Kaguya Otsutsuki was just about to accept Rentarou's bouquet of shopping-bag flowers. The tension was palpable. The air was filled with sparkle effects.
HONK! HONK!
The sound wasn't a normal horn. It sounded like a scream.
The wall of the "Forever 21" exploded inward. A massive, generic white delivery truck (Truck-kun) flew through the air in slow motion. But it wasn't alone. It was being chased by the Batmobile, which was being chased by the Mystery Machine, which was being chased by Thomas the Tank Engine (who looked very angry).
"LOOK OUT!" Spider-Man yelled, swinging in from the ceiling and snatching Kaguya's floating rabbits out of the air. "Everyone, clear the area! My Spidey-Sense is tingling! Or maybe I'm just allergic to all this anime dust!"
The truck slammed into the ground, skidding to a halt right in front of Frieza.
The Driver Emerges
The truck door kicked open. A man in a red and black spandex suit tumbled out, holding a chimichanga in one hand and a katana in the other.
"Maximum Effort!" Deadpool screamed, landing in a pose. He looked directly at the invisible camera. "What's up, readers? Hey Soum(Ahhhhh!! this deadpool always breaks the 4th wall), nice to see you again! I see we're doing a fanfic. Did you pay for the licensing rights to any of this? Because Disney is going to sue us into the Stone Age!"
"Who is this clown?" Vegeta scoffed. "His power level is undetectable because he won't shut up!"
"I'm not a clown, Prince of widow's peaks!" Deadpool retorted. "I'm the Merc with a Mouth! And I brought friends!"
The Cartoon Invasion
From the back of the truck, a yellow sponge with square pants bounced out, laughing maniacally.
"I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!" SpongeBob SquarePants cheered. He ran up to Frieza, who was currently in his Golden Form.
"Wow!" SpongeBob gasped, poking Frieza's shin. "Are you a shiny Pokémon? Or just a very angry cheese stick? Do you want a Krabby Patty?"
Frieza's eye twitched. "Do not touch me, you absorbent cushion! I will vaporize you!" Frieza fired a Death Beam. It hit SpongeBob. SpongeBob absorbed it and burped a small cloud of purple smoke. "That tickles!"
Suddenly, a green portal opened above the Auntie Anne's Pretzels. An old man with spiky blue hair and a lab coat fell out, dragging a terrified teenager.
"Rick! Where are we?!" Morty screamed.
"We're in a burp fanfiction crossover, Morty," Rick Sanchez grumbled, taking a swig from his flask. "Look at them. It's the anime dimension. Everyone has big eyes and emotional baggage. It's gross, Morty. Don't look at them directly, or you'll start monologue-ing about your ninja way."
The Dark Knight Rises (From the Ball Pit)
In the corner, sitting in the children's ball pit, was a dark, brooding figure.
"WHERE IS SHE?!" Batman growled, grabbing Pikachu by the ears.
"Pika?" Pikachu asked, confused.
"WHERE IS RACHEL?!" Batman shook the electric mouse.
"Master Bruce," Alfred's voice came over the comms. "Please stop interrogating the local wildlife. You are looking for the Joker, not a Pokémon."
"Hmph," Batman grunted, dropping Pikachu. He turned to L (Death Note), who was crouching on a bench nearby. The two detectives stared at each other.
"You wear too much eyeliner," Batman said. "You wear a cape indoors," L replied. "I am the night," Batman whispered. "I am 40% sugar," L countered.
The Titan Arrives
Just as Rentarou was trying to ask Deadpool if he needed a soulmate (Deadpool immediately said yes), the ceiling of the mall was ripped off completely.
A massive purple hand reached down. Thanos descended, floating on a throne made of space rocks. He had the Infinity Gauntlet, but it was missing one stone.
"I am inevitable," Thanos boomed. "Give me... the final stone."
"Is he talking about the Chaos Emeralds?" Shadow the Hedgehog asked, crossing his arms.
"No, you idiot!" Squidward Tentacles shouted from the truck. "He wants the Legendary Golden Cabbage!"
All eyes turned to Saitama, who was still holding his prize cabbage.
"Give me the vegetable," Thanos demanded. "With it, I can snap my fingers and lower the price of groceries by 50% across the universe."
Saitama's eyes widened. "Wait... you can do that? That sounds... actually pretty helpful."
"NO!" Captain America shouted, throwing his shield. It bounced off Thanos's chin and hit Goku in the head. "Saitama, don't listen to him! If he snaps his fingers, he'll erase half of all anime fillers!"
"But the fillers are the best part!" Naruto cried. "That's where we learn about the swinging set!"
The Ultimate Showdown Setup
Thanos raised his gauntlet. Frieza charged a Supernova. Batman threw a Batarang. SpongeBob started blowing a bubble. Rick opened a portal to a dimension made of butts.
And amidst it all, Shrek kicked open the door to the Men's Warehouse.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY MALL?!" Shrek roared, his ogre roar shaking the very foundations of the crossover.