After about a minute or two, Mom gently placed the plate in front of me with a soft *clink*. It couldn't have been timed any better, as Hoshino had just let me know he was about to take a shower. I didn't know what he did in there, but his showers were at least thirty minutes to an hour long, so I had plenty of time to spare with Mom now.
I sent him a quick reply saying,
For the first time today, she had a smile on her face.
I tilted my head innocently as I picked up the spoon she'd set out. "What is it?"
Mom's shoulders seemed to sink as she let out an eased breath.
"No... it's nothing," she said, slowly tracing her finger along the edge of her half-empty plate. "It just… it feels like it's been so long since we've done something like this."
She picked up the spoon and fed herself a bite. Her food had to have gone cold by now, and yet her hands didn't hesitate as she scooped another.
I followed her lead and took a bite of my own. I normally didn't mind whatever I ate. All food tasted the same to me—like nothing. Eating for me was just chewing on blank mush. But for some reason, today's meal was just a little… warmer.
"...It's good," I whispered to no one in particular.
Mom seemed to soften as she gave me a small nod.
"Yeah… It's one of the best meals I've had in a long time."
After that, we ate in silence. I was sure she had plenty of things that she wanted to ask me, but couldn't bring herself to. She probably had other things on her mind.
It is one of those nights, after all.
I wouldn't say nights like these were a rare occurrence in this house, but this wasn't the way we usually spent them.
Since Mom was downstairs, it was safe to assume two things.
The first being that Father wouldn't be coming home today, not that he normally did. He did this thing every week or two, where he would go to a 'work party' and was forced to stay over at a hotel because he was too drunk to drive home.
He and Mom used to fight about it a lot when I was a kid. If I tried, I could still vividly hear Mom's desperate shouts as she begged him to stop. However, over time, she stopped bringing it up.
Still…
I took a sneaky glance at Mom's face. Just like earlier, everything from her neck and below was revealed by the soft blue glow of the moonlight, while her face stayed covered in shadow.
...But that couldn't hide the faint sparkles in the corner of her eyes.
The spoon seemed to grow loose in my hands.
Of course… it isn't that simple.
And then, there was Uncle–
At the mere thought of him, a pungent odour rose in my nose, and an intense, almost unbearable sense of nothing flooded my chest, growing heavier by the second.
I glanced at my phone. It hadn't vibrated since. Hoshino was still in the shower. And I was all alone.
…Enough.
Tightening the grip of my spoon, I pressed my left wrist hard against the edge of the table. To Mom, it would've looked like I was just adjusting my posture. The room was dark enough that there was nothing for her to notice, after all.
The pain flared, sharp and grounding—and with it, the sense of nothing bled away.
There. All better.
With my grip still tight, I picked up a spoonful of rice and put it in my mouth—like I had been doing the whole time as I continued my thoughts.
Uncle worked at some construction business and sometimes had to work overtime at night.
It was only under these two conditions that Mom would ever leave her room and come down here.
As her daughter, I had to do something to pull her mind away from it. I couldn't ask something like 'How has your day been?' or 'What have you been up to?' That would only get me superficial answers. I had to get her genuinely involved in the conversation.
And what better way to do that... than with myself.
"So, Mom, during sports day…" I said completely out of nowhere, breaking the silence.
Mom jolted, then quickly lifted her gaze to me.
She paused for a moment before letting out a small, sheepish chuckle as she lowered her head slightly.
"Sorry, but what was that? I was spacing out."
I shook my head. "No, it's fine, I should have given you some warning," I assured her.
Mom opened her mouth, but I didn't let her continue the apology.
"Anyway, you know how I scored the last goal in the soccer match, right?"
Curious, Mom put down her spoon and replied instantly. "Yeah, what about it?"
I didn't waste a second.
I awkwardly scratched my cheek as I said, "Well… the person I had to get by was…" My voice trailed off, and I hung my head, as if I were too embarrassed to say it.
Mom eagerly leaned forward on the table .
"That person was what?" she asked gently, urging me on while letting me know it was okay to take my time.
I took a deep breath, loud enough for her to hear, then blurted, "...That person was my ex!"
Mom's face went blank, struggling to process what I'd just said. A second passed, then two, then—she gasped. Her chair scraped against the floor as she scooted closer to me, her eyes sparkling.
"What?! Really? What happened?!" she squealed, almost like a teenager would.
I giggled as I scooted away in embarrassment. "Well, in the middle of the game, he was telling me how… he still had feelings for me."
Mom's mouth dropped open. "No. way. What did you do? How did you get past him? What did you say to him?" The questions came in a rush.
I put my hand on my chin, like I was recalling the details. "Hmmm, I thought he was joking at first, so I didn't take it seriously, until he kept insisting. After that, I tried telling him as nicely as I could that I wasn't interested in him anymore."
I girlishly twirled the ends of my hair around my finger, my voice going a little more wistful.
"I think I really hurt his feelings since he didn't try to chase me when I ran past him. I kind of feel… bad."
Mom crossed her arms and gave me a knowing, empathetic look.
"You don't have to worry about that. That's just how things go in life, so there's nothing for you to worry about. He will move on—though I won't blame him if he can't."
I tilted my head, confused. "What do you mean?"
Mom took a sharp breath, and with it, rose a bright smile.
"After all, my Daughter is so pretty! Not to mention smart, athletic, and she knows how to do anything she tries to. I wouldn't blame anyone for wanting her!"
I couldn't help but let out another bashful giggle. "Stop that, Mom. I'm just like anyone else."
Mom scoffed. "I get that being humble is a good thing, but sometimes being too humble can–"
Suddenly, my phone, which had been lying on the table, buzzed, sending vibrations through the table.
Mom stopped talking and turned to my phone. I, however, glanced at the clock on the wall. It had been about forty minutes since I sat down and talked with Mom.
It's Hoshino… he just finished.
My hand twitched, but I kept it firmly in place.
It's okay. I can always respond later. I need to focus on Mom right now.
That was what I tried to tell myself, but this hot feeling in my chest wouldn't go away.
I want to talk to him…
Without hesitating, I pressed my wrist against the table again.
It throbbed, the ache easing the burning in my chest.
It's okay… We are almost done with dinner anyway. I can wait until then.
I opened my mouth, ready to prompt her on, but she reached her hand across the table and pushed my phone toward me.
I stared down at the phone, unable to process what she was doing.
"Wh–"
But Mom shook her head before I could even react.
"It's okay, Mei," she said, her voice calm, even… and warm.
I looked her in the eyes. For a brief moment, the heat in my chest vanished. All I could think about was the way she looked at me. Even in the darkness, I could see it clearly.
In my seventeen years of living, I had never seen that look on someone's face before.
No—that was a lie. I've seen it once before. The way she looked at me right now–
Is the same way Hoshino looked at his little sister at sports day...
Mom went on, slow and gentle. "You should get this, Mei."
My leg twitched. I opened my mouth, my words coming out small.
"But… what about you?"
Mom sighed, her smile widening. "I'm grateful that I got to spend this time with you, but you're almost an adult, Mei. I can't hog you to myself. You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine now."
She slowly lifted her hand off my phone and pointed to the stairs. "Go. This person is waiting for you, aren't they?"
My body moved on its own, giving Mom a small nod.
She didn't say anything after that. She picked up her spoon and went back to eating.
Even with her permission, I stayed frozen. All I could do... was stare at her.
That was when the moonlight brightened, dispelling the shadows into their depths— revealing her face for the first time today.
Barely an hour had passed, yet Mom's once small, frail frame looked almost… strong. Despite the fine wrinkles on her face and her deep eye bags, she carried herself with a steadiness that I hadn't seen from her in a long time.
I guess… Mom really is okay for now.
I slowly grabbed my phone and plate and stood up, the chair scraping loudly as I did.
She didn't look my way, but it felt like she was still quietly behind me.
I gripped my phone tightly in my hand.
Thank you, Mom…
I turned around and hurried up the stairs. To say I didn't feel anything at that moment… would be a lie. I left my Mom behind for my own selfish reasons. Even if I had her blessing, that didn't mean it was okay.
Still, my legs continued to carry me forward until I reached my room.
***
Mei's Mom POV
I heard the door to Mei's room shut from upstairs. Once it did, the spoon slipped out of my hands and clattered onto the table as I finally allowed the breath that I had been holding to escape.
Being able to talk to my Daughter alone after so long fulfilled me in a way that I didn't think was possible. Seeing how much she'd grown over the years—especially with her ex-boyfriend story—was something I didn't realize I needed.
Of course, I'd assumed she'd come across some sort of romantic trouble. It was just what happened when you were in high school. Still, hearing it in her own words was very different than simply 'knowing.'
What I didn't expect, however, was that face…
I closed my eyes, picturing the look I'd caught on her face earlier.
It was while I was grabbing her meal. There wasn't much to do while I waited for the meat to reheat, so I decided to pass the time by just looking at my Daughter.
Maybe it was weird, but it had become one of my favourite pastimes recently. Every time I saw her, she just got older—and more beautiful—by the day. It reminded me of everything that I was doing… was worth it. That I couldn't give up—not until she became a full-fledged adult.
Since I looked at my Daughter every day, I knew exactly what her face looked like. Even in a dark room like this one, I could see it clearly.
Her face was obscured by a dark shadow. In a way, it always was. Yet, the moment I looked at it, my heart tightened, and all the worries I had been carrying about my family and our future disappeared.
She was just texting, as any other teenager would. It was perfectly normal—or it should have been normal. But not for Mei.
For the first time in years, even though the room was nearly black, it felt like I could see her face… clearer than ever.
The microwave beeped, signalling that the food had finished reheating, but I didn't move. My Daughter hadn't noticed either. She just kept staring at her phone, and I kept staring at her.
So she can still make that kind face after all...
Her expression wasn't anything dramatic—it was just… normal. Maybe I was overthinking it. But as her Mom—even though I may not be the best—I knew when something was different. I'd raised her for seventeen years. I could recognize at least this much about my Daughter. And I could tell that she was... changing.
But I couldn't bring myself to say anything. What was I supposed to say? 'Did something new happen?' I knew she wouldn't answer that truthfully. That wasn't how her Father raised her. So, as much as I wanted to, I stayed silent and kept it all in.
I opened my eyes and stared at the empty seat in front of me, the one that she'd occupied minutes ago.
My lips parted, and out came a quiet, aching chuckle.
Knowing all that, how could I possibly tell her to stay with me...?
I may have been a failure as a Mom, but I could at the very least do this one thing—
I pressed my hands together, as if praying.
Please, whoever you are, as Mei's Mom, please… do what we, no—I couldn't do.
I squeezed harder, the blood draining from them, the ache climbing up my arms. But I never stopped. I'd keep going until this wish was answered.
Please... just let her be "normal".