"A year? Merry, we've been funnier on the last two islands than that big-nosed freak has ever managed."
"HARSH."
"Tell me I'm wrong."
"The kid—"
"HA!"
"—has a point."
"POSEIDON'S HAIRY BALLS SHE DOES!" Buggy the Clown roared, drawing his chains just a little tighter around the neck of the blugori he was riding on the back of, causing its attempts to loosen the chains to intensify. Its painted face looked back at Buggy—sorta—which only meant—
"OH, SO YOU WANNA STARE AT MY NOSE TOO!? I'LL SHOW YOU!"
THUNK! "GWOOOOORGH!"
Buggy stabbed a stolen knife into each of the blugori's hands, forcing it to let go of the chains. The blugori did not take it well.
Buggy's anger clouded his judgment in most cases, but prison often changed a person's perspective. He had come into the Government's gaol with his Muggy cannon shoes and with nobody aware of his Devil Fruit powers, and he was waiting for his opportunity to break out. He had enough clarity of mind to know that with the ruckus he'd already raised, his odds were nonexistent at this point, so he kept both of those advantages safely tucked away.
That was the extent of his rationality; he had still broken out of his cell and was taking out his anger on the nearest victim, who happened to be one of the berserk guards of the prison. Not to mention the fact that, whether or not he was trying to escape, he was out of line, meaning that reinforcements were heading his way.
Not that it seemed to matter for this particular blugori. Its thrashing was slowing, bleeding hands scrabbling uselessly at the chain around its neck and breathing slowing into a rattling wheeze. A fierce grin slowly spread across the clown's face, despite his burning rage, and he pulled tighter, channelling every drop of his ire into the strength in his arms.
Finally, with one last gurgling wheeze, the Blugori slumped forward, pitching Buggy forward. He rolled, hopped to his feet, and gave the sea gorilla a hard kick in the side.
"And serves you right, you damn monkey!" he spat. "I may not be able to get at that monkey, but you'll do for now. Now—"
Buggy blinked, suddenly aware of the whispers washing over him. All around him, the prisoners of Level 1 stared in awe, each desperately telling their neighbour what they'd just witnessed.
"—beat a Blugori—"
"—beating he'll get! Doesn't he ca—"
"—bleedin' Straw Hats, mate—"
"Ahhhhh…" Buggy breathed, each careless whisper a soothing balm to his much-abused ego. "Thank you, thank you!" he called out, bowing to each cell. "You're too ki—!"
"And you know, it makes me wonder if he can do anything right. The guy never managed to land a single clean hit on Luffy when they fought. This, despite being skilled with one of the more effective weapons against rubber. Eh, I guess that's funny, at least: his weakness is a living joke," Cross shrugged.
"Well, what do you expect? He wasn't even top three in the East Blue since Kuro was alive all along," Merry scoffed. She then paused for a second before her grin was broadcast around the world. "Oops, did we forget to mention that? Yeah, total scam, he faked his death and hypnotized ol' Axe-Hand Morgan into taking in an equally hypnotized patsy! Good thing Luffy was able to cover for their incompetence, eh?"
"Actually, Usopp said that on the second SBS. Didn't you hear him say it in person?" Franky asked dryly.
"…WELP! I think that's good enough for us to end on. Ciao! KA-LICK!"
It must be said that the former ruler of Skelter Bite had something in common with Buggy the Clown: he once sailed the New World with a formidable crew, he left the New World, and then he grew weaker, a threat only due to his powers.
Another thing they had in common: if someone called them weak, they would get angry. Very angry indeed.
The similarity ended when everyone knew that Moria had once been a true threat. Buggy may have been a mere cabin boy, but under a taskmaster like the Dark King, he wouldn't have sailed as far as he did on the Oro Jackson without being able to hold his own without relying on his powers.
It would be a while yet before anyone outside of those who already knew his secret acknowledged this. But the berserk maniac that the Straw Hats' words left standing there, twitching in a very visible warning to 'get the hell away' as eight more blugoris made the very unwise decision to circle him, was about to give Impel Down a taste.
"STRAW HAT!"
In the end, Buggy the Clown was recaptured. But the fact that he managed to incapacitate two more blugoris, and that it took the remaining half-dozen to successfully dogpile him ensured that, in less than a day, everyone in the Crimson Hell knew his name.
-o-
"Poke… poke-poke… poke-po—"
Zoro made a grab at the object, poking his face with a growl and blinked in confusion when his hand whiffed through thin air. Then he clenched his eyes shut, letting out a miserable groan at the fact that he was conscious again, and as a result, he could now feel the return of the brain-mining dwarf years after he thought he'd banished the little bastard. "What the hell—?"
"Oh, good, you're alive. That means you can still hear me calling you an idiot."
Zoro flinched again as the voice from before rammed another chunk of rebar through his head, "Whooo the…!?" He blinked heavily, forcing the haze clear of his vision. It only halfway worked, but it was enough for him to see the blur of brown standing above him. Not to mention give him an excuse to clench his eyes shut again. "Hello, Chopper…" he growled out.
"Hello~, Zoro~," the furry doctor sang far louder than necessary, taking visible delight in the swordsman's renewed grimace. "I take it you've been having fun?"
"I should have been…" he grimaced, and then he held his tongue. The words 'Cross wasn't kidding about the New World' had nearly slipped out, and he took several seconds to massage his temples, get rid of his migraine, and maybe avoid another slip of the tongue. "Guh… damn it, that guy wasn't kidding… I'm going to need to up my game if that's what they drink in the New World. I only managed to get through three bottles, that's shameful."
"Clearly…" Chopper drawled, visibly unimpressed with his superior's situation. For a single, glorious minute, the infamous Spark of Genius contemplated leaving the swordsman to ride out his hangover. Zoro surely had experience with this sort of situation, and it would be a completely unnecessary load off his furry back…
Instead, he heaved a weary sigh and shifted to his Heavy Point, grabbing Zoro by his shoulders and heaving him up to his feet. "Alright, come on, you, come on," he huffed, actively working to hold the mosshead upright. "I can smell a marketplace pretty close by. We'll head over there, and I'll see if I can't find something to help you detox."
Zoro grunted, and Chopper took that as his sign to go ahead. That or it was an improperly slurred curse, but he could work with either. Shaking his head, the hybrid led both of them by his nose.
It was not lost on the human-reindeer as he went that his furry, yeti-like form was nothing out of the ordinary. He couldn't help but reflect on how thoroughly it contrasted with what he grew up with. How easily everyone accepted the abnormal as normal. And likewise… how he could accept abnormal along with normal.
"You've come a long way from that timid, human-hating reindeer we met in Drum."
It seemed that Zoro was both feeling marginally more coherent and similarly reflective.
Deciding to humour the swordsman, Chopper nodded. "And I'm glad that I have. It… It didn't take long, back in Alabasta, for me to realize that being as strong as the strongest fighters on my island didn't mean a lot once I left. I tried really hard just to keep up. What could I do for Luffy? I helped against Baroque Works, sure… but Luffy's fight against Crocodile?"
The doctor shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with a tired sigh. "There was a reason I plunged straight into research on Cross's advice when I woke up and almost gutted him. I didn't care what anybody said about me anymore. To help you guys… I've become a real monster."
Chopper's muzzle then split in a maddened grin, his eyes flashing cyan. "And I don't regret it. Haven't regretted it even once. I don't need to rely on you guys to save me, so I can focus on saving you when everything's done."
The silence returned for a few moments before the reindeer glanced down at his companion. "What about you? You were with Luffy before I was, so I don't have any room for comparison. How far have you come since you started?"
Zoro let out a scoffing chuckle. "Put it this way: If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be able to do half of the things I can do now, I wouldn't have listened. Mostly because I didn't think the things I can do now were possible, and because I thought I was more than strong enough. I couldn't cut steel. I couldn't let loose with flying slashes. I couldn't harden my muscles to guard against attacks. And I couldn't cut battleships in half. When I met Mihawk in the East Blue, he cut a battleship in half without even trying; I bet he didn't even need both hands to do it."
The swordsman raised his head with a smirk. "But I'm not the man I was then. I'm still nowhere close to Mihawk's level…, but at least I'm strong enough to know how strong I am." He paused and then looked Chopper in the eye. "But I'm guessing I've only made it this far thanks to you helping me out every time since Alabasta."
Chopper stopped, resisting the instinct to do his little dance. His resistance crumbled fast, and he almost started dancing. He managed to restrain himself to a quick pump of his fist, but still—
"Although—" Zoro continued, but his continuation was discontinued by a contentious commotion coming from close by in the form of a pained squawk
The pair fell silent and turned to see a pair of pirates who'd accumulated a small crowd around themselves. The duo was seated around a pair of cups, one rubbing a hand with a couple of bleeding wounds, the other leering at the flinching bleeder.
"Ya think ya can back out now?" the dagger-wielder scoffed, smirking at his 'opponent's' terror. "Pfheh, no chance. Ya took the bet, now let it ride."
"C-Come on, man," the bleeder whimpered miserably, glancing around in search of an escape. An escape that didn't seem likely. "I-I can pay you, I swear, j-just—"
"I'll get everything you have on hand if you die anyway," the man's grin widened malevolently. "Now play."
That was as far as the Straw Hats would let things progress; at Zoro's gesture, Chopper let him down so that they could walk over together.
"What's going on?" Zoro asked, hiding his lingering hangover well.
The threatener cracked a grin at them, either not recognizing them or not caring. "Oh, nothing for you lot to concern yourselves with, just a gentleman's wager. I bet him 1,000,000 that he couldn't figure out which cup was poisoned; he drinks it, and he gets the prize. Then he just had to go and get cold feet."
The two Straw Hats turned to the other man, who was looking a little pale. Zoro scoffed. "Got in over your head and now you can't back out?"
"The jackass asked me if I wanted to play a game, he said jack shit about life or death!" the would-be drinker wheezed miserably.
Zoro took one look at the chuckling dagger-holder and rolled his eyes dismissively. The sword-wielder started to walk off…
"Ahem."
He was brought to a halt by someone smaller than him, who grabbed his shirt and stopped him in place. Glancing back and down, Zoro took one look at Chopper staring up at him with a deadpan expression and turned his attention back to the shmuck and the shark.
"Fine," he sighed, moving over to the cups. As quick as drawing a sword, he took up both cups and drained them. Ignoring (for what little time he could) Chopper's sigh of frustration behind him, as well as the jeers and groans of the onlookers, he leered at the dumbstruck men.
"There, both drunk, you're both even. Happy?" he demanded impatiently.
Seeing as the would-be drinker immediately took that as a sign to bolt, yes, yes, he was. The other man, however… well, a red face and a brandished dagger didn't leave much room for imagination. "You son of a bitch! You really think you can get away with crossing Torino Red?!"
Zoro frowned, both at the way the newly named 'Torino Red' was holding his dagger (poorly) and at the name itself, pondering it for a second. Then he cocked his eyebrow questioningly. "Torino… I think I've heard of that place before. Isn't it—?"
"A kingdom in the South Blue that I've never been to, yes, now shut up and pay up," Red growled, turning the pointy end of his knife towards Zoro… and then behind him. "Or I'll just use your pet's skin instead."
"How did someone like you ever get onto this island?" Zoro asked rhetorically. Rhetorically, because before he'd even finished speaking, Red was flat on his back courtesy of a Heavy Point-ed Chopper laying him down with a single strike, seemingly paralyzed from the pressure point struck.
"I. Am not. A pet," Chopper snarled with a hint of madness. It was gone when he turned back to his smaller form, though annoyance remained. "And as for you, quit making more work for me on your poor liver. Luffy and Cross are enough of a bother as it is."
"Tch, please," Zoro waved his hand dismissively. "As if there's anything this halfrate halfwit could sling that could even faze you."
Chopper rolled his eyes impatiently. "Well, obviously not, but it's still the principle of the matter."
Unfortunately for everyone's sensibilities, however, while the vast majority of Torino Red's body was paralyzed, his mouth was not. "Y-You little—! Once I get my arms working again—" The tirade was suddenly interrupted by a pirate bearing the crest of Skelter Bite, grabbing him. "H-hey, HEY! What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
"Skelter Bite does not accept lives being used as collateral under any circumstances," one of them explained, already dragging him away. "We'll determine your punishment shortly, and until then, you'll be staying in our brig."
"YOU—!" Red snapped and then turned back toward the way he came; his would-be victim had run off, and the two pirates who had stopped him were walking away. Feeling one arm suddenly regain feeling, he reached into his pocket and, without withdrawing the pistol, aimed and pulled the trigger.
The bullet pinged off a shiny black sword, and he gulped as he saw Zoro looking back at him, not a trace of alcohol-induced fatigue in his glare.
"You're not helping your case," the other Skull Mist Pirate dryly said, confiscating the pistol and using it to knock the man out cold.
Zoro, for his part, sheathed his blade before looking back at Chopper. "I saw a lot of scumbags like that back in my bounty hunting days, so I expected something like that… But how come you didn't see that coming?"
Chopper turned an expression on Zoro that his smallest form's face made unreadable. "Just because I don't need your help doesn't mean I don't like it," he admitted softly.
Zoro paused briefly, looking back down at Chopper. And when Chopper donned a light smile, he smirked right back. "Anytime."
"Thanks," Chopper nodded. "Now come on, I heard they're selling cotton candy this way! I want to buy some and see if anyone's passed out anywhere for—uh." The reindeer's glowing eyes darted back and forth. "Reasons."
Zoro let out a quiet scoff, closer to a laugh, and followed his eager companion.
"Well, while we're on the subject… for reasons, how hard is it to burn a body?" he asked casually.
-o-
"WOOOOHOO! BARKEEP! ANOTHER CASK! I'M DOWN TO THREE! HISS-SS-SS-SS!"
Such was the rallying cry that provoked another round of cheers in the Esun bar, where Boa Sandersonia was having the time of her life. Long since shifted into her hybrid form, she was taking up much of the establishment's ground floor. Not that anyone was complaining, seeing as she had raised no objection to the patrons reclining on her lengthy form in place of the seats, nor were any of the patrons or proprietors protesting to her truly hefty—read: titanic—appetite and general good cheer.
The only detriment had been when the more savvy pirates present had realized that she was not only a lieutenant but an immediate relative to a Warlord, but their concerns had been swiftly and soundly dismissed as soon as an executive of the Revolutionary Army spoke up in her favour. After all, the Revolutionaries were outlaws worse than pirates, so her word was good enough for most of them.
And the ones for whom it was not swiftly found themselves unconscious. Or, in the case of one particularly headstrong and, above all else, overconfident rookie…
"WAA-aaa-AAA-aaa-AAAAAGH! LET-ME GO!"
Making history by attaining the… quite ignoble title of being the first pirate in history to be wrapped in an anaconda-woman's tail and offhandedly spun up and down like a yo-yo.
As it was, however, said Revolutionary was not indulging in the party atmosphere; rather, she was sipping the bar's signature drink, a pleasantly bitter brew with a refreshing finish, silently lamenting something or another. And as the saying goes, misery loves company, hence the presence of another revolutionary alongside her… albeit of a much different sort.
"The Divine have done everything in their power to keep out of the way of the Straw Hats, and keeping our cover is practically a bonus for it. But no!" Tashigi waved her mug about with a despairing groan. "I spend fifteen minutes in that bigmouth's orbit, and now I've been shanghaied and dropped straight into the middle of whatever madness Cross has in mind!"
"My thoughts exactly," Koala nodded sagely, leaning back on the bar on her elbows. "Honestly, if I thought I could get away with it, I'd call Sabo here instead; he would be overjoyed to be in my position."
Popora gave no verbal response, simply watching the goings-on with a quizzical look.
"I mean, it just never ends with that bastard!" Tashigi lamented, hanging her head in sorrow. "The last time I got close to him, I lost all the men under my command, almost drowned in a flood of wax, and I got stabbed in the stomach! And that's not even mentioning what that frigid bitch Nico Robin did to me in Alubarna!"
"Mmph…" Koala hummed as she picked up a nearby mug, gave it a spin, and contemplated the swirling drink. Making a decision, she glanced back at Tashigi with an impish grin. "And yet, for all that you want to wring his scrawny neck… You don't actually hate him, you're just pissed because it's the principle of the matter. In truth, you want to be here just as much as me and Sandersonia, right?" Koala's grin doubled in size, and she let out a bark of laughter as Tashigi's face burned red and she switched from drinking to chugging.
"PAH!" Naturally, said drink didn't last long, and Tashigi heaved a half-hearty, half-weary sigh as she slammed the mug down on the countertop and wiped away the froth. "W-Well, anyway! At least this plan has to have some order in it; he wouldn't be involving Marine expertise and the Ryugu Royal Family if this was just meant to cause widespread chaos, right?…right?"
Her heart sank as Koala and Popora both stared at her with flat expressions, but she shook it off and rallied.
"Well, excuse me for trying to find some kind of sanity in this madness!" she snapped, then turned her attention back to their companion. "And speaking of madness, HEY, SONIA! HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP PLAYING WITH THE ROOKIES!?"
"LIKE I'M PUTTING A TIMER ON IT!" Sandersonia hooted in reply. "I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO CUT LOOSE LIKE THIS FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS, AND I'M MILKING IT FOR ALL IT'S WORTH!"
Tashigi dropped her head into her arms, but a quick poke by Koala and a look at the wistful expression on her face had her looking more concerned. "Honestly… between what she's gone through in the past and being by Hancock's side for the past decade… I think she really needs this." Koala's smile then became teasing as she shook a fresh mug at the incognito officer. "Just like I think you really need this!"
Tashigi stared blankly at the alcohol before snatching it away and holding it high. "I shall drink today!" she proclaimed, eyes swirling madly. "In preparation for Cross killing my sanity evermore tomorrow!"
"Hear-hear!"/"Kyu-kyu," Koala and Popora mirrored her with a snicker and a deadpan, respectively, before the trio all knocked their drinks back as one.
And immediately spat it all back out again.
"Ugh, what is this, moose urine?!" Koala demanded.
"Sorry, ladies," the bartender said apologetically. "I meant to give you the Alabasta Preserve, but I grabbed the Roshwan pale lager stock by mistake."
"THAT'S WORSE THAN MOOSE URINE!" Tashigi snapped before eyeing her old mug. "Give us another round, because I've got to be imagining how bad that was."
"Kyun." CLONK!
"ARGH! THAT WASN'T A REQUEST, YOU FURRY BASTARD!"
-o-
"I mean, it's not like I'm even mad he ran and left me! Lola was incredibly pissed off—with good reason, I'll admit— and I'd already said I was willing to take the blame for—! Er…"
"Whatever it is that Lola was angry at you for that you can't talk about?"
"Yes, thank you, Conis," Nami nodded in relief. "Anyway, I was willing to take the fall, no question, so I can't be mad about that… but honestly, did he really need to be so, so dramatic about it?! I mean, he leapt out the window of a tower for goodness' sake!"
"Are we or are we not talking about the biggest show-off in the world?" Su questioned right back, ever so innocently.
Those on Skelter Bite who knew of the Straw Hat Pirates—which was pretty much everyone, naturally—knew to expect a duck-riding damsel if the crew were in the area. However, they were expecting the one riding it to be blue-haired with hand scythes and riding on a duck capable of running like the wind. They knew of the most recent addition to the Straw Hats from the SBS, of course, but it was still a surprise to see that walking alongside the Straw Hats' angelic gunner and her fox was a duck with a rooster's comb, peacock tail feathers, and a weather witch on its back.
"Can't argue with that…" the weather witch muttered, shaking her head. "Still, he could have shown a little more… I don't know, class?"
"You did say that that Lola lady was really scary, right?" Billy asked timidly. "Maybe he was genuinely scared."
"Mmph…" Nami grunted noncommittally. "Still going to give him grief about it, though."
"And that is entirely within your rights," Conis said soothingly, patting a comforting hand on Nami's shoulder. She then adopted a concerned frown. "Though, just to be certain, you and Lola—?"
"Well, I'm definitely never going to be on her Christmas card list, but I'm not banned from the island either," Nami sighed, hanging her head. "And under the circumstances, that's probably the best I can hope for, so I'm counting it as a win."
"And you're really not on the hunt for Cross so you can wreak your lightning-heavy vengeance on him?" Su asked with far more disappointment than necessary.
That got the fox an irritated, sidelong glare. "For the last time, no. I freely admit that I had that coming, and I probably would have done the same thing in his shoes. Can we change the subject now?"
"Sure," Conis replied serenely, also clamping her hand over Su's muzzle. "We don't seem to be heading anywhere in particular or looking for any kind of store. Are you just trying to get a better look at the city for your mapmaking?"
"Mmm," Nami responded. "Half that, yeah. The other half is spending more time with Billy and getting used to riding him with the new saddle."
"It does take some getting used to," Billy contributed, looking back at the saddle and the one riding it. "It doesn't bother me, but I'm glad I got some advice from Carue. Still worried about the Jet boost, though."
"One thing at a time, don't worry," Nami patiently said.
"And here I thought recruiting animals was Cross's job," Su snickered. "I mean, Chopper told me that he was about as responsible as Luffy for bringing him onto the crew."
"Yeah… and that's part of why I kept him from going back in the first place."
Fox, duck, and angel all gave the witch questioning looks.
"I mean, for a while, I honestly wondered how much the 'animal companion' thing was just for show or status," Nami elaborated. "Carue was with Vivi all of her life and trained as a bodyguard, and Su was just a pet before you joined us—no offence."
"None taken; before Strong World, my primary 'tactic' in a fight was to run and find one of you guys to cover my tail, after all," the fox replied, waving said tail dismissively. "But how does that mean this is Cross's fault?"
"Because, fundamentally, we fight the same way," Nami said, running one hand along Billy's feathers. "Way back in Alabasta, when I asked Usopp to build my first Clima-Tact, it was because I knew that we were the weaker members on the crew. We couldn't rely on brute force or Devil Fruit powers, so we had to rely on our brains. Cross was the same way, but his partners have brought his abilities to a whole new dimension."
She smiled ruefully as she rippled her climatological halo. "And even though my weapon has brought me this far, I've realized that it… just isn't enough. Without my Waver and my Clima-Tact, all I've got going for me are agility and a few solid punches. And with my Waver gone… well, I took the same page out of Cross's book he wrote when his baton got wrecked. Not just something I can trust to help me, but someone." The ginger gave her mount's neck a proud pat. "Someone who's already proven himself a bona fide badass on the frontlines, at that."
Billy blushed and preened at the comments. "Aww, thanks, Nami! I promise I'll do you pro—WACK!"
With a panicked squawk, Billy suddenly jerked to a dead stop, his wings thrown out to stop Conis, too.
"WAH!" Nami yelped, flailing and hastily catching herself. "Hey, what the—!? Billy?! What the hell do you think you're—!?"
SMASH!
Confusion gave way to shock when the wall of one of the buildings ahead of her suddenly all-but-detonated, a large mass crashing through clean through one side of the street and into the other, leaving a trail of destruction and debris in its wake. A trail, Nami and Conis were only a few steps away from being caught in the middle of.
The very reason why the ladies hadn't been pasted was quaking on his webbed feet, beak chattering in paralyzed terror. "Scary, scary, scary…" he repeated over and over.
Conis blinked several times in an attempt to get her brain to reboot; eventually, she just settled for boggling at Billy. "Was that… I'm sorry, but the last time I saw something like that, Cross said—was that Haki?"
Su immediately shook her head. "Nuh-uh, couldn't be. Cross said that it had to be a directed attack to read it, and that was definitely random! So how the heck—?"
"Scary, scary, sca—" Clonk! "Wack!"
"Owww, thick skull…" Nami winced, waving her hand. "Billy, how'd you do that?"
"I-I, ah…" Billy blinked, shaking the last of the cobwebs free. "I… don't really know. I've just always been able to tell when something dangerous was coming at me. It's the only reason my head's stayed connected to my neck for so long."
Su slapped her paw to her forehead. "Of course! Instincts! You grew up in the Strong World, a hellhole of kill-or-be-killed! Your survival instincts must be honed to a razor-sharp point! Tseeheehee, oh man!" She flicked her tail at the peaduck. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you, zappy?"
Nami smiled and gave Billy's comb a comforting pat. "Why yes, yes, he is."
"Ah, sorry for interrupting the moment?" Conis piped up, hesitantly pointing at the settling dust cloud. "But could we maybe try and find out what just—?"
"Oh, come now! Is that really all you have to offer? Surely you have more in you, get up!"
"—GYEEP!" Conis cut herself off, slapping her hands over her mouth. And she wasn't alone in her reaction either: all of the Straw Hats flinched back and gaped as the cause of the hole stepped through onto the street.
Their reactions were well-justified: not only was the perpetrator a behemoth of a man who outweighed them all of them combined, but he was a behemoth whom they all recognized very well. A smiling, winged, infamous behemoth.
"Good thing Vivi isn't here," Su muttered weakly.
"Come on, that couldn't really—hm?" The behemoth paused midway across the street, blinking curiously. After a moment, he let out a laugh of recognition and turned to face the women, his smile widening even further. "Well, I'll be! You two! I recognize you! You're members of the Straw Hat pirates, aren't you? HAHAHA! Greetings! Allow me to introduce myself! I am!"
"'Mad Monk' Urouge, of the Fallen Monk Pirates," Nami tersely finished, clenching and unclenching her grip on her reassembled Clima-Tact. "You're very… memorable."
That finally served as the hard reset Conis' brain needed. Of course, that still meant she defaulted to age-old instincts by snapping her hand up behind her head, fingers poking up in a familiar gesture. "Heso, mister Urouge!"
Urouge blinked in surprise at the greeting. Slowly, he mirrored the salute and then burst into laughter again. "Heso to you as well, young one! Hahahaaa, oh my, it's been years since I've shared such a greeting with anyone but my crew! So you truly are from Skypiea! I had honestly wondered!"
Conis smiled, somewhat more at ease, while Su raised her head curiously. "So, uh, what are you up to? Not, uh… anything like what you were doing back then while we were in Enies Lobby, right?" And at that reminder, the girls all paled and began to inch away.
"Nothing like that, just enjoying the hospitality of this delightful locale," Urouge chuckled, waving his hand. "It's honestly making me reconsider heading to Sabaody right away. This place has just about everything. What about you? Anyone stupid enough to provoke you yet?"
"You might say that," Nami muttered, shaking her head. "But really, we're just looking around, seeing the sights, discussing the merits of having animals make up nearly a quarter of our crew. Y'know, the usual."
"Ha! Well then, we have ourselves a happy coincidence!" the sky-native monk chortled, turning away and rifling through the pile of rubble he'd created. "I've been looking to emulate your crew in that regard for quite some time now, but I've been unable to find anything suitable. Thought I'd get lucky in this most wonderful of locales, but thus far, no such luck! Nothing's been capable of keeping up with me, but I'm pretty sure that this time—aww, no!"
The massive boar Urouge had just hauled out of the rubble pile was probably the cause of the dismayed groan and lack of smile on the monk. Not surprising, given that its eyes had rolled up in its head, not to mention the foam leaking out of its mouth.
"Damnation, I could have sworn that he would be the one!" Urouge spat, casually tossing the insensate swine over his shoulder and knocking the facade off a nearby building in the process. He cupped his chin thoughtfully. "This is turning out to be so troublesome… Maybe I should go for a bear, I earnestly think I might do better with a bear… ah!" He pounded a fist into his hand, a grin springing back to life. "I know! I heard rumours that someone was showing off a Shaolin Panda somewhere in the north market! Those things are famous for levelling towns when they go on rampages; it should be more than capable of withstanding my might!"
Summarily ignoring the horrified expressions on the Straw Hats present, the most definitely Mad Monk bowed politely to the girls. "It has been a pleasure to meet you, fine women, but I have matters I must attend to! Please, enjoy your stay!"
And with that, he strolled off in one direction… while everyone else who saw him took one look at his grin and sprinted in the other.
After she managed to reboot her brain for a third time, Conis stared up at Nami. "Uhhh… w-what are we going to do now, Nami?" she asked.
"What we do every day, Conis," Nami deadpanned.
"…prevent overpowered nimrods from completely annihilating us via the fallout of their insane actions?"
"That's the one. UROUGE, WAIT UP!"
-o-
Pirate city though it was, Skelter Bite was still, at its heart, an island. An island of fertile soil that had previously supported an entire forest. Much of it, along with the manor ruins, had gone into forming the city, but the remainder had been kept to preserve a native timber supply. A handful had even been left within the city itself, large ones with benches built around them in an endeavour to create a few areas of peaceful greenery.
Much to the relief and pleasure of level-headed first mates who were looking for a break from their captains. Such as Gin, currently contemplating the swirling contents of a liquor bottle: gin, natch. Shrugging, he tilted the bottle to his lips and took a deep gulp.
The burn of good liquor had just reached his stomach when all conversation—sorry, griping—in the grove came to a dead stop. Gin looked up from his bottle to behold a silhouette of long, angry hair and arm blades and smooth mask, basking in the light filtered through the golden mist. Killer of the Kid Pirates strode into the grove as if he owned it; mates parted like stalks of wheat in the wind, none willing to test what would make the pirate act on his own name.
Gin, though, had eyes only for the bottle held in Killer's left hand. Even when it became clear that Killer was coming for his spot, he sat down next to him. For a long moment, the two stared at each other, first mate to first mate, and then Killer's eyes flickered to Gin's gin.
"Emerald City," he said. "Nice."
"You too," Gin replied, nodding towards the bottle of QBB Bourbon Killer held.
By unspoken agreement, the two mates held up their bottles, the clink of glass on glass ringing out in the grove, to be smothered by a collective sigh of relief and the conversation started up again. The two paid it no mind, instead upending their bottles and chugging until there was only half of each left.
And with that, they just sat in friendly silence, escaping from the madness of their captains for a few minutes (and bottles) more.
-o-
Even in a place as colourful as Skelter Bite, his hair stood out. That was all she needed to spot him, and from there it was effortless to identify him.
She had torn through Paradise to find him, to avenge herself on him for what he had done. The promise he had broken, the way he had betrayed her, all that he had stolen from her. She would make him pay. And in a lawless haven for lawless people, the opportunity was before her.
She stalked after him as he neared the end of the crowd, rod in hand and ready to knock him senseless before he could realize he was being—
He twisted his head ever so slightly and shot her a shark-toothed smirk over his shoulder. "Long time no see, ginger."
WHAM!
Prudently, she waited until after she knocked him senseless and had begun dragging him away before indulging in a breathless stream of curses about the fact that he knew she was there the whole time. Well, that, and his sexual habits, his ancestors ten generations back, and his hair.
-o-
"…and so he had to sit there for three weeks with a giant-sized pair of knitting needles and put together two whole battleships' worth of sail canvas so that he could pay for a new coat, plus interest!" Ronse finished, pantomiming the aforementioned needles.
"Dereshishishishishi!" Robin laughed, a stiff breeze away from simply collapsing to the ground. "Oh, that's dreadful!"
"Heh…" Lacroix chuckled. "I really can't get over how you laugh just like him. You were really close to him, weren't you?"
Robin didn't respond at first, still riding out the gales of laughter. The two giants sitting across from her in another one of Skelter Bite's groves, and Usopp next to her, gave her the time, for when she recovered, she gave the giants a smile equal parts warm nostalgia and sadness. "He was the only one I ever called a friend before I met the Straw Hats."
"Though that title's a little less exclusive than it used to be," Usopp snickered, brushing his finger beneath his nose.
"Hush, you," Robin chided, shoving his shoulder without any heat. The two ex-Vice Admirals looked on with satisfied smirks. Well, Lacroix did; Ronse's mask made it hard to tell.
"But anyway, hearing all those stories about Saul, I'm honestly surprised that he wasn't from Elbaf," Usopp said carefully. "I mean, that kind of tenacity, strength, and honour? It seems like just the kind of thing Dorry and Broggy would like."
"What he did was not typical of Elbaf giants, Usopp," Robin responded with her typical 'I know far more than you do' smile. "What he did, I have come to realize, is typical of Ds."
The two Vice Admirals nodded sagely, and Usopp looked up at them.
"Mmm… Moving on, I heard all Vice Admirals have to be powerhouses. Does that come a little easier to you guys?"
"Heh, we only wish," Ronse scoffed. "The only easy way to get Haki is to be born with it already awake, and even then, there's training so that you don't get overwhelmed by it. Giant, fishman, mink, human, doesn't matter what you are, it's never that easy."
"And it's not always the way you want it to be, either," Lacroix added. "I still remember when Saul unlocked his Observation Haki, and it turned out to be the empathetic parts that came first."
One pair of disembodied hands scribbling notes into a journal and all of her mind focusing on thanking Saul for helping her even now, Robin asked, "Would you mind telling us a little more about that? How deeply could Saul understand you, and how did it grow?"
"Well, I'll tell you this," Ronse grumbled to himself. "The lion-headed bastard robbed us blind for the first couple of weeks until he finally got banned from poker night."
Their laughter renewed, and Usopp demanded more details about that story.
-o-
Now as isolated as one could be on an island of pirates, at an uninhabited building several… blocks, for lack of a better term, away from the burgeoning downtown, the redhead watched with a scowl—and a pipe at the ready—as her captive made a show of stirring. He had let her attack him, after all; feigning unconsciousness was the logical next step.
She had, of course, taken the precaution of tying him to a chair, constricting him with rope until little more than his eyes and mouth were still visible. In retrospect, she should have bound the latter, too.
Blearily, Bartolomeo looked up and regained his usual expression—read, an ear-to-ear beartrap of a grin—in infuriatingly short order. "Eesh, Ginger, so this is still how you pick up all your guys? No wonder you're still—" WHACK. "Ow. What the hell?!"
"That's what I should be saying to you, traitor!"
"'Traitor'!?" Barto boggled, staring at his captor in abject confusion. "Bitch, what the hell are you on about?"
"We made a promise to aim for the top together!" Barto's captor roared in his face, grabbing him by his collar and hauling him and his seat off the ground. "We said we'd kick all breeds of ass, side by side, and fucking rule Loguetown! But then all of a sudden, you said you wanted to help Straw Hat become King of the Pirates! And then you fucking left without even saying shit beforehand!? FUCK YOU!"
His captor half-dropped, half-tossed Barto to the ground, and began to pace back and forth. Like a tiger, except this woman was far more dangerous than a tiger. "That was the whole reason I came out here on these sucking seas in the first place, you know? To do the right thing, to beat the stupid out of your empty skull, and haul your ass home where it belongs!
"Hey, hey, HEY! Watch your mouth, skank!" Barto snarled, jerking in his bonds. "Lemme clear one thing up for you! I mighta started sailing with my head up my ass, but I've cleaned the shit out of my ears since then! I still respect the hell out of Luffy, but I'm willing to go beyond him too! I ain't gonna disrespect him by being no scuzzy sycophant! I'm shooting for the throne and the crown, just like he is! I'm gonna give it my all… and in the process, I'll give him the challenge he deserves!"
Barto leaned back in his seat and let out a cocky chuckle. "And if I should just so happen to get my mitts on an assload of gold in the process, well… them's the breaks, y'know?"
Barto's captor stared at him before slapping her hand to her face. "And that's the reason I said 'was'," she sighed.
Black Bart cocked an eyebrow. "Come again?"
The supernova's kidnapper leaned against a nearby crate. "I was going to kick your ass and haul you back home… until I watched you help kick Shiki's teeth in. Like it or not, and I definitely don't… this sea's done you some damn good. At least, it's given you a spine worth a damn. So… no. No, I'm not hauling you back to Loguetown, not yet anyway. Maybe once you're all good and ready, but until then?" The captor walked up to Barto and jabbed her finger in his chest. "Until then, I'm sticking to your dumb dumbass ass like glue and making sure you don't get your brain bashed out while you're gloating like the dipshit you are! So until we hit the end of this hellhole, we'll be watching each other's backs again like the good old days. Whether you like it or not!"
Barto stared blankly at her, one eyebrow cocked. "In case you went deaf earlier and I didn't notice it, let me repeat: I've already got a first mate."
"Psh, don't try to sell me that shit. Co-captains."
And that sent Barto's expression paper flat. "Yeah… fuck that noise." And before his captor could react, he grunted and tore through the ropes, his fingers already crossed to summon a barrier to block the pipe that swung at his skull. The said pipe did not give up, and continued to beat on the barrier, and only gave up when Barto shoved his barrier forward, knocking his kidnapper flat on her ass.
"Ugh…" she groaned, voice slurring. "Best… two out of three… asshole?"
Barto sighed, squatting down to look his childhood friend in the eye. "Ehhh... talk to me again when I can't beat your ass like a drum. But for now…" He looked away, rubbing at the back of his head. "But I guess I do feel kinda bad about leaving you behind in Loguetown, and I wouldn't mind having you watch my ass, so…?"
His old friend weighed her options briefly before letting out a sharp tsk. "You said something about first mate?" she spat, as though the words physically burned
Barto shrugged indifferently, apparently more interested in finding whatever had prompted him to dig his pinky up his nostril. "Meh, fine, whatever. You can fight Dead-Eyes for it; whoever has the most teeth left by the end wins. Take it or leave it.
The old friend ground their teeth murderously. Briefly, before switching to a fond, and above all else, familiar smile. "Well, at least you're just as much of a jackass as ever," she groused, holding out her hand. "Now help me up. And by the way, you owe me a candy bar."
"Meh," Barto scoffed, grinning as he grabbed said hand. "Take it up with Tina. And by the way?"
His old friend screeched at the touch of snot on her hand, and Barto grinned.
"Glad to have you back, Desire."
-o-
"Based on the horror stories I've heard, this is definitely a welcome change from Mock Town," Brook said slowly. "But with such a pirate-heavy population, you can't tell me that you don't have trouble keeping law and order around here."
"Did you awweady fowget the wiving fog? One wook at an Obewisk and nobody would…" Carue trailed off as what he was saying registered. "OK, so mowons wike that awen't unheawd of, but they can't be that common, wight?"
"Both more and less than you'd think, actually," answered their companion, a member of the Skull Mist Pirates who had eagerly volunteered to play tour guide.
"Typically, we get one incident a day or so, generally the really nasty characters who manage to slip their way in. They'll cause some trouble or damage, sure, but just as often they're taken care of pretty quickly. When it's not someone substantially stronger than them getting annoyed at their fun being interrupted, then it's everyone else dog-piling them to squeeze some fun out of the situation."
"Well, no matter the method through which you maintain order, this place still takes my breath away! Which is quite the feat, seeing as I don't have any lungs! YOHOHOHO! Skull—Hey, wait for me!"
But neither Carue nor Vivi deigned to wait for Brook to complete his gag, instead continuing down the island's attraction-packed main street, as they'd been doing since the crew had split up. Their attention remained split between their tour guide and the many sights the main drag offered.
"So basically, honour among thieves isn't out of style, then?" Vivi said in wonder. "Huh, well, I guess that's nice… but you can't tell me that people who set out to define their own law and order are so ready and willing to live under someone else's, even with the leniency only pirates will give."
"You—hoo!—would be surprised, actually!" Brook huffed as he jogged back up to the group, groaning and creaking as he got back into pace. "Oh, my poor old bones… Ah, but to answer your question, Vivi, the honour system is more effective than you might think. Take it from an excessively old hand like myself: we pirates might seek freedom from most laws and restrictions, but even we enjoy our peace when we can get it. And as such, not many will object to a spot of peacekeeping now and then. So long as no one stops them from having honest fun or touches their treasure, everyone's happy!"
"What about booze?" Carue asked.
"…I said 'treasure,' didn't I?" Brook said, tilting his skull in confusion. "Though, now that I think about it, I do suppose that things aren't quite so idyllic as we paint them. After all, with the blockade and the looming threat of the Marines, I can't imagine that everyone's taking things quite so well, hm?"
The trio's guide rolled his eyes and waved his hands placatingly. "Okay, yeah, things are a little on edge, but it's not that bad. Y'see—"
Whatever the justification was, it was lost to the sands of time when a gunshot rang out. Traffic on the wooden sidewalk they were on didn't stop, but all the pedestrians, Straw Hats included, did look over to the other side to see what had just happened. Unfortunately, all they got was a man in a white suit and an impressive beard stepping out from between an alleyway, a smoking gun in hand. He then proceeded to shoot said gun twice into the sidewalk. For some reason.
"Hello?" the man declared in a very British voice. "I just shot somebody, I did it on purpose!"
Nobody stopped. Though it was a close-run thing.
Vivi gaped at the scene in clear confusion. "Er, shouldn't we do something?" she asked weakly.
"Eh, as I said, tensions aren't that high, and Benedict over there is a big reason why," the guide explained with a dismissive wave. "He does that every so often as a sort of litmus test for how close to a blowup we are. I'm 65% certain the guy he shot deserved it, anyway."
"Oh, well, if he deserved it, then that's alright!" Brook nodded sagely.
"…we're really not going to do anything!?" Vivi incredulously repeated.
"Aye, don't see you puwwing on my weins that hawd," Carue pointed out, giving her a flat look over his shoulder.
"I—but—that's—! Mrgh…" Vivi slumped over in her saddle. "I never will find a spark of sanity in these seas, will I?"
"Come now, your highness, surely you're overreacting," the guide protested, though not with much heat. "Not everything here is going to tax your grip on reality."
"Indeed!" Brook proclaimed, waving his arm out with a theatrical air. "If you merely open your mind to the wonderful anarcho-culture of we free buccaneers, you will find that we are truly a most wondrous of oh dear heavens there's a bear in people's clothes sitting at a table across the street."
The group stopped at once to stare in the direction the skeleton was boggling, and while Carue and the guide both joined him in boggling, all Vivi could muster was a flat, deadpan.
"Brook, I'm afraid you're quite mistaken," Vivi sighed ever so tiredly. "That's not a bear in people's clothes sitting at a table…" She dropped her face into her hand and pinched the bridge of her nose with a weary sigh. "That's a bear in a captain's clothes sitting at a table. And from how the people around him keep acting?"
The princess raised her head, staring pointedly at the pirates surrounding the ursine entity, all raising a toast in the animal's direction. The massive, tricorn-and-eyepatch-wearing lug of fur and muscle responded with an oblivious snarl as it tore into the array of raw salmon laid out before it.
"I don't think it's a gag."
"…okay, full disclosure, I'm drawing a blank," the guide shamelessly admitted.
"… could he jahst be a Zoan oah something?" Carue offered.
"Seeing as he keeps growling for 'more honey' IN FLAWLESS TEDDY-ESE, SIGNS POINT TO…" a disembodied voice casually commented.
"Then… why aren't you translating for him?" Brook queried, more curious than anything else.
"Tried. He told me not to bother, says he's gotten by fine so far."
"…Alright, my skull's pounding has come as close to 'splitting' as I can bear." Vivi paused, registering her choice of words, and then exacerbated her migraine by slamming her palm into her face. "Soundbite, is Chopper anywhere close by?"
"'FRAID NOT, and he's occupied with other things BESIDES."
The princess sucked in a sharp breath—
"Uh… I know a pharmacist nearby who only tests new drugs on his patients one time out of five?" the tour guide hesitantly offered.
—and released it just as swiftly, which all present took as a sign to start walking again.
As they set off again, Brook 'blinked' as a thought occurred to him, and he looked to their guide. "By the by, good sir, it occurs to me that we've yet to ask you your name. Would you care to provide it?"
"I would! Er, or, no, wait, is that wouldn't…?" The guide puzzled over his statement before shaking his head. "Well, whatever the right answer is, the name's Jagger, of the ex-Rolling Pirates! Happy to help!"
"HAHAHEEHEEhoohoohoo oh my GOD!"
The air suddenly erupted into cackles, prompting both male pirates to look skyward, prompting them to question the reason behind Soundbite's amusement—
"Not. One. Word."
—and then their jaws both slammed shut, and that was that.
"…You suwe you awen't ovewweacting a wittle?" Carue asked.
"…Maybe," Vivi conceded. "But better I get it out of the way now than when the real chaos starts…" Her eye twitched as her hair started waving in a newborn breeze. "Because you know that we haven't even begun yet."
Everyone winced at that, unable to argue… literally.
-o-
If you asked the visitors and inhabitants of Skelter Bite to describe the place, 'noisy' was a good candidate for the most common descriptor. It was only natural: the entire city was positively thrumming with life and good cheer. Pirate cheer, at that. It was no surprise that the default volume for the island was set at 'loud' with the knob ripped off.
Only two locations on all of Skelter Bite even approached 'quiet'. The first was the sections of the seawall that were between the wall's cardinal points, where the island's security checkpoints were located…
"WOOHOOOO!"
And the second used to be the very top of Skelter Bite's sky-scraping pillar of a mast, located almost a hundred meters above the observation post that was halfway up the mast. Used to be, on account of that silence being violently shattered by Luffy rocketing up, cheering and hollering the entire way.
"HAHA—ah, whoops!"
At least, until he realized that he'd overshot the top of the mast and grappled himself onto it, grabbing hold of the island's flagpole and holding tight to it.
"Woo! Wow, I almost shot clean off the island! That was close!" Luffy laughed to himself, re-adjusting his hat as he hauled himself up and onto the flagpole. Then, once his position was properly stabilized (or at least his version of stable: kneeling on the balls of his feet), he gazed down at the shimmering tableau that was Skelter Bite stretched out below him, a breathtaking array of lights and movement, and his smile stretched all the wider.
"Wooow! This place is even cooler than the last time I was here! And I didn't think that was possible!" the rubber man breathed in awe.
"■■■■■…?"
"Huh?" Luffy looked around for the source of the voice he'd just heard. "What am I doing up here? I just wanted to get a good look at the island. And it's so cool!"
"■■■■■…"
"What?! It's really—?!" Luffy started to exclaim eagerly before shaking his head. "Gah, no, wait! Pictionaries!" The rubber man spun his head around, literally twisting his neck to get a better look around himself. "Who said that? And where are you?"
"■■■."
"Whuh?" The rubber man released the tension in his neck, letting his head whiz back into place. "Whaddaya mean look—woah…"
The reason why Monkey D. 'Straw Hat' Luffy, of all pirates in the world, trailed off into stunned silence was the looming presence of the largest, most titanic entities he'd ever seen in the history of… of ever! Sure, they were only shadowy silhouettes in the foggy wall that ringed Skelter Bite, but still, they were immense! Massive! They were—! They were—!
"Wooow…" Luffy breathed. "You're so big I don't think even Grandpa could knock you down…" He then screwed his face up in intense thought. "Or… I don't think he could. He's really strong and stuff, so I don't—"
"■■■■■?" one of the sky-encompassing silhouettes asked', insomuch as an entity like it could articulate at all.
"Oh, right! We were talking!" Luffy chuckled and blushed, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry, I can be really dumb some… er, most of the time. What were we talking about?"
"■■■."
"WHAT!?" Luffy's head shot up and then back down, his mouth stretched wide in a massive grin. "This is only how much of the island is done?! But it's already so cool! Oh man, oh man, that's so awesome!" The world-famous pirate started dancing from foot to foot on top of the flagpole, laughing all the way. "I wanna see it, I wanna see it!"
"■■■…"
And just as fast as he got happy, Luffy slumped over, a sad expression on his face. "Aww, really? That long? Mmph, that sucks…" he sighed, giving his precariously swaying perch a hearty kick. "And I really wanted to see—ah!" Luffy perked up instantly, pounding his fist in his palm in realization. "I know! I'll just come back once it's done! Then, you guys can all show me the best places to eat at!"
"! ■■■■■?"
Luffy folded his arms behind his head and nodded with a proud grin. "Of course I'll come back! This place is so amazing already, I can't wait to see it when it's finished! I'll come back and see this island at its best, no matter what! That's a promise!"
The Obelisks had no mouths with which to smile, but the way the golden fog swirled around Luffy made it clear that they were as happy as they could be.
-o-
"Well, we didn't find Tashigi, but that's no reason to lose my stride!" I muttered eagerly to myself, wringing my hands as I strolled down a raised walkway made of suspended rowboats, my eyes darting to and fro. "Now, let's see here: I'm young, witty, and I've got an opinion I'm willing to fight to the death for! How can I cause the most trouble in the shortest amount of time?"
A thought occurred to me, a thought that caused a cackle to spill from my lips. "Oh, of course! Should have realized it sooner!" I jabbed my finger forward. "To the nearest public forum! I have flames to fan!"
"WOAH, BELAY THAT! TAKE A RIGHT HERE AND GO DOWN THAT LADDER."
"Huh?" I blinked, glancing at Soundbite in confusion. "What, you have a better idea on how we can start a riot without getting in… too much trouble for it?"
"Business before pleasure, Guy Fawkes," Soundbite snorted with a distinct lack of sympathy for my desire for mayhem. "Somebody wants to talk to you real bad, SO UNLESS YOU WANT TO HEAR A LITTLE DITTY ABOUT INFINITE BOTTLES OF BEER—!"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm goin', I'm goin'," I sighed, turning to head for the aforementioned ladder. "This better be worth it, though, got it?"
"NO PROMISES, both in regard to how important and/or amusing THIS DETOUR IS, and regarding whatever state your body will be in afterwards."
"Wonderful."
And with that, I followed Soundbite's directions through the convoluted and improvised passages of Skelter Bite (and let's be honest, they were very improvised. Seriously, I had to balance my way over a toppled mast!) to an isolated, lounge-like area on top of a raised mizzen deck that was acting as a makeshift tower. To my surprise, Lassoo and Funkfreed were already there, lounging about and neatly answering the question of where they had gotten off to. With a curious glance that they did not return, I took a seat beside them.
I didn't need to wait long to learn why I was there, however, as a second later, someone climbed up the other entrance array of rigging.
Someone that I recognized immediately. After all, it was hard to forget an expression that lazy, a sword that long and EVIL-feeling… or a hat that distinctive.
"So, you're finally here. What do you want, Jeremi-ya?" Trafalgar Law warily asked me.
...wait. He asked—?!
"M-Me? But I thought—!?" I sputtered, shooting Soundbite an incredulous look.
"IT'S NOT HIM THAT WANTS TO TALK TO YOU, and it's not me either," Soundbite answered before swivelling his attention to- wait, what. "BLAME THE BIG GUY."
"Come again?"/"Excuse me!?" Law and I chorused in near synch.
"Sorry about the skulduggery, but I wanted to say this in as private a setting as possible," Funkfreed stated, eyeing Law with a look in his eyes that I couldn't place. The surgeon stared for a moment before shrugging indifferently, taking a seat on the couch opposite me.
"All ears, Elephant-ya," he yawned, affecting an air of relaxation.
Funkfreed closed his eyes. "First… I know about what I'm going to tell you because of my previous wielder. More specifically, because of his father."
I immediately sat up straighter. Law's expression sharpened, but his posture remained nonchalant.
"And I'm only telling you this because I heard something on the way over here from Pappug. He mentioned something offhand when he saw your wanted poster, and when I asked him about it, he was completely certain. So, my first question for you, Trafalgar Law…" Funkfreed opened his eyes and pointed his trunk at Law's head. "Where did you get that hat?"
Law's grip on Kikoku tightened, causing me to tense up in response. But his tone remained even when he answered. "From my parents. It's a reminder of my hometown."
"Flevance," Funkfreed exhaled.
That got a reaction from both of us: I stared at the Zoan in mere surprise, while Law sat up straight, his eyes alight with shock and cold, cold anger. He turned his glare on me, and before I could move, he had the butt of his hell-sword's sheath hovering a few inches from my face. "Jeremi-ya. What is the meaning of this?" he demanded.
"Hey, hey, don't draw that thing on me!" I yelped, throwing my hands up and trying to inch as far back out of dissection range as I could get. "I know as little about where Funkfreed is going with this as you do! Though…" My own eyes narrowed as I connected the dots, and a scowl came over my face that I directed at my largest partner. "On second thought, we've probably reached the same conclusion."
In seconds, Law was on his feet, his Room deployed, and his sword out of its sheath and reared back to strike. After a moment, however, the blue glow faded, and I was still in one piece. He lowered his blade before turning back to Funkfreed. "Talk," he ordered.
Funkfreed shook his head miserably, though not fearfully. "I heard Spandine gloating about it one day when he visited his son. He…" The elephant snorted and rolled his eyes. "Approved of his son keeping a black book so long as he kept it under lock and key, somewhere that nobody but him would ever have a reason to be. And in the process, he mentioned one mission that his own squad had run in the past…"
"Spreading the rumour that Amber Lead Syndrome was contagious, along with ensuring that nobody ever researched otherwise, which would inevitably lead to the quarantine of Flevance. And from there, the perfect excuse to massacre the entire country when they tried to fight back against it."
Law's expression had turned steadily more thunderous as the explanation continued. The instant it was over, his eyes darted between Funkfreed, me, and Soundbite in an attempt to detect any deception. After a full minute of silence, one hoarse word worked out of his throat:
"…Why?"
Up until now, I had thought that Funkfreed had called me here just to try to make Law a Mason way sooner than expected because of the World Government conspiracy behind Flevance. But I was wrong. The next sentence out of his mouth was pretty conclusive evidence.
"Because… the Elder Stars knew that hiding somewhere in the country was a family from the line of D."
Everyone else in the tower froze. Law, of course, was frozen in complete fury, his eyes trembling in rage, and his grip on Kikoku a vice. My partners and I, however, were frozen in total terror at the aura of sheer death he was emanating. Finally, our eyes all darted to the edge of the tower, and without a second of thought, we leapt over it.
BOOM!
A prudent move, as I'm pretty sure Law dissected the tower not two seconds later. I don't know of any medical practice that uses a technique capable of doing that, nor do I wish to. Knowing my luck, Chopper would be all too eager to… demonstrate.
Brushing myself off from the fall, I stared awkwardly up at the smoking remains. Then a blue haze filled my vision—"GRK!"—and I snapped my hands to my neck, flailing at something I couldn't actually feel that was clamped down on my windpipe and holding me clean off my feet.
"Jeremi-ya…" the Voice of Death growled, and I made sure to keep very still as I was swivelled around in mid-air to face a very angry Trafalgar Law.
It took me a second to put the pieces together, and when I realized that Law was Vader-lifting me with his Tact, I was split between nerding out because how freaking cool was this and flipping out because holy shit, he was going to either crush my trachea or gut me like a fish. And while all of this was happening, Funkfreed and Lassoo were… inching away fearfully, not that I could really blame them, considering whatever the hell Law had done to the tower, and Soundbite…
"H-Hey, Law!" the snail chuckled weakly, poking his eyestalks out of his shell. "If it's not too much trouble, could you, just real quick, SAY 'CROSS, I AM YOUR—GRK!" Soundbite's eyestalks abruptly bulged, which was probably a sign that Law had even less patience for his antics than I did.
"I trust," Law continued as though he hadn't been interrupted. "That, with your rather impressive knowledge, you're aware that the Op-Op Fruit affords me the ability to murder you without leaving a single trace, as well as frame whoever I fancy for it. So with that in mind, be aware that if any of what I just heard was a lie, this is your chance to apologize. Do so, and your death will be painless."
"For crying out loud, blame the elephant!" I gargled, still clawing at the non-hand holding me up.
The grip on my throat did not let up, but I did see Funkfreed getting some of his steel back. "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant," the elephant intoned.
"CAN I AURALLY bitchslap him?" Soundbite requested.
"Only if he makes another reference like that, unknowing or otherwise," I managed to get out.
Despite the wording, it still did the trick. After a few moments' thought, Law brought me back and dropped me onto deck-firma.
"…You've known a hell of a lot about everything you shouldn't so far. How much more do you know about me?" he tersely demanded.
I had to take a second to massage my throat, but once I got my breath back, I looked around to ensure nobody else was within range yet, and then I locked my eyes with Law's and spoke firmly.
"Everything… Trafalgar D. Water Law."
Law's already tense demeanour turned even more guarded. "And you learned that name, how?"
I searched my mind for a way to answer that, and one sprang to mind. I wished it was a better answer that was less likely to get my still-functioning organs displayed in twenty different jars, but in for a beri…
"The same way I know that the night he died at the bastard's hands, you were in the chest, silenced by the Calm-Calm Fruit."
The Supernova's eyes widened, and it took a few seconds for the shock to wear off. Then he let out a sigh and looked at me again, this time with a hint of curiosity instead of a heap of animosity.
"You're definitely an odd one, Jeremi-ya. You know something that's literally impossible for anyone else to know, but you didn't know what your sword just said? You didn't know that the Government did what they did because of… because of my family?" he forced out.
I grimaced, scratching the back of my neck, before heaving a defeated sigh. "…I know about Flevance because I know about you," I admitted. "But I didn't know that the Government's responsibility in that mess ran that deep. I genuinely thought it was simply a tragedy born of paranoia and blind ignorance…" My eyes narrowed. "Though honestly, I really should've seen this particular plot twist coming."
"As should I," Law bit out bitterly. He turned back to Funkfreed, who had resumed his full elephant form as things de-escalated from 'total murder'. "So, was that just something you thought I needed to know as the last survivor of Flevance?"
"More or less," Funkfreed nodded. "I didn't know you were a D… but I guessed it based on what I've learned of them thanks to the Straw Hats, as well as how our luck generally turns."
Law snorted and looked away. "Well, whatever your reason, thanks. So…" He eyed me curiously. "What now?"
Funkfreed's trunk reached over to nudge me forward, and Law turned back to me, expression unreadable. As the full opportunity before me sank in, I straightened and met his eyes.
"It's no secret that I hate the World Government," I stated. "And it's no surprise that I'm trying to tear them down. What's both—or at least the prior, probably not the latter—is that I've been accumulating forces on our way down the Line to work on it from other angles. Law, I'll be blunt: I've wanted you on board for months, but I didn't think you'd be open to it until we reached the New World. But…" I tilted my head with a smirk. "If you want a better, more effective means to take down Vergo, Doflamingo, all of his wretched Famiglia, and the whole damned Government with them, then I can and want to give it to you."
I removed my right gauntlet and held out my bandage-wrapped hand. "Our work requires complete secrecy; only the ones we trust in the leadership roster are allowed to know everything, and that's what I'm inviting you into. Now, it won't be fast… but it will be glorious, I can promise you that. And if Doflamingo doesn't die when the time comes… then it will only be because he's worse off."
Law stared at my hand for a few seconds before staring wryly at me. "And should I refuse?"
I smirked lightly. "Then this part of the conversation gets excised from your memory, and you'll have less help from us to reach your goals. Though, considering all the pies that bastard has his fingers in, I seriously doubt that you'll be facing Doflamingo alone either way. In case you haven't noticed?" I spread my arms wide, indicating the whole of Skelter Bite. "My captain, and our crew in general, do not have a track record of 'leaving well enough alone', as some might put it."
Law's eyes closed, and a look of pain flitted across his face; it didn't take a genius to figure out who he was thinking about. After a moment, he raised his head.
"…I must be out of my mind to agree to an alliance with you…" Then his sombre expression split into a mad, outright demonic grin. "But then again, I am a pirate of the same league as you and your captain, so what the heck? The rest of the world can burn for all I care, but if it means avenging Cora in the process? I couldn't care less."
And with that, he grasped my hand.
"Let's raise some hell, partner."
I matched his grin tooth for tooth before glancing back at my shoulder. "Knucker? Contact the relevant parties on the island and get them to convene at the Lucky Rabbit ASAP. We just caught a Tiger by the tail."