The setting sun dyed the streets of Axel a bleak, beautiful orange-red.
Kōichi and Satou Kazuma sat side by side on the steps outside the Adventurers Guild, with a heavy money bag between them, stuffed full of freshly exchanged Eris coins.
At their feet was Aqua. Even after the ropes had been removed, she still remained curled up in the same position, her whole body giving off a holy steam, her eyes even emptier than a dead fish's.
She was muttering to a snail passing by on the roadside. "...Snails have moisture too... should I purify it... as long as it's liquid... I can purify it... hehe... hehehe..."
Kōichi looked at her obviously broken state, the corner of his eye twitching slightly, then turned to the comrade beside him.
"Hey, Kazuma." Kōichi stroked the nonexistent stubble on his chin, and for once there was a trace of solemn compassion in his voice. "Seeing her like this, like her soul's left her body and she's started talking to bugs, I suddenly feel like what we just did... might have been, well, how do I put it... a little too inhuman, even for us."
Kazuma was holding a handful of coins, savoring the cold, solid weight of the metal. At Kōichi's words, his hand froze. He turned to look at Aqua, who looked especially frail in the sunset, even if she had brought it on herself, and let out a long sigh.
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. You're right, Kōichi. Sure, this girl's an idiot and she causes trouble nonstop, but... she really is an honest-to-goodness Goddess. If word got up to heaven that we spent an entire afternoon dunking a deity in stinking sludge like a tea bag, we'd probably end up engraved on some monument to the shame of humanity. Feels like my conscience is starting to ache a little."
The air fell deathly silent.
The two sadistic adventurers stared at the broken Goddess at their feet and said nothing for two seconds.
Then, at the same time, they looked at each other, then both lowered their eyes to the bulging money bag.
"...So how many Eris do you think conscience sells for per pound on Axel's black market?" Kōichi asked expressionlessly.
Kazuma gave a cold snort, expertly tied the money bag shut, and stuffed it back into his clothes. The compassion in his eyes was instantly replaced by the profit-driven greed of a true sadist.
"Probably not even enough for the cheapest mug of ale. If it's worthless, then tossing it out doesn't matter. Kōichi, I did the math just now. If we go purify that even bigger septic tank in the south of town tomorrow... no, wait, that reservoir, the reward should double."
"Makes sense." Kōichi nodded in full agreement, slapped his thigh as he stood up, and casually nudged Aqua in the butt with the tip of his foot. "Hey, tea bag! Quit playing dead and get up! As a reward for your hard work today, Kazuma and I have decided to treat you to a proper meal tonight!"
Aqua had been discussing the philosophy of life with the snail just moments ago, but the instant she heard the words proper meal, those hollow eyes exploded with a terrifying predator's gleam.
"Really?! Then I want marbled red crab! And the most expensive sparkling wine, the one with the glittery bits in it!"
She sprang to her feet in one smooth motion, with not a trace of mental collapse left, and even dusted herself off before looking at the two of them with eager anticipation.
"Come on, let's go! Since you two still have enough conscience left to treat me, I'll generously forgive you for using me as a filter cartridge this afternoon!"
Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged another glance, and both their mouths twitched.
"See, Kazuma? Showing conscience to a creature like this is an insult to the very word."
Kōichi let out a cold laugh and headed toward the Guild dining hall.
"Exactly, Kōichi. I take back what I said. We're not beasts. We're basically this useless Goddess's saviors."
Kazuma followed right behind him.
Just as the three of them were about to go enjoy a feast, the Guild doors were suddenly shoved open.
"Kōichi! Kazuma! And Aqua!"
Megumin came rushing in with her staff in her arms, face flushed red and breathing hard, with Darkness right behind her, looking excited and squirming.
"I heard you guys ran some utterly inhumane, completely conscience-free secret special training out on the outskirts today?!" Megumin demanded loudly, though there was a trace of curiosity in her eyes. "Why didn't you bring me along? Was it because my Explosion Magic would have elevated that kind of training to a whole new level?!"
Darkness, meanwhile, grabbed Kōichi's arm, breathing hard with her cheeks flushed red. "Kōichi... I heard... you tied Aqua up and threw her into a mud pit... that kind of thing... that kind of thing... please, you have to do it to me too! No, please do it to me ten times! I can take charge of purifying the filthiest sewers!"
Looking at the hopeless bunch of teammates in front of him, whatever faint shred of guilt Kōichi had left vanished on the spot.
"...Kazuma, I think we should just throw our consciences to the dogs. There isn't a single normal person left in this party."
Amid the noise of the Adventurers Guild, Kōichi and Satou Kazuma crouched in a corner with their heads together, their eyes gleaming with the desperate, all-in fervor only overworked corporate slaves pulling an all-nighter to meet a deadline could have.
"Kōichi, this is our chance. We can't let it slip by!" Kazuma whispered urgently, like he was plotting a bank robbery. "The rainy season's almost over. Once the Poison Slimes and mutated moss are gone, these easy-money jobs where we just sit on the bank and pull a rope are gone too! We have to work this to the bone and corner the market on every patch of dirty water in town before Aqua completely goes on strike!"
Kōichi nodded hard in full agreement, his finger rapidly tracing over the bill. "Exactly, Kazuma. High safety, stable returns. This is practically Axel's angel-round financing. But... what do we do about those two nuisances?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Kōichi glanced at Megumin, who was staring at him with shining eyes, and Darkness, whose face was flushed as though she were ready to tie herself up at any moment.
"Hmph. Leave it to me." Kazuma flashed an exceptionally despicable grin.
He abruptly stood up, walked over to Megumin with a solemn face, and placed both hands on her shoulders. "Megumin! I just spotted top-secret intel tucked away in the corner of the quest board! Out on the northern wasteland beyond town, a group of Jumping Cabbage Emperors has appeared. They're incredibly agile, absurdly durable, and openly provocative toward the Crimson Demons! They're mocking your Explosion Magic, saying it's nothing but a dud firecracker! As a great mage, can you tolerate that?!"
"What?! They dare insult my Explosion Magic?!" Megumin took the bait instantly, the red glow in her eyes nearly bursting into visible form. "Take me there! Hurry up and lead the way! I'll show those cabbages what true ultimate art looks like!"
Then Kazuma turned to Darkness, his tone dropping low and turning irresistibly suggestive. "Darkness, those Cabbage Emperors up north don't just have high defense. They also love lashing passing Crusaders with those hard leaves, and they'll even drag people into thorn bushes... ah, it's too cruel. I was going to ask you to come, but that level of abuse might be too much even for you..."
"Please let me go!!!" Darkness shrieked, practically drooling. She snatched up her greatsword and grabbed Megumin as she charged for the door. "Quick, Megumin! Before those cabbages get away, take me there so I can be whipped... no, so I can accept the challenge!"
Watching the two nuisances disappear down the street, Kōichi and Kazuma both let out sighs of relief, then turned in perfect sync to look at Aqua, who was hugging a bucket of fried chicken and eating until her face was slick with grease.
"Hehehe... Aqua, all full?" Kōichi asked with a fatherly, sadistic smile.
Aqua let out a belch and looked at the two of them warily. "I... I'm full. Why are you looking at me like that? We agreed tonight was rest time, okay! I still have to go buy new bath additives!"
"Rest? In the face of a 280,000 Eris debt, a Goddess doesn't get to rest!" Kazuma snatched away her fried chicken bucket and pulled out that thick bundle of rope that had already been soaked through. "Koichi! You got the torches ready? We're pulling an all-nighter tonight and purifying all three reservoirs on the south side of town!"
"Ready, Kazuma! I even brought some extra-strong peppermint oil to keep us sharp, specially prepared to rub on our tea bag-sama's temples!" Kōichi grinned viciously as he hoisted Aqua up by her left arm.
"Nooooo! Help! These two men are devils! Slave drivers even crueler than the Demon King!!"
Aqua's miserable screams rang out across Axel's night sky once again.
Late at night. Southern reservoir.
Under the moonlight, the clear water kept rippling in time with Aqua's rhythmic splashing.
Kōichi and Kazuma each held one end of the rope, dragging Aqua back and forth through the reservoir like they were working a giant saw.
"One, two, heave! One, two, heave!"
Kōichi wiped the sweat from his brow and looked at the water, which was gradually turning clearer. "Kazuma, you were right. This overtime grind wears the body down, but watching the money bag slowly fill up again really does make you feel fulfilled."
"Yeah, Kōichi." Kazuma smiled in deep satisfaction. "This is the joy of being an adult. Aqua, don't stop! That corner at the bottom is still a little purple. Dive deeper!"
From beneath the surface came Aqua's muffled, resentment-filled cursing, followed by a stream of desperate bubbles.