After being utterly shredded by Kōichi's barrage of lolicon accusations, Satou Kazuma froze for a moment before finally showing his signature sadistic sneer again, one carrying both ill intent and a clear if-I'm-going-to-hell-you're-coming-with-me attitude.
He tossed the half-eaten skewer in his hand to the ground, leaned forward, and locked onto Kōichi with the kind of look that said if I'm damned, you're not getting into heaven either.
"Hey, Kōichi, don't just sit there putting on that smug moral-saint face and judging me," Kazuma said in a lowered, coaxing voice. "Since Megumin's off the table, let's just be blunt. In this wonderfully eccentric party of ours, that leaves the other two. That narcissistic Goddess with an IQ of zero but a face and figure nobody can complain about, and that Crusader whose brain is broken but whose equipment is definitely substantial. Kōichi, as a man, put your hand on your heart and tell me. Which one do you actually prefer? Don't tell me you've never had a single crooked thought. We're both reincarnators here, so don't act all high and mighty."
Kōichi had just been about to take an easy sip of water to wet his throat, but at that, his hand paused.
Instead of turning red in the face or rushing to deny it like Kazuma had expected, he sank into an unusually serious and profound train of thought.
Slowly, he turned his head. His gaze passed over Aqua, who was still battling with the socks, and landed on Darkness not far away, clutching her greatsword, face flushed from overhearing the conversation about "desired women," already breathing a little harder.
"Since you've asked so sincerely, I'll mercifully tell you, Kazuma." Kōichi set down the water jug, his eyes shining with the fervor of a man who had found a soulmate. "Aqua may look good, but the moment I remember that crying of hers, the kind that drags your IQ into the negatives, every bit of desire I have gets purified straight into saint mode. But Darkness. Darkness is a different story."
Kōichi swallowed, his tone growing more impassioned.
"Haven't you noticed? Darkness's figure is practically criminal. Those curves drawn out by that tight armor, that sheer weight that looks ready to pop her shirt buttons off at any moment, those long legs that are powerful without losing any feminine grace. It's a masterpiece of creation! And more importantly. "
He slapped his thigh hard, his voice rising without meaning to.
"Her personality! That hopeless, utterly hopeless masochistic pervert personality! It hits my exact type! Just think about it. In a world full of hypocrisy and empty politeness, there's actually a woman who not only doesn't get angry when you insult or bully her, but instead gives you that intoxicated look begging you to please give her more, and even trembles in excitement because you stole her lunch. Isn't that a man's ultimate dream? That kind of interaction, one where you don't need even a shred of guilt and both sides walk away satisfied, that's art! Pure art!"
The more he talked, the more excited Kōichi became. He even started gesturing into empty air.
"That contrast. The way she looks like a noble, virtuous lady knight on the outside, but deep down wants to be ravaged by monsters and humiliated by her companions. Kazuma, you just don't get it. This is adult romance! Compared to your protective instinct toward little girls, my deep resonance with a perverted knight is the truly mature and healthy kink!"
Satou Kazuma could only stare in stunned silence.
He had only wanted to drag Kōichi into the water with him, but instead Kōichi had dived in, done a full freestyle lap, and looked ready to invite him under.
Looking at Kōichi's utterly self-righteous, even proud expression, Kazuma's mouth twitched uncontrollably.
"...Kōichi, I take back what I said." Kazuma wiped the cold sweat off his face and silently scooted two more body widths away. "I think I'm only a little dangerous. You, on the other hand, are completely beyond saving. If Darkness had heard all of that, she'd probably be so excited right now she'd start performing A Knight's Self-Cultivation, masochist edition, right here in the stable."
Just as Kazuma predicted, after hearing keywords like ultimate dream, irresistible contrast, and art, Darkness had already entered a state of extreme excitement.
The hand clutching her greatsword was shaking violently. Her breathing had turned heavy, and the flush on her face had already spread all the way down to her neck.
"Ah, ahh... Kōichi... you actually just said... that I'm a pervert? And that my personality is art? And you even want to... do even more excessive things to me... mgh, mmm..."
Darkness bit her lip and looked at Kōichi with dazed eyes, letting out an extremely dangerous moan.
"Please, please keep going! Don't stop just because of what Kazuma said! That contemptuous look from before... give me more of it!"
Kōichi cast a sidelong glance at Darkness, who was on the verge of crashing entirely, red-faced and breathing hard, then turned back to look at Satou Kazuma, whose face was full of disgust and caution.
A wicked flame called mischief began blazing in his chest.
Kōichi patted Kazuma on the shoulder and, in the grave tone of someone passing down an ancient secret technique, said:
"Watch carefully, Kazuma. As your senpai, someone who's lived in this other world just a tiny bit longer than you, let me show you today what real masculine power looks like. With a high-spec woman whose brain is broken like this, gentleness is useless. You have to strike precisely at the weak point of her soul."
Kazuma took a suspicious step back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey, Kōichi, what's with that sadistic look on your face? I'm warning you, as much as I'd love to watch this, if you take it too far and the guards drag you off, I'm absolutely pretending I don't know you. I might even volunteer testimony just to help get you locked up."
Kōichi gave a cold snort and ignored Kazuma's jab. Then, with an arrogant swagger, he strode toward Darkness, who stood there gripping her greatsword tightly, her body trembling faintly.
When Kōichi reached her, he did not stop. He kept moving until the tip of his nose was almost touching her sweat-dampened golden bangs.
Darkness clearly had not expected him to be this proactive. The dazed look in her eyes instantly lost all focus, her whole body froze stiff, and a tiny whimper escaped her throat, like a startled fawn.
"Hey, you lovestruck meat-shield knight." Kōichi lowered his voice, filling it with lofty disdain and icy contempt. "You think just because you stand there panting a little, I'm going to treat you like those useless monsters do and give you some boring physical punishment? Dream on. Trash like you, who can't even hit a Slime, doesn't deserve treatment that advanced."
Darkness's whole body jolted. Her legs gave out and she dropped to her knees in the hay, bracing herself with both hands, the flush on her face so intense it looked ready to drip blood.
"Ah, ahh... trash... not worthy... Kōichi, y-you actually said that in front of everyone... ngh, mmm...!"
Kōichi had no intention of letting her off there. He crouched down even closer, lifted her chin with a single finger in an insolently teasing gesture, and forced those sapphire-blue eyes, filled with longing and humiliation, to meet his.
"Listen carefully, Darkness. From today onward, you are no longer noble Lady Lalatina, and no longer a respected Crusader. In my eyes, you're just a masochistic luggage rack who can't even wash clothes properly and can only get drunk on the smell of horse manure in a stable. If you don't behave, I'll turn that little speech you just gave about art into giant posters and paste them all over the bulletin board at the Axel Guild, so every adventurer in town can come see what kind of filthy, indecent fantasies are really hiding inside this righteous knight's heart."
"Aaaahhhhh!!"
Darkness let out an agonized scream, though it was dripping with pleasure. She curled up in the haystack and writhed frantically, even starting to rub her head against the pile of dirty laundry that still had not been washed.
"It's, it's wonderful! This kind of social obliteration... this humiliation of being completely looked down on by my companions! Kōichi! Y-you're the Demon King reincarnated! Please, please make those posters even more outrageous! It would be even better if you included how much I love being kidnapped by tentacle monsters! Aaaah, I'm going to... I'm going to break!"
Kōichi rose to his feet, dusted off his hands, then turned to look at the utterly dumbstruck Satou Kazuma and gave him a smile full of quiet, hidden triumph.
"Understand now, Kazuma? This is what conquest looks like. No money, no violence. Just a little deep understanding of her soul. Right now, if I crook a finger, this kingdom's finest defensive knight will willingly go wash the rest of Aqua's socks for me, and she'll probably thank me for giving her the chance to be humiliated."
Kazuma's jaw hung open. The skewer in his hand dropped onto his foot, and he did not even react. After a long pause, he finally managed to squeeze out a sentence.
"...Kōichi, you win. From today on, you're my sadism mentor. But I'm still saying this. Stay the hell away from me. I'm scared I'll get struck by lightning just for standing too close to you."