SF Chapter 17: TBBT Pilot
After a few days, the weekend arrived and Daniel went to visit his cousin Leonard Hofstadter.
[Sheldon and Leonard commentary]
Sheldon Cooper was sitting on the couch in their apartment, in his usual spot - and the word usual here was not an exaggeration.
He began, "Leonard and I have been living together for three years-"
But his roommate, Leonard, who was sitting beside him, decided to intervene. "No. We don't live together. I mean…" he said awkwardly, "…we live together, but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms."
"I thought that was already implied," Sheldon retorted, turning to him briefly before looking forward again.
"I'm a genius with an IQ of 187, with no peers, working at Caltech," he concluded proudly.
Leonard took a deep breath, already used to his friend's ways, and pointed at the two of them with his hands. "I'm also a physicist, and we both work at Caltech."
"I already said that about myself, Leonard. You don't need to repeat it," his roommate gave him a judgmental look.
"Yeah, I've been living with that for three years…" Leonard replied dryly.
[Commentary ends]
"Are you still mad about the sperm bank?" Sheldon asked, as they had initially gone there earlier to donate sperm and make some money, but he backed out.
They were climbing the stairs to their apartment alongside Daniel, whom they had run into at the entrance.
Leonard denied it. "No."
"Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?" Sheldon inquired, looking at both of them.
"No."
"Not really."
He started anyway, despite the negative response. "If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters…" He paused. "…most people will trip."
"I don't care," his roommate scoffed, but then frowned, "Two millimeters? That doesn't seem right."
"It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was twelve. My father broke his clavicle."
"Huh," Daniel exclaimed. "Anyway, let's go back to the sperm bank. I have a scientific question." He raised a finger.
"How would Sheldon even get a boner so he could donate his sperm?"
Leonard let out a groan.
"Excuse me-" Sheldon began, but Daniel cut him off, looking straight at him.
"Don't tell me you'd use Professor Proton's programs for that," he guessed, recoiling in disgust and stepping away from the physicist.
Leonard bust out loud.
And his cousin continued mocking the so-called genius. "Maybe if-" he began, putting on a robotic voice, imitating Stephen Hawking, "Sheldon Cooper, you are smarter than me. You even surpassed me in the physicaldepartment."
"That…" he paused, "would be nice." Sheldon, as always, completely ignored the sarcasm involved. "If there is a person I would consider a peer, it would be him," he concluded arrogantly.
Daniel turned to his cousin, who couldn't stop laughing - especially after that second part. "Man, your roommate is always a piece of something."
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[Daniel and Leonard commentary]
Daniel was sitting on the couch at his cousin's place. "If there is a guy - not gay - that I would trust with my girlfriend, if I had one, that guy would be Sheldon. He's basically asexual."
"Yeah, but if you leave your girlfriend alone with him," Leonard pointed out, "there's a big chance she'd end up breaking up with you, because you left her with a lunatic."
[Commentary ends]
When they reached their floor, the three of them noticed that the door to the neighboring apartment was open, and a beautiful blonde woman was surrounded by boxes.
Daniel quickly raised his hand. "Dibs."
"New neighbor?" Leonard wondered.
Sheldon replied in his usual tone of obviousness, "Evidently."
"Significant improvement over the old neighbor."
"Two-hundred-pound transvestite with a skin condition? Yes, she is." Even Sheldon agreed with that.
Daniel, having already finished writing on his hands, slipped the pen back into his blazer pocket and walked over to the other apartment.
"Hello there," he said as he stepped closer and lightly knocked on the already open door. As soon as she looked at him, he blunted, "Do you like magic?"
The girl looked confused, but replied, "Umm, I guess?"
Daniel snapped a spark with one hand, caught it with the other, then opened his palm toward her. Written in black ink was: Umm, I guess.
Seeing that, the blonde reacted immediately and laughed. "Oh my God!"
He quickly repeated the trick with his other hand and opened it. Oh my God!
"Whoa," the girl beamed, bringing her hand to her mouth.
He finally introduced himself. "My name is Daniel. You can call me Dani."
"Hi, I'm Penny," she shook his hand, smiling.
Penny and Daniel exchanged glances for a moment.
"Well, I was visiting my cousin who lives across the hall," Daniel pointed over his shoulder, but they had already stepped closer.
"Oh, that's nice," Penny smiled. "Guess I'm your new neighbor. Hi." She waved at the two of them.
"Hi."
"Hi."
Leonard and Sheldon spoke one after the other, then repeated themselves.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi?" She made a strange face, "I'm Penny"
"Leonard"
"Sheldon"
"So, Penny," Daniel jumped back into the conversation after that weird interaction, "I see you moved in today. But as my motto goes, if you can put it off until later, put it off."
"That is stupid-" Sheldon began to comment, but Daniel quickly cut him off.
"So why don't you take a break, and we grab lunch together?"
"Oh that would be great!" She agreed.
"We can have lunch at our place," Leonard offered, pointing toward the other apartment.
And the quartet went into the apartment next door. As they entered, Leonard welcomed her, "Okay, well, make yourself at home."
"Okay. Thank you." Penny glanced around the apartment, then walked closer to the board covered in formulas in front of her.
"This looks like some serious stuff. Leonard, did you do this?" she asked.
"Actually, that's my work." Sheldon walked up to the board and explained, "It's just some quantum mechanics… with a little string theory doodling around the edges."
He pointed toward the bottom of the board. "That part's just a joke. It's a spoof of the Born-Oppenheimer approximation."
"So you're, like, one of those A Beautiful Mind genius guys?" Penny wondered.
"Yeah."
"This is really impressive."
"I have a board, if you like boards," Leonard spoke a little desperately. "This is my board." He moved to stand next to the board on the other side of the room.
"Holy smokes." She remarked.
"If by "holy smokes," you mean a derivative restatement of the stuff... you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure." Sheldon commented sarcastically.
"What?" Leonard got outraged.
His roommate made a face, "Oh, come on. Who hasn't seen this differential below "here I sit brokenhearted"?
"At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions just to make the math come out."
"I didn't invent them. They're there."
"In what universe?"
"In all of them, that is the point."
"So, what about you, Dani?" Penny ignored the other two and sat down very close to Daniel.
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Author's Note: Brenda was a one-night stand. Penny will become a FWB (friends with benefits).
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