A figure was moving swiftly toward Mt. Tianheng.
It was none other than Xiao.
And once again—
He stopped.
Staring at the light screen, now displaying something even more outrageous than before, Xiao's eyes widened.
Crack—
It felt as if something deep within him had shattered.
But suddenly, he snapped back to his senses.
"Although it is… somewhat… somewhat… strange—"
"—the Lord must surely have his reasons!"
Xiao immediately began comforting himself.
Just like the time he danced with that Hydro Dragon King from Fontaine.
On the surface, it looked like nonsense—
—but in reality, it was all for Liyue!
The more Xiao thought about it, the more reasonable it seemed.
Yes.
This time must be the same!
It was simply that his own understanding was too shallow to grasp the deeper meaning!
"I'll ask Lady Ningguang about this later…"
Murmuring to himself, Xiao transformed into a streak of wind and resumed his journey.
Wangsheng Funeral Parlor
The hall was deathly silent.
Two gods, one man, and one dragon stood without speaking—
—but every face was extremely expressive.
They had all been thoroughly mentally assaulted by the video.
After a long moment, Hu Tao finally looked away from the light screen, her expression complicated.
"So… this is the 'side job' you picked up while traveling in Mondstadt?"
"It's really… really… really special."
Her thoughts were in complete chaos.
She couldn't even describe it properly.
"Special" was the only word she could manage.
But one thing was certain—
Thank the heavens she hadn't used that request yet!
Compared to dragon-form dancing, Zhongli was way more interesting~
Just… very eye-damaging.
She'd definitely need to wash her eyes afterward.
Imagining Zhongli acting cute and playing dumb in front of her—
Hu Tao couldn't hold it in.
Her shoulders started shaking.
"Special?"
"Yeah, it is pretty special."
"And honestly, kind of fun~"
Venti stroked his chin, interest sparkling in his eyes.
"Fun?"
Hu Tao turned to him, surprised.
"Of course! Look how happy the old man was beating up hilichurls~"
Venti grinned.
Hu Tao thought about it.
…He really did look happy.
Sure, the video was cursed and absurd—
—but her consultant genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself.
Maybe being in a foreign nation made him loosen up.
Like he'd completely let himself go~
Then suddenly—
Hu Tao stared at Venti suspiciously.
"Wait."
"You're not thinking of doing something just as cursed yourself, are you?"
"Cursed?"
"That's called casting off restraints and seeking joy—true freedom!"
Venti corrected her solemnly.
Hu Tao and Dvalin rolled their eyes simultaneously.
Freedom?
Joy?
Please.
You're just addicted to not doing your job and saw something fun.
As expected of you.
Ultimate slacker.
Venti chuckled and turned to Zhongli, who had been silent the whole time.
"Ehe~ old man, that side job was great!"
"Call me next time~"
Zhongli: "..."
He was already completely numb.
This wasn't just cursed anymore.
Even 'eye-searing' wasn't enough to describe it.
It was the perfect inverse of the serious review—
The more praise earlier, the more unhinged it was now.
And now someone actually wanted in?
Who could possibly want this kind of chaos?
…Oh.
Barbatos.
That explains everything.
"So? Old man?"
"Want to team up next time?"
"If not Mondstadt, ehe—Inazuma works too!"
"Or Sumeru? Fontaine?"
"As for Snezhnaya… maybe not~"
Venti kept talking.
"Sure."
"I'll make sure you experience true joy."
Zhongli smiled faintly.
You want joy?
Fine.
After this review ends—
He'd personally give Barbatos the joy of combat.
The God of War personally sparring with him—
Surely Barbatos would be thrilled.
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:
Oh Archons, this video is WAY too eye-damaging! I've been doing good deeds all my life—why must I see this?! (on the verge of tears.jpg)
Paimon:
Right?! What kind of karma do I have to witness something this cursed at noon?! I've lost my appetite… (crying.jpg)
Furina:
Sumeru lies empty, the Dendro Archon walks among mortals! Absolute nightmare fuel!
Nahida:
Sigh… there are too many Dendro Archons in Teyvat already. I'm resigning. (sigh.jpg)
Raiden Ei:
This isn't a side job—this is erosion in real time. Terrifying.
Neuvillette:
This may be the most abstract unserious review so far…
Azhdaha:
Compared to this, I suddenly feel… fine?
Dvalin:
At least you haven't done anything this outrageous yet…
Venti:
Ehe~ Once upon a time in Mondstadt, fish infested the seas, weeds infested the mountains, and the Geo Archon summoned bombs to restore peace. Legend says, before marching out, he declared—Jumpy Dumpty! (doge.jpg)
Yae Miko:
The Geo Archon definitely has… issues. (doge.jpg)
The moment the video ended, the chat exploded.
Everyone had been holding back—
And now the dam burst.
After venting for a while, discussion finally shifted.
Kamisato Ayaka:
Ahem… don't you think this video is a little strange? It feels like the original protagonist should've been a child. That's why replacing them with the Geo Archon feels so… odd.
Jean:
...
Jean:
Ayaka is right. If this were Klee, it'd just be her daily routine. (helpless.jpg)
Amber:
Yep! Klee's like that—either fish-bombing or in confinement.
Lisa:
This is little Klee~ (image.jpg)
The photo showed Klee with her backpack, head tilted.
Utterly adorable.
The chat melted instantly.
Then realization hit.
So that was it.
This was originally Klee's daily life—
And the light screen swapped in Morax.
No wonder it was so cursed.
With Klee, everything made sense.
With Morax?
Pure horror.
Alice:
I knew it! I thought it felt familiar!
Alice:
Morax, how dare you steal my precious daughter's job! (doge.jpg)
Alice:
Klee, I'll take you to Liyue later—all expenses paid by Lili! (heroic.jpg)
Klee:
Yay~!
Paimon:
"Lili"? "Zhong-Lili"? That sounds super awkward…
Venti:
Then let's call her Yan-Lili! (doge.jpg)
Raiden Ei:
Yan-Lili? Oh! Like how Barbatos became "Wenti"! Works nicely!
Furina:
Approved! 👍
Zhongli:
...
What?
Zhongli was already bad enough—
Now Yan-Lili too?!
Thinking back to how he named Barbatos "Wenti"…
Zhongli twitched.
Fair enough.
We're even.
Zhongli:
You're welcome to visit Liyue. Just… keep things quiet.
Zhongli:
As for expenses, send the bill to—
Hu Tao:
???
Zhongli:
—send it to the Northland Bank.
Lumine:
6!
Raiden Ei:
6!
Nahida:
6!
Furina:
6!
Pantalone:
...
Tartaglia:
...
Alice nodded in satisfaction.
Good manners.
She'd keep things low-key.
Then—
Her mischievous side flared again.
Alice:
Everyone's talking—but what about Liyue? Come on, speak up. What do you think about "Zhongli"? (evil smile.jpg)
Liyue's people coughed awkwardly.
What could they say?
This time, they didn't stay silent.
Cloud Retainer:
The Lord must have his reasons! Ningguang!
Mountain Shaper:
The Lord must have his reasons! Ningguang!
Moon Carver:
The Lord must have his reasons! Ningguang!
Xiao:
Lady Ningguang—only you can understand the deeper meaning!
Ningguang's smile stiffened.
There was no deeper meaning.
This was pure light-screen malice.
But with everyone tagging her—
She sighed.
Ningguang:
Ahem. The Lord must have his reasons.
Ningguang:
There are two.
Ningguang:
First—Klee is Mondstadt's treasured child, with powerful backing.
Ningguang:
By this, the Lord strengthens Liyue's alliances.
Ningguang:
Second—this allows the Lord to… relax. To ease erosion.
Ningguang:
Therefore, everything he does is for Liyue.
Xiao:
Exactly!
Zhongli:
Ahem. Precisely so. Well said, Third-Generation Geo Archon. (serious.jpg)
Ridiculous?
Yes.
Convincing?
Also yes.
Salary increase approved.
Zhongli was very satisfied.
Luo Chen's Villa
Luo Chen raised an eyebrow.
"Not bad."
"As expected of Ningguang."
"Then let's see how you handle the final one."
He smiled.
"After Zhongli, you should have a good idea of Morax's retirement life."
"Now—final unserious review."
"Item four."
"The old man blooms."
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:
Final already? But… what does 'old man blooms' mean? (curious.jpg)
Raiden Ei:
'Bloom' makes sense—but 'old man'… Morax?
Nahida:
He's Geo, not Dendro. He shouldn't be able to make flowers bloom.
Furina:
This is an unserious review—logic left the chat ages ago!
Neuvillette:
Indeed. There must be a twist.
Hu Tao:
Consultant, you know anything useful?
Zhongli:
...
Zhongli:
How could we possibly fathom the light screen?
Alice:
Doesn't matter! If it's the finale, it's guaranteed to be wild! (evil smile.jpg)
Zhongli sighed.
Fine.
Bring it on.
How much worse could it get?
The Light Screen
A new video began.
Xinyue Pavilion, private room.
Ganyu was eating.
Lumine and Zhongli hid behind a potted plant.
Ganyu left.
They jumped out.
"Now's the time, Grandpa—go!"
Transcendent Chat Group
Lumine:
??? Since when do I have a grandpa?!
Paimon:
He's over 6,000 years old—being your grandpa is generous!
Raiden Ei:
Not necessarily. The Traveler witnessed Khaenri'ah. At least 500 years old.
Nahida:
World-traveler, fought the Sustainer—at peak, probably stronger than the Seven.
Furina:
So… thousands? Tens of thousands? (shocked.jpg)
Lisa:
Oh my~ guess I can't call you a cutie anymore~ (shrug.jpg)
Yae Miko:
Same~ we'll have to call you auntie. (evil smile.jpg)
Venti:
Auntie? More like ancestor~ (doge.jpg)
Lumine froze.
What?!
She was a youthful, beautiful少女!
Auntie?!
Ancestor?!
Absolutely not!
Lumine:
Nonsense! I just turned eighteen~!
…No, wait—five hundred~!
Everyone:
???
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