Who am I?
It's a question I ask myself every single day.
Who am I really…
when I'm left alone with my thoughts?
I'm old enough to have answers.
But I don't.
I no longer know who I am.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I'm supposed to become.
And I think that's what destroys me the most.
Not knowing.
I don't know who I want.
I don't know who I'm allowed to love.
Sometimes it feels like I'm living two different lives.
One…
that I show to the world.
And another…
that I hide from everyone.
The worst part is…
both of them are slowly destroying me.
I'm tired of lying.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of hiding.
I want a normal life.
I want a wife.
A family.
Peace.
Something real.
But every choice I make…
seems to take me further away from that life.
And that's why I often ask myself:
Do I even deserve a normal life?
If you're wondering whether I'm happy…
I'm not.
There's something inside me…
that feels broken.
Maybe it's something much deeper.
Something I still don't fully understand.
Sometimes I feel like…
I'm not even searching for happiness anymore.
I'm searching for punishment.
Like I've spent my whole life unconsciously destroying myself.
So let me ask you something…
Do you really want to hear my story?
Do you really want to know the things I've done?
Because there's a lot.
Far more than you could ever imagine.
And some things…
aren't easy to hear.
The worst part about living a double life…
is forgetting which version of yourself is real.