Chapter 5:
....
The Portkey was waiting in the back gardens of the Mineta mansion, just as planned. A boring, everyday object: some old uchiwa(hand-held fan/non-folding fan). Standing next to it, an official from Japan's Department of Magical Transportation, robes so dark blue they looked black, checking some parchments with the single most bored expression he'd ever seen on a human face.
Yep…the universal face of a bureaucrat who hates his job.
"Minoru Mineta, I assume." The man didn't even look up. "Touch the Portkey at exactly ten o'clock. Not a second early, not a second late. The trip lasts approximately twenty-three seconds. Do not release the object until you are completely inside the British Ministry. Any questions?"
"All clear." Minoru kept his voice flat. No way was he letting this guy see the excitement boiling inside him. The overwhelming urge to scream finally, finally, FINALLY right in his bored little face.
The man nodded and walked off, leaving Mineta alone with a crappy old uchiwa that was about to launch him to another country. Another continent. Another life. Fuckingfreedoom.
He looked at the sky... gray… always gray this time of year, low clouds threatening snow. The Mineta mansion gardens stretched around him, perfectly manicured, perfectly dull... honestly, the whole scene was magic Japan in a nutshell. That suffocating obsession with order and tradition pressed down on everything until even the grass looked obedient.
'Goodbye, you piece of shit japonese magic community. I won't miss you' When ten o'clock hit, he grabbed the uchiwa. A hook yanked behind his navel.... the world blurred into a nauseating swirl of colors and sounds he couldn't really make sense of. Empty nothing under his feet, frozen wind cutting through his robes, and this horrible pressure in his ears like someone shoved corks in both of them.
Twenty-three seconds later… His feet slammed into a stone floor.
Elegant and cool like a hero or the magic MC of this world? Hell no. He landed flat on his damn ass, legs tangled, and his own trunk smacked him right in the back of the head. That's what happens when you've never used a shitty Portkey before.
"Gah—son of a—!"
He scrambled up, rubbing his skull, blinking hard to focus his vision. A massive lobby stretched out in front of him. High ceilings, dark stone walls, jet-black tile floors reflecting floating magical lights. Dozens of people rushed past in every direction, nearly all in dark-colored robes, a bunch of them followed by floating parchments zipping through the air.
The British Ministry of Magic.
Mineta smiled. A real one . 'I'm out. I'm actually freaking out.'
"Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. State your name and business..." A bored male voice suddenly spoke up, causing him to finally notice a wizard in a black robe and hat.
"Err... Mineta Minoru. I have an appointment to-"
"Then please take this badge and place it on the front of your robes." The man didnt even bother to let him finish speaking. Well, they do thing very, very differently here than in Japon.
He give Mineta a metal badge "You must submit to a search and present your wand for registration."
Mineta just nodded and made his way to the security desk to check in his wand and a quick check.
After a few moments, he was done.
….
So here he was. Finally.
Britain. Or more accurately, magical Great Britain, since he was still standing inside the British Ministry of Magic headquarters in Whitehall, London, England.
He didn't even get the chance to see anything else. Thanks to his parents(mostly their decision, not his) everything required to start at Hogwarts had been bought in advance by owl order and delivered to the Department of International Magical Cooperation under his name. From there, he'd go straight to Hogwarts via the Floo Network.
Oh, he surely would've rather come a day early, check out the surroundings, do his own shopping. But when your life is run by magical robot parents, you don't get many choices.
'Whatever. Didn't matter now' Yeah… he was here, breathing in that sweet smell of freedom he'd missed so damn much. And if he got lucky spinning the right excuses, he'd never set foot in magical Japan again unless it was absolutely, unavoidably necessary.
….
The Department of International Magical Cooperation was still processing the last few documents for Mineta's extended stay.
Documents that were taking way longer than expected because every single one needed the signature of the Head of the department. And that guy, shocker, had a mountain of work and an even bigger mountain of papers to sign.
So Minoru spent the next two hours parked in a ridiculously small chair. He thought he'd left behind furniture built for tiny people. Well… Apparently not.
At least the wait seemed to be ending when a quite-hot assistant approached him.
He spotted her from across the room. Brown hair, tied up in a bun that showed off a long, elegant neck. Gray eyes, the kind that flash silver under the right light. Warm brown skin that stood out against the cold gray tones of the Ministry. She wore a modern-cut black robe, snug at the waist, hinting at curves that under different circumstances he would've happily dedicated serious time to investigating.
Spoiler
But not now. Right now he was in survival mode. Finish these damn papers, formalize the transfer, seal the deal and then he'd be completely free and on his way to Hogwarts.
On the left side of her chest, right where her robe stretched dangerously over the swell of a firm and big breast, a small silver pin caught the light. Engraved name: Pippa Macmillan.
"Mr. Mineta?" Her voice was clear, professional, but with a warmth he really didn't expect from a bureaucrat... but maybe she was the rare 'hot and nice' assistant type. "If you'll follow me to Mr. Crouch's office on level five."
He stood, his 5'7" body was still a damn tower compared to what he used to be, but standing next to Pippa Macmillan, who had to be around 5'6" in heels, he barely had any height on her.
'Hmmm… Pretty. Not a goddess, but more than decent. Yep, seven, maybe eight out of ten. Maybe eight-point-five for the way those robes hug her... generous figure.' He automatically thought just for a tiny moment.
"Of course." He switched to his formal tone… Model student, not the hardened pervert underneath. "I appreciate your kindness."
Pippa Macmillan smiled and nodded for him to follow.
He already knew he was going to meet the man called Barty Crouch. Before coming here, he'd done his homework… Head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. And she was probably his assistant or secretary or something.
Yeah, he'd taken his sweet time researching things before the trip. He'd even dug for information about those two petrified Hogwarts students Dumbledore mentioned. But for some reason, not a single public news story existed about it. So he knew jack about what was happening at the school besides the scraps the old man told him.
Back to the present. they made their way to the lift that would take them to Level 5.
They walked through some golden doors to the access lifts. And pausing for a moment, Mineta noticed the directory to one side:
—---------------------------------------------
Ministry of Magic!
Level Ten, Wizengamot Chambers.
Level Nine, Department of Mysteries
Level Eight, Ministry of Magic Atrium.
Level Seven, Department of Magical Games and Sports
Level Six, Department of Magical Transport
Level Five, Department of International Magical Cooperation
Level Four, Department of Magical Creature Regulation and Control
Level Three, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophe
Level Two, Department of Magical Law Enforcement
Level One, Minister of Magic and Support Staff
----------------------------------------------------
Since the Ministry is located underground, the normal order is reversed: the top floor is Level 1, while the Atrium on the main floor is on Level 8 (although both the Department of Mysteries and the Wizengamot hearing rooms are below, on Levels 9 and 10, respectively).
As Mineta finally stepped in, behind him, the golden doors slammed shut.
And then walking toward the neares lift, Minoru couldn't help comparing this place to magical Japan.
Everything here was... chaos. Messy.
'Nothing close to the obsessive neatness and order back home'
The lift itself was some ornate iron cage that creaked and swayed like it might collapse any second. Old-world Mineta would've had a full panic attack. Now? Months of magic and fifteen years of integrated memories stuffed into his brain... he just accepted it.
They entered the lift, which they found empty except for a few paper aeroplanes and inside, a recorded female voice announced each level in a sweet yet monotone: "Level Seven: Department of Magical Games and Sports... Level Six: Department of Magical Transportation..."
The chaos here even extended to magic paper airplanes zooming everywhere. Actual enchanted paper airplanes shooting through the air, lining up, riding the elevator, heading off to different floors.
He sighed, looking up at the whole ridiculous scene. Even now, none of this felt weird to him. Again, all thanks to the memories of this world's Minoru… he was just already familiar with crazier stuff—magic in general, his wand, everything.
It was interesting to see and experience firsthand, sure, but never truly new or strange.
"Level Five: Department of International Magical Cooperation..."
Pippa Macmillan stepped out with firm strides and made her way to the office where Mineta had to do some paperwork.
Minoru followed her through a hallway that seemed to stretch forever, walls lined with portraits of witches and wizards who whispered to each other and stared at them as they passed.
"Impressive," he said, just to fill the silence.
"The Ministry?" Pippa didn't turn around. "Yes, I suppose it is. After a while, you get used to it."
'I wasn't talking about the Ministry, sweetheart. I was talking about the way that gorgeous ass of yours moves when you walk, heh.' The thought slithered through his brain with a perverted little grin, but he kept it locked up tight. 'Nope. Not one milligram of lechery allowed until every single paper was signed and stamped'
So for now he'd hide behind the excuse she just kindly handed him. But then it hit him. Maybe he could afford one milligram of "innocent" boldness, no?
Something painfully cheesy ripped straight from the worst movies and trashy novels out there... Yep, still better than a flat "right, sure the Ministry" when it was painfully obvious he couldn't fucking care less about the building with a hot woman and her killer ass standing right in front of him.
"I meant how someone like you can work in such a... gray place without losing her smile."
'Oh no goshh…' The words felt so disgusting in his mouth. So corny he wanted to punch himself. Geezz, if anyone else had said that crap, he would've mocked them nonstop, kinda the same way he always used to do when some man in movies and books used those stupid, cringeworthy lines.
Pippa Macmillan turned… those gray eyes studied him, weighing something. For a second, he was sure he'd screwed up, even with the most tame, innocent comment he could scramble together on the spot.
But then… Then she laughed. A small on, but not just a polite little giggle—a real laugh with the crinkles in the corners of her eyes and the dimples included, man.
'Holy freaking crap! It worked!' He thought in disbelief.
'…'
'Wait… it worked?!' His eyes almost popped out of his head in a comical way, taken so aback. Jesus, he could hardly believe it.
Right then and there, he realized he'd been so blind his whole damn life. If something that cringe/idiotic actually landed, then everything he'd ever dismissed as pointless nonsense for virginlosers was completely wrong!
This was the key, brothers. His Jedi Way. He was about to become a true believer in this very moment.
"You know, I heard Mahoutokoro students have a reputation for being all too serious and disciplined." Pippa smiled faintly, turning back and continuing down the hall. "Seems the rumors aren't entirely accurate."
'Shit yesss, a goddamn headshot! A-a perfect hole in one!'
"Well... rumors can be misleading." He followed her, fighting to keep his composure while sticking to the cheesy words that had just revealed themselves as the secret key to the very entrance of every woman. "Here to prove them wrong."
She let out another soft, cute little laugh as she walked.
'Oh man, is this really happening?! I'm flirting! With an older woman! And I'm not even trying!'
Unfortunately, good things always come to an end, as it wasn't long before they arrived at the office where he had to fill out some damn forms.