Chapter 34: The Shark Sword and the Indigestible Leotard part-2
[System Alert: Coffee Table Sense detects... nothing. But the floor is wet with sword drool.]
I slipped.
My foot shot out.
"Wah!"
I fell backward. As I fell, I reached into my pouch for a weapon. My hand grabbed the Boomerang Kunai.
I threw it blindly as I hit the floor.
"Take this!"
The kunai flew past Kisame's head.
"Missed," Kisame scoffed, trying to calm his puking sword.
The kunai flew down the hallway. It hit the metal railing of the balcony.
Ping.
It ricocheted. It came flying back.
Itachi was standing over Sasuke, preparing to put him in a Genjutsu coma.
The kunai whizzed past Itachi's ear. He tilted his head gracefully to dodge it.
However, the kunai wasn't aiming for Itachi. It was a Boomerang Kunai with a curse of clumsiness.
It flew past Itachi and struck the fire extinguisher mounted on the wall behind him.
CLANG.
The pin of the extinguisher was old and rusty. The impact dislodged it. The handle depressed.
FWOOOOOOSH.
A massive cloud of white chemical suppressant powder exploded directly behind Itachi.
Itachi, the cool, collected genius, was suddenly engulfed in a white cloud.
"..." Itachi stood there. He was covered in white powder. He looked like a powdered donut.
Kisame blinked. "Itachi-san? You look... dusty."
Itachi slowly wiped the powder from his eyes. His Sharingan was still spinning, but the intimidating effect was ruined by the fact that he looked like a baker who had an accident.
"Let's go," Itachi said, his voice flat. "We have drawn too much attention."
"But the boy—" Kisame argued.
"The sword is sick," Itachi pointed at the bubbling Samehada. "And I am... covered in chemicals. We are leaving."
Before they could leave, the hallway exploded.
"SUMMONING: TOAD MOUTH TRAP!"
The walls turned into flesh. Jiraiya had arrived.
"Don't you touch my students!" Jiraiya roared, stepping out of the flesh-wall. He saw the scene.
He saw Sasuke unconscious. He saw Naruto terrified.
He saw Hinata on the floor.
He saw Kisame holding a puking sword.
And he saw Itachi Uchiha, the most dangerous rogue ninja in the world, looking like a snowman.
"..." Jiraiya paused. "Did I miss a party?"
Itachi and Kisame fled. Itachi used Amaterasu—black flames—to burn through the toad stomach wall. They escaped into the night.
Jiraiya released the jutsu. The hallway returned to normal (mostly).
"Sasuke!" Naruto rushed to his friend.
I sat on the floor, catching my Boomerang Kunai as it returned to my hand (handle first this time, thank goodness).
"Are you okay, Hinata?" Jiraiya asked, helping me up. "You faced two S-Rank criminals."
"I... I made the sword eat soap," I whispered. "And I think I powdered Itachi."
Jiraiya burst out laughing. "You powdered Itachi Uchiha! That is legendary! Nobody has ever made him look ridiculous! If only I had a camera!"
He slapped my back.
[System Notification: You survived. And you successfully humiliated the series' most serious character.]
[Reward: 2,000 Shy Points.]
[Current Shy Points: 3,800.]
Guy Sensei arrived a moment later to retrieve Sasuke. He looked at the white powder on the floor. "Was there a blizzard in here?"
"A blizzard of incompetence," I mumbled.
.....................….
We continued our journey the next day. The mood was heavier because of Sasuke's condition, but Jiraiya kept us moving.
"We need to find Tsunade quickly," Jiraiya said. "Sasuke needs a healer."
We arrived at a town called Tanzaku Quarters. It was a gambling town.
"Tsunade will be in one of the casinos," Jiraiya said confidently. "She is known as the Legendary Sucker. She always loses."
We split up to search.
I walked through the crowded streets. My Glasses of Invisibility were in my pocket, but I decided to wear them. I didn't want to be seen.
I walked into a Pachinko parlor. The noise was deafening.
There she was. A woman with blonde hair in pigtails, a green coat with the kanji for "Gamble" on the back. She was slamming her fist onto a machine.
"Damn it! Another loss!"
Shizune, her assistant, was holding a pig (Tonton).
I walked up to her.
"Umm... Excuse me... Lady Tsunade?"
Tsunade turned. She looked at me. Because of my glasses, she squinted.
"Who are you? A debt collector?"
"No," I took off the glasses. "I am... with Jiraiya-sama."
Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "Jiraiya? What does that pervert want?"
"He wants you to become... the Fifth Hokage."
Tsunade froze. Then she laughed. A bitter, loud laugh.
"Hokage? Only a fool would want that cursed job."
She stood up, grabbing her sake bottle. She was intimidating. She was beautiful. And she was apparently already drunk at 10 AM.
"Tell him I refuse," Tsunade said. "And tell him if he follows me, I will break his ribs."
She turned to leave.
But the floor of the Pachinko parlor was littered with small metal balls that had fallen from the machines.
Tsunade, in her anger, stepped on one.
She didn't slip. She crushed it into the floorboards with her heel. She was that strong.
However, the impact caused the floorboard to seesaw.
The other end of the board popped up.
It hit a tray of pachinko balls sitting on a stool.
The tray flipped.
Hundreds of silver balls flew into the air.
[System Alert: Hazard: "Ball Bearing Rain." Physical Comedy Imminent.]
I tried to dodge.
I stepped back. I stepped on a ball.
Whoosh.
My feet went out.
I fell forward. I grabbed the nearest thing to steady myself.
That thing was Tonton the pig, who was in Shizune's arms.
I grabbed the pig. The pig squealed.
"Oink!"
I pulled the pig out of Shizune's arms as I fell.
I landed on the floor, hugging the pig.
Tsunade turned around to see what the noise was.
She saw me on the floor, cuddling her pig.
"..." Tsunade stared.
"..." Tonton stared.
"Did you... just steal my pig?" Tsunade asked.
"I... I saved him!" I lied. "From the... falling balls!"
Just then, a pachinko ball fell from the ceiling and bounced off my head. Bonk.
.....
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