The Nexus Mall speakers screeched. The opening guitar riff of Bocchi the Rock! slammed into the drum beat of One Piece, overlaid with the screaming vocals of Death Note.
"WHAT IS THIS NOISE?!" Madara Uchiha roared, covering his ears. "Is this a genjutsu?! It hurts my pride as a shinobi!"
"It's the Opening Theme, you relic!"
From atop the giant fountain, a silver-haired samurai with dead-fish eyes screamed into a microphone. It was Gintoki Sakata (Gintama), wearing a lawyer's suit.
"Listen up, you spiky-haired diva!" Gintoki yelled. "We're running out of budget! If we don't defeat you before the chorus ends, the animators are going to switch to CGI! Do you know how bad CGI Madara looks?! It's worse than the Goblin Army!"
The Band Assembles
Behind Gintoki, the "Multiverse Band" began to play.
Drums: Ritsu Tainaka (K-On!) was smashing the drums with the force of a thousand suns.
Guitar: Bocchi (Hitori Gotoh) was shredding a solo so hard she had turned into a pile of pink glitch-cubes on the floor.
Bass: Brook (One Piece) was laughing, "Yohohoho! This beat is so sick it could wake the dead! Oh wait, I'm already dead!"
"Attack on the downbeat!" Gintoki commanded.
The Attack of the Afros
Madara tried to weave a hand sign, but he was suddenly engulfed in a giant, golden afro.
"FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!"
Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo burst out of the afro, his nose hairs extending like whips. He was riding a rollercoaster that was inside a piece of tofu. "Take this! The 'I-Forgot-My-Lines' Attack!"
Madara dodged, only to be slapped in the face by Don Patch (Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo), who was dressed as a magical girl.
"Don't ignore me!" Don Patch shrieked. "I'm the protagonist now!"
"Enough!" Madara yelled, activating his Susanoo. The giant blue chakra avatar rose up... but it was immediately wearing a pair of shutter shades and holding a glow stick.
"Why..." Madara trembled. "Why is my Susanoo... partying?"
Saitama walked by, tapping his foot to the beat. " catchy tune. Hey, giant blue guy, do you know where the exit is? This light show is giving me a headache."
The Boss Swap
Madara looked at the chaos. He looked at Bocchi convulsing on the floor. He looked at Bobobo fighting his Susanoo with a baguette.
"I quit," Madara said. He deactivated his eyes. "Hashirama wouldn't put up with this. I'm going back to the Pure Land. This filler arc is trash."
Madara poofed away in a cloud of smoke.
But the red moon didn't vanish. The air grew heavy. Gravity increased tenfold. A dimensional rift tore open above the Auntie Anne's Pretzels stand.
Kaguya Otsutsuki (The Rabbit Goddess) floated down. Her pale skin glowed, her long white hair flowing like a river. She looked terrifying. She looked divine. She looked... hungry.
"This chakra..." Kaguya whispered, her Byakugan activating. "It belongs to me. All of it. The cabbage. The coupons. The discount pretzels."
The Moon Princess Summit
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, BUSTER!"
A spotlight hit the escalator. Standing there, striking a pose that defied spinal anatomy, was Sailor Moon (Usagi Tsukino).
"I am the Pretty Guardian who fights for Love and Justice! And also for snacks!" Usagi shouted. "You can't just hog the moon! That's my planet! Well, satellite! Whatever! In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"
Kaguya tilted her head. "Moon? I am the progenitor of chakra. I am the Rabbit Goddess."
"Rabbit?"
Suddenly, a small, white creature with red eyes hopped out of a nearby pet store. It was Kyubey (Madoka Magica).
"Did someone say... entropy?" Kyubey stared at Kaguya with unblinking eyes. "You have a lot of energy. Would you like to make a contract? You could become a Magical Girl and save the universe from heat death!"
"DO NOT LISTEN TO THE CAT-THING!" Homura Akemi screamed, appearing out of nowhere and unloading an entire RPG launcher into Kyubey.
The Climax of Confusion
Kaguya, annoyed by the explosions, raised her hand. "Ash Bone..."
Before she could fire her instant-kill attack, a single red rose flew through the air and struck the ground at her feet.
"My work here is done," said Tuxedo Mask, standing on a railing. He hadn't done anything.
"You didn't do anything!" Vegeta yelled at him. "And take off that cape! It's ridiculous! Only I look good in a cape!"
"Vegeta-san!" Rentarou shouted, running up to Kaguya with a bouquet of flowers (that he had somehow crafted from shopping bags in 0.02 seconds). "Wait! Maybe she's just misunderstood! Kaguya-san, have you ever considered that maybe you don't need infinite chakra? Maybe you just need... a really good hug?"
Kaguya paused. She looked at Rentarou's eyes—burning with the intensity of 100 soulmates. She looked at Sailor Moon, who was eating a pretzel. She looked at Saitama, who was polishing his head.
For the first time in millennia, the Rabbit Goddess felt... confused.
"I..." Kaguya stammered. "I just wanted... the wifi password."