"Then it's settled! Before Aqua finishes hitching up that rickety carriage, we'll head to Wiz's Magical Item Shoppe and abduct... I mean, invite her along!"
Kōichi waved his hand with great enthusiasm.
...
A moment later, the two of them stormed into Wiz's Magical Item Shoppe.
The bell above the door rang clearly. Wiz, who had been crouching behind a shelf diligently polishing a magical stone that looked completely useless and could supposedly turn water salty, jumped in surprise and hurriedly stood up.
"Ah! Kōichi and Kazuma-san, welcome to... wah!"
Because she stood up too quickly, the clumsy Lich girl, as expected, tripped over her own feet and pitched forward, seconds away from landing flat on her face.
Kōichi reacted instantly. He dashed forward in one swift step and caught Wiz firmly by the shoulders, while incidentally getting a feel for that astonishing softness.
"Careful, Wiz-san. If you hurt yourself, Axel's adventurers will be in tears."
Kōichi gave her a gentle smile.
"T-thank you, Kōichi-san... I'm terribly sorry."
Wiz steadied herself, her face flushed as she fidgeted with her fingers in embarrassment.
"May I ask what brings you two here today? Are you here to buy that frying pan that makes cat noises? It's not useful for anything except making noise, but it's twenty percent off right now!"
"Who would want that piece of junk?!"
Kazuma could not help snapping back, then immediately put on a friendly smile.
"Wiz-san, we're actually here to invite you on a trip to Arcanletia with us! We're going to soak in the hot springs and enjoy life for once!"
"Huh? Arcanletia?"
Wiz's pretty eyes widened in surprise, then lit up with delight.
"What a coincidence! I was just planning to go there myself. The shop's inventory is almost gone, so I was thinking of visiting the wholesale market there to stock up on new magical item materials. I also wanted to see whether I could find any popular products, like powder that turns bathwater into orange juice..."
"Then don't hesitate. Come with us!"
Kōichi took Wiz's hand directly, his tone firm.
"We'll protect you on the road, so you won't have to worry about monsters. Besides... the mixed-bath area at the hot springs will surely need a mature, reliable woman like Miss Wiz to maintain order."
"If you put it that way, Kōichi-san... then I suppose I'll gladly accept."
Wiz smiled softly, completely unaware that she had already stepped into the trap set by these two depraved men.
"Please wait just a moment. I'll go pack my things and hang a 'Closed for Restocking' sign on the shop door!"
Watching Wiz cheerfully hurry toward the back room, Kōichi and Kazuma exchanged another triumphant look.
"First objective complete!"
Kazuma pumped his fist excitedly.
"Next, we drag back Yunyun, who's probably hiding in some corner drawing circles on the ground!"
...
Inside the Axel Adventurers Guild, the midday noise was deafening.
Kōichi and Kazuma Satou were pounding on the counter with such force that Luna-san, who had been sorting documents, jumped in fright and scattered the forms in her hands all over the floor.
"What did you say?! Yunyun was taken away by that blond thug?!"
Kazuma Satou let out a roar like a vicious dog whose bone had been stolen. His already gloomy-looking face was now twisted into an especially ugly shape by jealousy and rage.
"That bastard Dust! He must have seen that Yunyun is the kind of idiot who cries tears of gratitude and follows anyone who so much as talks to her, so he deliberately tricked her into joining his party!"
Luna-san hurriedly picked up the documents while explaining awkwardly,
"W-well... Dust-san said he'd received an urgent quest to hunt Giant Toads, but his teammates were all still passed out from hangovers. Then he happened to see Yunyun-san sitting alone on a park bench, talking to herself while watching the pigeons, so..."
"That's kidnapping! Blatant fraud!"
Kōichi joined the denunciation with righteous fury, pounding the counter in anguish as if Yunyun were his long-lost little sister.
"Doesn't everyone already know what kind of person Dust is? He'll definitely throw Yunyun at the toads as bait, slack off in the back, then shamelessly take most of the reward afterward! Yunyun is so pure and so easy to fool. What if she gets licked all over by a toad and covered in slime during the fight? How can we let that thug Dust get to such a terrible situation first?!"
"Exactly! That kind of terrible experience should obviously be... No! I mean, that kind of dangerous job isn't suited for Yunyun at all!"
Kazuma quickly corrected himself, then turned to Kōichi and launched into a furious rant.
"Kōichi, just look at Dust. All he does is flirt with waitresses and blow his money at the Succubus shop. Even his equipment is rented! A man like that is a disgrace to adventurers! If Yunyun follows him and picks up his bad habits, and later turns into some violent woman who swears all the time and slams the table demanding drinks, our Hot Spring Heaven plan will be completely ruined!"
"Exactly. A guy like Dust has nothing going for him except decent luck and a face that's barely passable!"
Kōichi nodded in deep agreement, and at that moment, the two of them displayed an unprecedented sense of justice.
"A man like him has no idea how to care for female companions. He'd only shove a girl out as a shield the moment things got dangerous! We have to save her immediately. We can't let Yunyun stay in that scumbag's hands for even one more second!"
The other adventurers in the Adventurers Guild looked at these two scumbags, who were righteously condemning someone else as scum, with complicated expressions.
"Hey, did you hear that? Those two are actually worried someone else might be dangerous..." Adventurer A muttered nearby.
"Yeah. Aren't those two the ones everyone in Axel recognizes as public enemies of women?" Adventurer B wiped his sweat with deep feeling.
However, Kōichi and Kazuma were already completely immersed in the self-satisfaction of saving a fallen girl, having utterly forgotten that their original plan was to trick Yunyun into going to a mixed-bath hot spring for some so-called adult socializing.
In a certain sense, Yunyun going off with Dust to fight toads might actually be much safer than going to a hot spring with these two men whose heads were stuffed full of dirty thoughts.
Just as Kōichi and Kazuma Satou, these two righteous companions, were loudly denouncing Dust's crimes at the entrance of the Adventurers Guild, a young yet deeply contemptuous voice drifted over from behind them.
"Tell me, while you two are over there passionately badmouthing someone else, does your conscience really not hurt at all?"
The two stiffly turned around and saw Megumin holding that enormous staff, looking at them like they were garbage.
A penetrating depth shone in her red eye, as if she had seen through everything.
"Dust may indeed be a hopeless scumbag, but if Yunyun being with him is dangerous, then going to a mixed-bath hot spring with you two walking sexual harassment machines is basically the same as jumping straight into a Demon King's Army trap. No, the Demon King's Army might not even be as sleazy as you two."
"...Ahem. Megumin, what are you talking about? We're worried about our comrade's safety!"
Kazuma Satou's old face reddened as his eyes drifted toward the sky.
"Yunyun is a member of the Crimson Demon Clan, and you're a member of the Crimson Demon Clan, so Yunyun is basically my little sister... no, my comrade-in-arms! How could I stand by and watch my comrade get led astray by that blond thug?"
Kōichi also straightened his collar with a serious expression, trying to salvage his crumbling image.
"That's right, Megumin. We were discussing how to use hot spring therapy to heal Yunyun's long-term psychological trauma from not being able to make friends. This is a very serious, high-level form of psychological counseling. How could a brute like Dust possibly understand it?"
"...You two really are beyond saving."
Megumin sighed and was just about to continue her venomous remarks when the Adventurers Guild doors were violently shoved open once again.