I have water magic.
Pushing through my door, there's nobody home, it's pretty dark outside but it's not that dark. I trained for a good while, some hours I'd say, but I stopped sooner than expected, sooner than I hoped.
After shooting a lot of bolts.
A lot.
My baby body decided to stop supporting me.
Well, not really. It could have kept going, but my shoulder started popping and cracking, and injuring myself sounds like a bad idea a bad idea a real bad idea because if I injure myself I can't train anymore and if I can't train anymore I can't get stronger and if I can't get stronger I can't defend myself and if I can't defend myself I'm gonna die and that's-!
Close the door behind you.
There'll be water everywhere otherwise.
With my crossbow dangling in my grip, water droplets staining the wooden ground under me, I stay there. Looking at the door. There's no buzzing in the house, there's no sound, there's no one.
No one.
Leaving my flow, leaving my invisibility, I turn around and go back in my room, focusing on important things.
Important things like MAGIC!
I HAVE WATER MAGIC! I'M SURE OF IT!
With delicate movements, more delicate than my hands ever produced before, I put my crossbow down beside my bed.
Thanks you for the hard work crossbow-chan
Then with an excited yippee, I jump up and push my arms up. YOUHOU! I HAVE WATER MAGIC!
Magic is really the best of news in every single one of my days, magic for the win, you thought that my excitement for magic would drop down after having invisibility magic? Hell nah, every single magic of mine is SUPER COOL! AND NOW I HAVE EVEN MORE PROOF THAT I HAVE MORE UNTAPPED MAGIC!
WATER MAGIC!
Because think about it for a second. Just think for a second, I've puked water, WATER, and the flow, is basically making me move in weird ways. Never really clicked before...but I'm kind of moving like water right?
Pushing back against the door with my back to close it, I make sure that my trap is still there above my head and start removing my cloak, then my shirt, ignore the bruise forming on my shoulder it's fine, and then, without any hesitation, close my eyes, and get in the flow.
To everyone else.
I am invisible.
I think.
That's what I do to get invisible at least.
I do this, then, with my skill over the flow, with the hundred of hours of practice I put in, I control it, and do normal movements while under the flow.
That's how it works when I'm in the flow.
I want to walk while invisible? Then I get in the flow, and I move, I move a bit weird, but if I don't move weird, I can't feel the flow. Then flow the builds up, and spread around me, and BOUM I'm invisible!
Those last few days however, I've been ONLY doing that. The second I managed to train the flow during day to day life, and noticed that it makes me invisible, that's all I've been doing.
That's why. Today. I go back to the basics.
Like the first time I learned the flow.
I attune with it.
Hear the pain. Feels the unconcious movement. Get in the middle. Get in the flow.
And have no goals.
My body starts moving, slow at first, my left foot pushes against the ground and push me back, it rolls in my spine, slowly making the energy travel through me until it ends in my right shoulder.
My fingers, on the right, shakes for a second before smoothing in a wave motion. Just like the dance move, that travels through my entire arm, stop at the shoulder, and go back to my fingers.
Those movements.
The flow.
There's a reason I called it flow.
It flows.
LIKE WATER!
IT'S SO FUCKING OBVIOUS! I'M A FUCKING WATER MAGE, I PUKE WATER AND MOVE LIKE WATER, I'M BRUCE LEE!
Snapping out of it, I jump up, the flow dissapears for a second because that's not a flowy movement.
When I land back though, prompted by my Bruce Lee reference, I do a low sound.
A low racist Chinese kungfu sound.
Some kind of "woooohou!" Get in the flow, and with the flow active, I kick for-! My left leg buckles, I fall on my ass, both hands coming down to try and catch me.
Ah. Right.
Almost forgot my falling days.
Guess I got way too fucking arrogant since then, I need MORE flow training!
With the evilest of all laughters, (it's cute, curse this baby body) I push myself up and start pacing around in my room like...well, some kind of overexcited kid.
WATER MAGIC!
Think nebe THINK!
How do you obtain water magic? How do you get farther in the flow? How do you flow like water? And most importantly...are those flowing movements influencing my day to day movements?
Because this shooting a crossbow stuff was kind of crazy not gonna lie.
Think nebe think.
When did I learned about the flow?
After puking water.
My whole body freezes. It takes me three seconds before I walk again, slower this time, my enthusiasm crushed down.
It's...uh.
You know, thinking about the only thing in the world that manages to bring me pain is harder than I thought.
It gives me long-term pain resolution, yes.
But like.
Uh.
It's real real bad.
Uh.
Do I really need to puke water again?
I don't think I need to right?
What does puking water did for me? Gave me an opportunity to confirm my doubts that this world is filled with magic. Reduced my pain by 10% for more than a single day. Gave me hope of finding a long term path to heal my condition. Pointed me in the direction of the flow. Pointed me in the direction of magic. Helped me get invisibility. Helped me get lots of weapons to defend myself, and ryos to sa-!
Okay.
It did a lot.
I'll agree, it did a lot.
But like....
Passing over my bed to duck under the blanket covering my window, I look outside.
I can't do it here...and like...you know, it will make a mess.
And I have things to hide.
Almost as a flash, my semi secret spot outside the town appears in my mind eye.
I could go there. But like....uh, that's still dangerous, and I'll need to go out for like, hours, last time it was hours and....
....and I could do it here and go steal something to collect the water before it goes everywhere, a big basin or something.
And...and that's reasonable but uh.
That's.
Uh.
You know.
That's a problem, because, uh, I can't do it today, it's too late and I need to steal the basin and...uh.
Grabbing my plushie kunai and playing with the cold metal, my mind keeps running, forming excuses upon excuses, each ones worse than the others.
I...really want to do water magic.
But why would I need to puke water?
There's no reason to do it.
There's no reason to do it, I'm jumping to conclusion, the fact that the most progress I ever did in my entire life was after torturing myself by pushing my usual levels of pain above the baseline is just a coincidence, I have no proof that this is the truth or that it even makes sense really that doesn't when you think about it, because, why did I learned about the flow a full day after it, and then why there was the water and and then there was the thing that didn't make sense about the pain because pain isn't good, that's something everyone knows that's something everybody knows nobody likes it and that's normal because pain is a signal from your body, it's telling you there's a problem that's all, so increasing the pain doesn't make sense and it will never make sense that's the worst idea ever I have a lot of things I can and could and should do. I can try the flow with different movements, doesn't matter that I'm plateauing, I can still try and be more consistent try more things and I need to help my mom and I need to do my weapons training and that's all really. So do I really need to torture myself again? No. That's bad that's self harm isn't it? And self harm is bad so I won't do it because nobody likes it and everybody knows it's a bad thing. Everyone knows that you shouldn't force yourself through pain that's the dumbest of decision, and I may be a child but I've been reincarnated and I have the mind of an adult and I know that it's bad so I won't do it because it's bad and that's not what awakened the flow, that's not, even if I've been meditating for years and the flow ONLY happened AFTER the inciden-!
I meditated. For years.
No flow.
I puke water one time.
I get the flow.
I get on one knee. Then the other, crawl into my bed, dig myself into the blankets, my usual kunai tight against my chest.
I think I'm going to sleep.