Hey, Folks.
How have you all been?
Good, I hope!
I have been just as well as I can get, you know?
Taking this life of mine one day at a time.
I hope that all of you have been doing well, and are doing much better than you were the last time we linked up like this!
I know that the majority of our world is in some sort of turmoil, and that can be hard to live with.
I hope that these little entries can be a sort of light in the dark for whoever needs them.
I just picked up Crimson Desert!
Are any of you Gamers!?
I am!!!
This will be my last purchase for a while. I need to save and find more balance in my life, you know?
I know that I started over from nearly nothing when I left my ex back in 2022, but I need to discontinue the life and mindset of "climbing from the rubble".
I am not my trauma; I am a survivor of it.
I am better for having gone through it.
I was looking through some of my old screenshots this morning, and I came across an old text from her.
It was an apology.
An apology...
I can't lie...
It made me cry, but only because it kind of irritated me...
We broke up on 03/22/2022.
I moved out on 05/01/2022.
The text was dated 05/16/2025
It said the following:
"I just wanted to tell you the truth, even if it might -be- or is too late."
"I'm tired, and from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for hurting you all those years, making you feel alone and not appreciating you and taking you and your love for granted and thinking you would never leave me."
"I'm sorry for being toxic."
"I'm sorry for not giving you the love you deserved."
I wish I had kept my response...
I wish I had the right and most striking words to say, because I know I didn't.
I wish that I could believe that she meant any of what she said...
I know, well... KNEW her enough to know that she was only fishing for one last shot in the dark...
One last chance to draw me back in.
She treated me like shit and property for nearly nine years, and thought that this string of loose text would serve as one last golden ticket in the dark.
She never cared.
She didn't.
You don't treat someone you care about the way she treated me.
She doesn't get the healing power of an accepted apology.
That is not fair, especially if she only said it to help herself sleep better at night.
Alas, I am not a bitter, vengeful person.
I really do wish her nothing but the best.
I just don't want any sort of interaction with her.
I don't need it, and she doesn't deserve my time, energy, or attention.
I love all of you, and I apologize if that was a bit heavy for you.
I will let you get to what you came for, yeah?
See you soon enough.
Enjoy.
-----
September 25th, 2013.
Journal #097.
-----
So, I'm going to begin my old sketching.
It'll have a similar effect to writing for me.
Good.
More expression.
The shooting stars I seen are burned into my memories.
How I love the stars.
Life goes on, huh?
I should be sleeping, but I took a step outside.
My, is it beautiful.
-----
Hmm.
Want to know something?
Of course you do!
I remember this night.
The stars were shining brightly, and it was quite late at night.
I couldn't sleep.
The weather was fine.
I went outside and stood barefoot in the grass.
My apartment was quite small, and on a corner.
9th and Manitoba.
I loved that place, not so much my roommates.
I watched the stars for a bit.
A shooting star kissed me.
I thought I was blessed, you know?
Had only it warned me that I was slowly falling in love with an emotional black hole.
Sheesh.
What a trip it has been for me.
- I don't draw very well, but I can sketch a bit, and I do sort of find it kind of therapeutic.
I hope to see you all sometime soon, yeah?
I will do my best to drop new chapters at least once a week for you all, alongside short stories and poetry as they come.
Again, I love you all.
I love and appreciate you for being here for the past days, weeks, months, and even years.
You all are great and loyal Folk.
See you here for the next one in a few days, yeah?
Safe travels, Folks.
And as always;
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.