It took me about five minutes to reach our spot. I was probably a little early since Hoshino had to walk all the way here, but I didn't mind waiting.
I stepped out of the car and headed for our spot. It was 10:07 pm. I'd just been here with Hoshino only three hours ago, but the area around me had taken on a whole new shape.
The overgrown roots threading through the fence now looked like pitch-black tendrils that had drunk all the light, leaving them a dead, black colour.
I walked up to the fence without hesitation and climbed it, the chain-link rattling as I did.
Once I was over, I took the usual route to the alleyway. The overgrown weeds brushed my legs, leaving a faint tickle behind.
Eventually, I reached the back of one of the buildings, where nothing but gravel and concrete lay.
The area in front of me was completely swallowed in inky-black shadows, like a doorway into an empty void.
I stepped in without hesitation, allowing it to consume my entire body.
I navigated through the darkness until the soft hum of the vending machine reached my ears, and followed it to our spot. In this place, the only source of light came from the occasional flicker of the run-down vending machine.
I took my place within its shadow, tucking myself in the corner.
Whenever I wanted to be alone, this was where I always ran. Despite how dirty and ominous it was, no place in the world felt more comfortable for me than here.
I pulled my knees close, wrapped my arms around them, and rested my head on them.
Who would've thought that, one day, I'd be sharing this place with someone else?
I closed my eyes as I let myself drift back to the days after sports day.
There wasn't much to recall. Everything after that day passed in a blur. But in that blur, a single figure stayed clear as day—Hoshino.
I'd known him since kindergarten, but we were never close—or distant.
I always just saw him as a funny guy who did whatever he wanted and never took anything seriously. Yet I also respected him—in a way. Despite his jokey attitude, he was smart and athletic—at least in some ways. Before I knew it, we had a little game going. Every exam season or test we had, we competed to see who would get the highest score. We never said it out loud, but we knew that we were trying to outdo each other.
For the longest time—aside from the fact that we had been doing it too long to stop—I didn't know why I continued to do it. But after spending time with him, I realized that the answer was simple.
I… just felt like it.
That was it. I didn't know his reasons, but for me, there was no pride in being number one or anything like that. I just... wanted to. It was the first time I did something for the sake of it.
And now, that very same person was sharing my safe space with me. I never would have guessed that of all people, it'd be him.
It was obvious, but it was easy to forget that there was always more to people than what you saw.
'Hoshino is a funny guy.'
'He never takes anything seriously.'
Those were all things that we chose to see—or things he chose for us to see.
I slowly lifted my head and opened my eyes, staring straight ahead.
It's time to even the score. This time—it's my turn.
As if on cue, I heard the sound of gravel crunching under someone's foot a few feet away. The crunching grew louder and louder until it stopped, and a dark silhouette emerged in front of me.
It stood still at first, its chest heaving as it gasped for air. Once the heaving eased, it took slow, unsteady steps toward me. When it got close enough, the darkness parted—revealing Hoshino.
He wore his usual detached expression, one devoid of any emotion. Yet it didn't stop the bead of sweat trickling down the side of his face.
…Huh.
I'd seen Hoshino perform up close during sports day. The three-legged race, relay, and the final soccer game, all in the span of a couple of hours. Sure, he sweated here and there, but he was never winded.
Yet, based on the way he looked and moved right now—there was no other word for it but tired.
It was a contradiction—but both could be true at the same time. At the very least, I wouldn't know how he got this way if I did nothing.
So, I put on a cheery smile and tapped the spot beside me, urging him to take a seat. Hoshino closed the last few steps and sank to the ground with care. He didn't stop at the usual thirty centimetres. He sat right beside me, our shoulders touching.
He stretched out his hand and held it in the air, waiting for something. Without hesitating, I stretched mine to meet it, and we laced our fingers together.
There was a little unspoken rule that we had in the alley. By it, I knew he was the one going through something—even though I'd been the one to ask him here.
I shifted my body until I was comfortable, then leaned my head against his shoulder. Once I did, he leaned his against mine.
This was the part where we would usually sit in silence—but I wasn't going to let that happen tonight.
I spoke up with a light, teasing tone. "You never asked me what my favourite food was."
I lifted my head to look at him and pulled a pout. Hoshino met my gaze from the corner of his eye. His eye was like a black void, holding nothing but an all-enveloping black. But he returned my pout with an unserious grin.
"I think if you really wanted to keep the conversation going, you would've said something like 'my food is x by the way.' But you didn't."
It was supposed to be taken as nothing more than a joke, but this time, he couldn't hide the cold edge underneath.
...That never happens.
I gave him a light jab in the stomach, letting the irritation show. "Don't be like that. You know that you can't just insert your own opinions if you aren't asked. It makes you look stuck up."
He flinched as my attack landed, his face creasing as if genuinely hurt.
"Yeah, maybe if we were strangers. But are we? No. So those rules don't apply to us."
I quickly shook my head. "You're right, the rules do apply to strangers. But that doesn't mean they're exclusive to strangers."
Hoshino's eyes narrowed as he studied me.
"Okay, I see your point. If we were acquaintances or something, then sure. But we're friends."
I innocently pressed my index finger to my cheek.
"Hmmmm, are we?" I asked, light and probing. "Is that what you'd call this—us—friends?"
Hoshino opened his mouth to respond, but for a split second, nothing came out. I didn't miss it.
A lump travelled up his throat, froze, then sank back down to nothing, as if he deliberated whether he should say it or not.
His answer came a heartbeat later.
"Of course we are," he said in a sarcastically hurt tone. "Are you trying to say that after everything we've been through, we aren't friends? That hurts to hear."
His voice bounced off the walls around us, but I didn't hear it more than once.
…I see.
Why, what else would you describe our relationship? We secretly saw each other when we were free, we talked occasionally at school, and when we weren't, we kept in touch over text.
This was what friends did, right?
Yes, that is what friends do.
But friends were also there for each other, they opened up to each other... and they trusted each other.
That—is not our relationship.
Yet, he still said we were. Of course, that was the only answer he could have given—and the one he was supposed to. It should've been the easiest thing in the world for us to say. Except... he hesitated. And that told me everything.
I don't know what happened, and I won't ask. That's not what we are.
I leaned in closer to him.
But what I do know is—
I slowly raised my left hand.
We never hesitate.
Whether we are tired.
Confused.
Scared.
We always keep doing what we do best.
No matter what.
My face went slack until nothing was left. My smile, my pout—all of it was gone. Just blank.
Seeing that, Hoshino's smirk dropped back to his detached expression.
His all-enveloping black eyes bored into me, as if trying to pull me in.
Here. If you want to see it so bad—then let me show you.
My hand rose to his cheek. His skin felt cold to the touch, as if it forbade anyone from getting too close, much less touching him.
It hurt—but I didn't pull back.
Let me show you what our relationship is.
Instead of the emptiness, I let the warmth that had been building in my chest all day consume me—body and mind.
Hoshino flinched, but it was too late.
This is who I am—this is who we are. There's no need to think too hard about it. In fact...
There's no need to think at all.
I closed my eyes and leaned closer until I felt his breath on my lips. Unlike the rest of him, his breath was warm—but not as warm as what consumed me.
Just before they touched, I stopped.
My hand slid from his cheek and settled on his lap, using it to keep myself up, but that wasn't all.
Now—show me you feel the same.
I pressed down on his lap.
It's okay. We don't need to think about it. Just—do.
Hoshino's whole body tensed—then, let go all at once.
My hand sank further into his lap, but I couldn't focus on it—I lost all feeling in my body before I could take another breath.
A warmth that rivalled my own pressed against my lips, and with it, everything vanished.