[So… this is the Chopper we were supposed to get before Cross showed up,] Leo remarked.
[I'm… honestly kinda disappointed. Is anyone else disappointed?] Raphey said.
"Sorry…" the tiny reindeer hugged the strange stick he was carrying, his ears drooping.
[No, no, don't apologize!] Mikey said, waving his flippers in apology. [We'd have been perfectly fine with you if you'd been on our crew!] That said, he shot a glare at his fellow ship's guards. [Right, guys?]
[Changing the subject away from Mikey's rather sad attempt at intimidation—]
[Hey!]
[What is that outfit you're wearing?] Donny finished.
"This?" Chopper plucked at the sleeve of his very odd shirt. "This is my jersey. I play hockey—well, usually I'm the mascot, but I got to be a defenseman one time. It was a lot of fun!" He turned to proudly display the number on his back. "Look! I was number 17!"
Two completely blank stares met the reindeer's nervous gaze. The other two dugongs' faces lit up, each coming to their own conclusion about what the tiny doctor meant. Their voices competed as they simultaneously blurted out their conclusions.
[Cool!] Mikey beamed. [Too bad you weren't a goalie though; those masks are freaky awesome!]
[You already know Haki?] Raphey asked, impressed. [How does that work? I thought your crew just left Drum Kingdom.]
"No,no, no! Not Haki, hockey!" The tiny reindeer waved his stick around and pulled a small, heavy black object from beneath his jersey to show them. "It's the national sport of Drum Kingdom; almost everyone plays or watches every chance they get. You need two teams of between eleven and sixteen players, some good ice, and a puck—like this one! And they all have sticks. Now, the point is…" Chopper's voice became gradually higher and higher as he began to explain the rules of this game, his stick swinging ever more erratically as he used it to emphasize his words. More than one of these swings forced passersby to jump or duck, lest they be brained by sturdy wood.
Mikey's eyes followed the stick as if hypnotized. [I am both extremely disappointed and extremely happy with this development.]
"—And because Larry couldn't skate with a scalpel lodged in his sciatic nerve, I got to play defence for a Leafs-Seas game!" Chopper's expression turned into a dark, angry pout. "But we lost… Stupid Seas and their stupid Rocket brothers. They always steal all the glory! The Leafs haven't won the Bighorn Cup in almost fifty years!" This final exclamation was accompanied by a particularly violent swing, which the dugongs were forced to duck.
[…I am no longer disappointed,] Donny whimpered dumbly.
Chopper didn't appear to hear him. In fact, the little reindeer appeared to be searching for something; his eyes lit up with a manic light. "I'm sure we'll win next time, though! We have to! Maybe it'll help if I—!"
THWACK!
"Ow!" Chopper yelped, clutching a rising goose egg on his skull. He turned his gaze on the culprit, Donny, who was lowering his bo staff and staring at it in bewilderment. "Why did you do that?!"
Shaking his head, Donny said, [Sorry, force of habit. We have to do this to our Chopper all the time, and you were starting to sound like him.]
Chopper stared in something akin to horror at Donny, then slowly creaked his gaze around to a disappointed Mikey putting his nunchucks away. He thought of the lather he was working himself into, how angry he got whenever the thought of the Seas and their thrice-damned Rocket Brothers either beat his Leafs or won another championship. Really, that left him only one possible response.
"…what kind of person did I become!?" he demanded.
"Salutations, colleagues!"
The poor reindeer nearly shifted into Jump Point from sheer surprise at the voice coming from behind him.
[That kind,] the four Dugongs sighed.
It was easy to tell the difference between the two reindeer; the Dugongs' crewmate's hat and pants were identical, but the senior Zoan was topless and hefting a notably larger backpack. The face, though, was the main difference: after all, the younger reindeer certainly didn't go around with a smile that belonged in a Lewis Carroll novel and a look in his eyes that screamed 'I'm going to do violent, bloody SCIENCE to you!'
The hockey-obsessed reindeer clutched his stick to his chest in an attempt to slow his rapidly beating heart. "He-Hello!" Glancing around, the sight of two Zoros scowling at a little girl reminded Chopper of what he'd been doing before he ran into the dugongs. The little doctor smiled nervously at his older self. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to help me look and see if Doctor Hiriluk is around here somewhere?"
"Eh? Oh, I already found him, he's somewhere over that way, but more importantly—!"
THWACK! THUD!
Everyone stared in varying levels of shock and bemusement as Hockey Chopper slammed his hockey stick on his doppelgänger so hard that he knocked him down, a look of fury in his eyes.
"'More importantly'? 'MORE IMPORTANTLY'? WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR FATHER?!"
"Geh…" Doc Chop's eyes spun blearily for a moment before they blinked back into focus… and then he slapped a hoof to his face with a miserable groan. "When I'm normal, nothing short of my skills is necessary to save someone's life. But when I'm 'sparking out,' as Cross calls it?" The mad-reindeer withdrew a notebook from his backpack and flipped through it for a second before grimacing regretfully. "Apparently, the longevity-inducing properties of the Mists. Ergh…" He pinched the bridge of his nose between his hooves. "I should have waited to start getting excited about this place's application to the Panacea Project until after I was back in my lab…"
"WHAT ABOUT UNTIL AFTER WE FOU—wait, you have your own lab?" Hockey Chopper's face lit up, his fear and anger evaporating like non-eldritch mist. "Lucky! I wish I had my own lab; I have to share the galley with Sanji. He keeps getting lettuce in my Petri dishes!"
"Oh, I hate when that happens!" Doc Chopper winced sympathetically. "Oh, or what about whenever Luffy eats our nascent protozoa cultures? I have no idea how he can keep mistaking them for bacon!"
"I've found that dying the cultures blue helps prevent that- although all my Streptococcus pneumoniae samples still manage to get contaminated with his saliva somehow, but Jones helps me clean things, so with two of us it's easy enough to remove that from the—" Hockey Chopper stopped and shook his head. "Gah, getting sidetracked, not important, sorry for jumping on your back earlier. Now, quick, before we get sidetracked again! Where did you say you saw Doctor Hiriluk?"
"Ah! Come on! Go in the vial, you stupid—!"
Both Choppers turned to see the very familiar backside of Dr. Hiriluk as he dashed along the side of the ship, desperately trying and failing to waft some of the rainbow mist into a test tube.
"Right here, apparently," Doc Chopper deadpanned.
Hooves clattered across the deck. Tears in his eyes, Hockey Chopper launched himself at the lovable quack, wrapping his little arms around Hiriluk's leg. "Doctor! I'm so happy I get to see you again- I missed you so much!" He glanced up at his father's face with a watery smile. "I haven't been this happy in forever, not even when the Leafs got to the playoffs!"
"Er, ah, th-thank you?" Hiriluk stammered. Hockey Chopper visibly wilted.
"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry…" He released his hold on the quack's leg, dropping to the deck and backing off. The little reindeer clutched his stick for comfort.
"No, no, little fellow, it's alright. I was just surprised; I never expected to see a little reindeer person out here." Hiriluk bent down to pat Hockey Chopper on the head. "Let alone two. You know, you and your brother remind me of a little reindeer person I know back home. You two should come to visit sometime; I'm sure Tony Tony Chopper would love to meet you."
The two Choppers looked at each other. "But… I'm Tony Tony Chopper."
"So am I."
Doctor Hiriluk stared at them numbly for a moment. "That… That's not possible. There can't be two of the same person- two of the same Devil Fruit. And neither of you is anything like Cho-pper…" The quack's voice trailed off as he caught sight of the identical hats the reindeer were wearing- hats identical to the one he had given Tony Tony Chopper just recently.
"These mists have some interesting temporal qualities that led to our crews meeting across the barriers of space and time," Doctor Chopper offered. "I was attempting to study their effects on longevity earlier."
"But, but, but…" Hiriluk groped around desperately. "But Chopper isn't a mad scientist. Or a rabid hockey fan."
That earned him a pair of stares partway between flat and curious. "Doctor," Doctor Chopper said slowly, raising an eyebrow. "We're much older than the Chopper, you know. We've grown up a lot, and we've adapted with the times." The mad reindeer snorted. "And besides, your Chopper never met Cross."
"Or Jones," Hockey Chopper added, puffing his chest out with pride. "I'll have you know that studying Otherworlders can be quite enlightening."
Hiluluk's eyes took them both in, two reflections of routes that his son had gone before. A scientist and an athlete, both growing into great pirates in their own way. Tears welled up at the corners of his eyes- pride, hope, happiness. Then, slowly, a smile came over his face. "I see… you've grown up so strong."
Both reindeer twitched almost imperceptibly, their eyes taking on an extra shine. There was a brief clatter of hooves as the two Choppers launched themselves at their father figure, clinging to his waist and burying their faces in his jacket. Damp stains spread slowly across the dark fabric. Hiriluk stumbled backward under the force of the tackle, unable to keep his balance. Eventually, after a few staggered, futile steps, the lovable quack fell into a seated position.
"We missed you so much!" the Choppers bawled. Hockey Chopper sniffled and rubbed his nose on Hiriluk's shirt; Doctor Chopper hiccoughed.
The lovable quack didn't question them. Of course, even if he didn't know the exact moment of his death, he already knew of his own illness. Doctor Hiriluk patted and hugged both reindeer, rubbing soothing circles on the backs of their heads. "There, there… It's alright. A man only dies when he's forgotten; as long as you remember me, I'll always be with you. I'm so proud of you both."
Twin watery smiles beamed up at him. Off to one side, four amphibious mammals slowly edged away. This was a private affair, not for their eyes. Besides, they wanted to see what their teacher was getting up to, and who—if anyone—had come for him. And maybe them.
-o-
"He raced down the mountain, fleeing from the Thunderbird's lair as though his life depended on it- which it did. But the Thunderbird didn't want Man taking the secret of fire, for fire was the source of his power. Great wings beat the air as the Thunderbird chased Man down the mountain, gaining with every second."
"Just before he was captured, Man raced into the forest. He begged the trees as he ran, pleading with them to hide him from the Thunderbird's wrath. But even if the bird itself were not so deadly and frightening, Man was cloaked in fire. His clothes were slowly burning off, his skin turning red and blistering… Ash, oak, maple, elm- one by one, all the trees denied him."
"All except the slender white birch. When Man came to the birch tree, it accepted him under its branches and hid him from the enraged Thunderbird. The man hid there for some time until all the danger had passed. Eventually, the Thunderbird gave up his hunt, and Man was free to make his way back towards his home. He thanked the birch tree as he left."
"The birch was pleased to be of service, though it had suffered mightily in the effort. Its branches were charred and crispy, its bark streaked with soot and blisters. Many moons passed before the birch could once again stand straight and proud as part of the forest, rather than bent with the pain that wracked its trunk. And even once the birch had recovered- and indeed, to this day- the bubbled, darkened lines remained on its bark, a reminder of the service the birch tree rendered towards man."
Whistling, the younger Usopp rubbed nervously at his nose. "That was awesome! A little short, but still… Wow. But I can do you one better! Wait until you hear the story of…"
-o-
A well-aged dugong sat with its back to a wall of the ship. Around the corner, another dugong of similar age sat similarly. At the corner itself was a bottle and two cups.
Such was the position they had been in for several minutes, occasionally filling and draining the cups, neither saying anything nor moving to so much as glance at the other. Finally, as one dugong poured the last drops into a dish, the other broke the silence.
[You have come a long way, Disciple.]
[Mmph,] Boss née Disciple Dugong angled his head to the side ever so slightly. [I suppose I have. I'd say that I'm not the dugong you left on the shores of the Sandora, but we both know that if that weren't true even the day after you left, I'd be a disgrace.]
[No, no, not a disgrace,] the other dugong hummed, tapping a staff of bamboo on his shoulder. [Merely… a disappointment.]
[Po-tay-toe, poh-tah-toe,] Disciple shrugged dismissively.
[Heh heh, if you say so…] Sifu balanced his sake cup on the tip of his flipper's finger before glancing to the side, his grip tightening ever so slightly on his staff. [So… up for a bout?]
Disciple, meanwhile, didn't even twitch. [Not a chance. I may have almost fifty years on you, but all but three months of that have been in Alabasta, and in those three months, which have been in Paradise, I have already grown stronger than those fifty combined. You, meanwhile, have lived your entire life off our shores. If I tried to fight you…] Disciple tapped his unlit cigar on the deck next to himself. [I'd be crushed.]
Then… a slight smirk appeared on the camo-wearing Dugong's muzzle. [So, thank you, but I'll wait to kick your wizened ass in the New World.]
Sifu was silent for a bit before allowing a wide smile to spread across his face. [I officially need to include Wadjet in my prayers,] he breathed reverentially. [For her children have granted me the absolute best student I could have ever conceived, even though I never even asked.]
A small girl, pale as moonlight with crimson eyes, scrambled across the deck, followed by a harried man wearing a dragon jacket. He scooped her up before she could climb onto the rails, earning a loud giggle. "Ghin, stop! Put me down!"
"Not until you stop running off like that! You're gonna fall into the sea and drown if you're not careful, and I won't be jumping in after you again. I do it enough for Don Luffy." Ghin lifted the little girl up onto one of his shoulders; she pouted at him and poked his head.
"Liar. You'd never leave me like that; you're too much of a mother hen." A jab into his shoulder, a tug at his ear, and suddenly the little girl was flipping backwards and away while her caretaker winced and rubbed at the assaulted areas. Something—it looked kind of like guilt—flashed across the man's face.
"Tippy, will you stop that? There are reasons I don't want you running off like you did when we were kids, especially in a place like this!" Ghin ran a hand through his hair, looking for all the world like a worried parent. He grumbled the next bit under his breath. "I'm only twenty-seven, but between you and Jones, I already have grey hairs…"
"Bleh!" The little girl stuck out her tongue. "You've grown up into a grumpy old man, Ghin. I always told you that would happen if you kept worrying so much."
"Argh… You little—! What am I gonna do with you?" Ghin recaptured Tippy, holding her more securely this time. Once he had a secure grip on the squirming girl, he looked around at a loss, as if he actually needed an answer to that question.
"I'll lend you a flipper."
Ghin blinked at the raspy voice and turned to see a strange creature, an upright manatee with a turtle shell. Another, similar one was behind him, looking his way.
[Oh, Soundbite's nearby, that makes things easier… wait a second, I'm not talking.]
Ghin couldn't comprehend the other one's barking, but he could easily comprehend his shock by the dropped jaw and subsequent dropped cigar.
[Sifu, can you talk?]
[Not easily; I learned to speak human, but it's murder on my throat, so I only do it when I have to,] the first Dugong said, before switching back to words Ghin could understand as he gestured to Tippy. "I just came in here to ease my worries about my apprentice. I can see her home if you'd like." He emptied a flask of liquid into his throat as soon as he finished, gargling it with a wince. [Damn the human language and damn it hard.]
Ghin and Tippy both blinked in surprise, exchanging doubtful looks for a second before Ghin hesitantly spoke up. "I… thought there wasn't a way out of here? Unless the Mists actually want to let you go, I mean."
"There is always a path," Sifu waved his flipper dismissively, cracking his back slightly as he rose from his seated position. "I just happen to know the right one for this place."
Staring, Ghin turned his head from one amphibious mammal to the other, finally settling his gaze on the one that was a member of the alternate Straw Hat crew. "Can we trust this guy?" he asked with some hesitation.
[Of course you can—!…ergh, can't believe I'm actually reduced to wishing for that damn pest's help…] Boss muttered acridly before settling for giving Ghin his most confident thumbs-up. [I'll let you guys figure this out. Nice seeing you again, Master, and I look forward to the day we can do this for real.] And with that, he began waddling away.
Ghin and Tippy exchanged dubious glances again before looking at the wall Sifu was behind. "Right, so, how does this work?" the older man queried.
Boss, meanwhile, hadn't gone far before he ran straight into his four apprentices, who were looking as excited as when they had joined the Straw Hats.
[Boss, there you are!] Leo said happily. [So, have you found Sifu yet?]
The senior dugong blinked at his students in surprise. [How'd you know Sifu was the one who came for me?]
[Come on, Boss, who else would you get, that blowhard Lan- I mean, First Mate Dugong?] Mikey scoffed.
[Now c'mon, where is he, where is he!?] Raphey vibrated eagerly. [I wanna jump him, I wanna jump him straight outta the blue, I want the honour of getting pounded by the greatest Kung Fu Dugong to ever kick ass!]
Donny roughly shoved Raphey aside, a pad of paper and a pencil in his hands and a massive grin on his face. [Not before I get my autograph from the greatest staff-user in all Dugong history, you're not! Now c'mon, where is he, where is he?!]
Boss cocked an eyebrow at the display before jabbing his 'thumb' over his shoulder. [Right now, he should be—!]
SPLASH!
[Gone,] Boss completed smoothly, not even missing a beat. [Eesh, tough luck, you just missed him.]
[Meenbrl…]
Frowning at the odd sound, Boss refocused on his students and found them, to a dugong, slumped over on their flippers, clouds of despondency hanging over them, and tears dripping from their blank eyes onto the wooden deck.
[…mmmaybe I should have asked him to stay for a bit…] Boss muttered.
[YOU THINK?!] All four TDWS roared suddenly. Boss took a nervous step back; their still-blank but gleaming eyes and eager, toothy grins that totally belied their vocalized anger were just a tad unnerving in tandem.
'Correction,' Boss silently amended as his students began to advance on him. 'It's very unnerving.'
[We get a chance to meet Sifu Dugong, the most famous fighter of our species, the driving force behind everything that's happened to us since we started training, outside of the transcending madness of the New World. And because you didn't consider that we would want to meet him, we've lost that chance,] Donny intoned, his staff in one flipper and a brace of kunai spread in the other.
[I was going to fight him,] Raphey droned, one flipper holding a sai in reverse and the other idly spinning her giga-shuriken. [I was gonna lose, badly, but by the Sandora itself, I was going to be able to say that I had actually fought with the Sifu Dugong.]
[And now we can't,] Mikey stated in an almost casual tone of voice as he slowly and methodically loaded his pistol, clicking it shut before drawing out a nunchuk and letting it swing idly. [Because of you. You bastard.]
[You're about to regret training us so well,] Leo said simply, his tongue brushing along one of his katana.
At that moment, for the life of him, Boss would not be able to say that it was an entirely irrational fear that he held of his students.
[…don't suppose it'd help if I said I was sorry?] he offered uncertainly.
[SUFFER!]
[GAH!] Boss howled at the top of his lungs, Rip Tide-ing away from the murderous posse that was suddenly pursuing him at all speeds. [HOW'S THAT FOR FUCKING GRATITUDE, YOU PUTRID GUTTERSNIPES!]
-o-
Banchina cut her sons off with a smile and a gentle cough. They'd been going at this ever since the crews met, their stories growing steadily more outlandish. "I thought you two were going to tell me about the Grand Line, not compete to see who knew the most fairy tales."
"But mom, they're not fairy tales!" both Usopps whined indignantly. "And we weren't competing! Were we?"
The pair looked at each other. Shrugging, the younger rubbed his nose; the elder fiddled with his wristband. "I was just trying to explain how Devil Fruits work; Mom's never seen one."
"And I just wanted to tell her about all the cool plants and animals there are on the Grand Line."
Both snipers grinned sheepishly at their mother. "Sorry… Guess we got a little carried away. There are just so many cool things to tell you about!"
Laughing, Banchina pulled both of her sons into a tight hug. "Oh, boys… What am I going to do with you?"
That gave the storytelling snipers pause. Not for long, though, as they immediately began talking again. "You could help us decide which legend of Elbaf is coolest?"
"Yeah! And then I could tell you all about the time I defeated a demonic shark fishman who even managed to almost kill Luffy! And Zoro!"
"What?! But Luffy beat Arlong- you're lying! Besides, I can read Luffy's mind and see the future."
"A likely story!"
Banchina rolled her eyes and smiled as the two snipers proceeded to squabble. They segued into stories of their own adventures, so similar and yet so different… She couldn't tell if they were competing with each other to see who had the stranger experiences or if they were honestly trying to tell her what had happened to them. Either way, she would treasure this moment forever.
-o-
"So… Merry?"
"Yes?" both the ship-girl and the behorned butler said in unison, looking away from their embrace towards their mistress.
"Uh… the young—guh, the shorter one," Kaya doubly corrected herself shyly. "I was just wondering… about this crew that we gave you. Do you… Well, would you have been happier if you'd stayed with me?"
"Uh, Kaya… don't take this the wrong way, but…" Closing her eyes, the caravel sucked in a deep breath and let it out.
"Oh, nothing good ever follows that statement," Merry the butler muttered.
"Look, I'm a ship," Merry stated, opening her eyes. "I exist to carry people and cargo safely across the seas. You would have used me for puttering about that island. Maybe making short trips to neighbouring islands if you actually did become a doctor. You'd have loved me and maintained me, and I would have been content." At this time, a fire blazed in Merry's eyes. "But being the ship of the Straw Hats? It's been so much better, and I'm not just talking about the journey, which is awesome on its own. My bond with the Straw Hats was and is far stronger than it ever could have been with you; I would have been content to be scrapped rather than…" She shuddered, idly reaching behind her to rub her back before continuing. "Sorry. Ask Franky or my Usopp for that story. My point is, I'm sorry, but fuck no I wouldn't have been happier with you."
The rich girl visibly wilted. "I… I'm sorry," she murmured.
"For what? For asking that? I know you cared for me, and I know what I look like. I don't blame you for asking. For dredging up bad memories? That's not something you could have expected. And if it's for giving me to the Straw Hats…" Merry flashed Kaya what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Well, if that was a mistake, then that was the best mistake you've ever made."
The last statement made her smile lightly. "What I meant was… for not being able to do any of that for you myself. You were my ship, and I can't do anything for you as they can."
"Miss Kaya," the older Merry sighed, kneeling before his mistress to look her in the eye. "If your ambition is to become a doctor, then that's a grand ambition, and one that you can fulfill in the East Blue. But the crew that we entrusted Going Merry to is full of individuals with ambitions that only travelling through the most dangerous sea in the world can fulfill. The best thing that you could have done is what you did, and we see the proof before us." He looked back at her. "And I don't believe she holds anything against you."
The ship-girl shook her head, smiling lightly. Somewhere above her, a loosely tied knot came undone with a rasping hiss. A thick line fell to drape itself over the ship-girl's shoulders as still-a-ship Merry vibrated and warmed with approval.
Meanwhile, on the rear deck, a blue-haired cyborg sat rubbing his jaw, a sign of the soreness from it having been dropped for too long. The reason for that lay beside him, a green-haired mermaid that he knew well. There was just one tiny difference between her and the one that he had grown up with.
The one beside him wasn't yet used to having legs.
"Razza-frazzin split tail and razza-frazzin center of balance…" a notably younger Kokoro grumbled as she rubbed the tip of her bifurcated appendage. She then glanced up at the cyborg with a hopeful look. "You said ya knew an older me, right? Did she ever gripe about any old tricks to getting this whole 'walkin' business down? I could really use them about now!"
"Er…" Franky scratched his steel-plated cranium uncertainly, trying and failing to parse what he was hearing. "I… don't remember anything like that, sorry… Ah, wait!" He hastily rallied his thoughts. "A-Are you really not going to question the fact that you're, ya know, in a 'time hellmouth', or that you're meeting someone who says they know you in the future?! I mean, I know, Grand Line and all that, but even I think this is crazy!"
The mermaid gave him a wry smirk. "Kid, lemme tell you something my older self obviously forgot to let slip: Fishman Island is literally the gateway to the New World. In other words, it stands at the very tip of an actual hellmouth. You don't go long living there without becoming at least a little familiar with the craziest that the world has to offer. I mean, sure," She waved her hand dismissively. "I wasn't expecting anything like this when I went out on my morning swim, but all things considered? Not as bad as it could be. Ya get me?"
Franky blinked in surprise and then slowly nodded. "Yeah… I guess that's a good point," he mumbled. Then, thinking about the version he knew, he glanced down at the bare fins meant to support the mermaid. "You know, Granny Kokoro never said anything about it, but I never saw her without shoes that were pointed at the ends. Maybe that could help?"
Before the mermaid could respond, a door opened from the kitchen, and the subsequent assault of noise drowned out any chance of hearing anything else.
"But I wanna show you the—!"
"Gah! No spoilers!" Two rubber captains bounced out of the galley. The one in the foreground had his hands clamped over his ears, which seemed to do little to drown out the voice of his loud, eager counterpart.
"We have a submarine, though!" TB! Luffy chased 12! Luffy went into the rigging as the latter struggled to escape. The younger captain was still trying to keep his ears covered, so the sight was even more comical than it already would naturally have been.
"Don't tell me! I don't wanna know what happens next- it's not a good adventure that way! Besides, future things are Jones's job!"
As the pair continued on their swinging path through the rigging, a young woman came out on deck and followed them with her gaze. She was smiling, nearly silent, although the air around her was filled with the sound of quiet giggling at the Luffys' antics.
TB! Luffy thought for a minute before his face lit up with demonic malice. "Oh! Okay then- how about something that's already happened instead? Sabo's alive!"
His counterpart paused to shoot him a flat look. "Well, duh. I knew that. Sabo met everybody in Loguetown, and he calls Jones all the time to talk about sneaky ninja spy stuff." 12! Luffy's face took on a demonic light similar to TB's!Luffy. "Wait… did your crew not meet him? Shishishishishi! Wanna know what he's like?"
"Eh?" TB! Luffy shrugged and picked his nose. "Why? That's your Sabo, not mine. They're prob'ly different anyway. But wait till I tell you about the special comm system Franky built for Cross!"
"I SAID NO SPOILERS!"
"IT'S NOT A SPOILER IF CROSS ISN'T ON YOUR CREW!"
And so the Luffys resumed their awkward chase, through the rigging and over every possible surface of the ship, much to the amusement of the young woman watching them. Although for some reason, she also had tears in her eyes. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.
"Do you think we should tell him that our Sunny is completely unique and almost guaranteed to be different than what he'll be getting?" Franky asked.
"No way," came another voice, and they looked over to see Sanji emerging from the kitchen as well, laden with bags of ingredients and with a young girl beside him. "That rubber moron puts us through hell at all hours of the day. I say we let him suffer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get a look at the dream kitchen that I'll have someday. Reiju, you coming?"
"Of course," the girl responded coolly.
-o-
"…seriously? Seriously!?" I gagged in disbelief. "Ye gods, did the whole nation collectively dump their IQ for 24 hours or something?!"
"I WEEP for the past, present, future, OR WHATEVER TIME THAT IS TO US," Soundbite groaned. "Ya think you-know-who can make us THE VOICES OF ANARCHY WHEN YOU FINALLY GET BACK HOME, TOO?"
"Doubt it," I scoffed, but I hastily reworded matters as I actually thought about it. "… Alright, I think it's capable of it, but I doubt it will. If we tried pulling what we do here back home, the ones running the show might break out the nukes. We could literally cause the end of the world."
"…you're trying to threaten me WITH A GOOD TIME, WHY, exactly?"
I shot him a flat look. "So you're saying you want to be at ground zero of the technological equivalent of a Raigo?"
And that turned him white. "GOOD TIME GO bye-bye, shutting up now."
"I'm not sure if it's reassuring or disturbing that your standards for chaos stop at 'fuck the world'," Lee dryly stated. "But yes, I was screaming the whole time as the election proceeded. And then Carrie Fisher died as one final 'fuck you' from 2016."
"WHAT?! PRINCESS LEIA'S DEAD?!" Jones fell over backwards in shock. "When—? How—? Crisse de calice de tabarnak d'osti de sacrament de trouvvierge!"
Lee sighed and bowed his head, suddenly looking far older than forty-six. "Yeah… it was in December. And while I remember something about her being strangled with her own bra, I don't think that's what actually happened."
"Her own quote ON HOW SHE WANTED to go," Soundbite sighed regretfully. "TRUTH IS… yeah, all signs point to heart attack."
"Ah, geeze…" I grimaced, rubbing the back of my neck with regret. "Well, that's all kinds of sucky right there, isn't it? Moment of silence, then?"
"EVEN I'LL SHUT UP FOR THAT," my partner in anarchy nodded solemnly.
And so we all bowed our heads, adopting a respectful silence for the great actress…
"Ohhhh yeah, veeeeeery nice. But I see your 'flying island' - which I still call bullshit on, by the way - and raise you… The homeland of the dragons! And this one's not even on the Grand Line! Whaddaya say to THAT!?"
"Aaaand of course, One Piece won't accept no broodin' bullshit from no one," I sighed as we were interrupted a mere seven seconds later. I twisted around in place to eye the source of the noise. "Okay, what's this little sideshow about?"
The source, as it turned out, was the two Namis butting heads - literally, they were pressing their foreheads together - as they pointed at a set of maps and tried to incinerate the other with looks alone. Sitting cross-legged on the deck next to them was Bellemere, who was looking mighty amused by the whole display.
"I say that that's impressive for something that nature made," TB! Nami hummed, a 'content' grin on her face as she unravelled yet another chart with an air of triumph. "But let's see you pull out anything showing a manmade island that rivals Water 7."
"Water—is that a giant fountain?" 12! Nami asked, her smug calm slipping just enough to betray a flash of awe before she hastily recomposed herself. "Wow… that is impressive… but… I'm not sure it beats Clockwork Island," she finished, producing her own chart.
TB! Nami's jaw all but slammed into the deck as she ogled the chart. "How… bwa… I might not know architecture, but I know that that has got to be structurally impossible," she managed to get out.
"I won't deny that, I still don't understand how it works," 12! Nami grinned wide enough to put the Cheshire to shame. "But I assure you that it is completely real!"
"Riiiight…" TB! Nami stated as she examined the map. Then she frowned, jabbing a finger at a specific spot. "What is that?"
"… That's a whale," 12! Nami deadpanned, giving her counterpart her best 'You're a fucking idiot' glare.
"Okay… And why is there a whale in your ocean?" TB! Nami leaned in a little closer. "Scratch that, why are there a bunch of whales in your ocean?"
"Because whales live in the ocean?" 12! Nami stated it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and, to be fair, it was pretty close. "Why, what do you put in your open waters?"
TB! Nami promptly clammed up, but she couldn't stop her younger self from glancing at the map of Water 7.
"Doodles," she said, a grin widening on her face. "And not just any doodles, those fantastic animal doodles we made when we were eight."
"I have seen every single one of these animals!" TB! Nami protested just a little too loudly, her cheeks flushing indignantly.
"Really?" Bellemere perked up with a grin that was equal parts eager and teasing. "Can I see?"
I could practically see Nami's eyes defaulting to blue. "Uh…"
"Is it just me?" Lee remarked as TB! Nami frantically tried to politely say no to her own mother. Needless to say, all she managed to do was flail about. "Or are they not only arguing over stylistic differences, but they're also arguing over stylistic differences that don't even remotely affect the quality of their maps?"
Apparently so, and seeing my Nami this completely flustered was quite the treat.
There was a tremendous… bouncing thud a second later as a pair of Luffy's fell from the rigging, one having tackled the other. 12! Luffy clapped both hands over my Luffy's mouth, glaring at his counterpart with comical anger. "Shut up already! I said no spoilers!"
"Mrph mmm mph—!"
CHOMP!
"YOW!"
My Luffy had bitten 12! Luffy's hand in order to break free, which did nothing to make their squabbling any quieter or less funny. He then turned the tables on his younger counterpart, tackling him across the deck. The pair were about to roll into the duelling Zoros when a quiet voice cleared her throat.
"Ahem."
I blinked as a familiar figure stepped onto the deck, but my surprise didn't last long; her showing up made just as much sense as Ace or Sabo.
"Luffy and Luffy, weren't you two about to tell me about the giant whale that ate your ship?" Makino asked.
"OH, YEAH!" Spoilers and violence forgotten, two rubber captains bounced over to the barkeeper with eager grins on their faces. Makino wandered over to the rail and sat down; the Luffys followed her like ducklings and flopped on either side of her to tell stories about Laboon.
"Heh. Nice to have someone who knows just what to say to calm Luffy down," I remarked.
"While I'm inclined to agree, Cross…"
"Hm?" I glanced up and noticed both Robins wandering by our group, both keeping an eye on the meeting of the Monkeys.
"I was rather expecting Ace, or that second brother you mentioned," older Robin hummed inquisitively as she analyzed Makino. "Who is she?"
"Huh? Oh, her! Her name's Makino," I explained with a careless wave. "She's a bartender from Luffy's hometown, the closest thing to a mother all three of them had growing up. One of the kindest people I ever saw in the story, to boot."
Robin nodded, a wistful… but for some reason melancholic smile on her lips? What the—?
"Hey, older me?" young Robin piped up, drawing all attention. "If everyone's family is showing up…" She dipped her head uncertainly. "Does that mean that our mother could be here, too?"
I realized the significance of Adult Robin's smile as it dropped, and her eyes widened at the possibility, making her look suddenly nervous.
"Yeah, Olvia is probably around here," I piped up with a casual wave of my hand. "And knowing our luck and her skill? I'd be willing to bet that she is currently—!"
CLICK!
I grimaced miserably as I sloooowly raised my arms over my head, only just fighting my instinct to glare over my shoulder at the white-haired… woman I knew was right there. "…standing right behind me with a gun to my head. Seriously, what is with you, Nicos and threatening interdimensional immigrants?!"
"Must be your winning personality!" Lee called out, looking thoroughly unperturbed at my mortal peril. The jackass. Seriously, I was gonna find a way to make him—!
THWACK! "GAH!"
"Enough talk," Nico Olvia snarled in a notably unhinged tone as she shoved the barrel of the gun she'd pistol-whipped me with into my neck. "Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to take that ship—" And here she jerked her head towards the Merry aw hell no. "And whatever supplies are on it. But before that…" I felt the iron barrel press into my neck. "Who the hell are you, and how did you detect me?"
"Robin?" I called out, my tone indicating barely restrained outrage. "Either Robin? Would one of you mind getting your deranged mother off of me? You know, before I abandon what few self-preservation instincts I have and do something that will get you really mad at me?"
"Eh, Lee's got this," the younger Robin said nonchalantly as she walked up to us. For a long moment, she stared up at Olvia.
"Uh, hello? Gun to my head?!" I demanded. "Lee, get off your ass and get your damn kid to help me!"
"As she said, I've got this," Lee replied, still grinning like the smug bastard he was. "See, Olvia, you pull that trigger, and two things are going to happen." I blinked as The Catalyst sprang into being. "First, your gun is going to explode in your hand, filling it with metal and wood fragments. And then, I'm going to light your lungs on fire from the inside." His grin widened a few molars. "Believe me, it's not a pleasant way to go, choking on smoke like that."
Everyone stared at Lee; even Olvia and adult Robin were staring at him in naked! Oh, wait a second.
THWACK! "GAH!" Olvia grunted in shock as I rammed my elbow into her gut, followed by my reaching over my shoulder, grabbing her arm and flipping her over my shoulder onto the lawn, the impact jarring the gun loose from her hand in the process.
"God bless Zoro for kicking my ass on a daily basis," I sighed in relief, before glaring bloody murder at Lee's smugly grinning ass. "And god damn you for taking the convoluted route, asshat!"
"Dontcha mean Uncle Asshat?" he smirked back with a tilt of his head. "And besides, I meant every word; you were in no danger, and I know you get off on that sort of thing."
"Phrasing!" both Robins called out, before glancing at each other and giggling.
I scowled at both the reaction and his little self-entitling before grunting as I was forced to fight against a furiously scrabbling Olvia's attempts to free herself. "Hilarious! Now if one of you two would help bring your paranoid bitch of a mother back to reality!?"
"Er…" Robin the Tyke frowned nervously, most likely realizing the severity of the situation as she knelt before her mother and waved her hand in her face to no great effect. "I'd like to, but… what's… wrong with her? Does… Does she not remember me, remember us or—?"
"No, I highly doubt that…" the Older Robin reassured her younger counterpart, albeit with an uncomfortable frown. "If I had to guess, going by the situation we're in and the situation she's been in for who knows how long now, I'd say… she's probably gone into an extreme survival mode. Essentially, she's imposed a form of tunnel-vision on herself that blocks out all else but her mission and her survival instincts."
I frowned sympathetically, even as I redoubled my grip on Olvia's arm. "Personal experience?"
My Robin gave a terse nod before allowing herself a calming breath. "And due to that experience, I know that it's going to take something very jarring to—"
BWAAAAAAAAAH!
I blinked blearily as my head slowly stopped ringing, and I became aware of Lee saying… something that was indiscernible to me due to the fact that even if my skull no longer felt like a bell, my ears were still putting up a decent act. "WHAT?"
He rolled his eyes and ticked off his fingers for a second before repeating himself, just as my hearing cleared up, at least to the point where I could parse his words. "I said, 'One of these days, Xom, you're going to need to learn to keep your fucking mouth shut'."
"WHAT DID I DO?!" I snapped—er, make that roared, my volume control was still a bit shot.
"Sesehihihihi!" a suddenly-present Jones snickered at my side. "For once, it's actually not his fault. And just so you're aware? I've always wanted to do that."
Lee and I made to respond, but then trailed off with a tired sigh and defeated groan, respectively.
"You don't have a good response to that statement either?" Lee said, shaking his head.
"Not a one," I shrugged dejectedly.
"And if we're all quite done," Young Robin groaned as she rubbed her ears. "Can we get back to helping my mom?"
"If you mean 'help me put them in an early grave', I'd appreciate it," Olvia groaned into the lawn.
I blinked as I considered that little statement before getting off of the proto-Revolutionary's back. "I think she's sane again. Though I won't apologize for the consequences if I get another gun in my face."
"You think?" Young Robin said, skeptically eyeing her mother as she stood. "I think I want a second opinion. Lee?"
"Hmm…" the man hummed, stroking his beard. "Even odds either way, I'd say. That's the sanity rate of everyone else I've ever met who's like this."
I noticed Young Robin's eyes tear up and her lip quiver, and I stepped aside just as Olvia got the presence of mind to blink in confusion as she parsed what had been said. "Wait… 'mom?' Who are you—?"
"MOMMY!"
The woman then had to brace as the younger Robin slammed into her midsection, gripping tight and sobbing into her shirt. Olvia blinked a couple of times before the older Robin knelt beside her, face in shadows.
"To be as brief as possible, time does whatever it wants here. Space is the same. Her name is Nico Robin. She is your daughter," she said quietly, before raising her head, unshed tears glistening in her eyes. "As am I."
Olvia took in the figure before her, as well as the one crying in her arms, and the identical features and voice to hers. It was only a few seconds before she pulled the other woman into an embrace, holding both versions of her daughter close to her and sobbing in bittersweet joy with them.
Honestly, it was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes, but Lee was walking over to me, looking concerned.
"Yeah, she needed this," he said, his concern not slipping a bit. "And… I'm kinda worried about that. How many people will want to bring their loved ones with them, or stay behind to help?" He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I know I'd have trouble resisting."
"Under 'normal' circumstances, as much as that word applies in a situation like this, I might be, but there are two big reasons why we don't have to worry about that. First, there's a certain bastard looking out for me, and I doubt it would let its fun end because of something like a paradox."
Lee looked like he'd bitten into a lemon, and I smiled lightly as I continued. "And second, as much as it must be nice for them to be with the ones they're meeting here…" I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder. "They'll still want to go back to the ones they have waiting outside of the mist. Really, when it comes down to it, do you think even one person here would be willing to subject their younger selves to missing out on the happiest years of their lives?"
"… Point," he conceded, a smile creeping onto his face. "I know Shizuka would never let Robin stay here and make her lose her pranking buddy. She'd probably spontaneously appear just to drag her back."
As I made to respond, something landed on the rail beside me with a heavy thud, making me jump back in surprise as I turned to face them. Brown fur, black and white feathers, a familiar spotted jacket—
I had Lassoo aimed at the otter and vulture that had just appeared beside me in under a second, and they made it abundantly clear that the feeling was mutual: Miss Friday's machine gun was armed and ready, and Mister Thirteen's shell-blades were drawn and tense. And then, for a few long minutes… none of us moved. Which was… definitely different. And it wasn't the only thing off, either.
There was something not right here, and with the barrier between dimensions currently being made of Swiss cheese… I raised Lassoo up into a resting position as I took a better look at the animals that had landed beside me.
"You're… not our Unluckies, are you?" I divined.
"Eh? What was your first clue?" The otter held up a sign as he spoke in a very Canadian accent, his words echoed by immaculate handwriting. It seemed to be his usual method of communication, judging by the way hearing his new voice caused him to start, tail fluffing out. His vulture companion hissed and puffed up her feathers.
"Besides the fact that our versions of you two ditched those digs and upped their arsenals two islands ago?" I shrugged as I let Lassoo drop to the ground. "You're not exuding an aura of pure murderous intent."
"Going by how you sound…" Soundbite mused. "Different birthplaces?"
"That depends. Aboot where're yours from?" This time, Mister Thirteen was halfway through writing his sign when he remembered he didn't need it. Capping his pen with a snap, the otter folded his arms with a scowl.
I grimaced as I yanked my collar to the side and indicated the 'souvenirs' our Friday had left me in Alabasta. "Kuraigana. Trust me, it shows."
That got some actual emotion out of the furry fricks. Namely, they jerked hard, their glasses going askew enough to reveal how they were staring at us in naked shock."…How the ever-loving fuck do ya hosers still have your skin?" the otter asked numbly.
Soundbite, of course, responded with a taunting snap of his maw. "Why dontcha try your luck and find out, EH?"
That got them bristling and hastily snapping their eyepieces back into place. "Don't mock my accent, ya hoser! Or I'll slit ya like a helpless bedlamer!" The otter's eyes flashed dangerously. "And I always get my man- even if he's just a snail."
"Not the last four times I checked," I smirked tauntingly. Because really, why miss the chance to sling some shit at my worst nightmares?
"AND THOSE WERE THE KILL.0 MODELS! Do you really wanna test THE LUCK OF THE VANILLA?" my companion concurred.
"Why, you little—!" Thirteen snarled, starting to go for his blades.
I spread my arms invitingly, one of them straying down towards Lassoo. "Bring it on, you wannabe-Moun—!"
"OYOI!"
WHAM! CRASH!
"…did anybody get the flavour of that Sea King?" I moaned blearily.
"Rubber BABY buggy bumpers, I think I'm gonna be siiiick," Soundbite slurred.
"It's sad enough that you railroaded your versions of those two into anything resembling nemeses, Xom," Lee's somewhat muffled voice came from behind me. "Maybe avoid repeating the mistake?"
"In my defence, mine were evil son-bitches from the word go…" I got out as my vision cleared enough to see the Catalyst pulling back a fist, the other cradling its face. Sonnuva bitch must have punched me in the head.
Jones, meanwhile, came over to stand by the Unluckies, fingers buried in feathers and fur. She was petting them?! What gives? And then she started crooning at them as if they were a pair of cats or something- those were tiny assassins, not pets! "Shh, calm down. It's okay. Cross is just an idiot; he didn't mean to offend you. And the snail's just a baby and doesn't know any better."
"…Fine." Mister Thirteen put his blades away with a huff and leaned into Jones' hand. Miss Friday wasn't nearly as affectionate, standing stiff as she fixed me with a beady glare. But at least she had put her gun away.
"Before you guys get into a glaring contest," chuffed Lassoo, changing to his full Zoan form from where I had dropped him nearby. "How about some alternative entertainment? Pretty sure Sanji has some fresh crayfish he could cook up for you, if you want."
Mister Thirteen and Miss Friday looked at each other, then back to Lassoo. The vulture fluffed her feathers. "Would he have steak and eggs too?" she asked after a long moment, her voice creaking like pines in a high wind.
"Of course."
"Then we accept." The pair hopped down off the rail and followed after Lassoo as the dog-gun lumbered off towards the galley.