There's something funny with figuring out you were wrong for so long
I don't really know what is it exactly. Maybe it's a super duper secret phenomenon I don't know the name of, or maybe it's just me going fucking crazy, but I do find this hilarious.
Genuinely hilarious.
Because...
Holy shit.
I'm not going invisible.
My fists tighten into cute little balls as I look at my body, my cloak is on the corner of my room, drying and untouched while I test something.
The realization that yes. I'm not going invisible. Which, now that I think about it, with the fact that I'm still able to SEE myself in the middle of the flow.
It kind of makes sense.
BUT
I'm doing magic. So anything that happens can be brushed off by saying "it's magic" SORRY for not thinking there was a logical explanation on how I'm getting invisible after I figured that I could do MAGIC! FOR! FUCK! SAKE! MAGIC!
IT'S NOT LOGICAL, IT'S MAGIC!
Okay.
Chill.
Take a deep breath.
Press on the flow. Feel the flow inside your body, feel the way it makes you move on the right, feel the way it makes you move on the left, keep it still, keep it controlled, let the flow wave around your body, let yourself dance, but control the direction of the dance, forward.
In a slide.
And boum.
I'm invisible.
I open my eyes and find my now limp little hands still visible, like, they're REALLY visible, like usual. AND it makes SENSE since I'm sure I'm not making myself INVISIBLE!
I'm making other people think I'm invisible.
My right hand start shaking but I tighten it, focusing on my flow inside instead of succumbing to nervousness
I know it's fine. I've been putting people through so much invisibility. I spied on them after they were out of the effects I thrown at them. I know it's safe.
So now.
It's time to try it.
My flow moves throughout my body, I let it out, I let a small amount drifts in the air, it's slow, barely reaches my feet. But it should be enough. Okay. How do I get invisible now?
Do I just....put the own flow I pushed out back inside?
I feel like it's VERY inneficient but...
Do you have a better idea?
Well, yes, actually, I do. But I don't really want to induce a shit ton of variety, let's just do what I usually do, what I did against the guard, and let's see if that works.
Okay, okay little flow, come here, come cloooooser.
Get cloooooser.
Like a snail. My flow gets closer. From drifting around the room, from drifting around my crates filled with weapon to craaaaaawling back to me in-!
It will take hours.
Holy shit can't a man have some flow in his brain for fuck sa-!
As if my body listened to my wish, a wave of pain, and flow, following the pain, passes over my chest, making my spine arch up to smoothly let the energy get up until it ends in my neck.
Holy....fuck.
I can...control where it's going?
With a push against this weird sense of mine. I grab a deadly hold against the flow in my neck and drag it up. In my cervical spine. Each little profusion goes at it, each little disks of my spine feel it, the way my flow rises up, until it caress the edge of my jaw and bloom on my cheeks. I almost want to sneeze as it reaches my nose, then my forehead, my scalp, and finally.
My brain.
That was.
So easy.
It's actually really close to what I was doing with the flow before, when I first started moving while following the flow, it's....uh, it's really easy to move it around.
Like really easy.
Huh. Should have tried that earlier
Okay! Okay! Later later!
Now!
How do I make myself invis-! I trip the fuck up as my hands dissapears.
My balance feels weird. My foot drags on the ground to keep me standing, and I look down at it to see nothing.
There's nothing in my room.
It's...
There's the ground. There's. My body isn't here, it's.
What?
It's supposed to be he-! And it's here again.
The flow that was filling my brain drops down and dilute back in my body to join the main flow that makes me move left, right, up, and fucking dance.
And dance I do. For a good while that's all I do, I feel the flow in my body passing from the tip of my fingers to the edge of my elbows, that's all I do before the BIGGEST FUCKING SMILE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD SPREADS ON MY FACE!
"MAAAAAAAAAAGIC!"
I actually didn't scream. It was more of a whisper, a really small "magic" under my breath while I rounded my back and waved my fists in the air in quiet victory.
But I like to believe that I screamed that.
Because that's what I would have loved to do in another life.
Because that's what I would have loved to do if I wasn't here.
Still, the remainder of my horrible situation doesn't mange to break the mood, and my little celebration of magic. Of magic I can control even BETTER!
HOLY SHIT!!!! I'M NOT INVISIBLE! I'M MESSING WITH PEOPLE MINDS!
Without any hesitation, I close my eyes...just like I did during my first days of flow practice.
Wait. Was I practicing this? During all those hours? Have I been building my foundation to control this? To control this flow? This magic!?
FUCK YEAH I'M THE BEST!
Allowing myself another private cheer, I channel the excitement into practice and push my flow back into my brai-! It's done.
Well shit, that was way faster than before.
If before I felt the way the flow traced all over my spine, as if Michael myers was breathing down my back and taking it's sweet time to catch up to me, now it was like electricity. Okay. Maybe I'm exaggerating, it was like blood. It rose up against gravity, without any trouble, and now I have a good amount of flow in my brain.
And...nothing happens.
My hands are still there. I can do shapes. One. Two. Three. But, how did I manage to become invisible. Because right now? I want to be invisib-! Again.
Invisibility.
I focus on what's in front of me. On what should be here, even if now there's nothing but empty air where my arms should be. And a second later. My hands are back.
There's approximatively three seconds of me thinking before the answer falls into my lap like it was always here and I just needed to look down, or look deeper into myself to have it.
Intention.
I found the flow randomly, it was luck after puking water out. My body felt different after puking that water, different enough for me to notice the flow. The curiosity pushed me to investigate the flow, to investigate my body and understand what's wrong with me. Because I was in pain. In constant pain, in constant, FUCKING, pain. I wanted a way to heal my pain. I needed a way to heal my pain.
The flow did it. For less than a second yes. But whenever I practiced the flow well enough, whenever everything was perfectly aligned inside me. The pain went away.
I wanted to heal from my pain. The flow provided.
Just for that. I loved the flow. So I practiced the flow. Every day. Every hour. Every second. The only problem with this was my normal life, was the fact that I needed to move to find food, that I needed to move, to explore, to learn the language.
Ah. I wanted to live with the flow active, constantly, forever, to forever have the chance to avoid the pain.
After hours of training. The flow provided. I could use the flow while moving around.
I wanted the flow to heal my pain. It did. For a second it did. For LESS than a second it listened to my intent and did it. I wanted the flow to forever keep me company and it did, now, if I'm focused enough. I can do it. I wanted the flow to hide me from people and....
I wanted the flow to hide me from people.
I hate this life. I hate going out and not being able to talk to anyone without being sneered at or with the risk of getting taken advantage of. I hate being unable to say anyone about my pain for the fear of being treated like some kind of defective product and get killed.
I ruined this family by being a weird baby. Not again, not fucking again.
I don't want to be seen. By those people. All those people that are stronger than me. I want to dig under the ground and never come out, I want to be fucking ALONE I DON'T want your fucking war and I don't want any of your fucking bullshit and....my hands are invisible.
Right now? They're invisible.
My entire body is invisible.
If I search for myself, I know the invisibility will dissapear.
I just need to search for myself.
Well, that was something. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Uh.
Let's just figure out how to make me invisible to those guards and ignore whatever just happened, sounds like a healthy thing to do.