AUTHOR NOTE: Dear reader. The content of this chapter may be psychologically disturbing for some. From this point on, a reading age of 16+ is recommended for the rest of this novel.
***
"EXPLAIN!"
Elise had caught me in my deceptions, and commanded me with a lot of fury, hurt and a deafening voice to explain myself.
I stood stock still in the doorway, vase in hand, like a deer in headlights. I didn't understand why she was here.
"I…I'll explain. But let me put down the vase first."
I thought in panic as I walked to the table. I was almost completely sure the shadow was not here, but only one disturbing possibility remained.
I looked around at shadows cast in this room from the moonlight coming from the window, and I was glad to see that the shadow could not be present in that way.
From my experiments at the creek, I was now completely sure the shadow was not here. But my heart was still beating in my chest, because Elise was here.
How had she caught onto me? Had I made a mistake somewhere? Because if so, the trap would fail, and we would all be in danger if my father had figured out I had been planning to defy him.
I needed to get the truth out of Elise, but she was furious and hurt by my deception, any excuse would not land well.
I needed her help. I needed her for the trap to work.
It was time to tell her the truth. I didn't want to hurt her any further.
I hadn't planned to do it, only after the deed was done.
Because the shadow was fear incarnate. There was nothing more terrifying than always being watched the entire time, and not knowing when and where. You would always doubt, always question, always stress, always regulate your behavior.
Paranoia, because one wrong move, and you'd be killed.
It was a ticking time bomb, because the fear would build up and up.
Until it controls you. And my father was a master of fear. He would control you.
The shadow, my father, needed to be dealt with as soon as possible.
I had been managing because I knew my father's nature, which allowed me to predict his behavior to devise a trap that got rid of the problem.
But what about Elise? How would she react to fear incarnate? I wasn't sure.
This is an extreme situation. She might have panicked and broken down. She was strong- willed, but everything has a limit. Especially if it was related to the supernatural, the unknown.
And I needed her for the trap to work, so the risk of that scenario was not worth the truth.
I had planned that when she came to me at our agreed time, I would tell her that I had discovered a small treat and needed her help. Her being here also made my father more likely to appear, since he would then have the option to take her hostage.
I'd hide the danger from Elise, but it was necessary for our survival. She trusted and loved me. She would move to my will as long as the love overshadowed the fear.
Lying about the danger of the threat would achieve that. I would tell her the truth afterwards. She would understand that I had only our survival in mind. I knew she would forgive me.
But it wasn't an option anymore, now that she had caught me red-handed.
I would tell her the truth now, and hope she could deal with it. I needed to know what she knew.
I needed to know if my act was not yet seen through.
Once I put the vase on the table, I turned my attention to the furious Elise, and spoke.
"I'm sorry I lied to you, but I had a good reason."
She bore her hurt gaze into me, and I continued explaining.
"We're in great danger. I'm trying to resolve it."
Elise froze, and then I told her everything that had been happening without her knowledge since we went back to my house. Also, I told her what I had planned on doing to deal with it, what I figured out about the shadow, and why I needed her help. I left some non-important details out, but she got the full picture of it.
At the end, all her rage and hurt had evaporated. There was only one feeling left in her eyes.
"I…I didn't realise at all. I…I'm so sorry…"
Empathy, for all I had gone through. And, that led to her feeling guilty, for being ignorant about it.
Was her love for me that strong? I didn't understand why she felt no fear.
"It's okay."
I walked towards Elise, who was still sitting downcast on the bed, and put my hands on her shoulders. I stared into her eyes.
"I'm fine, see. I'm just like always. After tonight's over, we can relax again somewhat."
"Ye…yeah, but…, why didn't you ask for my help?"
"Help?"
"You…, when dad healed your hand, you told us everything. So…, why are you hiding things now?"
"…It's too dangerous. My father's always spying on us. I figured out he's not here right now. But if he notices something off about someone else, he'll figure it out."
"…"
Elise grew still. It seemed she realized that she couldn't maintain normal behavior in this situation, unlike me. I'm glad she understood now. I just needed to know one more thing.
"Hey, uh, I've been meaning to ask… Why are you in my room anyway?"
"Huh?" Her eyes blinked a few times, before answering me.
"I… I couldn't sleep. And… I was… worried about you, that… that you couldn't sleep either, so… I wanted to check up on you."
"…Worried?"
"Y… Yeah. I mean… most of the time, you act like… nothing happened."
"Nothing happened?"
"…With your mother."
Oh, she seems to question why I've been so calm and not emotional.
"I've been regulating my behavior so my father doesn't catch on."
"Yeah, but, aren't you… bottling it up."
"Bottling it up?"
"I mean, I thought you would have wanted the biggest room so that you can fit all those plants there, to take care of them, because you've been staring at that vase all the time."
…?
"No, I wanted the smallest room so that I can set up the best trap."
Elise gained a question mark on her face. I didn't understand. What was happening here? Why is she asking me so many questions?
"I thought you said you liked small rooms?"
"…Yeah? I also like small rooms."
Elise gained a frown on her face. Something was wrong. I felt… anxiety? Why?
"Is something wrong?"
She kept staring at me for a moment, before responding.
"No…, I guess not? I just felt like you've been acting weird, is all."
Acting weird! What did she mean!? Has my acting really been off!? My heart started beating faster.
"What do you mean, act weird?"
"I…I just thought, you'd be acting differently if your mother…"
What? I didn't understand her? We're in danger now, I didn't have time to act emotionally!
"We're in danger now, I have no time to act sad."
"…Huh?"
Elise's eyes shot wide open. Why?
"What's wrong?"
"What do you mean, no time to act sad!"
"Huh? Of course not, we're in danger. I need to act calm so that we don't raise suspicion."
"Wh… What?"
I felt something was terribly wrong. I felt…fear?
I took my hands off Elise's shoulders and took a step back from her. I kept looking into her colorless eyes all the while.
She stared back into my eyes for a while, searching for something.
Oh no no no. This can't be happening now. How… how is she this sharp!?
Please stop! You…, I…, we won't survive the truth!
She didn't stop. She had to know. Who was standing in front of her.
She asked the question that could damn us all.
"Are… are you always… acting like this?"
"No!" I immediately responded! I had to put a stop to this!
…Her stare deepened. She didn't believe me?
That… that can't be. She loved me.
Why why why!? Why is she doing this to us!?
My fear grew so much that I couldn't act anymore.
Because I was being judged by the woman I love.
I could only keep looking in silence, because I had to know the answer. To be able to cease this fear within me.
As we stared into each other's eyes, I could read every thought and expression on her face.
She had detected deceptions on my surface, and was now looking for my depth, who I really was as a person.
She recalled everything she knew about me. Every interaction we had. Every conversation. Everything we had done together. Looking for what sort of person I really am.
And then… she finished searching. She found nothing.
I had always acted the same?
Her expressions changed. Doubt, confusion, fear. Because, if she caught me in my deceptions, and I had always acted like this. Then… had I always been deceiving her?
Her heartbeat increased.
It couldn't be true. Was every expression of mine, every word, every gesture, everything I had ever made her feel, an act?
That's impossible, because that would mean… that I made her fall in love with me too.
She tried to deny it. She started making excuses for herself, trying to convince herself that she was overthinking it.
But she couldn't, because she was a good and honest person. She had to know the truth.
She searched for it. She recalled everything that I am, everything I ever was, everybody I ever interacted with.
And then, her expression froze.
She turned ashen.
She found the answer.
Who I really am, and who I am not.
Her expression changed one final time. She had only one feeling left in her eyes.
Absolute horror and disbelief.
She started trembling, and her mouth moved hesitantly.
She had to confirm it, because there was still hope left in her that she was wrong.
That everything she had believed in, everything she felt for me, wasn't a lie too.
"Wh… who… who are you?" she asked in the meekest voice I've ever heard come out of her.
"…"
I couldn't answer her, because I had no answer.
Because the entire time I've known her, I've never been real.
Silence was my answer, and the final nail in Elise's heart.
Her heart broke at that moment.
Her love for me died.
And the love within me died too.
Only the void of endless fear remained within me.
My heart almost exploded out of my chest. My thoughts were a chaotic maelstrom.
Only my instincts still gave me direction, made me see the truth of the situation.
That we were doomed.
If Elise didn't love me, I couldn't act anymore. I was paralyzed with fear.
And my father would come tonight to fall into the trap I set for him. Only, I couldn't kill him like this.
He'll discover the truth, and we would all be lost.
My very being screamed at me, that our fate was sealed.
And that there was only one way for us to survive.
To make Elise fall in love with me again by whatever means necessary.
I prepared myself. I overcame my guilt.
There was only one thought left before I ceased to be.
'I'm sorry, Elise, that our love is a lie.'
I buried my act.
I let my fear guide us to salvation.
Only ashes were left in my heart.
Where green eyes once resided.
***
Jack Marwood's POV:
SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
She knows she knows she knows!
She knows our love is fake!
And she's fallen out of love with me!
I can't live like this!
If no one LOVES me, then…
ONLY FEAR REMAINS!!!
I need her to love me again!
Love me again!
Love me again!
HOW?
My instincts guided me. I looked at Elise.
Beauty itself was sitting on the bed, and stared at me with horror in her eyes.
A perfectly symmetrical face, fair skin, cute nose and lips, vibrant blonde hair that reached her middle back. She has the body of a well-endowed model, that radiates vigour and life.
And the most beautiful set of blue eyes that I've ever seen.
She was so stunning that no one could keep their eyes off her.
Except for me, because I didn't care about superficial beauty.
But in the past, she cared too much.
Back then, she hated how beautiful she was. She had wanted the world to not value her for what she looked like and instead value her for how she was as a person.
So, I had a question for myself.
WHY HAD I EVER BEEN SO INSANE TO HELP HER ACCEPT HER OWN BODY!?
It would have been perfect! She could have been mine forever! She could have only loved me!
I never looked at the surface, only depth, the only thing that she had valued about herself.
It was why we became friends. Because out of everyone in the world, she could only trust me to not be after her body.
And as long as I was the only one she trusts, her love for me would be inevitable.
So why why why!?
WHY HAD I JUST THROWN THAT AWAY AND HELPED HER!?
It's ludicrous! Insane! Look what it leads to!
SHE STARTED THINKING FOR HERSELF, AND SHE DISCOVERED THE TRUTH ABOUT ME!!!
SHE HAS FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH ME, AND I NEED HER TO LOVE ME!
MY FATHER'S ALSO COMING. I NEED HER FOR THE TRAP TO SUCCEED!
HOW DO I FORCE HER TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN!?
THINK!
Her heart was broken because she started thinking for herself.
She started to think for herself because she had accepted her body.
I KNOW!
I just need her to not care about her BODY at all!
IF I TEACH HER THAT A BODY IS JUST AN OBJECT, SHE'LL BECOME DEPENDENT ON ME AGAIN!
But how how how?
I don't want to hurt her any further, so then… what can I do?
…I?
AH…
OF COURSE!
MY OWN BODY!
The circumstances are perfect!
The knife is still in my pocket!
I'll turn Elise's compassion against her!
I'LL PEEL AWAY LAYER AFTER LAYER OF MYSELF!!!
UNTIL SHE SEES THE TRUTH!!!
I'll rebuild the truth of our love piece by piece from the abyss!
I'll sacrifice my very being for that, so that I can live again!
And to do that…, I could use William. He can heal me over and over again until the truth sticks!
…N…No. Only my father would use other people like that. I…I don't want to fall to his level yet…
…I don't want Elise to see me becoming a monster.
…Can I regenerate my own blood then?
…It's worth a try before getting William involved. Can my intent fuel my life itself?
I'll start with a little bit. I have to be careful. I don't know if there are any O-negative bloodbags here…
Yes, this is the plan I'll go for!
…How disgusting and ironic that my upbringing ends up saving us now.
But anyway, I have no choice!
Don't worry Elise! I'll teach you! I'll help you! I'll repair your broken heart!
SO THAT YOU'LL FORGIVE ME FOR MY LIES, AND LOVE ME AGAIN!!!
I pulled my KNIFE out of its sheath.
…?
Nothing happened?
I couldn't move?
Wh… What?
WHY!? WHY!? WHY!?
MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!
I… I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!?
WHY IS MY HEART ALMOST BREAKING!?
WHAT'S STOPPING ME!?
I… I NEED TO KNOW!
WHY I'M NOW THE MOST AFRAID I'VE EVER BEEN!!!
I LOOKED at ELISE, the only thing I could still do.
A puppet was sitting on the bed.
Hollow eyes staring into mine.
I kept staring into them.
I saw.
That the puppet was still.
Alive and dead.
Unmoving.
And I noticed what filled my existence with horror.
That time stood still.
H… HOW CAN THAT BE? THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!
TIME ALWAYS MOVED REGULARLY FOR ME WHEN I USED MY POWERS!?
AM… AM I BEING CONTROLLED?
FATHER? IMPOSSIBLE! HE TRAINED ME! HE MADE ME! HE COULD NEVER CONTROL ME! I KNOW HIM!
WH… WHAT THEN?
I LISTENED TO MY INSTINCTS.
And horror was heard.
…p
?
st..
?
STOP
?!?…What!?
I…I'm stopping myself? WHY!?
ARE… ARE MY OWN POWERS BETRAYING ME?
IMPOSSIBLE! HOW… HOW IS IT STOPPING ME!!!
I followed my FEAR to its source.
And horror was seen.
I GAZED AT MY SOUL
My heart grew silent.
......…
BEAT
....'badump' 'badump' 'badump'
WHHH… WHHHHAAA… WHAAAAAATSSSS HAPPPPPENINNG TO MEEEEE?
TH…THATTTTTS NOT TRUE. IM…IMPOSSIBLE.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
CALM DOWN
........
WITNESS
NO
OBSERVE
I REFUSE
I
THAT'S
AM
NOT
YOU
ME!!!
.......
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TRUE
THAT THING INSANITY CAN'T BE IS
ME?????
.......
AM I
CONTROLLING MYSELF?
YES
NONONONONO!!!
I REFUSE
IF THAT INSANITY IS TRUE!!!
IF MY EXISTENCE IS THAT!!!
THEN I…I…
I'D RATHER CEASE!!!
I SHATTERED.
MY REALITY SHATTERED.
Only the world remained.
Observed by hazel eyes.
***
The world had offered up its identity to me.
I had refused it.
I ceased.
All faded to truth.
***
????'s POV:
Hazel eyes, full of truth and clarity, stared at the empty THRONE OF LIES.
Relief settled within them.
The undeceivable was deceived.
Deception itself.