SF Chapter 26: Big Flappy Bastards
The weekend had arrived, and Jake was back at his uncle's house in Malibu.
He was sitting next to Daniel while his Uncle Charlie played the piano.
"Let's see, what else?" Charlie thought aloud after playing the main jingles he had created.
"Okay. Here's one of the first things your Uncle Charlie wrote." He started playing the piano and singing, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
Then he turned to his nephew again. "What do you think, huh?" he raised his eyebrows.
Jake, who was drinking a little juice box, replied, "Must have been before my time," not recognizing the song his uncle had played.
"Well, it must have been before my time too," Daniel added, holding a cup of coffee.
Charlie stood up a little moody. "Okay, we're done here."
But he quickly called out to his nephew, seeing what he had done, "Hey, hey, hey. Don't put your juice box on the piano. It leaves a ring."
Jake picked up the juice again and looked at the box. "How could a box leave a ring?" he wondered.
Alan appeared from the kitchen with a laundry basket in his hands. "I've got to run to the grocery store. I'm going to need somebody to fold these clothes."
"I don't know if the grocery store is the first place I'd go for that, but good luck," Charlie pointed out, joking.
His brother ignored him and gestured to his son. "Remember, you're being punished. So no TV, no computer, no Game Boy," he said, putting on a serious face.
"I need you to be my eyes and ears," he asked Charlie, referring to Jake.
"Okay," Charlie agreed, patting his shoulder, "but you have to be my liver and prostate."
"That is true!" Daniel chimed in. "As much as I love Charlie, mine will always need to be fully functional."
"Speaking of liver," he remembered, tossing some bills to his brother. "Bring me a good wine, please. And bottles of water." Then he handed him another bill. "Here, for your services."
Daniel knew that if he told him to keep the change, there was a chance his cheapskate brother would buy some awful wine.
Alan stared at the money, then agreed. "Fine."
"Whoa, whose is this?" Jake's eyes widened as he picked up a red bra from the laundry basket that his father had placed on the table.
Alan took a deep breath and waved his hand. "Charlie, you want to field that one?"
"No problem!" Charlie stepped closer to his nephew. "Jake, sometimes when you have a casual sexual relationship-"
"All right!" Alan cut him off and gave a lame excuse. "Jake, we take in strangers' laundry because we're poor."
"Yeah, Jake, that's also the reason we live right on the beach in Malibu and drive a Jag and a Porsche," Daniel finished his brother's thought, receiving a glare from him.
Alan grabbed his keys and reiterated, looking at his son, "I'll be back in an hour. Start folding. No TV."
After he left, Charlie inquired, "What'd you get busted for?"
"I painted my room at Mom's house."
Daniel made a strange face. "What's wrong with that?"
"I'm ten," he replied.
After folding one of the socks, Charlie got an idea, looking at the sock shaped like a ball. "How about a little sock golf?"
"What's that?" his nephew asked, intrigued.
"Uh, nice one, bro," Daniel got into it too and explained the rules to his nephew. "Okay, here's how it works. The living room is a dogleg par four."
He made a gesture looking ahead, "That means you have to get your sock into the kitchen sink in four strokes or less."
"Okay."
"We'll play for a quarter a hole," Charlie added, after folding a few more socks to use.
"Your handicap's obvious," he said, looking at Jake. "You're short, and you've never heard of the Ninja Turtles."
He instructed him, since Jake would go first. "All right, keep your knees bent. Your arm straight, and swing easy."
Jake did as he was told, and the sock ball landed very close to the kitchen sink.
"We have a problem, Houston," Daniel commented to Charlie, seeing that they might lose.
"We can play for less if you want," Jake said cheekily to his two uncles.
"Don't get cocky. There's seventeen more holes," Charlie dismissed his nephew.
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After playing for a while, it was the final shot. Jake was on the second floor, at the landing that led to his uncle's bedroom.
Charlie commented like a sports announcer, holding a wooden spoon and pretending it was a microphone. "The defending champion appears to have an easy tap-in for a birdie as the gallery waits breathlessly for the rookie to respond."
Jake, who was about to take the shot, shot him an annoyed look. "Would you please stop talking?"
But he continued, "Tempers flare as the pressure mounts."
His nephew took the shot and nailed it right into the trash can sitting on top of the table, in front of the couch.
"It's unbelievable. An eagle on the 18th," Daniel said excitedly. He was standing right next to the can, confirming the perfect shot by his nephew.
"This has never happened before in the history of sock golf!" Charlie screamed.
Daniel stepped closer and motioned for his nephew to jump onto his shoulder.
"Yesss!" Jake yelled like a champion, celebrating on his uncle's shoulder.
Alan appeared, struggling to open the door, loaded with grocery bags. "Little help here?"
Charlie went down the stairs and, still holding the wooden spoon, approached his brother. "Fans are coming out of the gallery with sacks of groceries for the young phenom."
"What's going on?" Alan frowned when he saw the mess in front of him.
"I won. I beat Uncle Charlie and Uncle Dan!" Jake replied enthusiastically to his dad.
"Excuse me, didn't I ask you to fold the laundry?"
"Laundry? Are you barking mad?" Charlie cut in, grabbing the first thing he saw in the bag.
"The child has just won the coveted Coca-Cola Cup." He handed Jake a Coke, as the boy climbed down from his younger uncle's shoulder.
The boy hummed as he headed to his bedroom. "I won. You lose. You lose."
"When I ask Jake to do something, I need you two to help me make sure he does it. I'm trying to teach him responsibility," Alan said, looking at his two brothers.
But before he could continue, someone rang the doorbell.
Daniel went to answer it. "Come on in, Penny."
"Wow, nice house!" she remarked, looking around.
"Those are my two brothers," Dani pointed out. "Charlie and Alan."
Then he gestured to the smaller one who had just reappeared, coming in from the hallway.
"And this is my nephew, Jake."
"Whoa," Jake widened his eyes, probably impressed by Penny's beauty. Maybe not only the beauty...
"Are you guys going to the beach?" he asked, since she was wearing a tank top and shorts.
"Yes. But unfortunately, you're grounded for what you did," his uncle spoke, ruffling his hair. "Next time, we'll go together, buddy."
Then Daniel turned to Alan, pointed toward his nephew, and said, "See, bro? I'm teaching him a lesson, just like you asked."
Alan was stone‑faced because of his younger brother's shameless behavior. It was clear what the real reason was…
A short while later, Desiree showed up to keep Charlie company.
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