Ben
This arrangement was starting to annoy me. I saw Bryce less during the week because of Fae. And when he was here, it was Fae this, and Fae that. The mention of her name made me sick and I couldn't tell him. Even when we were having sex, she would ruin it by texting or even calling.
I wanted some alone time with him and no mention of Fae. Just him and me like it was before. Luckily I had received word that Jackie had scheduled me to perform at her place this weekend. I invited Bryce so we could spend some time together and he could see me perform.
Bryce agreed to come see me and I was happy to have him all to myself this weekend. That is until she sent him a text.
"Umm, Ben," he said after reading the text, "I can't make it to your gig on Friday."
I let out a disappointed sigh and already knew why he was cancelling. "I see. What does Fae have planned?"
"It's her birthday," he answered, "She wants to go out this Friday."
I wanted to scream and break something. I had the feeling that our relationship was ending and despite everything I was feeling or had felt, I knew that I had no place to tell Bryce anything. I was not his boyfriend, and our relationship was purely sexual.
Instead of getting mad and starting an argument, I decided to be the better person. "It's ok," I said, "I understand. I'll tell Jackie that you were busy and couldn't make it."
"I'm going to ask Fae to be my girlfriend."
And there it was, the final nail in the coffin. The one thing I feared most was finally here. Bryce has made his decision, and it wasn't me. I wanted to break down and cry but I held it in. Instead, I put on a fake smile and pretended to be happy for him.
"Well," I said, "Good luck. And let me know how it goes. That way I know how to act around you. Also, don't forget to buy her a present. Otherwise, she'll dump you before she is your girlfriend."
I turned on my console and started playing God of War, taking my anger and frustration out on some monsters. I didn't pay any attention to Bryce for the rest of the week.
Bryce
When I told Ben that I was going to ask Fae to be my girlfriend, he put on that fake smile and wished me well. I knew he wasn't happy and that I was neglecting him to spend time with Fae. After that, he would play games or just leave the dorm to avoid me.
Normally that would piss me off, but instead I felt bad. I made plans with him and I broke them. I knew then that I couldn't balance having both Fae and Ben in my life.
Friday night came and I was dressed in my best outfit. I picked up Fae and we went bowling to start off our date. We had played about 20 frames and I did the "Boyfriend teaching his girl" trick with Fae, who rather enjoyed it. As we wrapped up, I looked around and thought, I wonder if Ben would like to come here someday.
Fae and I went to this nice Italian restaurant a few blocks down and the atmosphere was perfect for a date. I excused myself and went back to my car to get Fae's birthday gift.
"For you," I said, "Happy birthday."
Fae beamed at the gift and immediately opened it. She squealed when she brought out the dog squishmellow that I bought her. "I love it," she said.
"I'm glad," I said, "I was afraid you wouldn't like it. Now, you can think of me when you hold it tight."
"Why do I have to do that," she asked, "The puppy is way cuter than you."
"Oh is that so," I replied, "Then I can take this little fellow back."
"I'm just kidding," she said as she kept the puppy away from me, "You are totally cute."
We ate, talked, and shared a dessert. When Fae left for the bathroom, I paid the check and looked around and thought, Ben would love this place. I should bring him here.
I wanted to text him but I remembered that he has a performance tonight. It was then I realized that he was on my mind more than Fae tonight.
After leaving the restaurant, I walked Fae back to her complex and we discussed the possibility of me moving to an apartment off campus. She invited me in and gave me the tour.
"This place is nice," I said, "Hopefully next semester I can get a place here."
"Think about it," she said, "It'd be cool to have my boyfriend in the same complex."
"That'd be nice."
"Want to see my room?" she asked me. In my mind, I was excited because I was here with her and my single status was going to be gone tonight.
Ben
After my performance, I ended up drinking with Jackie and Cole. Jackie immediately sensed that something was wrong with me.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
I didn't tell her that I had made the decision to let Bryce go and realize he would never love me. I told her, "I'm fine, just a little heartbroken but I'll live."
"Well," Jackie said, "Be careful because too many heart breaks can kill you."
We three continued to drink and as per usual, I took an Uber back to the dorm. I showered and went straight to bed, adamant in my decision to call it quits with Bryce.
I lay on my side, crying my eyes out knowing that Bryce will never want me over his new girlfriend. After a few minutes, I heard the door open and knew he returned. I couldn't bear to see him after knowing he chose her over me.
"Ben," I heard him call me, "Please look at me?"
I didn't want to, but I rolled over to see him standing on my bedside. The moment he saw my eyes, he dropped to his knees and started to cry himself.
"I'm sorry," he said through the tears, "I'm really sorry, Ben. I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing to me?" I asked him.
"I went over to Fae's place," he said, "She invited me to her room."
I didn't want to hear anymore but before I could stop him, he continued.
"Then, I remembered what I said to you. About you sleeping with other people and not being any of my business. It hurt me."
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"I don't know," he answered, "But the thought of you being with another man really upsets me. I don't know why. Tonight with Fae, everywhere I went, I kept thinking about you. When I hugged her, I kept thinking of you in my arms and not her. She tried to kiss me, and all I could think about was you kissing me."
He looked like he was praying to me, but he was begging for my forgiveness. I had to ask the one question that plagued my mind, "Did you sleep with her?"
He shook his head and said, "No, I couldn't do it, Ben. Because she wasn't you."
"Maybe she wasn't the right girl for you."
"I don't want to be with women anymore." He said.
I looked at him with bewilderment and asked, "Are you saying you like guys now?"
"Do you want to die," he replied, "Listen up, faggot. I can't be with anyone else except you. You're the only one I want to sleep with. The only one I want to kiss and hold in my arms. You're the only one I want to be with. So I beg you, please forgive me."
I couldn't resist him. Yes, he hurt me. But I could never stay mad at him, especially now. "Come here," I said, pulling him into my bed, "So you're saying that you're mine now?"
"You're the one who's mine," Bryce responded, "Because this time, I'm never letting you go."
"Silly boy," I said, "Don't you know that I have always been yours?"
Bryce said nothing, he just leaned in and kissed me.
"Is this how you're going to make it up to me?"
Bryce looked at me with a serious expression and said, "It's the only way I know how.
Bryce
After Ben and I made love, we laid in bed, in each other's arms. I told Ben what happened. I told him that after Fae invited me to her room, that she was giving me hints that she was wanting me to sleep with her. But when we kissed, it didn't feel the same. It felt wrong. It was then I realized that the one I wanted wasn't her. I told her I couldn't do this with her and admitted that I had feelings for someone else.
I also let it slip that it was with a man. She became angry and told me to get out and that she never wanted to see me again. Not that I blame her. I knew someone was going to be hurt over this and I still went with it. Even though I did try to end it with her amicably, I hurt her too much to make that possible. I will have to live with the fact that I was cruel to her by giving her false hope.
The worst part was, I did enjoy spending time with her. She would've been a great friend to have. Any hope of that vanished when I broke it off with her. Even though I didn't deserve to ask, I asked her to keep my feelings for Ben a secret.
I didn't get a response from her so I don't know if she'll tell or not. I wouldn't blame her if she outed me. I deserve far worse.
"So you told her about us?" Ben asked.
"I told her that we were dating," I answered, "She slapped me and told me to get out."
"Are you ok with dating a gay guy like me?"
"Honestly," I responded, "I don't know. I felt that I was continuing having sex with you because I was desperate. But that wasn't true. When I said you are more than a friend to me, I realized that I was getting attached to you. I was scared about it then, and now I'm scared of losing you."
"You almost did," he replied, "I was about to break it off with you tonight. But now, after that, I'm never breaking up with you."
"Good," I said, "And to show you how serious I am about this, I'm going to do something that I know will make you happy."