in a speed that's clearly unnatural.
And everyone, acting, like it's fucking normal.
That's the only pet peeve.
But if I ignore that?
I came home, and saw my mother throw my drunk father inside the bedroom, and she promised me a good meal tonight so...yeah.
Apart from the slow understanding of the world I built up for two years breaking down in half when I realize that yes, this world is...weirder than I thought. A thought I quickly crush down and decide to deal with later. Apart from this?
Today was a perfect birthday.
I look up at my mother, who's holding the door closed while looking at me. A weird expression on her leaner face, she's leaner than she was two years ago.
I can smell a sweet and tasty aroma around the room, mixing up with the stench of alcohol, maybe that's why I didn't recoil at the smell today
Or maybe it's because of a slow realization that's poisoning my mind and I don't have the time to deal with something like a pathetic drunk father.
In the middle of the silence that grows, I look up. Fixing her right in the eyes.
"Yes. I had a lot of fun"
There's no answer, yet. Nothing but the silence, a smell that's growing more and more the longer we stay here, my mother looks almost petrified.
"That's...good"
I don't answer, letting the silence reign for a while. Me in front of the front door, and her, in front of the closed bedroom door.
After more of this awkward silence, she reaches out again.
"That's...a good cloak you got here, where did you got it?"
I look down at myself. At my cloak, still wet. "Mr Hamoto made it for me, he sees me outside a lot, and knew it was my birthday, since it rains a lot...made me this"
Multiple emotions pass through my mother face, first, it's something that makes her features crunches up in guilt, then, it dissapears, a small frown appearing on her face.
"Who's Mr Hatomo?"
"He's the leather worker in the weapon street" she frowns again at that and after a blink, probably remembering the day he beat up dad when he tried to drag me back home, she gets it.
Her voice relaxes "Oh him, that's....good, tell him t-!"
The sound of muffed slamming can be heard behind my mother, in her bedroom. She closes her eyes for two good seconds, keeping the door closed until the sound stops.
Then she opens her eyes again. "Alright honey, why don't you put your cloak to dry up? Then come sit down, we're going to eat soon"
For a moment, I don't really answer her. Or do anything, I just look at the pot in the kitchen, then at her. Trying to establish a sense of normality, something which is...pretty rare nowadays.
Nontheless, I go. "Okay."
I turn around and do a beeline to my room. Open the door, and close it behind me.
My bed, a mess of blankets and pillows looks extra comfortable right now, and I reallllly want to jump inside and go to sleep. But I don't do it yet.
Instead, I carefully remove my books out of my inside pockets and remove the mirror holding my box closed before putting all the books I stole -and one I didn't- inside.
I also remove my cloak, and let it...rest on the ground for now. Not really knowing how to dry it well.
Seeing the open box, I try something. Close the box and drape my cloak over it, I hear something jingle in one of the pocket, ah, right, taking out the key, I place it above the cloak, just beside my mirror I put on a second ago.
Almost forgot about it.
Taking a step back.
I look at my room. And my slowly growing number of possessions, with a soft smile I turn around and leave.
When I get out, my mom isn't here
Instead, she's inside her bedroom, I can hear some things being dragged around, and when she steps back inside the living room. Her bed is blocking the door from the inside.
She slams the door closed.
And turn around to see me, when she sees me, a weird smile spread on her face. A weird mix of guilt and...well, happyness from seeing your child.
She forces a cheer in her voice as she steps closer to me and to the kitchen. "Are you hungry? Did you buy yourself something?"
I look around, left and right. And lift up my hand to scratch at my neck, I feel weird.
I feel really weird.
Didn't talk more than that with her since...well, ever, since the last time I was with her for long, I was still acting like my talking was shit.
"Yeah...bought some rice cakes"
She hums, a wider smile spreading on her face before she turns around fully to hide her face and focus on the cooking.
"That's good, that's good. What did you do today?"
I walk toward the table, and hop on a chair, I'm barely tall enough to look above the flat top but that's fine.
"I...left home. And then I walked around, then I found Mr Hatomo, and he gave me my gift, and then, I went to the library."
"The library?" She lifts the pot up with both hands, and start spilling some of whatever she made into a big bowl.
"Yeah...the lady inside, miss Okari gave me a free book"
A weird sound escapes her. Her shoulders shaking for a second, but none of the soup falls on the floor. When she's finished pouring the meal in the bowl, she put the pot on the counter beside her, turn off the fire with the weird towel she hasn't been using a lot nowadays.
"That's nice sweetie, did you thanks her?"
And finally, she turns around, the big bowl in her hands. A spoon inside the steaming liquid.
"I did"
She puts it in front of me, head dropped down. She's not looking at me.
I look at the food in front of me. It smells good, looks like some sort of stew, there's a lot of it, which is weird considering that...money is sparse.
There's some pieces of meat floating at the surface...
...should I eat?
"That's good, that's good" she puts one hand on the top of my head, and with slow movements, she pushes my hair out of my face as softly as humanly possible. Genuinely taking as much time is needed for her fingers to brush against my forehead as if I was the most delicate thing in the entire wide whole world "You can eat as much as you want tonight"
She bends down to a knee, to get at my height and looks at me.
I look at her. Then at the food, then at her again. And then I pick up the spoon. Tasting the stew.
It's delicious.
"Is it good?"
I nod at her, trying to muster my usual acting enthusiasm, as best as I can, but it's restrained. Even if I don't wish it be.
"It's delicious"
"Good, good, what else did you do today?" Her hands start shaking.
And I stop eating. I look at the stew, the pieces of meat drifting around.
What else did I do? I know exactly what I did, I know how I passed the journey sneaking around and finding away to spy on the academy.
I could lie.
Give her a good answer that would reassure her.
But something claws up my throat, something ugly.
In the end, thinking about everything I've seen, from the start of my first year in this world. I say a single thing.
"Mom...what's happening?"
Silence.
For twenty good second none of us talk.
I don't talk. Nor do I touch the stew.
When she opens her mouth again, an ugly sob escapes her.
"Tha-!" Another ugly sob. Her hand comes up to rest on my shoulder, rubbing it, trying to reassure me "Everything is-!" She sobs again. "Fine"
And another sob.
Her other hand comes forward to grab my back, her fingers claw on the back of my shirt for a grip, she inches closer. Crawling on the ground while trying to keep her crying down.
"Everything is fine" the way she breathes after saying that doesn't seem fine.
She hugs me. Kneeling beside my chair, she hugs me, rest her face above my crown and cries, she cries, her small hands shaking while rubbing my back.
"Everything is fine, everything is fine, the &$& won't reach us, everything is fine"
For my second birthday, my mom broke down in my arms.