"…and after that, Franky went off to get things arranged on his end before he could take off to buy the materials, and you had no trouble on your way back to the Merry?" Nami asked, concluding the summary of what happened to us after our two groups had parted ways.
"Yeah, that pretty much covers it," I confirmed, before glancing in Boss' direction. "So, Boss, tell me, what are you going to do about your—Boss?"
The Dugong's jacket was lying on the deck, but the Dugong himself was nowhere to be seen. I made to glance at Soundbite—
SPLASH! "Sorry, did you call me?"
Before noting that Boss had just jumped out of the water, back onto the deck… and with a new shell on his back that was utterly indistinguishable from the old one.
"You—but—I… no, you know what? You know what?" Vivi threw her hands up and marched towards the women's quarters. "I don't want to know, I really, just do not want to know. I am done. Done!" she declared, entering her room and slamming the door behind her.
Nami stared after her for a second before sighing and looking towards the quartet of the ship's guards staring in starry-eyed awe at their teacher. "Raphey, can you please go and try to calm Vivi down? Hopefully, your… expertise in Grand Line madness will be of use."
The pink-clad Dugong promptly snapped a salute at our navigator before pumping her tail and belly-sliding towards the women's quarters. And with that, Nami stood up with a clap of her hands. "Now, Cross, Zoro? Staff meeting. Boss, you and your boys know what to do."
"Aye, Nami," the four Dugongs saluted as we headed towards the storage area. There was silence for almost a minute before Nami spun around and grabbed my shoulders.
"Cross," she stated with dead-serious conviction as she stared me straight in the eyes. "Are you absolutely certain that Kalifa, Kaku, and Lucci are with CP9?"
I blinked at her, but promptly steeled my will as I replied with equal firmness. "Some time soon, most likely tonight, seeing as they'd want to use Aqua Laguna to cover their tracks, those three plus Blueno will tear through Galley-La like an unholy storm, striking down their comrades and coworkers without so much as a hint of remorse before attempting to assassinate Iceburg in cold blood. Of this, I have no doubt."
The second I finished, Nami's pupils dilated in horror, and the blood utterly drained from her face. She slowly stumbled back from me, a shaky hand raising to cover her mouth. "Oh… Oh, God…"
Zoro started towards her with an expression that could be vaguely interpreted as concern. "What did they do, Nami?"
"N… N… N-Nothing," Nami whispered, desperately shaking her head in denial. "T-That's the whole problem! I have years of experience in long cons, for the majority of my life, I have been anyone but me, I have been them… and I was scanning them for any cracks whatsoever! I-I was subtle, don't worry, they never noticed, I made sure of that!" she reassured me when she noticed that I looked ready to puke. "But… But that doesn't change the fact that they put on such a good show that I… that they made me actually doubt Cross!"
I sighed grimly. "I… I'll be blunt: you were firmly out of your league, Nami. You have a few years of experience, however harrowing, but they've been doing this for their entire lives, literally. There's a Government island somewhere not far from here that's exclusively devoted to training orphans and offspring of previous CP9 agents into the next generation of the World Government's personal killers. They've never known anything but sabotage, corruption, intelligence, and assassination. Make no mistake, CP9 is so renowned because they are damn good at what they do."
Nami stared at me for a second before leaning against one of the crates with a tortured groan. "And we have to deal with four people like that?" she asked.
I shook my head with a grimace. "If worst comes to worst and we still have to storm Enies Lobby, there will be seven. But I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you; out of those seven, three are in league with the Monster Trio, and the rest are way weaker. Superhuman and with a few unique and deadly tricks, sure, but ultimately, with our current roster and power level, not to mention the fact that I know their playbook inside and out, we'll still be able to win."
"Who's the third one, Cross?" Zoro asked. "Lucci's obviously one of them, and Kaku has to be another if he's a match for me."
I shrugged indifferently. "Hopefully it won't become relevant, but the third one, barely weaker than Kaku, is Jabra, a wolf Zoan and CP9's specialist in the Iron Body technique. Sanji only beat him thanks to his Diable Jambe, just like you needed Asura to beat Kaku. He's a sadistic and deceitful son of a bitch, but so long as we're ready, we should be fine."
"And what about their chief, Cross?" Nami asked tentatively. "The one you said got the authority to use a Buster Call? Whoever the World Government put in charge of people that powerful must be a monster too."
I snarled as that particular trainwreck of a human being flashed through my mind. "Only morally, Nami. Physically?" I slammed my fist into my palm and ground it in, hard. "Suffice to say that if I get my hands on Spandam, I'm going to turn him into a literal fucking pretzel, and he'll be able to do jack all about it. The only defence he has for himself is Funkfreed, a sword that ate the Elephant-Elephant Fruit. Apart from that, that… entity is weaker than your average Marine. But morally?" I ground my teeth as image after image after fucking image of the Bridge and everything before it flooded my mind. "Let me put it this way: I didn't kill the Unluckies because I didn't think they were worth it, because I feared I'd regret it. Him?" I let a vicious smile crawl across my face. "I could hand him over to Chopper as a guinea pig, and that would be kind compared to what I'd do to him if given half a chance."
Zoro and Nami both stared at me in something very close to horror.
"Cross—" Soundbite started fearfully.
I cut him off with a raised hand. "He. Abused. Robin," I enunciated firmly, causing every other person in the room to freeze. "In every conceivable way except for the sexual one, from the moment she arrived at Enies Lobby to the moment we rescued her. Mental, physical and emotional torture on a level I didn't even think was possible. Make no mistake: Spandam is the epitome of everything wrong with humanity, in that he is a weak-bodied, weak-willed and weak-minded evil bastard with far too much power and pride. If we invade Enies Lobby, I'm going to make sure that he ends up either dead… or worse." I looked around the room, staring everyone straight in the eyes. "Any objections?"
"NO," all three of them intoned without hesitation.
"Good," I nodded gratefully. "Now, then, moving on… how did the meeting with Iceburg go?"
Nami took a second to breathe deeply and calm herself down before schooling a neutral expression on her face. "You mean apart from him being as irresponsible as you implied?" she deadpanned before shrugging casually. "Perfectly fine. He listened to our request and accepted a ฿100 million down payment after we gave him Granny Kokoro's letter. He said that he'll either send one of his foremen here or be along himself in a while." She paused and frowned. "We don't have to worry about the other foremen, right?"
"Eh…" I waved my hand in a 'so-so' manner. "If CP9 manages to frame us for hurting Iceburg or Galley-La in general? Quite possibly, a strong sense of camaraderie there. But otherwise, the most dangerous thing about them is their quirks, and of those, the worst is Paulie trying to cut and run with a brick of gold. Basically, they're like us: we don't tick them off, and we're all good."
"So," Zoro grunted. "Now we wait?"
"Pretty much, yeah," I shrugged, then reached for my side and withdrew the transceiver. "Well, I guess I may as well start up another SBS—"
"Puru puru puru puru!" Soundbite said suddenly.
"Or take a call, that works too," I continued smoothly, pressing the caller ID button. "MI4," I confirmed to Nami and Zoro, who turned back towards me. I made to pick up the receiver, then paused as a wicked grin played over my face. "Oh, Soundbite? Make my voice sound like Apoo."
"OH, CROSS, you son of a—Puru puru puru puru!" the snail chortled.
"And proud of it," I snickered, and then picked up the receiver before cackling. "Apapapapapa! Hello, you've reached Scratchman Apoo! Sorry, but Mr. Cross has been disconnected!"
Nami facepalmed with a groan while Zoro smirked in sadistic amusement.
I swiftly chopped my hand across my throat and burst out cackling as Soundbite's expression contorted in panic and horror. "Oh-hoh, MAN, you should have seen your faces! I-I'm sorry, but that was just straight up hi-hi-larious! PFFHAHAHAHAAA!"
As my laughter trailed off, I noticed Soundbite glaring at me with a look of intense concentration. "Uh…"
"Oh, don't mind me, Cross," Tashigi's voice said, sounding about two seconds from snapping. "I'm just trying to kill you with the POWER OF MY FUCKING MIND!"
"If that were possible, Tashigi, he never would have escaped from Loguetown," Smoker cut in.
"Or Alabasta," Hina added.
"Or Skypiea," T-Bone wheezed.
"Or Navarone," finished another voice.
"Alright, alright, I get the point alre—huh?" I blinked and then grinned as I processed who had just spoken. "Jonathan, you devious chess-bastard, I knew you'd come around! Good thing too, now Vivi owes me a hefty chunk of change."
Nami tsked and tossed a wad of beris at me. "Here, I bet her the opposite."
"That makes this doubly sweet!" I crowed as I counted out the cash.
"CHA-CHING!" Soundbite whooped ecstatically.
ZOT!
I flinched slightly as light and ozone flashed inches before my eyes, but I swiftly recovered and stuck my tongue out at Nami. "Nice try, but no dice!"
"Damn Chopper and his damn freaky good therapy…" she scowled as she spun her staff-third back into place.
"Hmph. Good to see that you're as composed as ever, Mister Cross," Jonathan chuckled. "And I'll admit, I did have some apprehensions at first, given the risk involved in the undertaking. But time and the SBS wore them away, and after talking to Commodore Smoker, I was quite satisfied to join what's now MI5 and claim the codename of Sagittarius. My four officers and Jessica have signed on as well, and they're in the process of informing the remainder of the base."
"Great to hear!" I wrung my hands eagerly. "Now, then! Before we get to business, I believe some of you owe me an apology?" I pointedly ignored Nami's facepalming and muttering something about 'idiots' and 'pushing your luck'.
"I don't apologize to many people for many things, Cross. I'll be damned if I add you to the list of people I do apologize to for not considering that someone could or would trick Akainu like Jonathan did," Smoker grunted.
"And on that note, Hina wonders how you found out Jonathan's secret when he managed to fool everyone else in the Navy," Hina cut in dryly.
"Well—!" I began.
"I'd like to know that as well, Mister Cross," Jonathan interrupted, his voice and demeanour shoved deep in his 'serious as a prowling Sea King' mode. "Aside from my laid-back demeanour since I took over G-8, I've never given any indication that I've failed to learn the spirit of Akainu's lessons. True, I wasn't as guarded with my emotions as I should have been in our encounter, but for you to have been as comfortable as you were makes it clear that you knew more than you possibly could have. And while you may have a reputation for being impossibly well informed, this borders on being genuinely impossible, if not utterly. So, considering the fact that anyone beyond the present company and my soldiers learning it would be potentially fatal, I insist on you answering me: how did you find out?" Jonathan asked, a stern frown on his face.
"Ah…" I hedged uncomfortably as I shot a desperate glance at my equally shocked allies before flinching as I realized that that look had just been broadcast.
"And don't give us any more nonsense like you were spouting on Skypiea, this time we're not leaving without an answer," Tashigi intoned firmly.
I winced as I tugged at my suddenly too-tight collar. Why had I thought that bringing in the hyperintelligent chessmaster would be a good idea!?
"Cross."
I snapped my attention over to Zoro, who was staring at me with an uncharacteristically analytical gaze.
"Tell them," he ordered in a firm tone.
"What!?" Nami and I hissed simultaneously, though Nami was the one who followed up. "Are you out of your moss-ridden—!?"
"They deserve to know," the swordsman interrupted, his gaze frosty. "They might not fly under our flag, but they are our allies, and I seriously doubt they'll tell anyone. And even if they did, it's that chess-guy all over again: they spill our secret, we spill theirs."
"Glad to see you're as insensitive as ever, Roronoa," Tashigi deadpanned.
"Glad to see that you're as grateful as ever, four-eyes," Zoro shot back.
"Glad to see that you're still a barbarian."
"Glad to see you're still a novice."
"BASTARD, I CUT PEOPLE!"
"For the love of GOD, FUCK OR KILL EACH OTHER, but don't use me to pussyfoot around!"
"SHUT IT, SNAIL!" the sword-masters roared simultaneously.
"Enough," T-Bone wheezed, his shaky voice as firm as iron. "Cross, we're waiting."
I grimaced as I processed the fact that I… really didn't have a choice here, did I? Dang it, I wasn't expecting to have to give the explanation again before I told the rest of the—
The rest of them… now, there was an idea.
I took a second to get my composure about myself before adopting a determined look. "Let me make this clear: the explanation is of a magnitude that you can't begin to imagine, to the point that I haven't even told our most recent crewmates yet. I do not want to say it more times than I absolutely have to, because it's a damn long story and there's gonna be a lot of disbelief. So, here's the deal: there's only one more decent Marine of significant standing that I'm relatively sure you can convince to join you right now. When you've recruited Vice Admiral Tsuru, I'll tell all six of you my secret. Fair enough?"
Soundbite adopted a doubtful grimace. "Tsuru…" Smoker grumbled to himself. "You don't ask for anything easy, do you, Cross?"
I blinked. "Wait, what? You didn't object when I recommended her the night before you met with T-Bone."
"I imagine that admitting one such as a Vice Admiral to a list of potential allies is vastly different from actually trying to recruit her, Mister Cross," T-Bone wheezed.
"Nail on the head there, sir," Tashigi moaned.
"Hina is uncertain about this…" Hina grumbled. "Vice Admiral Tsuru is as wise and righteous as they come, of that there is no doubt, but she is also one of Sengoku's closest confidants, and while the Admiral of the Fleets is not himself corrupt, neither does he oppose the World Government. It would take a cataclysm of untold depths to fracture their bond in even the most minute of ways."
"I see, I see," I nodded casually. "Then in that case, I just have one question: T-Bone, would you happen to currently be on assignment to… mmm, given the timing, I'm gonna say… Enies 'Kangaroo Court' Lobby?"
Dead silence rang out for a few seconds before T-Bone groaned. "I won't even question it."
I chuckled. "Ohohoh, you guys would be nowhere without me, absolutely nowhere."
"Clearly," the skeletal captain scoffed. "I don't suppose you'd happen to know what my assignment is to be, would you? They merely ordered me and a number of my men to present ourselves and await further orders. The mood here is… tense. I've never seen the Lobby garrisoned so thoroughly."
I smiled grimly. "Security detail. You're going to be safeguarding the return of a Cipher Pol 9 hit-squad who'll be bringing with them the blueprints of the Ancient Weapon Pluton AND!" I cut off Tashigi's horrified gasp and Smoker and Hina's hisses of breath. "And… our kidnapped archaeologist."
Once again, silence.
"…Oh, for fucks' sake, Cross."
"Right there with you, Tashigi," Jonathan sighed.
I chuckled grimly while Nami shook her head with an exasperated sigh, and Zoro smirked. "Don't get me wrong, we're going to fight tooth and nail to stop this shit from going down. But if we fail, well…" I injected a tone of pure savagery in my grin. "Then I'm going to do more for the World Government in a span of hours than I have in all of my past broadcasts combined." I widened my grin by a few teeth. "And should we win, well… I can only imagine the kind of holy hell that the confirmation of CP9's existence, the complete destruction of one of the Government's three sacred bases, and an exclusive interview with Nico Robin covering the events on Ohara will raise. Is that cataclysmic enough for you?"
"Enough that Hina is sorry that she asked," Hina replied weakly. "Cross, I hope you realize that if all of that does happen, your name is likely to be spoken of in the same breath as the likes of Dragon and the Emperors."
And just like that, my smile flipped to a scowl. "You don't seem to get it. Even ignoring how much I hate the Government based on everything I've seen, I stand by the same standards as my crew, the same standards as Whitebeard and Shanks: if anyone lays so much as a finger on our crewmate, it's nothing less than a declaration of war. It should have been clear from the very first SBS broadcast: if it's for one of our friends, we welcome infamy with open arms."
I sighed and shook my head as I stepped down from my mental pedestal. "Anyway, enough preaching. Is there anything else you called for?"
"…Only that I made an attempt to convince 'Black Bart' to join us, and he almost agreed, but he requested proof that we were in contact with you. Mention the words 'Rooster' and 'Integrity' in the same sentence on your next broadcast," Hina replied.
"I'll see if I can work it in somehow," I said.
"On a lighter note, Mister Cross, pass my thanks on to Miss Robin for the suggestion she offered in regard to Major Shepherd," Jonathan put in, smirking again. "He was so flustered in front of the court that he all but confessed the charges he was presented for, and they subsequently uncovered a significant history of corruption."
"How significant?" I asked eagerly.
"Ooooh, where to begin~!" Tashigi sang in an uncharacteristically eager voice. "Extreme embezzlement, framing several of the investigators who were looking into him, and acting as something of a 'fixer' for other Marines of similar demeanours. He'd make reports about them go away for a price and then transfer them to, shall we say, 'sympathetic bases'. Like, say… Base 16 in the East Blue under one Captain Nezumi, who has also been scheduled for court-martial?"
"Now, that," Nami snapped her head around with a sadistic grin. "That is good news; that money-grubbing rat-bastard is the biggest reason that Arlong never got reported."
"Oh, really?" Jonathan asked in much the same tone. "In that case, I think I'll put a word in myself, for Bellemere's sake."
"Besides that…" Tashigi trailed off slightly before perking up. "Oh, right! And he was a chronic stealer of office supplies."
The three of us fell silent as we processed that particular tidbit before I gave the Marine a flat look. "Seriously?"
"Don't diss the Marines' logistics division, Cross," Hina scoffed. "Next to the Admirals, their accountants are some of the scariest bastards in the whole of the Navy."
I exchanged disbelieving looks with my crewmates again. "Yeeeaaah, I'll take your word for it."
"BY THE WAY," Soundbite spoke up in a curious tone. "What's with the good mood, TASHIGI? Steal another sword RECENTLY?"
"Eeheeheehee~!" Tashigi giggled ecstatically. "Not even your vile words can bring me down, you petulant pest! I'm riding on a power high!"
Aaaand now I was thoroughly creeped out. "Someone wanna fill me in?" I pleaded.
"Marine HQ tapped the good officer to lead the investigation into Shepherd for her excellent intellect and analytical skills," T-Bone rasped.
"Not only did I have the immense honour of pinning that scumbag to the floor, but I hauled in a nice and juicy promotion to go with it!" Tashigi squealed, the grin she was sporting almost ear-to-ear. "Ensign no more, you now speak to Lieutenant J.G.—soon to be Lieutenant proper!—Tashigi! Haha, woo!"
I took a second to consider this development before adopting a thoughtful look. "So, to be clear here…" I queried innocently. "You're excited about moving up the ranks of a vile and corrupt system that you are actively working to tear apart. Did I get that right?"
Tashigi's smile froze as though I'd injected it with liquid nitrogen before shattering into a positively blistering scowl. "Can… Can you not ruin my good mood?" she bit out, a tic mark clearly pulsating on Soundbite's—and thus her—brow. "For just five seconds? Is… Is that honestly too much to ask for?"
I made a show of thinking long and hard before answering with the utmost seriousness. "Yes. Yes, it is."
Tashigi's eyelid straight up jerked. "Goodbye, Cross."
Nami facepalmed as the connection chopped off out of the blue. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"
I spread my arms in a show of innocence. "I have a naturally aggravating personality. Sue me."
Nami's sigh of exasperation sounded more like howling. Zoro simply rolled his eyes before looking at me. "Anyway… this Franky guy who's gonna be helping us build our ship, what's he like?"
"Hm..." I tapped my chin thoughtfully as I considered how to put it. "Well, first, he's kind of…"
"SUPER!"
"Exactly like tha—the heck!?" I demanded, bolting towards the door and wrenching it open. I then gaped with no small amount of surprise to see Franky on the Merry's deck in his typical pose… though I was not surprised by the sight of Boss and the TDWS all posing along with him and Luffy and Usopp laughing and clapping eagerly.
"AWESOME!" Luffy cheered. "So, you're, like, half a robot, and you run on cola?!"
"Yep! I keep it right here, nice and cold!" Franky confirmed, opening his abs to demonstrate a refrigerator filled with three bottles of cola.
Nami's eyelid twitched as she stared at the sight. "Well, there's something I can never un-see."
"Whoa! That must be very useful in the summer! But how the heck did you manage to fit a refrigerator in your own body without any negative effects from the temperature?" Usopp asked incredulously.
"Well, my belly is always cold because of this, but—"
"I have a question!" Luffy snapped his hand up in the air without warning.
"DON'T INTERRUPT MY QUESTION!" Usopp yelled as he slapped the back of our captain's head.
"Yeah? What's up, Strawhat?" Franky asked.
"You're totally metal, right?"
"Weeell…" Franky surreptitiously scratched his speedo-clad ass. "For the most part. Why?"
"Do you—?"
Right, the insane train ends right now. "OY!" I cut in.
"Eh?" Franky said as he glanced in my direction before laughing and waving at me. "Oh, hey, Cross! I was just about to tell your crewmates here how my insides work! Wanna sit in?"
My eye twitched viciously. "Yeah, not a chance in all hell…" I muttered under my breath before raising my voice. "What the heck are you doing here, Franky!? I thought you were supposed to be headed out to St. Poplar with our money!"
"Eh?" the cyborg frowned and crossed his arms as he tilted his head in confusion. "The heck are you talking about? Yeah, I've taken care of business with my family, and I'm heading out soon, but I had to come here first!" He flexed his arms in a square.
"Uh…" I hedged as my mental gears failed to grind properly. "And you… had to come here, why, exactly?"
Now Franky out-and-out stared at me in a lack of understanding. "Uh, because Granny Kokoro's letter told me to? Duh? She told me to show up… here… ah." Going by how he smirked in wry amusement, my confusion was clearly displayed on my face. "Lemme guess, she didn't tell you anything about that, huh?" the cyborg snickered, running a hand through his pompadour. "Aaah, yeah, that brings me back. That old hag does whatever she wants whenever she wants, and only she ever knows the true breadth and width of her plans. You know, one time—!"
I tuned out Franky's reminiscing in favour of letting my mind fly at a million miles an hour as I put together the new pieces that I'd presented, and once I reached a conclusion, the implications hit me like a fucking meteorite. Thinking fast, I spun around, fully intent on calling for Nami, for Zoro, for anyone I could get my hands on—!
"Ahoy, there! May we come aboard?"
When a sickeningly familiar voice came up from the shoreline, causing both me and Franky to freeze in place. Almost as one, we both snapped to the ship's railing and looked overboard. What we saw caused us both to jerk, though for Franky it was merely out of surprised confusion, while for me? It was out of nothing less than pure existential terror.
Because standing right there, plain as day, without a care in the world and with a mouse in his shirt pocket, was none other than the beloved Mayor Iceburg of Water 7 himself, with his trusty chain-smoking and rope-slinging second Paulie trailing right behind him.
Honestly, in retrospect, I should have seen it coming sooner. I mean, she gave us letters for both of them, so logically, that meant that the two of them would have to come into contact with one another at some point in the process. But I thought that they would have been kept apart longer! Franky would provide the materials and his designs, Iceburg would provide the experienced manpower and facilities to make the Sunny the best ship born of the island since Tom's passing. At worst, the two would meet up once or twice and grind against one another, but that would have been it!
But ultimately, their quarrelling was an obstacle that we could surmount. Their meeting each other here was unexpected, and far from the most pleasant thing that could have happened, but it was far from cataclysmic. This situation would have been little more than a minor difficulty at the absolute worst!—if it wasn't for one itty bitty, teeny tiny, utterly fatal detail.
Paulie wasn't the only Galley-La employee Iceburg had brought with him.
Standing right there, right beside him, were a very professional-looking woman with blonde hair and glasses and a kindly grinning man clad in orange with a long, square nose.
Half of CP9's team on Water 7 was here. Half of CP9 was feet away from me. And the object of their fucking mission was standing right next to me.
My mind blanked, and I was forced to scramble for some way to keep myself from drawing suspicion, considering the fact that I was one jolt away from spewing the worst vocabulary that sailors had to offer out of my mouth.
"Bite me. Bite me as hard as you can," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth, desperation flooding every decibel. "Do it. Do it now, do it now now now—!"
CHOMP!
"YEARGH!" I leapt back from the railing and started dancing around the deck in agony on account of the fact that it felt like a fucking bear trap had ripped into my neck. "MAUDIT PUTAIN D'UN ESPÈCE DE SALAUD SALOPARD QUI BRÛLE DANS LE MAUDIT ENFER AVEC UN SEAU DE—SOMEBODY GET THIS LITTLE SHIT OFF OF ME, DAMN IT!"
Literally everyone was staring at me, more in amusement than anything else.
"I've heard the phrase 'pardon my French,' but this is ridiculous," Vivi deadpanned, poking her head out of her cabin.
"SOMEBODY HELP ME ALREADY, HE'S OVER MY FUCKING CAROTID!"
Nami hastily dashed to my side and started tugging at Soundbite's shell, to no avail. "Soundbite, what the hell are you—?!" she started to snarl.
"Iceburg's here, he's brought Kaku and Kalifa with him, and Franky has the blueprints inside his fucking body!" I hissed desperately.
The blood drained from Nami's face as she glanced over at Franky before looking back at me. "…shit."
"No fuck," I snapped back. "Tell the others, and emphasize to Zoro—GAH!" I cut myself off as Soundbite finally let go, and I winced as I felt that I was actually bleeding from that bite. "Agh… emphasize that they'll pick up on even a hint of killing intent. If they think their cover's broken—"
"We're dead, got it," Nami nodded grimly before adopting an air of exasperation and stalking over to Vivi. I, for my part, reached into my jacket and pulled out a tube of salve and a roll of bandages that I had taken to carrying a few weeks ago; having the bindings on my arms and legs fail with Chopper nowhere close was excruciating, hence the emergency stock. "Well, that's the last time I ask you to do that," I muttered to Soundbite.
"WON'T BE soon enough!" Soundbite spat, hanging his tongue out in disgust. "YOU NEED A BATH, dude!"
"What exactly did you do to provoke the snail, Cross?" Franky asked quizzically.
"OH, I just wanted to get ANOTHER INSTANCE of his INCOHERENT SWEARING," Soundbite chirped without missing a beat, an innocent grin on his face.
Franky rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Well, I don't know French, but I can't deny that that was funny. Anyway, back to the matter at hand," he growled, his amusement gone as quick as a breath as he stepped back from the edge of the Merry, watching as Iceburg and company came aboard. I winced in anticipation and grudgingly moved back to give him some space, an action that Paulie, Kalifa, and Kaku mirrored with some surprise as Franky and Iceburg started literally butting heads the second the mayor noticed the cyborg.
"What the hell are you doing here, Ice-For-Brains?" Franky snarled. "And what's with that rat in your pocket?"
"First of all, Flunky, Tyrannosaurus is a mouse and he is a perfectly sensible choice for a pet, surpassing those two behemoths you took in," Iceburg responded with equal venom, not backing down even an inch in spite of the fact that he had to be fully aware of the fact that he didn't stand a chance against the cyborg in a straight-up fight. "And second, I should be asking you what you're doing here. When have you ever built anything seaworthy that ended in something other than disaster?"
"Uh…" Leo slowly raised a flipper. "Are they… always like this?"
Paulie heaved a sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Sadly, yes. Seriously, half of Water 7 sets their clocks to these damn fights…"
"Half nothing, I take my lunch breaks whenever they clash," Kaku scoffed.
"It's like watching a shipwreck…" Mikey whispered in awe. "You know it's horrific… but you just can't look away."
"HA! This coming from the guy who never built anything seaworthy, period? You may have the best in the world working for you, but what have you ever done for a ship?"
"I've never made anything seaworthy!? Oh, that is absolutely rich coming from you, you two-bit metal-brained—"
"ENOUGH!"
Everyone froze when a very loud and, more importantly, very slurred voice roared out, demanding everyone's attention.
My blood froze in my veins as I slowly turned to observe the speaker. "Oh, God, no…" I whispered. "What the hell is she doing here!?"
Apparently, Franky and Iceburg were of the same opinion.
"G-Granny Kokoro!?" Franky sputtered incredulously.
"What on earth are you doing here, ma'am?" Iceburg asked in confusion.
"W-What'm I doin' here?" the incognito icefish mermaid scoffed drunkenly as she hopped off of the Merry's railing and staggered forward. "Z-Zat should be obvious, considering that I called you boysh here! And ash for why you're here…" She took a deep swig from the bottle she was carrying before continuing. "I brought youshe here sho zat we can put thish shtupid feud a' yers on pause long enough fer you ta help theshe nishe people!" She paused as she swayed on her feet before jabbing a thumb over her shoulder towards the ocean. "Alsho, I came here wish Chimney an' Gonbe ta ride out tha Aqua Laguna."
"Hey, Big Bro Franky, hey, Big Bro Iceburg!" a chipper young voice called out from below the Merry's railing. "Gonbe and I are gonna go and wait for you at the hotel, alright, Granny?"
"Shur thing, Chimney, have fun!" Kokoro waved over her shoulder.
"We will! Bye, everyone!"
"Bye, guys!" a far more familiar voice shouted up.
I shot an incredulous look at Soundbite. "Sylvester? Seriously?"
"No clue why, but I got 'cat' FROM THAT RABBIT for some reason," the Baby Transponder Snail shrugged.
"Now, where wash I…" Kokoro frowned as she scratched her temple with the lip of her bottle. "Ergh, might have hit the booze a bit too hard after hearin' Yokozuna talk…"
Soundbite promptly looked away and started whistling desperately, cold sweat coating his tiny body as I pinned him with a glare.
Unfortunately, Kokoro managed to snap her fingers and bark out a relieved laugh. "Ah, yeah, now I remember! I'm here to get you two dumbasses to stop acting like idiots and get you two tah play nice again, like the good ol' days!"
Both men and I immediately froze, the old apprentices exchanging glances before they began uttering frantic denials.
"KNOCK IT OFF!" Kokoro cut them off with a slurred bark. "The Straw Hats are decent folk, and you've—" She jabbed a shaky finger in Iceburg's general direction. "Got some a' yer most trusted workersh with ya'. No one's ain't gonna tell no one nothin', so you're gonna drop the bullshit and be good for ten minutesh, got it!?"
It was only the fact that I was focusing on the two incognito agents out of the corner of my eye that allowed me to note the brief look they shot at one another behind Paulie's back. It was there for less than a second, but it was enough to tell me that we were screwed.
"Ah, please pardon the intrusion, Lady Kokoro!" Well, that and the fact that Kaku took the opportunity to raise his hand and speak up. "But what exactly are you talking about? Are you saying that Franky and Mayor Iceburg have a past? I thought that they hated each other? Well…" He trailed off and tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Not that I can particularly blame the mayor due to Franky's rampages…"
"Among other things," Iceburg agreed.
"Watch it, square-nose," Franky started to warn the carpenter...
"BEHAVE!"
"AGH!"/"OW!"
Before Kokoro moved faster than anyone her age and, with her lack of sobriety, had no right to grab Franky and Iceburg's ears, yanking them hard as though they were little more than unruly children.
"Now, lishen up!" Kokoro slurred as she held the two most powerful men on the island at her mercy. "These two? Yeah, they've alwaysh hated each other, that'sh a fact, but once upon a time, they were at leasht able to work togesher to make great shings, great shings! An' considerin' what I saw an' felt earlier today, theshe people here!" She jerked her head in our crew's general direction. "Desherve noshing less than the very best poshible! Noshing lesh than what Tom's Workers were capable of, do you hear me?!"
Franky stiffened as he shot a terrified look at Kokoro. "Damn it, Granny, I know you're sloshed right now, but will you please think about what the hell you're—YEOW!" The cyborg was cut off by a particularly vicious yank.
"You shink I haven't shought thish over?" Kokoro said with a drunken glare. "None of us have been the shame shince Tom died, I'll admit, but thish crew'sh different! Thish crew holdsh as much promise as Roger'sh did, if not more! And wish everything that their old ship hash gone through? Jusht take a shecond, the bosh of you, and lishten to thish ship."
All fell silent for a few seconds. Then everyone, even CP9, shivered as another wave of emotion rolled over us all, this one an undeniable feeling of gratitude. There was a moment of silence before Kokoro spoke up again.
"There, you shee?" she demanded firmly. "Thish crew's ship lovesh 'em! And they love it! Thish crew ashked for the besht that they could get, comparable to Roger'sh Jackshon, and they desherve it!" Kokoro huffed and panted for a moment before bowing her head morosely. "There'sh only one way that they can get a ship like that. Only one way to get a ship sho… sho incredible." She looked up and pinned her two surrogate sons with a determined look, pure steel cutting straight through the haze of the alcohol. "So, I say… I say that we bring this damned company back to life… one more time, just one more time. Just long enough for Tom's two successors, Iceburg and Cutty Flam, to come together and build the Oro Jackson's successor, this little ship's successor… for the sake of Roger's successor."
While Franky and Iceburg looked away from Kokoro in a combination of shame and thought, I myself was reflecting on her speech. In my opinion, it was the most awesome, heartwarming and nightmarish thing I'd ever heard. The awesome and heartwarming bits were pretty obvious, sure, but as for the nightmare…
My heart dropped into my gut as I watched Kaku and Kalifa's empathetic masks slip for just a moment, for just an instant, revealing the naked steel hiding below. And then they were back in place, utterly flawless.
The nightmare came in the form of the fact that CP9 had just located their target beyond a shadow of a doubt, and there was little to nothing I could do about it. The only way this wasn't going to play out exactly as badly as it did in canon was if we took those two down right then and there, and there was no way that I'd be able to rationalize that to Iceburg or Franky unless I could prove that they were CP9. If we attacked them without proving that, we'd instantly earn the ire of the whole island, and things would go just as badly as they did in the story. If I tried to unmask them and didn't succeed, I'd just paint a bigger target on my back for them to deal with. And honestly, for all that I knew about them, there wasn't anything I could think of that would result in Franky and Iceburg having any reason to believe me—
"Hey, shouldn't Sanji, Chopper, and Robin be back by now?" Luffy asked obliviously. "I'm hungry!"
"…Now that you mention it, I didn't give them that much cash; they shouldn't be taking this long," Nami remarked, looking towards the town with a frown. And at that moment, Iceburg and Franky both stiffened and looked back at us.
"…Before I agree… allow me to clarify something: you have Nico Robin as part of your crew?" Iceburg asked with ill-concealed coldness.
I processed that tone for a second, and then I suppressed a massive sigh of relief. That was the opening I needed; it was the one thing that could make those two break cover immediately. But I had to be careful.
"Yeah, she's part of our crew, our archaeologist. Why do you ask?" I posed.
Iceburg stared at me for a few moments before shaking his head. "No, it's nothing—"
"Don't give me that," I cut in. "You obviously have some kind of issue with Robi—oh, wait." I cut myself off with an exaggerated snap of my fingers. "Let me guess: you actually believe what the Government says about her, don't you?"
Iceburg blinked, and I raised a hand to my face, sliding it down both in a clear show of exasperation, and as a means of hiding my mouth as I hissed instructions to Soundbite. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nami and Zoro cock their heads before casually heading into the storeroom and leaving the door open.
"You actually think that she wants to destroy the world?" I forged on once they were gone. "That she sank six battleships on her own when she was eight? Seriously, Iceburg, you're smarter than that: if I've proven anything with my show, it's that you can't trust everything that the Government says. In fact… You and Franky should know that better than anyone."
Both of them stiffened and seemed a second from reacting with hostility. I cut in quickly before they could get the chance. "And that's just another one of the many injustices that drove me to start the SBS in the first place."
That gave them pause, and they both relaxed marginally. Franky stared straight at me. "You and your impossible knowledge… what exactly are you trying to say?"
I sighed and folded my arms, choosing my words very carefully. "I'm trying to say that Robin's only interest—and the only interest of the archaeologists of Ohara, for that matter—was, is and always has been history. Let me paint a picture for you: before she joined us, she read the Poneglyph that bore the location of one of the Ancient Weapons, Pluton, in a tomb that was falling to pieces around her. And the fact that it didn't contain the history she was looking for after what she went through to be able to read it devastated her enough that she consigned herself to die, buried alive among the stones."
I let that sink in for a second before nodding my head at our captain. "Luffy saved her life against her will, and that's why she came onboard with us; since then, she's become one of us. And trust me when I say that bringing up the lies that the Government told about why she has her bounty is something that we won't stand for, me in particular!"
Iceburg and Franky both stared at me and looked around the rest of the deck. There was nothing but solidarity there. Finally, they looked back at me, and Iceburg spoke quietly.
"How certain are you that she has no interest in reviving the Ancient Weapons?" he asked.
"I bet my life on it," I said, staring him straight in the eyes. For the longest time, he searched me for any sign of deceit. Finally, he sighed and closed his eyes.
"…Franky. If Nico Robin has no interest in reviving Pluton and the only Poneglyph with its information is buried, then there's only one course of action to take now," he said quietly.
Franky nodded with a solemn chuckle. "Yeah, yeah, don't need to tell me twice. Shame, though…" He clicked his stomach-fridge open and started absentmindedly rummaging through it. "I really wanted to use at least some of these designs…"
"Huh?" Kokoro looked between her two old friends in shock. "Are you saying you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do? Are you two really gonna do that to Tom's gift?"
"It's more the curse of the company than anything," Iceburg replied, scratching the back of his head with a wry chuckle.
"Yep, this thing's been nothing but a ball and chain," Franky concurred as he started to draw his arm out of his gut. "To be completely honest? I won't be sad to see this thing bur—!"
Time seemed to freeze as the cyborg drew his hand into the air, a sheaf of papers in his hands, and brought them level with his head.
One second, Kalifa and Kaku were standing by a thoroughly confused Paulie, the next, they were standing before Franky, hands outstretched as they desperately reached for some of the most dangerous pieces of paper in the world—
FWOOSH! "YEOW!"
And the second after that found everyone—save Franky, who was dancing around and flailing his burning hand in terror—staring at the burning, tar-covered mass that had once been some of the most dangerous pieces of paper in the world.
"To answer your question…"
All eyes turned from the fire to both me and the happily panting dog-gun, who I was kneeling by and petting proudly. I stared Kaku and Kalifa dead in the eyes as a sadistic smile spread over my face. "Yes, I did do that on purpose. Spandam won't be happy, will he?"
They tried. They tried so hard to keep their calm, it was both admirable and a little sad.
But ultimately, the carpenter and the secretary's calm masks shattered, revealing rictuses of pure, unholy rage bubbling beneath.
"You're dead," they intoned in voices utterly devoid of emotion. They then proceeded to become human blurs—
CLANG!
Before coalescing into visible figures a few feet away from me, the raised legs struggled against thin air.
I chuckled at their shell-shocked expressions. "And now, you just broke cover. Forget that pathetic excuse for a human being that you call a chief, Lucci is going to be furious." I shook my head as I spread my arms in a 'what can you do' manner. "You two picked the wrong person to try staying undercover in front of; nobody withstands my words."
"Now, if only you could find a way to do more with less, you bigmouth," Nami's voice chuckled from the air directly in front of Kalifa. Or rather, from beneath the air, which proceeded to melt away and reveal Nami and Zoro, who were standing before the assassins with their weapons drawn in order to block them. It was a real credit to Nami's rapidly rising status as a badass that she wasn't even shaking as she blocked Kalifa's leg with the shaft of her Perfect Clima-Tact.
"Speak for yourself, witch," Zoro chuckled around Wado Ichimonji's hilt, looking like he was having the time of his life as he held Kaku's leg back with his other two swords. "Considering how every time he opens his mouth we get into a fight, I think I'm starting to actually like hearing Cross talk."
"Before you two get it in your heads to start arguing," Vivi soothed as she stepped up behind the assassins, spinning one Lion Cutter by its chain while holding the other at the ready. "I formally suggest that we agree to disagree. Agreed?"
"Agreed," the mates concurred.
"OK, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Paulie suddenly roared, apparently having gotten fed up with being kept in the dark.
"Yeah, Cross, what is going on?" Luffy said, tilting his head with such a degree of innocent confusion that you could just about see the question mark hanging over his head.
"DAMN IT, YOU'VE BEEN HIDING STUFF FROM US AGAIN, HAVEN'T YOU!?" Usopp sobbed from where he was hiding behind the mast.
"Heh, well, I for one don't mind!" Boss chuckled as he drew out his dart and let it swing like a pendulum. "I like to be surprised! It's pleasant, makes me feel all tingly inside! Ain't no other feeling like it! Ain't that right, boys?"
"BOSS, YES, BOSS!" the TDWS barked, falling into ready positions as a means of salute.
"Allow me to summarize!" I announced as I stood up and clapped my hands. "These two, along with two others on this island, are deep-cover infiltrators from the World Government's covert hit-squad, Cipher Pol No. 9. Their mission was to gain the trust of the citizens of Water 7 so as to search out and acquire the blueprints for the Ancient Weapon Pluton, which Lassoo just did us all the favour of obliterating. Now, see, I was planning on playing things nice and subtle, derail their plans quietly and without the need for all this fanfare…" I turned my head to throw an acrid glare at Kokoro. "But somebody just had to go and get hammered and then throw my timetable way off, didn't they?"
"Nagagaga!" Kokoro cackled as she scratched the back of her head sheepishly. "Whoops! My bad, sorry! Nagagaga!"
"DON'T JUST STAND THERE AND LAUGH AFTER SHAMELESSLY SCREWING UP ONE OF MY PLANS, YOU DAMN HAGFISH!" I barked indignantly. Eesh, is this how Nami feels whenever she goes all shark-teeth on us? Now I see why she's so irritable all the time.
"Icefish, actually!" Kokoro provided innocently.
"Ergh…" I scowled and ran a hand beneath my cap in an effort to calm myself down. "Alright, anyway, getting back on track…" I grinned malevolently as I slammed my fist into my palm. "How about we all join in on the time-honoured pastime of beating World Government employees senseless?"
Kaku and Kalifa exchanged glances before the square-nose focused on me. "Clearly, Mister Cross, you've yet to show the world even a fraction of the depth of your knowledge," Kaku enunciated coldly, the smiling carpenter he'd been for the past five years dead and gone. "Regardless, I would recommend that all of you show restraint. Challenging CP9 is a thoroughly foolhardy action—"
"For the love of you-know-who," I rolled my eyes in genuine exasperation. "Have you ever heard the words 'situational awareness'? We. Are. PIRATES!" I swung my arm out over the deck. "We fight the World Government on a matter of principle, and we're already wanted. Your status as a 'Government Official' means less than bupkis around here, dipshit."
Kaku stared at me for a few seconds before exhaling. "Well, that's half of my argument gone… but nevertheless, if you know this much, it's a safe assumption that you know how strong we are. Challenging us to a fight is suicidal."
"Give me a break," I snorted. "Now all you're doing right now is sticking out your giant nec—er…" I surreptitiously coughed into my fist. "Nose, and inviting us to try cutting it. Look around you, again!" I spun my finger in the air. "You guys might be bigshot badasses, sure, but us?" I jabbed my thumb at myself. "I know for a fact that we're in the top ten when it comes to this generation of pirates, and that's just our Captain and first-mate, who are both present, I might add."
Luffy made his presence known by starting to tap his pipe in his hand, while Zoro's already savage smile widened.
"Even besides them, however, it's still 15 against 2."
"AHEM!"
I rolled my eyes again. "If you say so, Su. 16 against 2. And while not all of those 16 can go frontline on a whim—"
"I'm fine up here, thanks!" Usopp called from the crow's nest he'd somehow climbed into and was aiming his slingshot from.
"—the rest of us—" I lowered my hand to Lassoo, who leapt up and transitioned into a form I could swing onto my shoulder. "Very much can."
Conis imitated my action by unslinging her Burn Bazooka and holding it in her customary reverse grip. Carue spread his wings and flashed his blades menacingly, and the Teenage Dugong Warrior Squad slowly inched their way around the assassins, leaving them no means of escape. Kalifa let out a scoff.
"Numbers mean nothing. Allow us to demonstrate the formidability of the Six—"
ZAP!
Kalifa's eyes shot wide, a gasping scream escaping her lips as Nami nonchalantly disconnected the Clima-Tact's Thunder Rod and jammed it into her stomach, volts all but leaping off of it. The resulting charge left her stumbling back, coughing up smoke.
"Science lesson: be it a cloud or a body, Iron still conducts electricity," Nami explained smoothly.
"Damn you—!" Kaku started to snarl.
BASH!
"GAH!" the assassin yelped, collapsing to his knees on account of a hundred pounds of pure metal slamming into his back with the force of an RPG.
"Strong Right," Franky enunciated coldly as he reeled his arm's chain in.
Caught off-guard, Kaku's defence must have slipped, because the next second, he grunted in pain as one of Zoro's swords—Kitetsu the Third, naturally—pierced through his leg with ease.
"Stay down," the swordsman intoned viciously as he stuck Yubashiri in the suddenly still carpenter's face. "Or else I'll make sure that no one mistakes you for our sniper again."
"HEY!"
"It's true, and you know it!"
Meanwhile, Kalifa tried to make a run for it—
"Rope Action: Hangman's Knot!"
"GYAH!"
But didn't get far before Paulie joined in, his voice even colder than Franky's, his arm flicking out and binding Kalifa from head to foot and leaving her hanging upside down in a matter of moments.
Of course, Kalifa tried to struggle—
"I wouldn't if I were you."
But she swiftly froze when she observed the knife Paulie was holding mere inches from her eye.
"And you'd better not say so much as a word about sexual harassment," the ropemaster continued dryly. "Because I have heard every joke you can imagine and I've been fighting it since day one, so don't even start, traitor."
Kalifa narrowed her eyes at her former colleague but didn't say anything further.
I hid a snicker behind my fist as I observed the interaction. "Seriously, Iceburg, how did you ever deal with her? Honestly, I just don't see a lot of difference between the agent and the secretary. Hey, lady, on the remote chance that you ever go undercover again, I think you could benefit from being a little more…" I made a show of thinking long and hard before snapping my fingers in faux-realization. "Oh, I know! Go for bubbly!"
That got a reaction out of Kalifa in the form of her twisting her head to pin a murderous glare at me. "'Bubbly," she repeated frigidly. "Excuse me if I think that that particular adjective would not be at all beneficial, and if I refuse to take any advice from you, brat."
My smirk faded briefly and then returned twice as strong. "Soundbite? A nice and localized Gastro-Phony, if you please."
"COMIN' RIGHT UP!" the gastropod cackled.
The next instant, Kalifa's complexion became an unhealthy shade of green, and she groaned as she clenched her eyes shut, visibly fighting against her own body. It was admittedly quite impressive.
Still, I spared her barely another glance as I turned towards Kaku. "And now for you."
The square-nosed carpenter panted desperately as he leaned his head up as much as he could, casting his eyes around in desperate search of escape before finally latching onto Paulie. "P-Paulie, please, listen to me!" he pleaded with such desperation that if I hadn't been listening for it, I would have thought his stammer to be genuine. "I-I'm sorry for lying to you, but I had to! The Government, y-you don't just disobey it on a whim! I had to do what they ordered to survive, but I swear, the last five years have been the best of my life! J-Just let me go, and things can go back to the way they've always—!"
THWACK!
The assassin's pleading was suddenly cut off by a fist smashing into the middle of his face and bouncing his head off the deck.
"You're fired," Iceburg announced grimly as he rubbed his bleeding knuckles, shooting a dark glare at Kalifa. "And don't even think about using me as a reference."
The only response the assassin could muster was a tortured groan.
I smiled and started to say something—
"I PITY THE FOOLS!"
—when we all jumped on account of a very loud and very black voice belting out of nowhere.
Of course, my confusion promptly turned to exasperation that made me facepalm when I noticed that the voice had come from Iceburg's breast pocket and that Soundbite was laughing his slimy ass off. "Someday, you are going to have to learn that you are not even half as funny as you think you are."
"I'LL BELIEVE THAT when you-know-who SAYS IT! HAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHOOHOOHOO—Puru puru puru puru!—eh? Ah, damn," Soundbite cut himself off with an exasperated roll of his eyes. "It's like the world—Puru puru puru puru!—FREAKING TIMES IT!"
"It probably does," I shrugged. "So, who's calling? Them?"
"Nah, looks like—Puru puru puru puru!—it's Pin—!" Soundbite paused in horror. "—KIE…"
I stiffened as realization hit me as well.
Pinkie.
Chopper had Pinkie.
I grit my teeth in equal parts dread and anger as I slowly picked up the receiver. "…Do I… even need… to ask?" I hissed vehemently.
"…She tied Sanji into a pretzel when I wasn't looking, and then she was just gone," Chopper whispered solemnly.
"…I knew it. I knew it. I fucking knew it! ROBIN, YOU IDIOT!" I snarled in frustration, furiously slamming my fist into the mast.
Zoro growled viciously as he yanked his blade out of Kaku's leg and turned to me. "So, what now, Cro—?"
It happened in an instant, if that. One moment, Kaku was lying flat on the deck, the next he'd spun into a handstand, wind whistling around him as he lashed out a Tempest Kick.
A Tempest Kick that didn't hit anyone on account of how it was aimed at Kalifa's binds instead.
Kalifa flipped herself over in midair the second she started falling, and the second her foot hit the deck, she and Kaku were just… just gone.
We all stared at the space the two had occupied moments ago in utter shock.
"Well… SHIT," Soundbite summarized.
Thank God for the little shit's mouth, because it was exactly the kick in the nads I needed to get talking again. "EVERYBODY INTO TOWN, NOW!" I belted out furiously.
Everybody jumped in shock at my sudden shout.
"Cross, what—?" Iceburg started to ask.
"These sick fucks specialize in playing shadow games!" I explained. "If they get into town and manage to start talking to anyone before we get you in the public eye, they'll spin a yarn about how we kidnapped you and Paulie and turn Galley-La and the whole damn island on us! The name of their game is covertness and anonymity, so we need to stay in the light! So long as plenty of people can see us, they can't do shit!"
Franky grunted in understanding and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. "Makes sense to me. Tell me who those bastards' allies are, and I'll get my boys to spread the word."
"The other two are Rob Lucci and Blueno, and yes, I'm damn sure!" I cut off the incredulous answer he was seconds away from belting out. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth. And make sure that your boys do not engage any of them in a fight, because they will not hesitate to kill, and both of them have Devil Fruit powers! Any other questions?!"
"Nah, sounds good to me," a thoroughly pissed Paulie snarled out as he hopped onto the Merry's railing. "I'll head to the railway—!"
"No!" I cut him off hastily. "They won't be headed there until tomorrow night!"
Paulie only needed a second to get the message and pale in horror. "Laguna."
"Exactly," I confirmed grimly before looking over at the Switch Station's master. "And should they manage to set out with it, there's only one way we'll be able to give chase."
Kokoro cackled eagerly as she took a swig from her bottle. "A high-speed pursuit, eh? Sounds fun! I'll go ahead and get Rocket Man oiled and ready to go! See ya if ya need it, Strawhats!" And with that, she leapt overboard and started waddling off.
"Everyone else!" I looked around at the crew. "Find Robin, find those bastards, and so long as they're not Lucci? Beat them into the fucking ground! Now come on!" I slung Lassoo onto my back and strode towards the city.
"Mister Cross."
I paused with one foot on the Merry's railing and glanced over at Iceburg.
"Given the current circumstances," he stated solemnly. "I'll take whatever advice you have to offer at face value. But as soon as this conflict is resolved, I expect a very good explanation for how you know what you do."
I didn't even hesitate to nod in agreement. "The second all's said and done here, one way or another, you'll find out everything there is to know." I gave my as-of-yet uninformed crewmates a significant look. "And that's a promise."
Conis, Su and the Dugongs smiled in acknowledgment before re-adopting serious expressions, the five martial artists diving overboard to traverse the canals and everyone else jumping to shore to start heading inland, firm determination on all of their faces.
I took a second to gather my wits before following them, heading into the city with all the stamina that I had built up since I came to this world, and finding that I was barely winded in doing so. The first thing I did was wave down the first free Yagara I saw. "Are you with the Union?" I asked frantically.
"Yeh! Cross, right? Whaddaya—?"
"Spread the word to however many members you have: help my crew, Iceburg, Paulie, Tilestone, Lulu, and the Franky Family. And hinder Rob Lucci, Kaku, Kalifa, and Blueno, the bartender. And if a woman with long black hair and a black leather outfit shows up, take her straight to us. Hurry and spread the word, please."
The Yagara stared for only a second before nodding and speeding off. I put a hand to my forehead in an effort to calm myself; that would cover a lot more ground, I was sure, but would it be enough?
So, considering, I started running again, scanning the crowd frantically for any sign of Robin, certain that I'd be able to catch at least a glimpse of her if I kept looking. I ran for the next ten minutes until I finally slumped over, catching my breath—
"LOOK OUT!"
"Say wha—MMPH!?"
And the next thing I knew, I was being dragged into an alley.
-o-
"Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it—!"
"Will you shut the hell up, witch?"
"Will you show some fucking emotion, you damn barbarian!" Nami snapped irately as she spun on her heel in order to jab her finger in Zoro's chest. "Listen you bastard, I know you have the emotional range of one of your damn swords, but—!"
"HEY!" Nami jerked in shock as Zoro grabbed her finger and snarled point-blank in her face. "Let me make this clear: I keep my emotions under control because the last time I let them get the better of me in a life-or-death situation, I was almost cut in half. But we both know that I can do rage really well, so don't think for even a second I'm not pissed off about the fact that they've taken one of our crew, got it!?"
Nami fearfully stared at him for a second before letting her shoulders sag and looking away in shame. "I… I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that, but—!"
"I know," Zoro cut her off, not even missing a beat as he strode past her. "Now come on. Let's go and get that moron back. With any luck, we'll be able to find her first, and I'll be able to break her nose without the Love Cook getting on my back."
The navigator hesitated for a scant second before smirking and striding after him. "Leave some for me once you're done."
"—the hell are you doing, Robin?!"
Then both of them stopped cold as Cross' voice suddenly came from Brain, who was positioned on Zoro's shoulder.
"I apologize for the subterfuge, Cross, but I didn't have a choice. If I'm going to keep my cover in place, I can't be seen in public."
What was unmistakably Robin's voice came out next, casual as when they last met her.
"Oh, thank God he found her," Nami sighed in relief.
"Sounds more like she found him, really," Zoro scoffed before speaking up. "Anyway, Cross, where are you?"
Cross, however, summarily ignored him. "Your cover? What do you mean by 'your cover'!? Aokiji might be a lazy ass, but he wouldn't keep things to himself forever!"
Robin chuckled wryly. "It would seem that for once I know more than you. Come with me, I'll explain when we're not out in the open."
"The hell—?" Nami frowned in confusion before raising her voice. "Cross! Cross! Damn it Cross, where the hell are you!?"
Once again, Nami was ignored and was instead answered by the sound of rattling metal. "Geeze, Robin, did you have to yank me that hard? You slammed my transceiver into the wall!"
"Your indestructible transceiver, you mean?"
"…well, when you put it like that, I just feel silly."
"You are silly!"
"Quiet, you!"
Zoro scowled grimly. "Damn, it must be another feature of that stupid box. We can hear him, but he can't hear us."
"Damn it, if it's not one thing it's another with him…" Nami growled as she rubbed the bridge of her nose, before pausing as a thought struck her. "But… wait, if he's found Robin, then why hasn't he called us yet!?"
"Whoa, hey, wait up a sec, Robin!" Cross suddenly barked. "I need to call up the others, let them know you're alright! At least we can redirect manpower to take out the Cipher Pol that's buried in this town!"
"No, don't!"
"What?" Cross asked.
"What!?" Zoro and Nami chorused.
"Robin—!" Cross started to protest.
"I'm not asking you not to tell them, Cross," Robin promised swiftly. "I just need you to give me some time to explain in private. You know more about the delicacy of distribution of information than anyone on the crew, don't you?"
"I… well…" Cross trailed off hesitantly. "When you put it like that…"
Nami's eyes shot wide in alarm. "I'm not the only one who's getting 'she's playing him like a fiddle', am I?"
"Not a chance in hell!" Zoro cursed as he broke into a run down the street, with Nami close behind him.
"B-But still, Robin!" Cross hastily rallied. "The fact is that I'm just not going anywhere with you unless you can give me at least one damn good—!"
"Might I add that while I was out and about earlier, I found a group of odd thugs in an alleyway that were beaten within an inch of their lives, sporting injuries that I recognized. I don't suppose you made contact with the Unluckies earlier, by any—?"
"Let's keep going, alright? Alright!" Cross grit out in an obviously strained voice.
"Oh yeah, she's definitely playing him," Nami groaned.
"And he's swallowing it, hook, line and sinker," Zoro growled venomously.
Nami shot a dark glare at him. "Which is understandable when he really wants to trust her!"
Zoro matched her glare without hesitation. "After he's advocated being wary for so long!?"
Nami… didn't have a good answer to that.
A few seconds or so later, Robin's voice came up again, accompanied by the telltale sounds of a bar. "In here, and try to keep your head down. Anonymity is key right now."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Cross waved her off dismissively. A second later, there was the bending of leather as Cross and Robin sat in a booth. "Alright, we're here, and we're seated. Now what?"
"Well, first…" There was the clink of a mug being set down. "Here, best you have something to drink, you look like you're about to collapse. I'm assuming you like root beer?"
"Oh, hey, thanks!" Cross smiled thankfully. There was a greedy slurp, and then a firm slam. "Don't change the subject, Robin. Talk fast, or I'll call everyone and get them to fall on this place like a hammer."
Robin was silent for a moment before chuckling lightly. "Ah, it's only been a few hours, but I've missed this. I'm glad you're the one I found first, Cross. I take it that you expected CP9 to make contact with me?"
An uncomfortable silence hung in the air, and Robin's smile became a smirk. "I'm assuming you thought the worst when I left Sanji and Chopper, and I honestly don't blame you. For the record, I do apologize for what I did to Sanji, but he was sticking a little too close to me."
"Eh, don't worry about it," Cross waved her off. "He's most likely fine by now, and to be honest? So long as he had a clear view of you during the whole thing, he probably liked it."
"Damn it, cook…" Nami and Zoro ground out.
Robin chuckled lightly. "Indeed, indeed… anyway, let me clarify: I have not betrayed the crew. In order to explain my actions, well…" The archaeologist hummed contemplatively before smiling. "I can only assume that I've picked up a few too many of your habits, considering that among the first thoughts to come to mind when CP9 made contact was 'counter-infiltration'."
A pause, and then Cross's jaw dropped. "You're… Are you running a long con? Against CP9!? Robin, you have got to realize just how incredibly risky that is! I know that you're relatively close to them in terms of training, but—!"
"Considering everything you've done with the SBS, I don't think you have any right to criticize me on riskiness, Cross," Robin replied, in equal parts dry amusement and seriousness. "I am well aware of what CP9 is capable of, and as long as they believe I'm cooperating, the danger should be minimized."
"Mmph, well, when you put it like that…" Cross muttered, his voice warping slightly in such a way that indicated he was speaking into his mug. "Considering how the bastards have most likely gone to ground by now, I'll take any advantage that we can get."
"Precisely," Robin nodded solemnly. "So, you'll agree that my going with them was necessary?"
Cross shrugged slightly. "So long as you acknowledge the dangers of the task, I suppose that I can agree that this was a smart move. BUT STILL!" Nami and Zoro jumped when Cross suddenly yelled… with a slur in his voice? "There's something you should know. Something very… very important. I know that, right now, this may not seem important, but I am officially declaring this the biggest deal in the world. It's… It's, ah… ergh, my head feels… feels… I feel stuck. Stuck in the bottom of the well with little Nancy. It's cold and dark and… I'm confused… Soundbite, is it normal for a teenage girl like myself to be so disoriented?"
Nami and Zoro both stopped and stared at the snail in sheer disbelief.
"… ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH OR SOMETHING!?" Soundbite demanded, voicing their own unspoken thoughts.
"Eh…?" Cross blinked blearily. "What? No, not at all, I—! I… I, ah… wait a second…" Cross fell silent as the sound of sniffing came over the connection. "…Ah… Robin? Call me drugged, but I think I may be crazy." There was a moment of silence as my brain blinked blearily. "…No, wait, I got that… that… wait… wait a—!" The baby snail's eyes suddenly shot wide as terror surged through them. "What bar are we in, Robin!?"
Nami's heart dropped as the snail's expression flipped to one of utter sorrow. "Please don't fight them, Cross, it was the only scenario where they wouldn't cripple y—"
"Enough."
If Robin's expression had made her heart drop, the muffled voice that cut her off made Nami's blood freeze.
"Give me the snail," the voice continued grimly.
"SON OF A—LASSOO, MAUL, MAUL!" Cross barked at the top of his lungs.
"RRRRGH!" Lassoo growled viciously, nothing less than bloody murder in his voice. "RUFF RUFF RU—!"
THWACK!
"—KAI!"
"Mangy mutt," the voice grunted. "Now stop resisting and give me the snail or else—!"
There was the sudden thwack of metal meeting flesh.
"… Damn it all, Cross," Robin sighed miserably.
Cross smirked dispassionately. "Did you really expect anything less from—?"
CRUNCH!
"CROSS!" Nami screamed desperately when Brain spat up blood over the sound of bone snapping.
"Grrggrgghhh…" Cross gurgled miserably.
"YOU FUCKING FUCK!" Soundbite roared. "Fucking try to pick me up, I'll turn your hand into—!"
"I don't doubt you would, Soundbite."
"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU—!?" Soundbite squawked over the telltale squawk of someone picking him up against his will.
"But would you do it to me?"
And just like that, Soundbite fell silent, his jaw flapping uselessly. Then came a sound like glass clinking, followed by a startled yelp.
Soundbite was clearly horrified, then he swiftly adopted a pleading expression. "Robin, please," he begged—no, Cross's voice begged desperately. "This isn't right, you know this isn't right. You know that none of the crew wants this—GRGH!" And just like that, 'Cross' was cut off in a strangled yelp.
"This isn't about what the crew wants, Soundbite," Robin replied quietly. "This is about what I want. And what I want is for the only friends I have in the world to be safe. And if this is the only way to be sure that the Government will stop targeting you… Then so be it. And I advise against breaking that vial, considering that it's filled with salt."
There was a pained gurgle of blood and coughing, and Cross spoke with obvious effort. "You… idiot. This won't… accomplish anything… Y-You can't stop us… from following you…" He whispered.
"I suggest that you restrain yourself, Jeremiah Cross."
Another new voice, and this one was… flat-out evil. "Our arrangement with Nico Robin is that, provided she follows our every command, the Government will refrain from targeting the remainder of the Straw Hat Pirates. However, something as foolhardy as attempting to rescue her would be a dealbreaker."
There was a moment of silence. Then...
"Rob Lucci…" Cross bit out through a bloody smile. "Mind... leaning closer? I've got an idea... for a new way to skin a—!"
THWACK!
"Guh… damn... pussy… cat…" Cross slurred before his eyes rolled upwards, and he thankfully fell unconscious.
The first voice cocked an eyebrow. "Brutal."
Brain then proceeded to grimace. "I believe that this is the definition of harming someone for their own good," Robin whispered sadly. "He really never knows when to keep his mouth shut."
"Clearly," Lucci's voice snarled. "Now, I believe you were going to hand over the snail? And the bazooka as well, their abilities will be better suited for the—"
"Our agreement was to leave the remainder of the crew alone," Robin interrupted sharply.
"Do you seriously expect us to consider a couple of animals on equal ground with humans?" said the first voice.
The surrounding temperature suddenly dropped by a matter of degrees. "Let me remind you of something, Cipher Pol Number Nine," Robin stated frigidly. "The only reason I'm coming quietly is that you've promised that if I do, you'll leave my crew alone. This applies to all eighteen of them, human and otherwise. I assure you that if you attempt to compromise on that at all, I will render it impossible for you to take me alive. One way… or the other."
Nami and Zoro swiftly grasped the implications, and whatever doubts they'd been harbouring in the deepest, darkest corners of their minds about Robin's loyalty died fiery deaths. Then the archaeologist sighed.
"All we need to do is take the transceiver. Without the SBS, the Straw Hats are no more dangerous than a typical Grand Line pirate, Cross even less so."
"…So be it," Lucci stated, and there was a clear sound of rustling leather and metal. "For the time being, however, we'll need to deposit them somewhere that the rest of the crew won't think to lo—KA-LICK!"
For a few minutes, all Zoro and Nami could do was stare at their Baby Transponder Snail in horrified silence.
Finally, Nami forced her jaw to work. "I'll take Brain and tell everyone else, you keep hunting?" she whispered numbly.
"Yup!" Zoro grunted as he tossed the baby snail into her hands and broke into a run down the street.
"Shit shit shiiit…" Nami hissed frantically as she punched in Pinkie's number. "We need to find them soon, or else, or else…" She lapsed into silence as she bit her lip.
-o-
The first thing I processed as I woke up was that I was sporting a splitting headache. The second thing was a lack of comfort. Grimacing, I leaned up with a tortured groan and blinked around blearily. My vision blurred and wavered slightly as I tried to concentrate—
SPLASH!
"GAH!"
—but that all went away when I was snapped awake by almost a gallon of water smashing me in the face.
"Ackphbt!" I hacked and shook my head in an effort to clear my vision.
For whatever reason, I was standing in the mouth of a trash-filled alleyway, covered in a goodly amount of garbage myself. However, that garbage didn't last that long…
Because it was raining absolutely buckets, and the canal in front of me was violently overflowing.
I turned my gaze up at the cloud-filled sky, unable to suppress a whimper of terror. "Laguna." I'd missed a full twenty-four hours!? What the hell happened to me!?
"MMPH!"
I snapped my attention to the ground, and was greeted with the sight of a gagged Soundbite making his sluggish—er, snailish—way towards me… and sporting a large steel case bound shut with a manual latch.
I snatched up Soundbite and worked the obstruction out of his mouth. The instant his airway was clear, he burst out, "LASSOO'S in the case, he doesn't have enough SPACE TO TRANSFORM!"
"Right, got it, gimme a second," I nodded wearily as I staggered towards the box and undid the latch, allowing the dog-gun to headbutt his way out with a greedy gasp.
"I… fucking… hate boxes…" Lassoo gasped thankfully.
"Glad to see you're both alright, and I'm sorry to rush you, but can either of you please tell me what just happened?!" I demanded.
"YOU FIRST!" Soundbite shot back.
"I'm with the snail," Lassoo nodded in agreement. "Your head took more of a beating like than the rest of us combined, are you sure you're alright?"
I groaned in aggravation. "No, guys, I'm fine. I've got a headache, but I'm more annoyed than anything, just tell me what-eh?" I paused as I rubbed my head, and in the process dislodged an unfamiliar weight from the top of it that I hadn't noticed before. I blinked before bending over and picking it up. Then a firestorm of emotions hit me as I processed exactly what it was.
A hat. A black, leathery cowboy hat.
I huffed and panted as my brain finally connected the dots of the last few memories I had… at which point my lips split in a vicious snarl. "Alright… correction. I'm more than just alright… I'm pissed."