Andria Jay Del Valle
"Hhhhuuuuwwaaaahhh ppprrruuu-,-"
I chatted. It's been 3 days after Christmas. He greeted me back then at exactly 12:01 am, while I greeted him around 12:15 am after I went home. We spent our Christmas Eve talking with each other. So far, so good. Although we aren't chatting every night, just like before, we always make time for each other during the day.
Jayden Traves
"What happened to you?"
He asked, which made me pout. I think my menstruation is about to come, I tantrums faster.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"'Nothing, just a trip...I'm still sleepy-,-"
I respond, trying to wake myself up.
Jayden Traves
"You should sleep"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Ow...anyway do you know how to dance?"
I asked curiously. I've already heard his voice; he sent some voicemails this past few days. He sang the song of Bandang Lapis entitled 'Sana 'di na lang'. I even thought that he was broken-hearted that time, but of course I know he was trying to pissed me off charot. No lies, his voice is good enough for my ears. It was soothing😗.
Jayden Traves
"No"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Awts...how about judging a dance?"
I asked again.
Jayden Traves
"Yeah, I know how to judge"
I smiled as I remembered my plan.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"That's nice. Berry good...I'll let you judge my dance soon ah...hehehe"
I announced. We have a project on art. It's either you'll sing, dance, or do any form of art in a video way. Then, you'll post your work to the group page that was prepared by the professor. Actually, it's said that it's an individual project, but luckily our teacher allowed by group, but still, it will be an individual grading.
"Who's with you anyway kuya?"
I added while giggling. Ahihihi, it's cute to call him kuya which means a big brother.
Jayden Traves
"What?"
He responded that leads me to giggle more.
Andria Jay Del Valle
" I said, who's with you now kuya pft"
I bite my lips to prevent myself from laughing out loud. I wonder what his face could be like right now.
Jayden Traves
"What?? Who am I? Kuya? You're not my sister"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Why? Was your sister the only one who's allowed to call you kuya?"
I asked fearlessly. Actually, one of my dreams is to have an older brother but sad to say I don't have one.
Jayden Traves
"Yes, so you're out"
His rejoinder gave me the confidence to pursue the topic. I just want to pissed him off haha.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"'Can't it just be a sign of respect ha kuyyyaa"
I replied giggling. It looks like my tease is being effective pft. His reactions are damn funny and cute.
Jayden Traves
"Stop calling me kuya it's gross, I'm just only 1yr older than you"
I reacted haha emoji on his reply before typing my response with a glimpse of a smile on my small face. He really doesn't want to be called big brother huh🤭.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Oh, at least you're still older than me duh"
I reasoned out.
Jayden Traves
"I couldn't get you again unggoy. You're monggoloid again"
I don't know, but it's kinda overwhelming knowing the fact that he's having a hard time understanding me, yet he's still talking to me.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"It was nicer if it were kuya ugly piggy proggy tada, kuya ugly piggy proggy who was stretched that became Hijack"
I said not in my mind.
Jayden Traves
"Just compare to you, an unggoy who's onanay"
He retracted. He's really competitive. He really doesn't want to lose even in bantering😑.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Duh, where can you even see a hijack monkey aside from King Kong? duh kuya duh"
I don't know either but I just want to use the word duh right now, it looks like rude haha.
Jayden Traves
"Yourself unggoy, just look at the mirror"
He responded making me smile like a bulb, lighting up my mind. Ting ting.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Ow so I'm tall? heheheh awei you already said I'm tall ah, no depriving"
I replied childishly. I guess it's normal to have mood swings for all girls out there especially when their period is near.
Jayden Traves
"Your mom is onanay, your dad is tagol"
I laughed on my head as I read his response. What tagol he was saying😆😆
Andria Jay Del Valle
"What tagol? tagol, tagol duh typo labs you mader brother"
I added while laughing. It feels better to pissed him off pft.
Jayden Traves
"😴😴talk to my hand👊👊"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Hi his hand, how are you, are you feeling fine?"
I smiled chuckling pft.
Jayden Traves
"They were the same"
Heis rejoinder about the Tagol and Dagul.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"T is far from D bllee😝😝"
I teased. We tend to banter for how many hrs before he logs out while I went to my friend to practice our dance project. We choose 'What is Love' by Twice as per the advice by kuya Ken. Actually, I have already done with my dance and mixed my choices of music but that wasn't suitable for my personality according to him, so he instructed that I should change it. I'm lucky to meet him though we barely talked as of now. I don't know what's happening to him right now. I don't have any updates either, maybe he's just too busy with his life.
I met kuya Ken back then July as I made this account after I had been left by those people who became a part of my life on my previous account. I planned to move forward and heal myself by using it. Kuya Ken is the first person whom I call and treat as my kuya here in RP. Also, he became my first friend on this account. To be honest, he's one of those reasons not to leave this world. I had lots of memories here to be kept. Kuya Ken is also one of my comfort zones. Every time I'm down, one word from him makes my tears fall eventually. The connection I've felt from them is stronger than what I had known. I'm willing to wait for them 'till the right time comes, with the will of Papa God, until I meet them in person.
An hour of practicing had passed, and I decided to go home and log in to my RP account. It's 1 pm though.
Jayden Traves
"What? Tantrums? Maybe it was you"
We were always like this, leaving messages to each other and just replying when we got onliñe.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"It was you duh. You're done cleaning?"
I asked.
Jayden Traves
"Tssk yeah"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"ok ok...You should eat"
Jayden Traves
"I'm done. You?"
I smiled at the thought of having someone who's checking up on you, yet I know to myself that his response is just a normal thing since I asked the question first.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"*nods* I'm done too. What are you doing?"
I replied exhausted.
Jayden Traves
"You eat early"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"^3^ It was my normal duh. So if I eat beyond 1, then that's not normal😆"
I replied explaining my side.
"*come near you/hugs/squeeze in*"
I added virtually. At this moment, when I'm exhausted, I just want to do a virtual act. It's just that I always find virtual acts as an action to maintain the conversation every time I'm exhausted or out of words.
Jayden Traves
"Weren't you're eating whether 2 or 3?"
He's kinda full of surprises. He's good at observation, maybe it explains why I can't hide anything from him, neither my thoughts nor my emotions. Aside from kuya Ken, he's my standard when it comes to friendship.
"I already get up"
He added. One thing I also like about him is that, he's doing his best to keep up on my trip🤭.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Hehez...when I'm just lazy only"
I had a bad habit. Sleeping and waking up late, as well as eating and taking a bath. I usually make the afternoon time as morning.
"😒😒im only doing it sometimes hmp *hugs the pillow beside me* then go shoshosho"
I added while glaring at my phone as if it were him.
Jayden Traves
"Ok, you said so. Tskk you'll make my bed dirty"
I smiled at what he had responded. Haha, I really couldn't feel that we were just chatting every time we were like this. I had an imaginative mind so I usually picture it out. They say, too much imagination is bad. Yeah, I admit it, it could lead you to be out of your mind and become crazy, but I know how to control it.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Whatever you say, your bed is dirty anyway-,-"
I frown as if he's only standing a few meters from me.
Jayden Traves
"I'm organize on my room and I don't like it when it's dirty"
He's really trying to open himself up, which is actually effective in making me feel more comfortable. A thing that I usually notice as time goes by.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"I wonder what your room looks like, aside from gadgets, what other stuff you have hmm🤔?"
I suddenly looked up while thinking about possible things he could have.
Jayden Traves
"Unggoy"
He replied making me roll my eyes. And here we are again, back on bantering until he informed me that he had already opened my account last night. He asked about my account last time because he was making a video about the GC I had. I don't know what's gotten into his mind so I just gave it, he can just open my account through hacking if he really wants. I also don't care if he gossips with my Convo towards the others.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"😂😂😂can you cuss me. Hurry up"
I replied faking my hyperness as I finished reading the story that passed by in my news feed. It feels heavy and I don't know why. All I could think is that, I want to cry. I'm being sensitive again at this point, so even his words affect me.
Jayden Traves
"Give me a reason to cuss you"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"I just want"
I reason out. I know to myself that the only thing I need right now is those harsh words from him to breathe.
Jayden Traves
"Just cry"
Andria Jay Del Valle
"It feels like I'm being stupid again😂😂😂amp"
I replied starting to open up and share what's on my mind.
Jayden Traves
"What??"
He replied confusedly. Maybe, he didn't expect it.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"hahahahah nothing...my mind starts to think stupidity heheheh it was the story's fault hahahahaha it reminds me how stupid I was back then charing"
I honestly replied. Pain of memories is arising. Fuck that story that I've read.
Jayden Traves
"You were just relate"
I smiled bitterly as his words hit me. He's right at some point. I looked up to suppress the tears forming in my eyes. These tears of mine are really sucky. It usually pour everytime and everywhere it wants.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"I just remember everything since last night😂😂😂, I'm just thinking a little bit about what I've done back then was right😂😂"
I replied maintaining my hyperness in my words.
Jayden Traves
"Spill"
One word from him but the heaviness inside me explodes.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"It's just..I told his friends and cousins that I won't let him go until his marriage but I didn't fulfill because...uhmm...just because I'm complicated 😂😂😂"
I started by remembering what had happened between Dave and me.
Jayden Traves
"Stupid"
His rejoinder. Effective to erase the pain that I'm feeling.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"It's like...its like kinda disappointing because I didn't fulfil what I had said but"
I replied and typed again but he already responded.
Jayden Traves
"Promise meant to be broken?"
Yeah, promises meant to be broken but I'm trying. I'm trying to fulfill every word that comes out of me even if it is hard.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"It's like...it's like a little bit upsetting😂😂 d jk...I'm just a little bit disappointed in myself like that"
I replied making it softly but the truth is, everything still hurts. Damn it.
"And one more thing, is it bad to fling with other man everytime I'm not talking to him just to forget our situation?"
I asked for an answer that can make my guilt fade. I know we're only meeting here in RP. Everything is in the past and I shouldn't let myself be chained to it. I shouldn't take everything as a big deal and most of all, I shouldn't take it for real. I know RP is full of role play and lies, yet, I still can't control my conscience.
Jayden Traves
"Idk I didn't experience it. Why would I get disappointed if he had a gf in the real world"
He had a point on that thing. I should let everything go as supposed to do. I shouldn't be stucked from it.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"And that's it... I was kinda disappointed because I didn't fulfill my words and he made me feel that I was a bad person because of what I did but rather than for me to suffer. I don't know😂😂😂I'm losing my mind"
I replied still confused, as tears were falling on my cheeks. Sometimes, the worst part of life, is destroying the trust of someone you want to keep.
Jayden Traves
"Huh, what's wrong with that?"
I somehow felt he was trying to understand me. I smiled bitterly at the thought that this situation keeps repeating. I can't open myself up to the others because I've always been stuck on my past. I want to loosen up. Run from it. Take a step and move forward. But I can't. I don't know how.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"It was a little bit upsetting to think that no matter how I tried to control myself not to take revenge, he still sees me like that😂😂😂"
I burst out. Worse than a breakup? When you reach the point where you're pitying yourself. When you realized that you're already being unfair and selfish to yourself because you kept on choosing others' feelings over your own. Love could really be a dangerous thing to deal with. It could bring joyous memories, yet, it could also be a nightmare.
Jayden Traves
"You're the only one who felt guilty. It's up to him if he'll think that way, who cares anyway"
I wiped my tears and smiled bitterly as my mind processed his words.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"That's the terrible and painful thing...You know? You already moved on but still can't forget the pain caused by the memories of the past and you're still hurting hahahaha amputs hahaha"
I replied faking a laugh at it. Emotions could become a poison created by your own self. Memories could become a hovering snake in the midst of the forest inside your head. Trust could become a sharp broken glass, it's either you'll end up having temporary pain or you'll end up lying permanently in your own coffin.
Jayden Traves
"Because you still love him"
I shook my head instantly as I read his rejoinder. Is he really right? Am I still in love with Dave? Did I already even move forward? How can you even tell if you've already moved on? When can you even tell that you don't feel anything for the person who was once a part of your life? Does love really fade? I guess not. Falling out of love isn't really true, you just accepted that things won't go as you wanted. Love could change because of pain, yet it won't fade as long as you don't love someone new. You're just tired of fighting and of showing it.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"He wasn't just my ex. He was my friend too back then, my secret diary, and then hahahaha in just a snap of time, in just one mistake of mine, in just one flirt of mine, he sees me suddenly like that. Like as if...like as if I was so bad and can't be trusted and then...and then I might destroy him and his new😂😂😂. Like what the hell... I confessed that I flirted with the other man for entertainment and to divert my mind from our situation. To forget what I'm feeling like as if I was already nothing to him and just like that, he deactivated his account. Like he didn't even wait for me to confront me or let me explain. And then, when I tend to break up with him, he doesn't want to. And what's more upsetting, we planned to start all over again with another account but it turns out he courted someone new😂😂😂😂😂. Like what fuck...I stayed at his side even though that was what happened because I was holding on to my words that I won't leave him but yet... every time we chatted, he makes me feel that I really broke his trusts and you know what? I supported him in courting someone new but he made me feel that I would...I will fight with his new and I'll tell that he had a gf in real world and destroyed them😂😂😂😂😂"
I burst out. It hurts. I can't stand it. That was my first time experiencing such things like that. I don't know what to do. I always asked myself if I should still hold on to my words that I won't let him go or if I should choose myself this time. It's confusing. It's mind-numbing. It's mind-fucking. It's infuriating.
Jayden Traves
"Toxic relationship"
I know he's reading and I'm thankful for it. For the past months, I kept it all within myself. No one knows even the members of CVG. My previous gang where I met my ex. Only this hacker knows everything. Just him, and I'm lucky to meet him.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"But when I told him that we should forget everything including our friendship, he made a cryptic post targeting me like where did his friends go😂😂😂like what hell😂😂😂. So confusing, well, it was nothing...hahaha it's just hurt a little bit like what was that...amp don't mind it😂😂😂thank you^3^ you're the one who absorbs it again amp"
I stated. The heaviness I felt earlier somehow became light. I'm really a crybaby sometimes.
Jayden Traves
"And then you got swayed?"
He replied to what I've said about Dave's posts.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"Of course, and that's what makes it hurt and disappointing"
Jayden Traves
"I pity u"
He responded slapping the truth on my face.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"You're not the only one, even me, I pity myself that's why I'm disappointed 😂😂😂why did I even remember it hahaha so stupid😂😂😂amp🤟🤟🤟I'm so so weak right?"
Judging myself and my actions is one of my strengths. It's the truth though, I'm always selfish when it comes to myself.
Jayden Traves
"Yeah and in the first place, why did you even entered in a relationship if he had a girlfriend in the real world? For what? What's the benefit?"
He asked.
Andria Jay Del Valle
"To make him happy? How am I even supposed to know that I would fall for him? I just want to make him happy at first"
I honestly reasoned out. I didn't think that I would end up being like this. It's my fault, in the first place, I know everything here in RP was just a game. As the rule says, if you fall, you'll lose. In our case, I didn't lose, I also ended up destroying myself.
Jayden Traves
"What are you? a clown? Maybe you really thought you were a real monkey.. You're a human, you have feelings so of course you will really fall tskkk you're happy being like that, a rebound, and I don't know why you chose to stay"
He responded with annoyance though it made me smile a little. He and Kuya Ken are the only person who makes me feel that I can also feel emotions, that I'm not numb just like what my real-world friends told me, and also not like what my mother told me that I don't know how to take good care of myself. I'm weak, yet, everything isn't really that transparent.