READING GUIDANCE
" This is a direct sentence in the present time."
" This is a direct sentence in the past time."
' This is a character's inner thought in the present time.'
' This is a character's inner thought in the past time.'
[ This is a direct sentence in sign language in the present time.]
[ This is a direct sentence in sign language in the past time.]
HAPPY READING!
She still remembers it even after years passed and her life withered to become a new one. The time when she was living as a woman named Lara, who bitterly lived while believing there was no such love in that world. What was love supposed to mean anyway? How could people adore and dream of it, while every single moment of her life was filled with memories that led her to define love as the worst substance a human should never have?
It was painful.
Full of unrequited expectations.
Exhaustion.
It was filled with agonizing disappointment and revenge.
No empathy nor sympathy.
Yet,
"... she is my safest place in this world." The man in her previous life—with his silly smile and sweet voice. Somehow, she questioned how a human in this kind of world could spread a smile like his as if only happiness surrounded him.
'... you are just naïve, there is no such place.' Because she felt it. After years passed and she got older, she had to be aware of her surroundings because if she lost her guard—even for a second—her place would easily be taken away.
"You don't believe me, is that it?" he asked. She once hated his sensitive intuition, as if he could look at her entirely.
Yet she just put on her cold expression as if she was not thinking about anything.
"Take my advice," she said. "Don't ever put your guard down to anyone... even if it is your wife."
'Don't trust them. Don't put any expectations.' Then it would be easier to live in this world.
The man just looked at her for a while before saying, "Don't you feel tired?"
"I am not."
"Humans need time to rest, you know."
"Really?"
"Trust me."
"There is no point."
"Why?"
"There is no reason," she said. "Humans work that way."
She looked at him, who looked at her with an expression that somehow pissed her off. A kind of expression as if he pitied her and her life. After all the things she did to be in a place where no one could hurt her anymore, her heart shook and shattered just because of a mere expression from him.
"...because there is no point! There is no point in talking about nonsense like this—so just fucking do your work and shut up!"
Even at that time she realized she was not in her right mind to let her emotions burst out like that. Yet his existence annoyed her so much. He talked too much. Her heart thumped every time he talked about how he saw the world.
Their lives were so different.
And she was fed up listening to it.
Her life was nothing like his.
She envied him.
'If I were born as you... What would happen in my life?' A childlike wish she never thought to have before she met him.
"...Maybe someday," yet stubborn as usual, he denied the situation he was in and looked at her without hesitation. "You will find the right person, ma'am. The one who can make you feel safe and comfortable in this kind of world."
He sincerely said that while looking at her as if he prayed for that wish from the bottom of his heart. Prayed as if her life mattered to him. While there was nothing between her and him in the beginning. There was no blood linking them. There was no reason for him to do that for her.
Yet he did.
He prayed for her to find a place where she could feel safe and comfortable. So whenever she felt tired of her life, she could lean on that person and rest peacefully.
'...and God answered your prayers.'
As she is now—Irisha, a woman from another world—holding the hand of a man who let her know the safest place in this hectic world. The place for her to come back to.
She smiles bitterly.
'I wish I could tell you about him.'
Or at least she hopes he could see her from above—how she holds this big hand inside her two hands that are wrapped with bandages desperately, while looking at the platinum hair that covers his closed eyes.
Irisha then lets one of her hands go and brushes the man's hair so she can see him clearly now.
It is still vivid in her memory—back in that terrifying situation.
Irisha's heart stopped when she saw him collapse in her embrace.
She was yelling so hard at him, yet she could not feel any response. At that time she could not think about anything other than the worst nightmare. It pierced her heart so much that she had trouble breathing. She felt so numb and lost all of her senses.
Even when Ivy came, she was not aware of what was happening around them and just followed everyone who brought the prince to the safest area. Even when the blood flowed into his veins, it did not bother her at all. She was not even aware of it because the only thing she could ever think about in that situation was the wish for him to wake up.
'Please wake up.'
'Please wake up.'
'Please wake up.'
She did not even realize how trembling she was before Ivy shook her body to wake her up from the emotion that had drowned her.
"He will be okay!" And just when she looked at Ivy's face and understood her words. "He will be okay, so please... calm down."
Irisha started to realize her situation and her feelings. The anxiety that was hiding in the numbness started to flow and made her tears fall from her cheeks.
It surprised Ivy, as the princess had never seen her emotions before. It panicked her as she tried to calm Irisha down.
Yet when they looked at the prince who woke up, Irisha started to cry even louder while running into his embrace.
In the end, she cried for quite a long time before letting him go to take a rest. It feels embarrassing now when she recalls the situation, yet the fact that she knows he is sleeping soundly in front of her is what matters right now.
She holds his hand tightly, smells the aroma that she always misses while letting her lips touch his warm, big hand. She brushes his soft hair while feeling his soft cheek.
All of it is so addicting.
Somehow, she feels like she could do all of it all day and never find herself bored with it.
Yet,
'I have to go and visit him in the morning.'
She has to go. Let him rest, so she can see his smile again tomorrow.
Yet when her hands start to let his hand go, and she stands to go back, Irisha can feel that big hand holding her tightly.
Somehow her heart starts to thump while she slowly turns back again.
"Don't go."
Even though the man who is now looking at her with his golden eyes is speaking without sign language, somehow she understands him.
She then smiles warmly.
[Are you okay?]
While slowly she is being pulled closer to him, who is now starting to wake up.
[Don't force yourself.]
She said while sitting on the edge of his bed and looking at him with concern.
He then smiles while poking her nose with his other hand, where the hose of the transfusion is still attached.
"You don't know how much I love to see you like this," he said something she could not understand, with his golden eyes that captivated her in their own way.
"I love it when your eyes look at me like this."
[What are you saying?]
"Don't leave me."
Irisha stopped as she looked at his hand that spoke those words.
'Don't leave him?'
She then looked at him once more and found that his smile had disappeared. A bitter expression that hurt her.
'Are you afraid too?'
She frowned.
[I will be here if you want me to.]
While tears somehow gathered at the edge of her eyes.
.
[...If you want someone like me to be with you, I will.]
.
The tears started to fall.
[....but I am a sinner.]
.
Her lips trembled while expressing the word that was once stuck in her throat.
Yet the man's eyes just looked at her with sincerity.
His warm hands held her cheeks gently.
The warmth melted all the tension that had built up inside her unconsciously so easily. She started breathing comfortably as if the burdens inside her were gradually disappearing.
He smiled while saying,
"You don't know how much I want to be with you."
Then he added,
"So don't go away. Don't leave me again. Stay with me. Here."
He wiped her tears while smiling widely, as he always does.
She frowned as the tears came down like a stream.
She could not stop because the pain that once filled her heart started to flow away with the tears.
The heavy breath she always felt started to become lighter.
The agonizing anxiety started to melt away.
The warmth she once sought, she could easily feel in the big hands that touched her now.
He is close.
He is now in front of her.
The warmth feels so unreal.
Yet,
"I am here."
He will always convince her how real he is for her now.
[Yes, you are.]
She then smiles brightly while putting herself into his embrace.
The wide and sturdy body that could cover her inside.
The refreshing aroma like a morning forest.
The calming movement whenever he breathes.
The firm grip of his hold.
And the nice feeling whenever his hands gently brush her hair.
'I will get addicted to all of this.'
Yet,
'I feel safe whenever I am with you.'
***
Yesterday was so hectic.
After Ivy felt the extreme drop of her brother's intense pheromone, she immediately chased Irisha. She was worried about her well-being, as the pheromone of the dragon's blessing is harmful to an ordinary human.
Yet fortunately, they both were alright.
Ivy immediately ordered her men to bring her brother to the safest area because that forest was starting to become hell in Althera.
Malum's knights, who were once restrained from taking action against Jahar's troops because of the first prince's pheromone, then took care of the matter under the lead of the first commander, Luke.
Then, somehow, everything gradually started to get better.
She slowly regained her senses and realized that the situation was not good for Irisha.
Irisha was trembling hard while looking at her unconscious brother.
She was pale and filled with worry.
Irisha could not even be aware of Ivy's existence beside her and just looked at her brother with extreme fear and dreadful silence.
Ivy had to shake her body first to wake her from her nightmare, and Ivy could not even speak after she found Irisha crying in front of her.
...and at the time when she saw Irisha crying in her brother's embrace, Ivy understood that Irisha had been holding herself back all this time.
"So... if you believe in me, you have to eat your lunch now. You ate a little of your breakfast, so you have to eat a lot now," Ivy said while looking at Arisha, who looked so sullen because she still could not meet Irisha even after that Edward man brought her to the palace yesterday.
"...Why are they taking so long to make up?" she asked.
Ivy tried to smile.
"Well, adults are sometimes complicated," she said.
Or perhaps it was just complicated for Ivy to explain to Arisha, who was still a child.
How should she explain it to her?
In the morning, the imperial maids who were in charge of the first prince's well-being looked confused in front of his room.
Ivy asked them,
"Why are you just standing like this?"
while looking at the cart filled with food and medicines.
They panicked, as usual.
"But..."
She squinted and simply opened the door to her brother's room before asking for permission and going inside without hesitation.
"Broth—"
But she stopped immediately when she saw him and his golden eyes staring at her dangerously.
"...My room is not a place you can freely enter."
She felt awkward looking at him.
"...At least say your gratitude first," she said before she looked at the brunette hair that poked out from the blanket, sleeping soundly inside his embrace.
She smiled gently before turning her back and closing the door.
"...She looks comfortable," Ivy said while smiling brightly in front of Arisha.
"My sister?"
Ivy woke from her thoughts and realized Arisha's presence. Then she smiled.
"Yes, she is happy."
"Is she?"
She nodded.
"You will see it if you eat well."
Gradually, she smiled.
"If you promise me, I will," she said.
"I promise."
***