SF Chapter 20: Come Fly with Me
The next day, Daniel was watching TV with Phil. Or more precisely, he was sitting next to him - Phil watching, and Daniel texting on his phone.
The TV announcer was calling the game. "Riley Morton coming up now. Kelly at second. Started the inning with a double."
Claire, who was doing God knows what in the kitchen, glanced at the two of them and said loudly, "Honey, I thought you were going to take out the garbage."
"I am," Phil agreed, his eyes still glued to the television.
"Dani," Claire tried again, switching targets.
"Sis, I'll pay you fifty bucks to take the garbage out," Daniel proposed, still texting on his phone.
His sister walked over and smacked him on the head. "Stop solving everything with money. And stop wasting it," she said, turning it into a lecture.
"Hey," her brother finally looked at her. "I don't waste money!" Then he clarified, "Eighty percent of what I spend is on girls, suits, drinks, and luxury items."
He paused to think. "Yeah… the other twenty percent I waste. You're right, sis."
He got smacked again, this time harder.
A short while later, Claire went to answer the door and came back with Leonard.
[Claire commentary]
Claire was sitting on the couch in her house and commented, "I like my cousin Leonard, and Dani is making him come over to our house more often, which I agreed to."
"Even though he's a bit weird... I mean, different and a nerd, he has a great academic career and is a good influence on the kids."
"And I feel kind of bad, because I know how my Aunt Beverly is. She can really compete with my mom…" She shuddered, remembering a few traumatizing experiences with her aunt.
[Commentary ends]
"Hey, Leonard," Daniel waved, smiling at his cousin. "You don't need to be so jumpy around Claire. We're all cousins."
"I wouldn't say she doesn't bite, because that would be untrue. But just stay near me or Phil. We kind of attract all her annoyance and ire."
"You do!" Claire shot a stone-cold look at her younger brother.
Another person appeared in the living room. "Oh, I thought it was Dylan," Haley stated when she realized it was her cousin. "Hi, Leonard."
"Hello, Haley," he greeted her normally.
"Haley," Daniel called her attention, "I'll pay you five bucks to take this garbage out." He proposed, pointing at the trash bag.
"Deal!" She accepted immediately, grabbed the bill from her uncle, and took the garbage outside.
"See, Claire?" Daniel said with a proud grin. "I just saved forty-five dollars and solved the garbage problem."
"No, no. Problem not solved!" His sister crossed her arms. "You're teaching my kids that everything can be solved with money. When in this case, it should be her responsibility to take the garbage out."
"Haley doing that for free and because of responsibility? I bet you two hundred bucks that won't happen," he mocked.
A few minutes later, Alex showed up. "What did you do this time, Dani?" she asked, seeing her mother put his brother in a chokehold.
"Nothing, your mom is just crazy," he commented.
She glanced to the side and waved shyly. "Oh, hi, Leonard."
"Hello, Alex," he said, raising his hand.
[Alex and Haley commentary]
The two Dunphy sisters were sitting in Haley's bed.
"Leonard is a genius. He graduated from Princeton and got his PhD at age twenty-four," Alex continued excitedly. "Furthermore, he's working at Caltech. He even told me we could take a tour of the university someday."
Haley, already wearing a bored expression, made a disgusted face. "Ewww. You have a crush on our cousin Leonard!?"
She mocked her even more. "Wow, you'd be a perfect nerd couple!"
"I do not!" her little sister denied. "Shut up, Haley!"
"At least I don't have a crush on our uncle!" Alex shot back with dripping sarcasm.
"I don't have a crush on Dani!" Haley snapped, suddenly defensive. "And even if I did, it would be kind of understandable. Dani is hot!" she added mischievously. "But I don't. He's our uncle."
[Leonard commentary]
"I've been seeing Dani and the Dunphys more often than I see my own family - I mean, my parents and siblings," Leonard commented, sitting on the Dunphys' couch.
"It's funny that Alex is interested in me," he smiled, then quickly realized how that sounded and clarified, "She's thirteen. I would never feel anything other than, you know… cousin feelings."
"It's just that I've never had a thirteen-year-old girl like me before. I mean, I wasn't popular in high school." Realizing he was only making it worse, Leonard blurted out, "Can we cut this part?"
[Commentary ends]
"Do I really need to go to the wedding? I don't even know her," Alex turned to her mother.
Claire sighed, probably not the first time her daughter had asked that. "Yes, Alex. Now go find a dress for yourself," and her daughter stormed off, annoyed.
"Hey!" someone else complained, also annoyed. "How come you invited Alex and not me?" Daniel adjusted his blazer after the interaction with his sister.
Claire completely ignored her brother's question.
Leonard ended up changing the subject. "So, Daniel, did Penny say anything about her friend?"
"Calm down, Leonard. It's still way too soon to ask her that. Give me a few more days…"
Penny and he were making out at Leonard's place until the wine arrived. After that, they went to her place, but things didn't go any further than heated kisses and a bit of wandering hands.
"Who is Penny?" Claire stepped closer to the two of them.
"Leonard's neighbor. She and I-" her brother started to answer, when she cut him off.
"Got it," she deadpanned. "So, no more Brenda?"
"Nah, we're just friends. Maybe we'll bike together someday…" her brother shrugged.
Claire just sighed, losing hope that her brother would ever stop being a playboy.
She called out to him, "Help me take this table outside, Dani. And don't you dare try to bribe our cousin."
"Fine," he agreed, grabbing one side of the small table, and the two of them carried it outside.
"I'm throwing this out before Phil gets any ideas and it turns into more junk," she explained to Daniel, even though he hadn't asked.
When she opened the door, a young man was standing there.
"Dylan," Claire said, calling the boy by name.
He raised his hand awkwardly. "Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. Um, I'm just waiting for Haley."
"Did you ring the bell?"
"I texted." He showed her his phone. "She said she'd be down in just a minute," he added, reading the reply that had just come in.
"Oh, great. Tell her I said 'hi,'" Claire spoke sarcastically, but Dylan didn't seem to catch it and nodded.
"I will."
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