Chapter 386: Every Deadpool Has a Peter!
"Sexy, beautiful lady, may I have the pleasure of your name? I'm Wade Johnson." Hell's Kitchen Deadpool stuck close to Lady Deadpool, watching for her attacks while he asked.
The truth was, Hell's Kitchen Deadpool was far stronger than the average Deadpool. If he'd wanted to, he could have taken out everyone here single-handedly.
But why bother, when he could be hitting on a girl instead?
Lady Deadpool paid the lecher no mind. She opened fire on him wildly with a pistol in each hand.
It did no good at all. The gap in fighting strength between her and Hell's Kitchen Deadpool was as wide as heaven and earth.
One moment he'd pulled her into his arms. The next, he was sneakily sniffing her hair.
"My lady, I've already fallen in love with you."
"Look, I would die for you. Too bad I can't die!"
"I've got a car but no house. My bro's got one, though! If we got married, I'd buy you a house! Of course, you know, after you buy a house you've gotta pay property tax, and the federal government's property tax is seriously pricey!"
"Can you see how sincere I am? For you, I'd go to strip clubs less. I'd go to bars less."
"Two fewer times a week. Only five times a week!"
The moment he finished, Wade seized on the instant she was caught off guard and planted a light kiss on her cheek. It was both a tribute to her charms and a release of his own feelings.
Everyone watching the fight was dumbstruck. They had never seen a duel so absurd and yet so strangely touching. It was as if the two weren't locked in a life-or-death fight at all, but performing the most romantic courtship ritual imaginable.
(Dammit! Let her go! In real life, the actress who plays her is my WIFE! Are you trying to make a cuckold out of me?! That Lady Deadpool better not be her! Otherwise I won't mind taking you out personally, author! P.S. In real life, Lady Deadpool's actress is the lead actor's wife.)
Lady Deadpool was now thoroughly furious.
Lady Deadpool's real name was Wanda Wilson, from Universe 3010. She, too, had a healing factor.
Her powers had likewise ruined her face. She may have been a woman, but she was every bit as horny and slovenly as any ordinary Deadpool.
She knew very well that Deadpools were no prize. Most of all, she was obsessed with looks, and hardly a single Deadpool had a decent face!
So she wanted nothing to do with this Deadpool's courtship!
The other variant Deadpools all wanted to step in when they saw their boss being hit on, but right now the will was there and the strength wasn't.
At that moment Logan and Mainline Deadpool were steamrolling them!
The fighting was brutal. Logan flashed through the streets and alleys like lightning, every slash precise, cutting down the variant Deadpools one after another.
Mainline Deadpool backed up Logan's assault with his own special brand of humor and cunning. The two were like natural-born partners, perfectly in sync.
Their moves were smooth and flashy. Every clash ended with enemies falling, a staggering display of fighting power.
Just as the two of them were getting ready for a slick finish, thinking the fight was nearly over, an unexpected sight shattered the calm.
A Babypool sat at the edge of the chaotic battlefield, pointing a tiny finger at them with an innocent smile on its face. In that time and place, the smile was deeply unsettling.
Logan and Mainline Deadpool exchanged a glance. A sense of foreboding welled up in them both.
They began to realize this fight might be far from over.
A thought flashed through their minds like lightning. Could it be that these variant Deadpools, including the ones they'd just cut down, all had the same unkillable body as Mainline Deadpool?
Once the thought took hold, it spread like wildfire, and both their faces instantly turned grim.
As that thought circled in their heads, a faint, dense grinding of bones sounded behind them, like the whisper of Death himself, enough to make their skin crawl.
They spun around. The variant Deadpool army, which should have been down for good, was slowly rising like puppets worked by invisible hands, in every kind of twisted, eerie pose, like zombies.
"F***!" Mainline Deadpool knew they were in trouble.
These Deadpools were exactly like him. They could never be killed. But there was no time.
He had to stop the Timeline Shredder from shredding his timeline!
"Go. I'll handle this," Logan said quietly.
Just then, the Deadpool army's advance on them abruptly stopped.
"STOOOOP!!!" A chubby Deadpool on a bicycle came pedaling up.
Before he could even hop off, two figures dropped out of nowhere faster than lightning and landed right on top of him. The bicycle fell apart on the spot, and he ended up sprawled on the ground in a spray of flying parts and dust.
But the next moment, a deafening cheer erupted from the Deadpool Corps, loud enough to lift the sky.
"Oh my God! It's Peter!"
"OMG, it's Spidey!!! And there's TWO versions of him!"
Two Spider-Men had dropped from the sky.
It was Tobey Spider-Man and Garfield Spider-Man.
"Why are there so many Deadpools?!"
"This is way more overwhelming than all the Spider-Men at the Spider-Society!"
They had just gotten instructions from Ethan to swing by Universe 10005.
"You all know Peter?" Mainline Deadpool asked curiously.
"Duh. Every Deadpool has a Peter, okay?" one Deadpool said matter-of-factly.
"Yeah! Deadpool and Peter are best friends forever!"
"Then why is my universe's Peter a chubby guy who's nowhere near being Spider-Man? When you get down to it, it's because stinking reality is too cruel. The stinking movie studio didn't have the rights to buy the tights and the superpowers. I wanna team up with Spidey too!"
Logan grabbed Deadpool and hauled him toward the subway station. With someone keeping the Deadpool army busy, there was no need to worry about them.
Meanwhile, our Hell's Kitchen Deadpool had also stopped flirting with Lady Deadpool.
The two of them sat side by side on the ground.
"So how did you guys end up in the Void? Is it just you Deadpools out there?"
At the question, Lady Deadpool began to tremble uncontrollably. It was fear rising from the depths of her soul, as if the question had touched the secret she least wanted to face.
"We Deadpools went to the Void just to escape a demon hunting us down!"
"A demon who's killed more people than anyone can count!"
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