No kidding, this is the very same door I just left. My body doesn't have any holes. Nor am I bleeding. There's no hint of pain whatsoever.
At my side is the same window and an orange sky. The same amount of clouds, the same hue of color.
Pink-haired girl chuckles, "Sunbae, are you nervous now? You were just fine before."
Sohee, wish that's how I really feel now, too. But I just died twice in just a few hours. Yet here I am again. I don't think I could die.
Sohee opens the door and looks at me invitingly.
Yeah, okay. Right sure…
I entered.
Nelly emeralds eyes. Shizuka clanking keyboards. Varrie is sitting unladylike. Claire is sleeping.
I take a seat.
"Who is this man, Chief?" "It's not Chief, it's Sohee. Before we begin, I want all of you to stop what you're doing and listen…"
The introductions replay just like one I've heard before. Sohee would check on me every time. She realizes I look a bit distracted.
Time feels faster.
"Claire."
Box of play cards.
Thud.
It ended almost exactly last time. Sohee claps, eyeing me expectantly. She wants me to say yes to the girls.
No. Not yet.
What if I did something wrong and got stabbed again? What is the right thing to do? They never explained it.
The nurse's office.
Of course, that's where I should go now.
I stand up.
Curious eyes.
"I have to use the toilet," so I say, "I'd come back."
Sohee takes a while to nod. "We'll be waiting."
Out of the room. The corridor's floor stretches; no one is on it but me. My footsteps are the only noise. I stop in front of a staircase.
Down.
Now I'm in another hallway; this time, some students are walking around. A brown-skinned girl, holding a stack of papers, tries to walk past me. I call her out and ask her where the nurse's office is.
"Ya' visitor?" She eyes me from top to bottom.
"Not so… more like a teacher."
I had a feeling I won't be able to escape this 'tutor' role anytime soon.
Her eyes land on the staircase behind me. Her yellow eyes widened. "Ah, ya' must be the new tutor. Sorry."
She tries to bow but pulls herself up when the paper begins shaking. "The nurse's office, right? It's downstairs, when ya reach the corridor, after that turn right. Just a few rooms away.
We said our farewell.
I climb down another set of stairs again. It takes three minutes or so— this school is really that big. A corridor, this one is walked by many more students and school staff.
Nurse's office.
So the tag says.
Nothing. I felt nothing. It might feel right to feel a little nervous here. After all, I'm meeting with someone, probably, a being close to a god. Maybe it is god.
If they really are, then I have no choice but to be compliant.
I push it open.
In the room is a nurse (of course) A smile at me. The smell of medicines speeds up my heartbeat. Now I'm nervous all of a sudden.
"How's the situation?"
That voice. She is who I look for.
"Not all right— I think my brain could explode any time now."
She is sitting in a revolving chair. Just a meter from her is an empty red chair, swirling around.
My lips are dragging themselves down. I have a lot to ask. The biggest one escapes first, "so what's going on with me?"
I hope she can explain everything in one go.
"If we answer like that, you'd puke your brain out," she pushes the red chair, "come and sit, think again what you're asking."
Okay.
I sit, "So am I dead?" I figure this question won't cause my brain drop.
"Can a dead man ask a question?"
Right, that makes sense. Just making sure it's all.
"Why put me here?"
"Have we not said it?"
Did they? Oh yeah, she did say something— before the child version of her stabbed me.
"End for the girls?" I'm guessing she was mentioning the girls in the special class.
She nods, "A good end."
What does she mean by that?
"One end," she starts, "that satisfies us."
Sorry, that's not helpful at all. Is this what it feels like talking with a god? Damn, they are so cryptic.
"This end… is it like a death thing or?" So if I just go back there and end them, would you be satisfied?
"You should already know this. Rarely does death mean the end."
I've experienced two deaths, and she has a point. After I die, I'd just start again. Nothing ends.
"How should it look?"
She shrugs, "We have never reached that point yet."
What? You don't even know how you want it? And you're expecting me to get it for you?
She nods.
Fuck. She can read minds, forgot about that.
I clear my throat, "What, what if that never happened? What if I can't ever give the girls an ending you want to see?"
"Unlikely," she says, "you will make it happen."
"Am I really that amazing?"
She chuckles, "Are you familiar with slot machines?"
I think I have played it. A lot. I probably have a gambling addiction from my past life. A memory I have yet to receive fully. Should ask her about this later.
I give her a nod.
"Can you hit a jackpot on your first try?"
"Doubtly."
"How about ten times?"
"Hopefully."
"How about a hundred times?"
"I guess there's a chance there."
"Millions. How about millions of times?"
It doesn't take me a while to figure out what she's saying. I am the player. The end of the girls is the reward. Until I hit a jackpot, I'd be pulling the lever again and again. Doing retry and retries. As long as it has a chance to happen, it will happen eventually.
Millions reset, huh? Haha. Am I still living at that point? Can I even handle that much death? I'd break, right?
"Is this hell?" I finally ask. Is this the punishment for all the sins I committed?
"Fufufu," she stifles a laugh, "you had it wrong. You had us wrong, human.
"We are not god.
"Nor are we anywhere close to being one."
What do you mean? You have the power to bring people into another world? Reset time? Read minds? How is it not something a god does?
She suddenly— "Can an ant lie?"
Ant, lying? I shake my head.
She puts a finger on her lips, "But you can. Knowing some creature can't do what you can, is that enough to call yourself god?"
"I guess not."
"We are no god. You aren't here to be punished. You are here because you work."
I… work? As in, can I be of function? Am I the only one, or was I just unlucky for being picked?
"We have been looking for one for so long. A human end that satisfies us. Your end is good."
Didn't I just get stabbed out of nowhere? Or was it how I live that you liked? I have a feeling it was a mediocre life. That reminds me…
"I wish I knew exactly how it goes. My memory of my past life is not completely there— here, I guess." My finger points at my head.
Maybe you could help me with that.
"Oh, poor human," she sighs, "We have nothing to do with that."
"Ah?"
"We have brought you here exactly how you should be. This is a problem you should deal with yourself."
The vague memory of my past life is not your doing? Then who? Mine?
She turns to the window; it's a deep orange now. School is ending. I guess she wants me to know that she's done with answering questions.
"Two. Just two more," I say.
"Ask, human."
Two questions. Must be important. Must lead somewhere. Don't talk too much in your head. Just ask the question. Don't try to speculate. Or else she—
"Would you mind giving me a system or a cheat or something like that?"
Now, after I asked that, I was kind of ashamed of myself.
"Hm?" She tilts her head.
"You know, like those in the novels and anime."
"Sure," she smiles.
Really? Fuck yeah.
She turns herself to the side and begins searching for something in a drawer. Probably the cheat I'm asking for. I don't think I have ever been this excited.
In the meantime, I should take the chance to ask the last question.
The last question… the question…?
Hm.
Something just crossed my mind. They are quick. I almost missed it.
I changed my question.
"Can… you lie?"
There was a feeling just then that this was what I should ask. A feeling? A memory. I had a memory of someone suggesting that I should ask them this. So we can make a plan to fight back.
What? Where does this memory come from? Mine? The former user? Who suggested this?
A smile. A large smile. The nurses.
I know what she'd say next, almost like I've seen this before.
"As much as you can."
The bell rings.
Then, a scalpel crosses my throat.
Pain. Too much pain. Stop thinking.
Gurgle.
She waves.
Fall.
Hard floor.
Dark.
Cold.
Colder.
Black.
*
1st Loop: 3rd
*
Something chips out of me.
*
Sometimes, things just happen.