"Get your hands off me, my chest is not your canvas for puppy love, idiot."
Wolverine glared as Deadpool hugged the strange Deadpool dog, grumbling while still reaching out to scratch its head.
"Still, seeing a dog version of you somehow improved my mood. Honestly, Wade, a bark suits you better than your voice."
"Yeah, yeah, good taste. I will forgive you this time."
Wade grinned and rubbed the dog's snout with exaggerated affection. Then he turned to Axel.
"Axel, when you send us back, can you send this little cutie with me too? I really love this thing. If I cannot have it for the rest of my life, then I will just..."
"Wait!"
Before Wade could finish, a figure burst out of the dust in the distance.
The newcomer wore a spotless red suit that almost seemed to shine. His face looked exactly like Ryan Reynolds, with long golden hair and flawless skin. At his sides rested two gleaming gold-plated Desert Eagles.
"Hey!"
Before Wade could continue his commentary, Wolverine cut in sharply.
"Can you stop narrating his entrance? It sounds ridiculous."
"But he is practically begging to be mocked."
Wade rushed forward anyway, stopping right in front of the newcomer.
"What is your name? You are Deadpool too, right? I am proud already, your suit looks amazing."
The man smiled.
"I get that a lot. I clean it every day, that is why it shines. But I am not Deadpool. You can call me Livepool."
Wade paused, then shrugged.
"Fair enough. I do not have the patience to clean mine, especially with everything stuck on it. Thinking about washing this suit makes me sick. Anyway, Livepool, can I borrow your golden guns for a bit?"
"Of course... not."
Livepool refused without hesitation, then pointed at the dog in Wade's arms.
"But if you return my little darling, I might consider it."
Wade froze.
"Your little darling?"
Livepool smiled wider.
"Of course. That is my dog."
Wade tightened his grip slightly.
"There is no name written on him. I think he prefers me."
"Stop playing around and give him back."
"Fine... fine, he is yours."
Wade sighed, clearly reluctant.
"But what do I have to do to keep him?"
Livepool shook his head.
"That is not happening. My dog is as important as my guns. Unless I die, no one is taking either."
With that, he stepped forward and took the dog back.
Wade watched, then suddenly lit up with realization.
"Oh... I see."
Nearby, Axel stood calmly, watching the exchange without interfering.
Wolverine frowned.
"One Wade Wilson is already a problem. Two at the same time is a nightmare."
Wade turned sharply.
"If you keep talking like that, I might actually get offended."
Before the words settled, he spun and stabbed Wolverine in the chest.
Wolverine grunted, claws snapping out instantly. Without hesitation, he drove them into Wade's skull.
The two immediately devolved into another brutal exchange, stabbing, slashing, and retaliating without pause.
Livepool, holding the dog, stared in shock.
"That is... extreme."
He shook his head.
"Compared to other versions, you are just violent."
Wade yanked his blade free and turned toward him, grinning.
"Violent? You misunderstand. This is how we bond."
He stepped closer.
"Watch."
Without warning, Wade thrust his Adamantium blade into Livepool's stomach.
Livepool stiffened, staring down at the blade in disbelief.
Wade pulled it out casually.
"Feel that? That is friendship."
Then he stabbed him again, straight through the heart.
Livepool's body trembled, blood spilling from his mouth.
"Again?"
He looked confused more than anything.
Wade laughed, slinging an arm around him.
"This is how people like us greet each other. Immortality makes things simple."
He pulled the blade free again and patted Livepool's shoulder.
"Alright, your turn. How long until you heal?"
Livepool blinked, barely conscious.
"Heal...?"
Wade froze.
"What do you mean heal?"
Livepool's confusion deepened.
"What are you talking about?"
Wade's expression shifted.
"Do not joke about that. Every Wade has regeneration."
To prove his point, he stabbed him again.
Livepool collapsed completely this time, blood pouring freely.
Silence followed.
Then panic.
"Wait. No, no, no."
Wade dropped to his knees, shaking him.
"Use your healing. Come on, where is your regeneration?"
Nothing.
From the side, Wolverine stared.
"You actually killed him."
"How was I supposed to know he could not heal?"
Wade snapped back, then hurriedly laid Livepool flat and began pressing on his chest.
The moment he did, more blood surged out.
Wade froze again.
Slowly, realization set in.
Livepool was not getting back up.
Wade slumped over the body, then suddenly burst into loud, dramatic sobs.
"I did not mean to do that. I cannot believe there is a version of me without regeneration. This is tragic."
He wiped at his mask as if crying.
"I will carry on for both of us."
Still mourning, he calmly picked up the golden Desert Eagles.
Then he grabbed the dog again and returned to the group, sniffling.
Holding the dog close, he looked at Human Torch.
"Johnny, I just lost someone precious. You do not want to lose your friend too, right? Take us to your base. Once we get there, Axel can send us home."
He sniffed again.
"This is all my fault. Truly unforgivable."