I knew something was wrong_ i could fell it.
The moment I stepped into the building that morning.
No one said anything to me, but I could feel it. The way people looked at me, then quickly looked away, like they didn't want me to notice. It made my steps slow down for a second, but I kept walking like nothing happened.
Maybe I was just thinking too much.
I didn't want to believe anything had changed.
I got to my desk, dropped my bag, and sat down. I didn't waste time. I opened the first file I saw and started working immediately. That was the only way I knew how to deal with things here. If I kept working, I didn't have to think. If I didn't think, I wouldn't feel anything.
At least that was what I told myself.
A few minutes later, one of the senior staff came to my desk. She didn't greet me like she used to. She just placed a file in front of me and said, "Finish this before noon."
I nodded. "Okay."
She didn't leave immediately. She stood there for a second, like she wanted to say something else, but then she turned and walked away.
I looked down at the file.
It wasn't light work.
It was more than what I usually handled.
I let out a quiet breath and opened it.
If this was what they gave me, then I would do it.
I started working.
Time passed faster than I expected. The work needed more attention than usual, and I had to go through every detail carefully. I didn't want any mistakes. Not today.
As I worked, I could still feel it.
The looks.
Not as hidden as before.
Not as quiet either.
I didn't look up, but I knew.
People were watching me.
My fingers tightened slightly around the pen, but I kept going.
Not long after, another file was dropped on my desk. Then another one.
I paused for a second and looked at them.
It was too much.
But I didn't say anything.
I couldn't.
I adjusted myself in my seat and continued working.
My shoulders were starting to hurt, but I ignored it. I had felt worse before. I had worked longer hours before. That wasn't what was bothering me.
It was everything else.
The silence.
The attention.
The way it felt like I was being watched even when no one spoke.
I didn't like it.
I kept my head down and focused on my work.
I didn't want to look up.
I didn't want to meet anyone's eyes.
I didn't want to see him.
Even without looking, I knew when he entered.
The room always changed when he was around. It was not something you could ignore. People became more careful, more quiet. Everything felt more controlled.
I didn't lift my head.
I didn't want to.
I just kept working.
But my mind was not steady.
I remembered the woman from yesterday.
The way she looked at me.
It didn't feel normal.
It didn't feel like nothing.
Still, I pushed it away and kept going.
Minutes passed.
Then more.
I finished one file and moved to the next without stopping. My eyes were starting to hurt, but I blinked a few times and continued.
I couldn't slow down.
Not now.
Not when everything felt like it was on me.
By the time I got to the third file, my hand slowed a little.
Just a little.
I stopped for a second.
I closed my eyes.
Just for a moment.
Then I opened them again and continued.
I couldn't stop.
I wouldn't.
Before I knew it, it was almost noon.
The same woman came back.
I handed her the files without saying anything.
She went through them quickly, flipping the pages one after another. My chest felt tight while I waited.
Then she nodded.
"It's fine," she said.
That was all.
She turned and left.
I stayed still for a moment.
Then I let out a breath.
I didn't even know I was holding it.
It was done.
At least for now.
I leaned back slightly, but I didn't relax completely. I couldn't. Something still didn't feel right.
The rest of the day went by slowly. The work reduced, but the feeling didn't.
It stayed.
Quiet.
Heavy.
Like something was waiting.
I didn't talk to anyone. No one talked to me either. And for once, I didn't mind it.
It was easier that way.
By the time the day ended, I packed my things slowly. My body felt tired, more than usual, and my head felt full.
I stood up and walked out.
I didn't look back.
I didn't stop.
When I got outside, the air hit my face, and I finally paused.
I stood there for a moment, just breathing.
Trying to understand what I was feeling.
It wasn't just tiredness.
It was something else.
Something I couldn't explain.
Something I didn't like.
I let out a slow breath and started walking again.
I told myself it didn't matter.
I told myself it would pass.
But deep down, I knew something had already changed.
And this time, I felt it.
Even if I didn't understand it yet.